“You fuckin’ dare Dan, and I will hunt you down and torture you and kill you, fucking slowly! Your beef is with me, not her, so let’s just you and I settle this once and for all. You and I and our fists. Winner walks away with the girl. Loser? Well he stays a fuckbag. What do you say, son?” I bargain, looking him dead in the eye, not blinking or backing down at all. It’s a long shot, but worth playing to get him and these guys away from her.
“Knox, no!” she cries. “He’s not worth it, he can’t hurt me any more than they could by hurting you!” she says, pain and sadness lacing her sweet voice.
“Angel, it’s ok, I can take them.” I flick her a wink and a grin. ‘I got this, babe!” I say, looking into her eyes, trying with all I have to quell the panic in them. Just like that I hear him yell out.
“Take him, boys!”
“Wait, what? Get your fucking hands off me!” I yell as they rip at me, wrapping their arms around my body trying to hold me there still in one place. The scum bags! A crack to the jaw and a thud to my gut. I hunch over, my eyes watering and gut clenching with pain. I can hear my Angel sobbing. I take in a deep breath, square my shoulders and pull myself up and charge at Dan. I’ll kill him when I get my hands on him. “Come here,” I yell as he steps back.
I leap forward and grab him. I lay a few punches into his face and feel his jaw crack again. He’s giving as good as I’m giving him and I like that. I’m feeding it. The blood, the fear, the smell of the fight, it seeps into me, It’s like a drug. I can’t see right. My heart’s beating so fast I can hear the thud, thud in my ears. 1, 2, 3 thud 1, 2, 3 thud 1, 2, 3 smack, punch, kick... I’m going to inflict a world of pain on this son of a bitch! I feel a crack to the side of my head and stumble. I shake it off, leaping forward again, I get speared by one of the jock squad to the side of my body. We both go down hard. “Fuck!” My ribs! Damn! Dan is over by Sarah-Jane and Clarke is still holding her. She is crying and shaking. Fuck them, I have got to stop this now! “Get the fuck off her now, Clarke! You Dan, you’re dead, friend!” I jump up fists, knuckles white, sweat is forming and pure anger and rage are radiating off me.
He spins on me and slams into me. We tussle and turn, punch and claw. Sarah-Jane is screaming at us, begging us to, “Stop! Just stop!” I hear the plea and sadness in her voice; my heart’s breaking. I don’t want this to be happening; I don’t want her to see this, to see me lose my shit. I need to end it and take her home. I whirl at Dan and smack him square in his nose. I feel it break. He stumbles back, brings his hand up to the blood and looks at me, disgust in his eyes.
“Yeah jock, I just broke your fucking nose. How does that feel?” I spit out at him. Stalking forward, I’m taking him out with this one. I ball my fist and come at him with a haymaker; he sees me coming. My fist, with all my force and body weight, smacks right into the side of my baby girl’s head with an earth-shattering crack, as Clarke pushes her into my line of fire. I couldn’t hold back, I couldn’t stop or button off with the force of the hit. She falls to the ground in a heap of pure beauty, her hair fans out over her face as she falls. She hits the ground hard; her sweet head bouncing up off the ground and back down again so hard that it comes up slightly again before settling in the dirt. Falling hard to my knees beside her, I look up at them as I brush her hair away from her face. “You fuckin’ bastard!” I growl at him. “She’d better be ok!” Looking down, I see a trail of bright, crimson blood trickle from her nose, down her lip.
“Angel?” I plead, “Angel!” I scoop her up in my arms. Her body is so limp, an angry purple mark starts to spread out over the side of her face and temple, flowing down her neck. Shit, this is not good, this is bad, really fucking bad. The swelling is taking on a whole new life of its own. I run my hands over her face looking for anything, searching for any sign of her, of life. I look up at them all. “Get help!” I demand. “And believe me, she better be breathing!”
I look back down at her silent form and try to find a pulse. “Angel, Angel? God, someone help me!” Why?! What the hell? Panic sets in. I don’t know what to do, I just hold her and rock. “You’re ok. Breathe. Just breathe, Angel. Open your eyes. Come back. It’s ok. It’s over now. You’re ok. We are ok. Wake up, Angel. Please wake up. Don’t do this to me. Don’t do this to me. Don’t do this to me. I love you. Angel, please wake up.” I’m at a complete loss. “Jamie, Jamie I need you!” I cry out as I hear the sirens sounding out around us and look up as the jock squad run for it.
The ambulance officers fall down around us pushing me out the way, asking a million questions all at the same time. I’m lost, my head is spinning, all I know is I need them to fix her, to wake her up and make this better. They put her head into a neck brace, strapping it up so tight I have to ask if she can still breathe. They assure me that she can and to move back while they work on her, getting her ready to transport before rolling her onto her side and placing a board under her back. I cringe at the sight of it and her tiny body being taken from me. Holding her hand, not wanting to let her go, I walk beside her as they take her to the back of the waiting ambulance. A feeling of disgust washes over me as we enter the cold brightly lit ambo. Riding with her to the hospital; the ambulance journey takes what feels like an eternity. I never once let go of her hand.
When we get there, I can’t go past the trauma room doors. They tell me I’m not family. “But she’s my fiancée! Don’t you see? I need to be with her! She needs me, I need her...” I beg them but they just wheel her away. A lady reaches out for my arm. Ripping it free, I pace and panic, grabbing my phone from my pocket I dial Jamie. It rings and rings but he never picks up. His chirpy voice comes over in a voicemail message. I shout into the phone, “Where were you? Why didn’t you come? I fuckin’ hurt her! They made me snap!” I push it back into my pocket. I just stand there looking through the doors watching, waiting for anything, anyone, a sign, something! God, what’s going on? Is she ok? God, what have I done to my sweet Angel? I’ve hurt her beyond belief. She didn’t want me to do this. She didn’t want me to fight. I hear a voice behind me, it’s Sarah-Jane’s Mom, June. I turn to face her, tears, shame and anger washing over my face.
“Knox, what’s happened?” She asks me, her voice frantic and panicked. Pulling her hand out of her gloves to my face; the grazes, blood, cuts. I feel bruises forming already on my tight tear-stained skin.
“Huh? What? Um I... um I...” Shit, why can’t I find my words? “I don’t know, I just don’t know. I can’t think. I, um, we were, out; I took her out. We were walking back to the hotel. The jocks they, well, they started it. I had to finish it! They wouldn’t let her go, they were hurting her, taunting me.” I fall down to the ground, dropping my head in my hands as all the memories come flooding back to me, the taunts and cheap blows hit me as the tears fall and anger washes over me. My body gives up its hard exterior and I fall into the dark. Rocking back and forward, I just shake.
“Mrs. Briggs,” comes a voice from behind us. It’s a doctor, I think.
“Yes?” June responds. I don’t once look up. I just listen and rock.
“I’m Doctor Roe and I’ve been treating your daughter, Sarah-Jane. And this is?” I think she may be pointing at me.
“Oh, um, this is Knox. He is Sarah-Jane’s fiancé. He was with her tonight.” June tells the doctor, worry laced in her voice.
“Hi Knox,” she says to me kindly, stepping into the light in front of me. I can see the tips of her shoes, shiny and bright. My eyes land on her ever so sombre looking face. Once she sees me, the real me, the me I knew was in there deep somewhere, the judgement in her eyes shines through as she sees the blood and bruises. She holds out her hand to me.
Pulling myself up from the floor, I look at her hand and shake it, “Um, hi.” I say to her, walking over and sitting down on one of the cold plastic seats.
“You should be checked out too,” she says as she walks over with me and raises her gloved hand to my face, turning it towards the light.
Shaking her o
ff, “I’m FINE!” I snap at her, “Where’s my Angel? Can I see her?”
“Can we see her? Is she ok? Where is she? I got a phone call saying my daughter had been hurt, and I needed to come in, ASAP.” June asks as she sits down next to me.
“I just want to let you know what’s going on at the moment. She’s having a few tests done and a scan of her brain, she has received extreme trauma to her head and neck. We won’t know the full extent of it until we get the results back. I’m very sorry, it’s not looking very good. I have to be honest with you here, Mrs. Briggs, and you too, Knox, you need to be prepared for an outcome you may not have envisioned coming in here tonight. There is coffee, tea etc. in the room just over there; feel free to help yourself and I’ll see you both again shortly. I will come and get you when she is up in the ICU and settled.” She takes June’s hand and gives it a slight squeeze. Like that makes any of this ok. Then with a swish of her white coat, she is gone.
I just sit there and stare at the double doors. Somewhere through them is my Angel, alone and I’m here doing nothing. I come out of my trance to June’s voice. “Are you talking to me?” I ask as I try to focus.
“What’s happened, Knox? What’s going on?” she’s panicking, tears staining her cheeks and she’s a shade of ghost white. Shit what have I done? I explain it all to her, right from the start to the horrible end. Tears are rolling down her face as I look up into her pain-laced eyes. “I’m so, so, so, so sorry. I don’t blame you if you hate me and don’t want me here,” I say to her, anxiously hoping that she won’t tell me to leave. She picks up my hand and pulls me into her arms.
“Knox, this is what sounds like a tragic accident and Sarah-Jane is strong and young. We will be ok, she won’t leave us. She won’t leave you. She will fight, you’ll see!” she is shaking, not meeting my eyes. I know she doesn’t believe what she is saying and neither do I. She’s fighting herself to not break and hate me right now. I sit and watch the hands of the clock go round, hour by hour, minute by minute, tick by painful tick, tock by achy tock. Why is this taking so fucking long? She has to be ok, she just has to be. We are meant to be; her and me.
Chapter Eleven
Knox
After what seems like days, a lady comes in and says that she is back in her room and the doctor will meet us there if we would like to follow her –like we have any other option. Walking down so many corridors I lose count until finally we reach the end and turn right. It’s one big room with little glass cubicles.
We are ushered into a sterile white room with glass walls and a nurse sitting at a desk to the side. There, in a big bed, is my Angel with endless wires and monitors all attached to her. There is a tube snaking its way up her beautiful face, into her mouth. I stumble a little and reach out for the end of the bed. June reaches out for me; we need to hold each other up. But the slightest touch from her burns at my skin. I shouldn’t have the love of this woman, not when I’m the reason her daughter is laying in this hospital bed.
I look at her. “What have I done?” A small sob slips from June’s lips and a tear rolls down my face. I need to get out of here. I have to go. I can’t do this. I can’t see her this way. This is not how she should be. We are supposed to be back at the hotel, happy and in love. Not here, not like this! The Doctor, ‘Roe’ I think, she is talking to the nurse and reaches out to June.
“Come sit down here, I’ll just be a minute.” She reaches for a file and flicks through it. I watch all that is going on around me because it’s a lot less painful than having to look at my Angel lying there, because of me, and what I did! I told her that I would keep her safe! That it would be ok! Well it’s not ok, is it? She’s hurting and attached to what looks like a fuck load of wires.
The longer I stand here, the harder it is to breathe. I try to clear my throat, to gain some much-needed air. It’s hopeless, it’s not working. My mind is spinning. June looks over at me, she is a blur. “Knox, Knox, come sit down here next to me before you pass out!” Doctor Roe comes over and stands at the foot of Angel’s bed. I sit down and look at the floor.
“You need to be checked over. You’re not looking too well,” she tells me firmly.
I look up at the doctor, shaking my head, “I’m fine. It’s Angel who needs help, I’m fine.” She shakes her head as she places the file on the foot of her bed,
“Ok, so this is what we know so far, Sarah-Jane has what we call a TBI, Traumatic Brain Injury. The reason that it has taken so long to bring you in here with her is that we had to perform neurosurgery as there has been bleeding on her brain and we had to remove blood clots and relieve the pressure on the brain. We have placed her in an induced coma to let her brain and body rest. The direct blow has caused fractures to her skull; the impact of that, and her hitting the ground with such force, has caused contusions, bruising and bleeding to the brain tissue. We will watch her very closely and keep her as stable as we can. The next twenty-four hours are crucial and will tell us a lot. But I do have to inform you how I see it and how it presents itself, and it’s not looking good I’m afraid. For that I’m very sorry. I’ll keep you updated and, if you need anything or have any questions, please just ask for me to be paged; or Cathy here, she will be Sarah-Jane’s nurse tonight, is willing to help in any way she can. You both are more than welcome to stay in here with her, and come and go as you please. You are allowed up to four people in at a time. Do talk to her, and touch her, let her know that you are here. I have to go but I will be back before I go home tonight to check on her.”
I’m numb. I cannot feel anything. June is sitting there holding Angel’s hand, murmuring to her. I have to leave this Godforsaken room! The white, the smell, the taste of it in my throat and the fucking sound of that machine breathing for my sweet Angel and the constant beep, beep, beep of the other damn machine, It feels as though the fuckin’ walls are closing in on me. I can’t handle it, gasping for air to fill my lungs but all I can taste is the tainted hospital air seeping into my already barely coping body. I push myself to my feet and stumble a little. God I’m dizzy. I’m not sure if that’s because of being in this room or tonight’s bullshit. I place my hands out to stop myself falling; they land on her legs. I freeze; all I can do is look down at my hands and her legs, covered in this god-awful white that’s haunting my senses. “June, I have to leave.”
I struggle to breathe as I explain, “I can’t be here right now! I’ll, um, go and get her bag and things from the hotel for when she wakes up. She will want to shower and change into her own things. I’ll bring back her blanket as well; she will want to have that on her, covering all this white up.” I don’t even wait for her to reply before I’m walking out of the hospital doors, leaving the sounds behind me; but that smell, it follows me. I stumble down to my knees once outside, the rain hitting me as I throw my arms out wide, looking at my blood-stained top and hands. I throw my head back and look up at the night’s sky. It’s lighting as dawn approaches, I think. I’m not too sure. I let the rain wash down around me. If I stay here long enough, will it wash away the pain that rakes through me? What I have done? How did this happen? How did I allow you to be hurt this way? By my own hands...
I walk and I walk till I reach the hotel. It’s blocks away, and I’m soaked to the core when I reach the front door. The door man looks at me and shakes his head, asking me if I’m ok? Looking into his old eyes, I shrug my shoulders and walk on in, taking the lift up to our floor, our room, where our memories now float on the air of the past which now seems like it can never be our future. Our future, the dream is lost, gone, shattered by one single hit, skin on skin, my fist to her face.
Sitting down on the bed, I pick up my shirt that she sleeps in and bring it up to my nose. I breathe in the scent that is purely her as sobs roar out, raking through my entire body. I stand, forcing myself to walk over to the large window and watch as the New York nightlife turns into the day, I need to calm down. I need to find control. Walking back to the bathroom, I strip out of my wet, bloody
clothes and turn the shower to hot. I just stand under the stream of water, hoping it will wash my past sins away. I need to scrub the smell of blood and grit, mingled with the stench of the sterile hospital, off of my body. I take time to scrub the blood from my hands and face. I don’t even know if it’s mine, Dan’s or Angel’s. Falling down to my knees, I place my head on the wall and stay this way until the water runs cold shocking me out of my nightmarish thoughts. Coming to, I hear banging on the hotel room door.
Instantly I jump to attention, concerned that that banging brings bad news about my angel.
Stepping out, I grab the towel that seems to smell like her; apples and rain. Wrapping it around my waist, I head to the door and what sounds like a herd of fucking elephants stampeding on it. Pulling it open, I see Jamie standing there. His face is white as he pulls me into a hug, “You ok brother?” he asks into my bare shoulder. I pull free. I just head back into the room to get dressed. I dress quickly in sweatpants and a tee then pack up Angel’s things. I don’t even realize that I am shaking until I see my hands packing Angel’s bag. I feel cold all over and have a strange tingling all over my body. I try to shake the feeling off and carry on with the task at hand. If I keep busy it gives me less time to think about what’s going on, what’s really going on. How I may have just, with one stupid act, taken away my beautiful girl forever. How do I look her Mom in the eye ever again? Today was the happiest day of our lives; and her Mom’s. She was smiling and alive, truly alive, for the first time for as long as I’ve known her. I can’t think about that now. I have to go, I need to think, to try and find a way to fix this, to fix her.
Broken (Reapers Reign, #1) Page 15
