by Jackson Kane
California weather, at least you never change.
The party in the mansion behind me spilled into one of the big pools. Most people here were high profile celebrities, so it was easy to slip away without having a shitload of people falling all over me.
Jackie had resumed school but she wasn’t all that happy about it. She asked me about Judy almost every day. I never had a good answer for her. I knew this would happen. I never should have let them meet. I was careless, and now I’ve brought more instability into my daughter's life.
I thought about Judy every day.
I needed to work harder at pushing her out of my mind. I was missing appointments and letting little things slip by me. I’d even lost a deal I had lined up. I didn’t win them all, but this merger should’ve been a cake walk. It was starting to affect my work.
It was never going to work. How could it? I was brought in to pass judgment. I did what they wanted me to do. I passed a hand over my face to help me clear away the thoughts.
It’s hard always being the bad guy.
“Reaper, my man!” Nate Goodman thumped a big hand on my back. At almost two-fifty shredded, I wasn't a small guy, but Nate made me look like a little kid. He had a hundred pounds on me and was Oakland's newest linebacker. “Shit... didn't expect you to make it.”
“I couldn't play in the snow forever.” I cracked a grin I didn’t feel, and shook his hand. Nate scoffed and pulled me in for a hug. It’d been a few weeks since I left Caldwell Hope, but I still felt like I needed a few dozen drinks to clear Judy from my mind. It never worked for long. “Congratulations on the contract, brother. That's more than my last one.”
“The one you broke to run off and conquer the world?” He bellowed a great, chesty laugh.
It was a good thing I invested my money, because breaking a contract the way I did came with some serious repercussions. I had to pay a shitload in fines, and I would never be allowed to play on any NFL team again.
“Ain't no thing, baby.” Nate straightened the pinstripe button-down shirt and fedora he wore. “I'm just a better ball player than you.”
“Yeah?” I asked, dripping with pride. “How many MVPs do you have again?”
“I'm catching up, big man.” Nate jogged in place to illustrate the point. “You better watch out.”
“It’ll be a cold day in Hell when I can’t outrun a linebacker.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, fastest white boy in the league.” Nate waved a dismissive hand.
“Bullshit.” I corrected him. “Fastest player in the league.”
“Maybe once,” Nate laughed. “But Aaron Miller’s got this new kid that just broke your record. You’ve been out of the game a long time now.”
I heard about that. The son-of-a-bitch gave him my jersey number. I didn’t need Aaron Miller to make me feel shitty these days; lately I had more than enough practice. I glanced around Nate’s property and changed the subject. “Nice place by the way.”
“You have any trouble finding it?” Nate smiled wide. He knew I didn’t have any trouble. The place was fucking enormous.
“You have two thirty foot statues of weird robed dudes on either side of your driveway.” I said, incredulously. “No one has trouble finding this place.”
“Argonath.” Nate nodded, obviously pleased with himself.
“Argo-what now?” I exhaled, a little exasperated.
“The gates of Argonath.” Nate's bright eyes lit up as his smile widened. “Isildur and Anárion: The Pillars of Kings.” He gestured to the enormous statues. It was an odd sight, seeing a man that big become that animated.
I shrugged, having no idea what he was talking about.
“Lord of the Rings, baby!”
“Ah.” I said, vaguely remembering that part from the movies. You'd never guess it to look at the man, but Nate was a huge nerd. “You're not still playing Dungeons and Dragons are you?”
“Please.” Nate looked insulted. “Twelfth level paladin, fifth level rogue dip.” He brushed imaginary dust from his shoulders, then resumed his beaming grin. “The new game room is off the chain, man. I'm about to give some honeys a tour, you should tag along.”
“Maybe later.” I leaned on his balcony railing, watching the reflection of the moon ripple in the ocean. My body was here, but my head was in a mountaintop lodge with Judy Sullivan.
Nate cracked a beer and handed it to me, then opened one for himself. I took a sip and swallowed it bitterly. It tasted awful. I checked the label. Narragansett Beer. What the hell was that?
“You just signed a one-hundred-million dollar contract. Why do you still drink this shit?”
“To remind me of where I come from.” he turned to me, his perpetual smile shrinking to a knowing smirk. “They don't have 'Gannsett out here, I have to get it flown in from back home. Now, you gonna tell me what's on your mind?”
“Twelfth level paladins can’t read minds?” I scoffed, taking another sip of the watery lager.
“Our spells aren't nearly that good.” Nate waxed wistfully, before narrowing his eyes at me. “Stop changing the subject. I can tell something happened.”
“You remember the girl I told you about way back? The one I danced with at the Halloween ball?”
“The blond with the nice legs?”
“Yeah,” I said. I chugged the rest of the beer, then told Nate all about my trip to Caldwell Hope.
“Damn, man,” Nate said, after about a half hour recap and two more beers. “You still should've beat that King boy's ass.”
“Nah, our kids were there.”
“So she flipped her shit huh?” Nate asked. “What'd you think was going to happen when you gave her an ultimatum like that?”
“What could I do?” I spread my hands then dropped them. “Paul's got some good ideas, but he's in the wrong position. It's like if you tried to be a running back.” I patted Nate's massive stomach.
He was the first to admit he was built for power not speed.
“How long are you going to torture yourself? What's it been, three years since Heidi died?”
“Four years and four months.”
“That's what I'm talking about. You went on to do some good shit. No doubt. But you have to put the past behind you.”
“I have,” I said.
“You're so full of shit,” Nate shook his head, seeing right through me. “Just because your dick gets a workout don't mean your heart gets one. Do you care about this Judy girl?”
“I don't know.” I was good at so many things, but figuring out my feelings wasn't one of them. I thought about her all the time, especially after how things ended between us. But what did that really mean?
Nate whistled behind us, then waved some people over. I didn't bother to turn around until they arrived. It was a group of five women, a few of them were models and two I recognized were cheerleaders. All of them were in bikinis.
“This is my boy, Garrett,” Nate introduced me to the girls. He rubbed his hands together and looked over each girl, they were all physically perfect in a Los Angeles sort of way. Big tits, toned everything and a little too tan. “He's had a rough week. Who wants to cheer him up?”
They were all smiles as two girls draped themselves on my shoulders and the third, a short red head, dragged a finger down my chest.
“Now you gotta ask yourself, G-dawg. What do you want more? This?” He nodded to the harem of girls hanging off me, then he threw his arms over the shoulders of the other two girls. “Or the snow bunny in that mountain town?”
The girls giggled and cooed around me, promising me things I've had a thousand times before. I'd probably never even know their names.
Then I thought about the perfect moment in the morning right before we were rescued, when I had Judy in my arms. I could still feel her weight in my arms and smell her shampoo...
I caught the red head's hand before it reached my belt. Nate raised an eyebrow at me, a slow smirk creasing his lips.
“Sorry, ladies,” I said, breakin
g away from the girls, two of which started to pout.
“I was hoping you'd say that.” Nate nodded sagely.
“Oh yeah?” I asked. Nate was a bruiser through and through, but he also had a big heart. I was lucky to have him as a friend.
“More for me.” Nate laughed heartily and took the other three girls in his massive arms. He was also an unrepentant whore. He took on a more serious tone. “Hey, either way you, gotta get your head straight. I heard about that last bank merger that fell through. The cut throat Garrett Walker I know, would’ve never let that shit slide.
“Get your head in the game or get your head out of it. This halfway shit isn’t good for anybody. You’ve never been afraid of a fight, so stop being a little bitch.”
“Why are we friends again?”
“Because I’m the only one who’ll put up with your ass.” Nate scoffed then eyed me. “What are you still doing here? Don't you got a plane to catch?”
I chuckled to myself, feeling a little silly for not seeing the obvious answer. I couldn't run away from her. Not again. “Your beer still sucks.”
“Haters,” Nate said softly to his girls in a wounded voice. Then he nodded to me, winked and led the women back inside. “C'mon ladies, I'ma show you my game room. You can play with my minis.”
Chapter 21
Judy
No. Fucking. Way.
I sat in the stall at work staring at a home pregnancy test, dumbfounded by the appearance of the second line. My hands were shaking. I was staring at the impossible.
My doctor's voice echoed relentlessly in my head. “The fact that you survived was a miracle. I'm sorry, Ms. Sullivan. You'll never have children.”
Except this time, it was the carnival fun house backwards version...
How could I be possibly pregnant?
The ladies from accounting, marketing and sales, came and went in various packs. They touched up their makeup, used the toilets, and generally bitched about the latest rounds of layoffs and demotions to part time status.
I was reminded that the rest of the world didn't start and stop when my life changed radically. It was just like last time. The pregnancy broke my already rocky relationship with Doug, but the miscarriage broke my heart.
And the rest of the world hardly noticed.
All this, and Garrett was gone...
I couldn't spend the rest of my life in the stadium offices bathroom. I didn't know what to do, or where to go, but I knew I couldn't stay in this damn place. I wrapped up the strip in a wad of toilet paper, then waited till the bathroom was empty before exiting the stall to throw it away.
I hadn't felt sick at all since we had sex. The only reason I even took this stupid test was because I was tired all the time and wanted to rule pregnancy out before I went to my doctor. I never had morning sickness, but seeing myself in the mirror made me feel nauseous.
Panic welled up within me. I couldn't go through another miscarriage. I refused to ever feel that way again. My mind was too scattered to even start to consider my options. An overwhelming sense of sadness, and loneliness, crushed me like a horse sitting on my chest.
I swallowed the lump in my throat, and splashed water on my face, not caring about my makeup.
What the fuck was I going to do?
I bee-lined from the bathroom to my new office. The sidelong glances I got along the way weren't because of my smudged mascara. They all hated me. Even more now.
Despite our new investor, Aaron Miller's grand speech about shoring up the holes in our community, and this stadium rising from the ashes, we were laying off people by the dozens. Hard working men and women lost their jobs, and I was given a corner office, a new title, a raise, and a secretary.
I went from being the boss's daughter to the boss. It was no wonder they hated me.
The sooner I could get out of here the better.
The floor I was on was a ghost town. Only half the offices were filled, and a quarter of the employees which remained had been dropped to part time or forced into becoming independent contractors. Aaron had done anything he could think of to screw people out of insurance and benefits.
Aaron Miller might be saving the stadium, but he wasn't saving the people who lived here.
When I approached, my secretary straightened and greeted me. She made a show of being extra cheerful now that the most recent round of layoffs probably got rid of a few of her friends. Victoria's brilliant, pearly smile was wide, but nervous. It was obvious that she was worried about her job. She was pretty, a little younger than me, and had a four year old daughter.
I'd come to realize that none of the pretty girls like Victoria had gotten fired. I could tell Aaron did that on purpose, by the way he looked at them whenever he walked by. I didn't know if it was worse to tell Victoria that her job was secure as long as she looked good, or to keep the revelation to myself.
Either way I felt guilty.
But not guilty enough to quit, which was what I wanted to do.
I shoveled my laptop and a few other things into my bag, then grabbed my coat.
“Cuttin' out early, Jude?” Came a familiar husky voice from just outside my open door.
I jerked to a stop.
Of all the investors Monica could get, I never in a million years thought we'd end up with Garrett's old football coach. I think the only reason Aaron was interested in this stadium was because Garrett turned it down.
I'd always made it a point to avoid Aaron Miller whenever possible. I'd only spoken to him once, and that was with my father right before I got the raise. If there was anyone I didn't want to see while on the verge of crying, it was him.
“I'm not feeling well, Mr. Miller.” I smiled as politely as I could, despite the hair on my arms and neck standing on end.
Aaron was a short, fat man in his sixties who always wore a ball cap to hide his baldness. He wasn't technically the boss. The contract ensured that my father stayed on as general manager. That was just a title; everyone knew that Aaron had the real power.
“Hey now, Jude,” Aaron said, putting a hand up and patting the air. “That's my papi's name. Call me Coach.”
Jude. I hated that nickname and, because of it, I grew to hate the Beatles song it came from.
“Mr. Miller, I don't—”
“Uh.” He cut me off with a raised hand. We waited in silence until I submitted to his request.
“Coach,” I said, after taking a deep resigned breath. “I don't feel well; I'm going to head home for the rest of the day.”
“You do look emotional. That time of the month, huh?” He nodded as if immediately knowing the truth, regardless of what I would try to claim. He leaned on my desk and started carelessly rifling through the papers I hadn't filed yet.
“I know there's been a lot of changes this past week,” he said, while casually glancing at my chest. “A lot of new policies goin' into effect. It's a lot for the fairer sex to process, especially during the time of month, when you're all...” He lewdly gestured toward my crotch. “Well, you know.”
I zipped my coat up to my neck, suddenly feeling the need to be as covered as possible. Was this guy for real? I couldn't handle this right now. I just wanted to run out of the room screaming.
How had my life come to this?
“Point is. You take all the time you need, sugar.”
“Why did you come in here?” I snapped at him. I'd had enough of his condescending tone. I remembered that without Aaron the whole stadium would close. Only then was I able to bite my tongue. “I mean… Is there something I can help you with?”
Aaron frowned. “I was told that you were the lucky girl who showed Garrett Walker around.” He let the words hang in the air as he walked about my office absently nudging and touching things.
Aaron definitely had obsessive compulsive disorder. He compulsively had to fix things. I could see how Garrett thought this man was a control freak. Since day one, Aaron made it perfectly clear that there was only one way to do things: his way.<
br />
“Did he like this town?” Aaron made a flippant circle with his hand. It was easy to see that he had no attachment to Caldwell Hope whatsoever.
“I guess,” I said, pulling my bag closer to me. Hopefully he'd take the hint that I wanted to leave, but I doubted it. Or rather, I doubted he cared what I wanted.
“You two were busy. You went to that coffee shop, the amusement park, the King residence too, if I'm not mistaken. Then there was the ski resort...” Aaron listed the places that Garrett and I went to. “I read about that one in the paper. So exciting!”
We weren't secretive about our meetings, but hearing him rattle them off so easily made my skin crawl. I shuddered to think of him actually spying on me.
“That's one way to describe it,” I said, warily taking a few steps away from him.
Aaron wasn't a big man. I wasn't afraid that he'd over power me, or rape me or anything like that, but he completely creeped me out. With his pudgy cheeks, bushy unkempt eyebrows and angular nose, he reminded me of a small cruel bear.
By now we'd completely shifted places. He was behind my desk, where I normally stood, and I was on the other side where people that visited me usually sat down. He swept a hand across the wood finish of my desk, then sat down in my chair with a grunt.
“When you were in that ski lodge all alone with him...” Finally he looked up at me and asked plainly, “Did you let him fuck you?”
My eyes narrowed. My pursed lips and knuckles went white from angry tension. The presumption infuriated me, but mostly I just felt sick. I forced back tears. I'd never let a man like this see me cry. I couldn't stop a renewed wave of nausea from rolling up my stomach and into my throat.
I burst from my office and stormed off down the hall. Victoria called out after me to see if I was alright. I couldn't speak, I had to ignore her. I didn't like the idea of leaving her alone with Aaron, but what could I do?
I couldn't even take care of myself.
The bathrooms were too far. The side effect of a series of layoffs was, there were plenty of empty offices. I thrust open the door to one then threw up into the wastebasket. I knew someone was bound to hear me, which was embarrassing enough, but at least I got the door closed in time.
