A few more taps.
“Excellent. And availability?”
Amy pushed her shoulders back. This was where she was going to need to be firm but kind. She thought back to getting calls while fighting with Brian. It had never occurred to her that she could tell them no. She needed the money and her bosses had held the power.
“I need a schedule completed at least two weeks in advance. And I’d like to be compensated for any changes outside of my control.”
“That sounds fine.” The tapping continued.
The door from the restaurant whooshed open. Ronan’s head peeked out, glancing both directions before landing on her.
Oh, shit. She wasn’t ready to tell Ronan, but she might not have a choice anymore.
“When will you be back in the city?”
Ronan ambled up to her.
“Wednesday afternoon.” Amy flapped her hand towards her phone. When he went to kiss her, she playfully pushed him away.
“Great. Let’s have you come in Thursday. I can show you around and get a preliminary schedule set up.”
Amy leaned back as Ronan kissed her again.
“Great, looking forward to it.” When she ended the call, she scowled at him. “I was on the phone.”
Ronan wrapped his arms around her waist. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. Your sister calling again?”
Amy tensed. This was her chance to tell him. She took a deep breath and dove in. “A job opportunity, actually.”
“That’s great.” She felt his smile against her skin.
“It’s at The Hollywood Bowl. Big events, full time.” She took a step back to prepare herself. “But don’t feel like you have to change your plans. I know the label will probably want you on the road again.”
“Yeah, maybe. But we could figure something out.” Ronan arched an eyebrow.
Amy felt her palms break into a sweat. She didn’t want to have to balance anyone else’s needs with her own.
“No, no, you don’t have to. We’ll just… we’ll just keep doing this until we get back. And then we can go our separate ways.”
“You want us to stop sleeping together?” Ronan’s hand, which had been moving towards her, faltered and then dropped.
“What?” Amy’s brow furrowed. “No. We can still do that until we get back to LA.”
He set his jaw and took a deep breath.
“That’s less than two days from now.”
“I don’t want to hold you back.” Amy winced. It felt awkward and painful, yet true. “And I can’t follow you around like a lost puppy.”
“You’re not holding me back.” He came closer to her. “I like you. I like us. We can figure out a way to make this work.”
All Amy could hear were the echoes of her and Brian saying the same thing to each other as they packed up the moving van before heading to the west coast. How long had they lasted before the real world came crashing in?
“Can we talk about this later?” She waved him off. “Let’s just go back inside.”
She walked away from him before he could respond.
The cold wind wrapped around Ronan as Amy brushed past him.
What the hell just happened? When he had come looking for her, he had been mystified – in the best way possible – at how he found himself falling in love again. His skin itched to be near her, to be touching her. He loved watching her reactions to things; she always managed to surprise him.
Well, he thought grimly, this definitely counted as a surprise.
He rubbed his chest. He knew he shouldn’t feel hurt that she hadn’t told him about the job offer. But… he couldn’t help it. He thought back to him and Di, sitting at their kitchen table pouring over his first contract. He had trusted her insight and listened when she pointed out where he should ask for more. He had been too close to it. Had it all meant nothing to Sinclair?
He started pacing in front of the restaurant, plowing his hands through his hair. And why on earth would she think they could stop their feelings once they hit Hollywood Boulevard? He wanted Amy in his bed for more than just the next two days.
More than anything, in that moment he longed to have Di there with him. I have no idea what to say to her, he would tell her.
She would give him this smirk:the same one she gave him at the bar the first night they met. Say what you mean. Everything else is out of your hands.
He shoved his hands in his pockets as he moved. He needed to get his head on straight.
The door to the restaurant yawned open. The sound crew all tumbled out, relaxed, full and happy.
“There he is!” one of them shouted.
“We’re headed back,” Sarah interjected. She shot him a pointed look and then darted her eyes over to Amy. “You coming?”
He exhaled. He needed to take all this anxious energy and put it somewhere. He needed the bite of cold air to help him clear his head. He gave a brief shake.
“I’ll meet up with you guys in a bit.” He wanted Amy to run up to him before he could get away from the group. He was straining to hear her voice as he moved away.
Chapter 14
Amy
Amy sat waiting at the kitchen table like an anxious spouse. What did you expect? A nasty voice whispered in her mind. You told him you didn’t want to be with him. Did you expect him to wait?
She shook her head. It wasn’t like that. She did want to be with him. She bit her lip as she thought. It was just… complicated. They weren’t kids anymore; they both had their own lives. She wasn’t going to put her career on the backburner for him. Not when she had already seen how easily a relationship could fall apart, leaving you with nothing.
The sun was already beginning to set, casting a sherbet glow over the sky. Amy stared at her phone like it had betrayed her. She wanted to wind the clock back to a few hours ago, when the air felt electric with possibilities.
The door of the bus groaned open. Amy jumped up, smoothing her hands on the front of her jeans. She cleared her throat and took a deep breath. When Ronan came into view, she bit back a sigh.
“Good walk?” she started.
“It gave me some time to think.” He shrugged.
“And?” She closed her eyes to the oncoming train headed for her heart.
Ronan’s eyes flicked behind her. Even now, he was thinking about her need for privacy. Amy winced. Had she massively screwed this up?
“Di was a great musician.” He smiled, a far-off look in his eye. “She played bass and guitar. Before she got sick, she was gigging all over California. She even did a few big tours as part of the band.” Ronan pushed up his sleeves. “But that didn’t mean we were over. It just meant we knew to carve out time for each other.” When he leveled his gaze at her, Amy saw the full force of his hurt. A kernel of surprise came through: Had she really caused him this much pain?
“We were both committed to it. To us. And the fact you won’t even consider trying…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “I don’t know. It means I need to think.”
Amy stepped closer.
“Alone. Please.”He ducked his head.
Amy thought she had been protecting herself this afternoon by pushing him away. But as she watched him go back towards the end of the bus and slide his door closed, she realized what a massive error in judgment it had been. And this might be her consequence. She’d lost him.
The sight of palm trees towering over the freeway should’ve been a welcome sight to Amy. Instead, they only made the pit in her stomach grow bigger. She rubbed her face in her hands. A half-empty cold cup of coffee stood sentinel next to her. She had tossed and turned for a few hours before giving up and coming out into the kitchen. At least out here, she could pretend to be productive.
Instead, she just kept thinking about the look on Ronan’s face when he told her about how he and Di had made time for each other. How? She had wanted to wail at him, How did you manage with both of you falling apart?
Despite the early hour, the LA traffic was already in
full swing. The bus slowed to a crawl. Amy willed it to move faster. It was eating at her that she was out here alone with her guilt and Ronan was inside thinking she didn’t care.
As a request, the bus dropped each of them off at the respective places. Watching her apartment building come into view made Amy want to cry. The bus groaned to a stop. Amy stepped off to grab her bag. She put her luggage on the sidewalk and came back in to say goodbye. Sarah, sleepy but present, wrapped her in a hug. Amy hadn’t shared the good news with her yet. But she would. Soon.
Ronan’s door remained stubbornly closed. She tentatively knocked. She heard a grumble of assent. She rolled the door open to find Ronan lying on his side, his arm propping him up.
“This is me,” she said.
“Right, okay.” He forced a brittle smile.
“Uhm, so—” She stuffed her hands into her front pockets.
“What?” He shrugged. “Do you at least talk about this?”
Her brain had too many ingredients: guilt and shame and the deep desire to join him in bed. She needed to get her shit figured out.
“I can’t,” Her voice cracked. “Not right now.”
“Don’t you want to at least try?” His voice was barely a whisper.
“I’ve been here before.” Amy hardened her heart, taking two steps back. “I have to go.”
It took every ounce of her will to put one foot in front of the other as she turned and walked away, away from the one man that made her feel as alive as she’d ever been. Only when she was back inside her apartment with the door firmly closed could she slide down to the floor and let her guard drop.
The thought came along with a crippling pain in her chest.
I’ve lost him.
Amy was blindsided by the crippling force behind this heartache. She and Ronan hadn’t been seeing each other for very long. And yet, the severed connection between them tore through her in a way that the loss of her relationship with Brian never did. It was then that she realized the difference. She’d never really loved Brian. Not really.
With Ronan it was different. She was different. Somehow, she had learned to love all of him–even the broken parts he tried to keep hidden. In fact, now that she looked back, she’d rather have him on his worst day than face the idea of never seeing him again.
I’ve lost him… the thought came again. He’s gone.
A buzz cut through her sleeping mind. It registered slowly. That buzzing wasn’t her phone. It was louder and tinier. Her doorbell. Who--?
Adrenaline flooded her system.
Ronan. Maybe this was her chance to explain, to apologize.
Hopping into a pair of pants, she haphazardly moved towards the door. It’s not over yet! Relief flooded her system. I get another chance.
She threw the door open, her shoulders drooping as she found, not the langy rockstar, but her lovely sister, Alice.
“What are you doing here?” Amy gaped.
“Nice to see you too.” Alice grinned as she barreled into the apartment, dropping her oversized purse on the table and surveying the room. “I like the changes you’ve made. It feels very Cali cool.”
“Alice.” Amy pinched the bridge of her nose. “You live in San Diego.”
“I do.” She nodded simply.
“Yet here you are. In Los Angeles.” Amy held out her hands. “The day after I’m back from tour.”
“The fake reason is my boss needed me to come down to the LA office to pick up some paperwork.” Alice perched her hip on the table and shot Amy a pointed look. “My sister spidey senses were tingling. And I knew you would beg off if I tried to call and check in on you.”
Amy crossed her arms. Part of her bristled at the idea of her sister dropping in on her. But another, bigger part welcomed the familiar face after the shitshow of the past few days.
“How did you know I would be home?” Amy closed the door and sat down on the couch. “We could’ve still been on tour.”
Alice arched an eyebrow. She looked so much like their mother, Amy wanted to laugh.
“The tour posters are everywhere.” Alice crossed her arms, leveling her gaze at Amy. “Your last stop was Boston.”
“I was sleeping.” Amy wasn’t fully willing to let her sister off the hook yet.
At that, her sister looked a little bashful. Then, she perked up.
“Now that you’re up, we can order takeout and catch up.” Alice clapped her hands. “Or head out to a restaurant and see people who aren’t your coworkers.”
“Takeout sounds great.” Amy relented.
Within the hour, they had plastic containers full of fluffy rice, fragrant Indian food, and a chilled bottle of wine spread out across her tiny kitchen table. When Amy bent over to reach for utensils, her sister immediately closed in.
“Is that a hickey?” Alice gasped.
Shit. Amy scrunched her eyes closed.
“Maybe.” She batted her sister’s hand away from the collar of her shirt.
“Who is the guy?” Alice shimmied her shoulders.
“Ronan Cash.” Amy exhaled, too exhausted to even attempt to hide something like this from Alice.
“No shit.” Alice stilled, still holding the wine bottle.When Amy stayed quiet, she added. “Details!”
“It’s not worth it.” Amy bit her lip, swallowing her broken heart. “It’s over.”
“Oh, babe.” Alice wilted. “What happened?”
Amy’s chin quivered, and it all it took was for Alice to put her arms around her before everything came pouring out. Amy explained how irritating Ronan was when they first met and how he had somehow managed to get under her skin in the best possible way. How she ruined it by pushing him away.
They had moved to the couch during the story.
“Maybe I’m missing something?” Alice stretched out, wine glass raised. “Why couldn’t you guys make it work?”
“And have a repeat of what happened with Brian?” Amy grimaced. “No thanks.”
“What did happen?” Alice took a sip of her wine and leaned in. “It seemed like everything was great when you guys got here. And then,” she snapped her fingers. “It suddenly wasn’t.”
“It was good when we got out here.” Amy shrugged. “But it started getting hard. And you and mom were always on my case for us to move in together, to get married. I don’t know, marriage is good and all, but… when things were falling apart, it made it hard to talk about.”
“I thought Brian made you happy, which was why I was always asking about you guys taking those next steps.” Alice scooted closer. “My husband makes me so happy. I thought you wanted the same thing.” She held up her wine glass to signal that Amy shouldn’t interrupt her. “And if it doesn’t, that’s okay. But… it sounds like Ronan does make you happy.”
“It’s going to be like before.” Amy’s brow furrowed and she chewed on her thumbnail. “I know it.”
“You were twenty three!” Alice laughed, slapping Amy on the knee. “You’ve got a few more years under your belt.” She leaned closer. “Try talking to him. Tell him you want to make it work. And then actually try.” She winked to soften the blow. “Sounds like he’s definitely game.”
Amy took a sip of wine as her sister’s words flowed over her. Had she been worried about the wrong thing this whole time? All this time, she had feared their judgment, crushed under the weight of comparing her life to theirs. But it was her own judgments of herself that had held her back the most.
“I love you.” Amy hugged her sister before leaping to her feet and grabbing her keys off the coffee table. “I gotta go. I’ve gotta fix this.”
Alice held her glass up in salute.
Amy paced outside of the venue, gathering her courage. Her car, a small Toyota, sat squeezed in between BMWs and Lexus. What if he changed his mind? What if he didn’t want to talk to her?
She pushed her shoulders back. Well, then she would have her answer. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to try. She marched into the bar and tapped down
a flight of stairs that led to a cozy basement packed with chairs and a large couch. The stage was a large platform that stretched across the back wall.
He really had a knack for finding good dive bars that would let him play.
Here we go, she thought.
Chapter 15
Ronan
Ronan let himself get lost in the music as he played. He perched on a stool, plucking the guitar strings. He didn’t feel like broadcasting the rock star tonight. He felt too raw from Amy’s abrupt departure. He wasn’t ready to admit they were over.
He pulled out a few songs that he loved to listen to when he was heartbroken in high school and college. Playing and listening to music was the only way he knew how to make himself feel better.
He replayed the night before. Should he have insisted she stay and talk to him? He leaned deeper into the music, pressing harder against the frets to bring him back into the present. His hands knew what to do, giving his mind the space to wander.
All too soon, the song was over. He raised his head to give a small acknowledgement of thanks when he saw a familiar leather jacket in the back of the room. He tried to quash the glimmer of hope that had started shimmering in his chest.
He cautiously moved closer to her. Would she bolt if he told her that all he wanted to do was kiss her?
“Sarah told me where to find you.” Amy held up her phone.
He nodded, unsure of what to say.
“I, uh… I owe you an apology.” She ducked her head and cleared her throat. “I panicked on the bus ride back. I should’ve told you about the Hollywood Bowl job.”
“Yes, you should have.”
She looked properly mollified. “I also should’ve told you more about what happened with my last relationship.”
He nodded.
“My ex and I moved here right after college. We had these big dreams of being together and in love and making it. And when it got hard, we didn’t know how to fix it. I thought oh, then this just isn’t meant to be. I… I didn’t know how to try. But I want to try. With you.” She swallowed, her throat visibly moving. “Would you want to try with me too?”
Till There Was You: Rock Star Enemies To Lovers Romance Page 9
