by Flynn Eire
“What if it was one slip and they went over and couldn’t come back?” I whispered, saying what I’d never voiced before. “What if they wanted to come back and couldn’t? How is that any different than any other mistake?”
He mulled that over a few moments and then nodded as if coming to some internal decision. “I don’t think it is. I’ve killed from blood on accident, but I killed. I know others who have. I’ve killed because the humans were fucking assholes, a blight on the world, and that is looking down at humans. I’ve killed for power or humans standing in our way. It’s all about perspective. I think it’s not the kill or the why so much as a change in the person’s soul.
“I know I’ve done questionable things, things others look down on or call me a monster because of. But I know I didn’t do it because of that. I didn’t kill humans because I didn’t care about their lives. I did. It affected me to have done that. I killed to help vampires. I’ve killed to help the world, humans included. It’s having it in their heart that killing is no different than swatting a mosquito. It’s a jump over the line, not one accident or questionable time.”
“That’s a better explanation than I’ve ever heard before,” I admitted, glad he could speak on it with such confidence.
He let out a heavy sigh. “I know, and I understand why most give the line as so concrete, a narrow line because otherwise too many could flirt with the line, get pulled over it as we know the darkness can swallow us. But I don’t agree that when warriors see someone went up to that declared line and struggle with it that they don’t have a talk like this.”
“Yeah, I agree with both.” I stared up into those orange eyes that held so much knowledge and lost my mind for a moment. “I dragged you in here to give you a blow job to thank you for caring enough to fight for me, immediately fix what happened, and somehow we got onto all of this. I mean, I’m floored you saw me months ago and I was such a drunk mess; I don’t know how that would attract anyone.”
“You were gorgeous when you cried, even ugly, snotty sobbing,” he chuckled, giving me a soft kiss. “And you drunken ramble in such an adorable, hopeful sort of way I just, my heart swelled that I could be around someone who still had hope when I think I lost mine long, long ago.”
“I’ll share mine with you,” I promised, hating it hurt him to say something like that, much less he thought it was true. Anyone who would buy out part of a wedding expo for an apology could not be all darkness. I dropped to my knees, smiling when I saw the shock in his eyes. “Beg me.”
A devilish grin slowly appeared on his lips. “I need to learn some humility, huh? Darling, lovely, delicious Zibon, would you please suck my cock in promise I will make love to your gorgeous body the way I will your mouth? Will you please wrap those sweet lips around me and take me to heaven, as nothing is so magical as your enthusiastic loving.”
“Shit, you beg good,” I breathed before doing what we both wanted. When he finished with a grunt, I swallowed it all down. I pulled off his dick with a pop and went to ask him how it was, but I blinked and I was bent over the sink, my running pants and boxer briefs pulled down. Alastair finger fucked me within an inch of my life, making me climax three times and get lightheaded.
“I wanted the excuse to stretch you some for tonight,” he murmured in my ear as he nibbled on it.
“Liar,” I gasped, shivering as his hands moved over my ass as he fixed my clothes. “I’m going to have to build up some stamina. I thought I might pass out again.”
“I would never use such speed making love to you. You will see tonight. Fun foreplay is one thing, but I will take my time with you, lover.”
“I like that,” I admitted as I stood back up and turned in his arms.
We had a few quick kisses before Mark banged on the door saying we were rolling out. I walked out with Alastair, both of us smiling and hand-in-hand… Until I saw something that made me almost trip over my own feet. I stepped in that direction, but I couldn’t move Alastair, so I dropped his hand and kept going.
“Nicholas, what are you doing here?” I asked when I got to him, wondering if I was making him up.
“Oh, hey, Zibon,” he greeted nervously. “Um, Marissa requested I come help Alexander and Dimitri, and I needed a bit of a break. Also, Philo chewed me out, and I realized how unfair I’d been to you. I truly wasn’t brushing you off, and I’m so sorry it seemed like that. It’s unforgiveable. I also—”
“Why did you drop my hand to go to another man?” Alastair asked darkly from behind me.
I glanced back at him, frowning. “I tried to pull you with me, but yeah, I can’t. I know him. I didn’t say I’d rather go on a date with him.” I turned back to Nicholas, taking in the way his cheeks blushed. “What is really going on, Nicholas?”
“I like you,” he blurted, his eyes going as wide as mine at the statement.
“This is precious,” Alastair growled, and I waved him to be quiet.
“You blew me off and stopped my therapy because you like me? You’re straight.”
“I am, and well, I—you confuse me. I found myself wanting to check in on you more than other patients or even warriors here, which is odd. Then when I was around you—you confuse me. I’m not saying I wanted something romantic or sexual, but it was crossing into unprofessional.”
“You wouldn’t blush if it wasn’t sexual,” Alastair growled.
“I don’t know what I was feeling, as I’m not young and it was the first time I felt anything for a man,” Nicholas responded patiently, always patiently, even if he had no reason to talk to Alastair. “Either way, I apologize, Zibon. You most certainly weren’t so messed up I couldn’t help you. We’ve been in a bit of a free fall since warriors and covens realized we would help more than those who lost mates.”
“That’s what Philo said,” I told him.
Nicholas stepped closer to me, and so did Alastair. Nicholas stopped but focused on me. “I wanted to come because you deserve the face-to-face for me to explain. I’m one of the few psychiatrists, an actual medical doctor, so I keep being sent for the emergencies. I also haven’t had a break in almost a year, not thinking of my own health while trying to help others. It was my fault, Zibon. I’m sorry I failed you.”
“You didn’t,” I cut in, glad he said it but certainly not going to make him grovel. I just wanted to hear it wasn’t me. “You got me to talk, and I was having a horrible time doing that. You got me to see it was okay to open up some when I met someone who understood, lived with the same issues, I could get the help I needed. I’m not mad. I get not realizing you’re drowning until you are.”
“Good, good. I worried I’d done more damage as I got dragged to here and there, and I hated to downplay your problems because they are valid, but when I say emergencies, I mean that.”
I read between the lines and nodded. Yeah, even if it was only mating issues—and I used that word loosely—Alexander and Dimitri imploding like they were was horrible for the safety of so, so many and the future of our people, as we needed this camp to keep going. Especially when so many others were apparently useless.
“I didn’t like you dropping my hand and leaving my side to go to another man,” Alastair confessed after I finished with Nicholas and the therapist went off with Marissa. “I’ve not felt that before. I’m not sure what to do with it.”
And then he turned and walked away.
“The ancients are idiots, too focused on the war and everything but themselves, but honestly, they’re worth it,” Rune commented in passing, his gaze never leaving whatever he was looking at. “I might get presents from Helios soon, so thank your man for going so big and bold. The shrimp look amazing.”
“What shrimp?” I asked after I got over how weird Rune was himself. Then again, we were all pretty off most days.
“Yeah, you didn’t see the huge chest of them past the flower and cake show,” Mark chuckled, pushing me to move along as he handed me a few to-go containers. “Seems the containers that had the crabs were
traded out for six containers of giant freshwater prawns—yes, that is their actual name—that come from Hawaii.
“I got the deets from Xana that apparently instead of getting you one shellfish spread with all kinds of variety, he’s doing one round of each, as it’s easier and cheaper to get them all if you buy in bulk. Or not cheaper but priced better. Apparently warriors were always supposed to get a bit spoiled, I heard from the ancients, and they’re not happy we’ve been reduced to almost servants in the eyes of common vampires.”
“There is just so, so much to process in this one morning,” I whispered, letting myself be dragged away. Most of it was good.
Maybe all of it? Shit, my head had to stop spinning first before I could even decide.
7
I hated to admit, I felt like a shithead to even think it, but I felt a lot better about my life after working with the pre-trans that transferred in. Why would any of us have the chance to see where we ranked compared to other programs or what we were made of besides a challenge circle if we transferred?
And I didn’t ever want to transfer camps.
The pre-trans coming from the Eastern Canada camp were… Weak didn’t put it into real perspective. Granted, chopping month was supposed to be hell. But we could do it. We could latch on the tree hooks attached to a harness and drag it down to the trucks, a partner pushing behind us and, if need be, warning when to pull the latch to get out of the rig for safety reasons.
These pre-trans, though, wow. It wasn’t happening, and it wasn’t being lazy. You could see they were trying their hardest. Some of our post-trans helped us out and taught our pre-trans what to do so we could get going. Then they went down with one steadying the back of the log to be safe and stayed down to do our job last year, which was taking off branches and loading.
So we moved onto the pre-trans from other camps, my group from Eastern Canada. They couldn’t move the trees. I watched them seriously try their hardest, and they wouldn’t budge. We had to cut them in half to get it done, and there were way more accidents and injuries than when I was a pre-trans. It was bad. Dimitri was going to shit brightly colored parrots, it was so bad.
And a lot more work for us than we’d thought. When the call came to wrap it up as we were making sure to get in before dark—as opposed to when we’d done it—I was relieved and not just for an awesome dinner with Alastair and the plans we had. No, I wanted an adult to take over.
“How was your group?” I asked Mark as I handed over the truck keys to Lynx, logging where the mileage and gas was at as we always did.
He let out a heavy sigh as we headed to the main building, slowly rotating his arms to stretch out. “Bad, and it got worse after we got word one of their friends didn’t make it.”
“What are you talking about?” I hadn’t really had much of a chance to check in with my friends, barely thanking Nate when he’d brought back our lunch.
Mark stopped walking and grabbed my arm. “Shit, you don’t know. That kid you talked to yesterday because Marissa pointed him out? It was his birthday today, Zibon. He wanted to tell someone the truth about other trainees before midnight because his transitioned started. He didn’t make it. I thought someone told you.”
“He didn’t…” I had trouble breathing as I pushed him, stumbling away from him and to the main doors. I was such an idiot. I was such an asshole.
I yanked on the door too hard, and it came off in my hand. Not caring about that, I dropped it and ran as fast as I could while having trouble breathing. I had to tell. I had let that guy die because I’d been too scared to tell.
Tears blurred my eyes as I reached the cafeteria, my friends yelling behind me. I ignored them and hurried to Matteo, realizing he was the one who had to know. I bumped into people as I pushed through the crowd and then finally found his table where he was sitting with Alexander and Dimitri. Others too, but they needed to know.
“I know who will die,” I choked out, practically falling into their table. “I didn’t know. I swear I didn’t realize that was my gift. I know who won’t make it through their transition. I didn’t know. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t tell anyone or—”
“Stop talking,” Alastair ordered as he moved his hand over my mouth and wrapped his arm around me. “We’re taking this conversation somewhere private, and if you need to be part of it, come with.”
I let him just about carry me away after he turned me around to shield me protectively from everyone’s eyes, as I probably hadn’t been quiet in what I’d said. It was hard to tell over the ringing in my ears. I felt like I blinked and we were in the command center’s conference room.
And I was sitting somehow. Oh, right, I was completely hysterical, so I had no idea what was really going on.
“Zibon, Zibon, it’s not your fault, man,” Wally whispered as he hugged me from behind. “Even if you’d told someone, it wouldn’t have changed a thing. Only scared the kid. This isn’t your fault!”
I nodded I heard him, trying to pull myself together as Alastair knelt before me, holding my hands in his. I saw the concern in his eyes, the pity for the burden I carried.
“Tell us what he was trying to,” Alexander ordered Wally.
My friend glanced at me, and I nodded for him to go ahead. “Zibon’s gift is to tell what others’ gifts are.”
“Cool gift, but not all that uncommon,” Dimitri muttered. “He’s early, but he’s had issues, so it’s not unheard of.”
“He can tell what the gift is before they get it,” Wally elaborated.
The room went dead silent before Matteo spoke. “Is that true, Zibon?”
“Yes,” I rasped, wiping my eyes with my hands when Alastair let me go and pulled up a chair next to me. “I knew Lance’s. I had some idea of Nate’s, but I honestly think that was me overhearing something and—I don’t know. I knew Norris’ and was right. London’s. But they were all getting it. Well, Norris’ I’ve thought for a while, but I don’t know the semantics.” I let out a shaky breath. “I knew Norris’ was coming or here almost.
“I get this feeling when I think of him, like something is coming. Wally I don’t. It’s like I wonder something like ‘I wonder what Wally’s gift is?’ and somehow I can fill it in. Or someone else brings it up, and I just know the answer. I don’t feel worried with Wally, though.”
“And you have had these feelings with pre-trans?” Alexander pushed when I got quiet.
“Yes. I don’t know all of them, but the few I’ve interacted with, I got a feeling. The kid last night, I didn’t. I mean, I wasn’t thinking about it all the time with them, so I wasn’t paying attention.”
“Now you’re paying attention and wondering,” Dimitri filled in for me.
I nodded. “And I got nothing from the guy last night. Just like white noise. I didn’t think about it. What he told me, god, he went through horrible shit, and then he didn’t even survive to a good part. I didn’t realize what it meant, though. I swear I didn’t. I just thought—what if I was wrong? I have no idea if I’ll be right with Wally or pre-trans. How would I know that?”
Dimitri shrugged. “How do I know when zakasacs are near or Alexander the quality of a person.” He squatted down in front of me and rubbed a knee. “It just is. The question is do you believe it? What is your gut and training and heart telling you?”
I swallowed loudly and let my head hang. “I know what their gifts will be.”
“No one outside this room will ever breathe a word of what his gift is,” Helios said firmly. My head snapped up, and fear raced through me when I saw the determination in his eyes. “It’s a powerful gift, Zibon, one people would abuse. You’d get every council, every camp, every everyone trying to push you to tell too much. Push the line of when you could tell if people would survive their transitions. Mate and make alliances off gifts that would come.”
“Your family can never know of your gift, or we might not be enough to protect you,” Alexander worried, shooting his mate and Matteo a look.<
br />
“Over my dead body would any of that happen,” Alastair promised, kissing each of my hands. “It’s a cool gift and something that can be used here to help.” I gave him a confused look. “The doctor here is quite talented. If he were given help as to what you knew or might be able to tell—”
“It could help us figure out what makes people survive and others not,” I whispered, a bit impressed with myself that I could do something so cool. Then I frowned. “If people learn they were in the clear, they could slack off and not push themselves to get stronger and then not make it.”
“Every gift is a double-edged sword,” Alastair agreed. “I can use the darkness, the very shadows of life to hide me, cloak me as I did that night you thought you saw something. But sometimes I think the darkness stays with me, seeps in. Nothing comes without a price.”
“What is the lie we tell others?” Wally asked gently when there was a pause of us sitting with all of this.
“That my gift isn’t clear yet, and that’s why I was waiting to talk with Marissa when others did,” I answered, wanting it to be my answer at least if we were giving a line. It had to be something I could handle. “And I had a dream of the kid not making it after all he went through at his crap camp, and when he didn’t, I freaked.”
“Simple, believable, easy to sell, as I’ve never heard of anyone knowing gifts before they come,” Dimitri agreed. “I’m back tomorrow, so I’ll take the group I assigned you, and you stay away from pre-trans who would try to jump you for a different answer in their fear of not making it. You drive trucks, as we’ll have a lot more going with so many people.”
“Um, not when we had to cut the trees in half or thirds because they couldn’t drag them,” I worried, meeting his gaze. “I heard only six of ten make it at that camp. That’s like I heard Lynx told Gary it was centuries ago.”
