I gave Gabriel my virginity and he gave me his heart. Only one of us recognized the exchange.
After hours of lovemaking and whispered confidences, I slipped out of his bed in the dawn hour, convinced I’d just made a terrible mistake. I steeled myself and refused to think of anything other than my future goals—perfect GPA, scholarships, college, degree, and white collar job. None of that was going to happen if I didn’t get my head on straight. I didn’t have time for love, especially with a boy who’d never see me the way I saw him.
Now I knew how very wrong I was.
When Gabriel showed up on my porch, flowers in hand and smiling like I’d never seen him before, I crushed the heart I didn’t even know I carried in my hand. I turned Gabriel away and doomed our love before it had a chance to bloom. Trampled but not destroyed, our feelings for one another lay beneath the surface for seven long years.
Until my company moved into Obelisk Pointe—Gabriel’s building. In a ridiculously clichéd twist of fate, Gabriel and his assistant got into the same elevator that I was in—despite my attempts to avoid crossing paths. We reconnected, I agreed to be his date for a fundraiser that evening, and then we met his ex Embry.
How soon I was to find out that Embry and Gabriel weren’t all they appeared.
Despite the terribly awkward encounter of tripping over his former love and the anger it roused in me, Gabriel managed to salvage the night. We stuffed ourselves with Chinese food and lively conversation. He then spent the next day moving into an apartment next to mine, crashing through any socially-accepted boundaries and somehow making it all okay with me. We shopped for his place, enjoying ourselves tremendously, and even went to the zoo the next day.
Our outing was cut short and little did I know the real reason as to why. I’d assumed it was business. After all, billionaires didn’t become billionaires on a whim or by following conventional business hours.
Five days after meeting Gabriel again I found out that I’d assumed wrong.
As easygoing as he was, my newfound boyfriend refused to have me over at his penthouse. He declared it a place of unhappiness, which explained why he was putting it up for sale. When I got a text from him to come over, I was surprised to say the least. Even so, I made my way over and ended up in the biggest fight of my life.
Gabriel was drunk, belligerent, and in agony. He lashed out at me, accusing me of not accepting him and just seeing him as an immoral pile of cash. I had to admit he wasn’t too far off the mark. Somehow we made up, but the words festered between us.
Then Embry happened.
She contacted me the next morning and led me to the private engagement she was having with Gabriel. One I didn’t know anything about. My complicated obsession had lied, crying off lunch with me because he was swamped with work.
Just thinking about it again made me want to kick Gabriel. Thankfully for him I wasn’t in any position to do so. Gabriel, attuned to me as always, sensed my sudden anger. He paused in the task of wrapping my calves and kissed the tender spots above both knees. It was only after I relaxed that Gabriel continued.
I’d confronted him that afternoon about Embry and their assignation, mentally and emotionally ready to cut any ties we’d managed to develop. I was and maybe still am ruthless that way. I wasn’t going to be used, nor was I ever going to let myself be just one of many women.
I’d rather spend an eternity alone than to love someone more than he loved me.
It was then I found out secret lunches were the least of our problems.
Embry helpfully shared that my sweet, charismatic Gabriel had a sexual predilection for dominance and sadism. She’d been his submissive and was nearly his fiancé. The penthouse he didn’t want me in? Well, that had been their home.
Not only that, but Gabriel didn’t just bump into me accidentally the Friday before. He’d been aware of my presence in his building since day one. After seeing me in passing, he’d gone home and ended his relationship with Embry. From there, he had bided his time, waiting for Embry to move out of their penthouse before approaching me.
As if all of that weren’t enough, Gabriel was having me followed. As Embry had eloquently phrased it “That’s what people like us do with the ones we love.”
Embry expected the confession of Gabriel’s D/S needs to be the catalyst to tear us apart. Both of them were surprised to find out I wasn’t totally ignorant to their lifestyle. I’d had a Domme for a roommate in college, so I understood more of Gabriel and his needs than not. That I could forgive and even understand why he’d wanted to keep it quiet—especially considering his father had made it a point to regularly beat his mother and Gabriel.
What I didn’t want to forgive was his lying.
So I flipped over a dining cart and ran like hell for Obelisk Pointe. I bitterly regretted letting myself fall for the brooding angel of my past. Our brief, glorious, magical union was in the past for a reason and I should’ve never let it cross into my present. I’d wanted to quit my job, to hole up somewhere and cry a river until it flooded the city.
I did neither of those things. Despite Gabriel catching me on the sidewalk, I managed to hold my head up high and make it through the rest of the day as if nothing had happened. I was very good at that game. I would patch myself up and then move on as if Gabriel Gordon had never entered my life. I’d done it once before. I could do it again.
That evening Gabriel waited for me outside of our apartment complex. I managed to lock myself in my apartment, even though Gabriel had a key. He banged on the door, I told him to go away, but eventually I let him in. From there, Gabriel answered my questions and I forgave him. Oh, and we had hot sex. Simple, no?
No, it wasn’t. Then again, when do love stories ever unfold simply? Especially between two people as strange and unconventional like us?
It’s messy. It’s blood. It’s life.
“There! All done.” Gabriel breathed, “You asked me how I see you. Does this answer your question, my precious Emma?”
I gingerly shifted. My legs were securely bound to one another. I wasn’t going anywhere. I smiled widely, despite being blindfolded and tied. “Yes, Gabriel.”
TWO
Tuesday
Two Weeks Earlier
“Emma?” he whispered sweetly in my ear. “Where do we go from here?”
I held him tighter, flattened that I had no real idea. All I knew was that I loved Gabriel, I was mad for him, and I just couldn’t let him go.
“Wherever we go, we go together, Gabriel.”
Gabriel sighed long and deep. His entire body shuddered, relaxing until the delicious weight threatened to crush me. I merely tightened my hold.
“Are you trying to squeeze me to death, Emma? I don’t think you have the arms for it, my love.”
His playful banter summoned a small smile. “Maybe. After all, I’m still mad at you.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, baby. I really am.” He kissed my shoulder. The warmth from his lips lingered beautifully.
“As you should.”
“You’re going to hold a grudge, aren’t you?”
I smiled and leaned forward to nip his throat. “Are you saying I shouldn’t?”
“No,” Gabriel groaned. “I’m just hoping you don’t. I wish we could start over again as if the last three days had never happened. Wouldn’t that be lovely, Emma?”
“Yes, it would.” I sighed, grumpy that reality intruded as it always did. I released my hold on him and pushed gently at his broad shoulders. “Gabriel, I need to get up.”
I thought he was going to refuse me when he kissed my neck. Instead, Gabriel peppered the curve with several soft kisses before rising. I felt his still-hard, thick shaft slide out of me wetly. I groaned, belatedly realizing how much I’d lost my head in the heat of the moment. And maybe worse—I still wanted more of him regardless of the consequences.
I always lose whatever sense I have around Gabriel. It’s a dangerous, dangerous way of being.
Although I
wanted to cuddle closer to my lover, I needed to clean myself as quickly as possible. So I sat up, skirt wrinkled and stained, and gingerly made my way into the bathroom. Gabriel followed silently. I didn’t have to wonder at his refusal for distance.
I felt the same. I just didn’t want to show it.
I shed what little clothes I still wore, strangely without reserve since I’d yet to be nude in front of Gabriel. I started the shower before turning around. Gabriel’s gaze roamed over my body. His mouth parted slightly and he took a step forward.
“Emma—”
“We shouldn’t have done that,” I blurted out while holding my hands up.
He froze. His gaze darkened dangerously. “What? Don’t say that, Emma!”
I can’t deny the thrill I felt when he took another step. I gestured towards my thighs. “No, I mean we shouldn’t have had unprotected sex.”
Gabriel shook his head as if clearing it. “Oh. I don’t usually lose control like that. I’m clean…just so you know. I’ve always been very careful.” Gabriel flushed, vulnerable in a way that I rarely saw him. “I’m sorry. Not about what we did but because of…well…bringing up my past. Fuck, I’m sorry, Emma!”
“Hey,” I murmured as I closed the distance between us. “It’s not just you, Gabriel. I was there too. And I know you’re far from being a virgin. It’s all in the past. It doesn’t always have to be here in the present with us right now. We’re trying to build a new life, right? Let it start now.”
Where did this need to soothe him come from? Especially considering how just a few hours ago I’d held his sordid past against him. Strangely enough though, I meant every word. It surprised me as much as it did Gabriel. I wanted us to start over again.
“Do you mean it?”
I nodded firmly. “I said we’re in this together. I meant it.”
“Emma, you’re a saint. No, a goddess.”
“And you’re going to make my head so big it will explode.” I leaned up on tiptoe and kissed him. Gabriel’s arms immediately wrapped around my waist. He squeezed me until I let out an undignified squeak. Gabriel chuckled and lifted me up and walked us both against the wall.
“I’ll worship you the rest of my days, Emma. There will never be another above you. You are my world, Emma. My entire world…”
I whispered his name. Lust ignited as my tongue darted in his open mouth. I wrapped my legs around his waist and fisted his hair. Gabriel’s large hands cupped my backside, fingers spreading wide. I shuddered, feeling the goosebumps rise all over my skin. My nipples tightened with each brush against his dress shirt. It was unbearably erotic to be naked while Gabriel was fully clothed. I murmured as much to him.
Gabriel’s heavy-lidded gaze burned into mine. “Emma, I want you. Here and now.”
I wanted him too. Very much so. Which is why I hated saying, “We can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because…” I moaned when he dipped down to suck my nipple into his warm mouth. “Because I don’t have any condoms and I’m not on the pill.”
Gabriel bit down, pulling my pebbled flesh gently with his teeth before laving the small sting with his tongue. He repeated it on my other breast. I was two seconds away from losing all sense again.
“I’m not on anything, Gabriel. Did you hear me?” I panted while closing my eyes.
“Loud and clear. I just don’t care.”
My fingers curled as he greedily sucked my nipple. “You say that now. Nine months from today though…”
Gabriel’s mouth released me. He rested his head against mine and swore, “Nine months or nine years. It doesn’t matter. I would absolutely love having a baby with you. A little girl that looks just like you but with my eyes. Or a little a boy. Or both. Twins even. Can’t you just see it, Emma?”
I could. The image of Gabriel holding two infants in his arms captured me. Breathless and not solely from carnal desire, I shook my head to forcibly clear away the fey images of a life that would mostly likely never exist—no matter how much I’d love for it otherwise.
I wanted Gabriel. I was mad for him and I believed he felt the same, but forever? I didn’t dare hope just yet. Things were too raw, too unknown to hold those kinds of dreams.
“You don’t mean that. You just want to have sex right now. Soon you’d regret it.”
“I’d never regret having a child. I’d especially never regret having one with you.”
“Is that what you tell all the girls?” I didn’t mean to say it and I didn’t why I did.
“No, just you.” My expression must’ve plainly dictated my thoughts because he followed up with, “Why is that so hard for you to believe?”
No traces of humor lay on his face. Gabriel’s solemn expression challenged me. I felt my ears burn from embarrassment at how pitiful it all made me look. I wiggled, trying to get him to let me down. Gabriel merely pressed me harder against the wall.
“Answer me, Emma.”
The logical words tumbled out. “We’re moving too fast, Gabriel.”
“And you’re avoiding an answer.” His command came out like slow fire, licking away at me and compelling me to melt at his will. “Tell me, Emma. Why’s it so hard for you to believe me?”
My gaze flicked away. Staring at him, being bound by his gaze flayed me too close to the bone. I felt Gabriel had complete access to my tender insides when he looked at me like that. I hated it. I loved it. I hated it again.
As always, Gabriel saw through me all too well.
“Oh, my dear sweet Emma,” he crooned softly. “One day you won’t be so afraid of being vulnerable in front of me. One day you’ll understand that it doesn’t rob you of strength, nor does it make you weak in my eyes. Vulnerability just makes you human. You are the strongest woman I’ve ever known. Nothing could ever change that. So be strong out there…with me let yourself just be. All right?”
I blinked away a sudden rush of tears. His words made me feel invincible beautiful, and adored. Which is why it felt so bad to be feeling what I felt. I drew in a deep breath and braved looking back into the crystalline orbs. “I’m afraid.”
“I know. I know you are. I’m afraid too. I’ve drowned in it for the last week. It’s exhausting, isn’t it?”
Gabriel’s gentleness inspired my honesty. “Yes. I don’t like it.”
“Neither do I.” He came closer. “You don’t have to suffer this alone, Emma. I’m here to share your burden.” When I stayed silent he simply said, “Let me help you, baby. Just one confession. That’s all I’ll ask you to share for now. I promise. Anything past that will be up to you.”
I stiffened, feeling weak in a way that I’d always despised—especially in front of Gabriel. The idea of confession appealed to me though. Unburdening myself of the words slinking about my mind like an intruder, being able to expose them to light—anything to reduce the power of my ever-present fear—loosened my tongue. And so, I began the tentative words. “I don’t believe you really mean it when you say things like that.”
“Why? Don’t you believe me when I say I love you?”
“It’s just that we’re in the heat of the moment and…” My tongue knotted again. Everything seemed so logical and right in my world until Gabriel questioned it. I didn’t know why this was so hard for me. I also didn’t understand why we needed to talk about something that seemed pretty damned obvious.
“And, Emma?” he prompted softly.
“Do we really need to talk about this right now?” I snapped and then instantly felt bad for doing so. He didn’t deserve it.
Gabriel tilted his head, studying me earnestly and without anger. “Yes, we do. The fact you don’t want to shows we absolutely do.”
“It’s not that big of a surprise, Gabriel. I’d hate for us to both throw caution to the wind and end up being single parents down the line when we’re not ready.” My confession came out faster, easier. “My mom went through it. Every day brought new worries and there was never enough money. Trust me—it wasn’t
fun. I was on a first name basis with guilt during my childhood.”
“Why did you feel guilty, Emma?”
I wanted to force his attention elsewhere. I didn’t like being this open with anyone, especially the person who’d held my fascination tightly. I sounded pitiful…raw…less than.
I hated it.
Gabriel waited patiently despite the seconds ticking by. He didn’t push or prod me further. He simply waited. I had a strong suspicion he’d wait until the end of time. There was no avoiding it. I plowed through, hoping the faster I confessed, the faster we’d move past the embarrassing words.
“I felt guilty because my mom wouldn’t have had to struggle so much if it wasn’t for me. She wouldn’t have had to work as a maid, dependent on some rich woman’s whims. She wouldn’t have had to sacrifice so much. Her life would’ve been much easier if I hadn’t been there.”
“Did she ever say that?”
“No. I know how much she’s struggled. She wouldn’t have had to do that if it wasn’t for me.”
“Maybe, but I doubt she’s regretted you. She couldn’t have loved you so much if she regretted you. And she loved you so much, didn’t she?”
My throat closed up. I nodded. I thought of her, of how proud she’s always been of me. No, she didn’t regret having me but I regretted that my existence made life harder for her. That’s why I couldn’t let anyone or anything interfere with my goals. I needed to be successful, not only for pride’s sake, but to have the money and power to improve my mother’s life.
And I’d been willing to do anything to make that happen. Including not allowing myself to love the man in front of me. Did it make me a bad daughter because I felt the price was too high?
Gabriel smiled. “Besides, she’s raised a magnificent woman, don’t you know?”
“Stop.” Heat touched my neck and face.
“Oh, am I making you blush? Why yes I am!”
I cleared my throat and pretended that I wasn’t flaming six shades of red. “Whatever. It’s not the right time for us to stop being careful.”
Bad for You (Mad, Bad, & Dangerous to Love) Page 2
