by B. B. Hamel
“Grades aren’t all that matter.”
“Maybe not.”
I caught her looking at me and she smiled. We crested a short hill together and suddenly were looking out over a small valley, trees stretching out as far as we could see.
“This is why I’m nervous to leave,” Becca said softly.
“Hiking?”
“No. This.” She gestured out at the view.
“Good view.”
“Not just that. I mean, the view is good. But there’s something about this place. It’s home to me, you now? I can’t imagine Dartmouth is going to have anything like this.”
“It won’t.”
She looked at me. “Aren’t you supposed to be more reassuring?”
“Sorry, but it’s the truth. Dartmouth won’t be anything like this.”
“Gee, thanks. I feel better already.”
I laughed. “But that’s the point, isn’t it? You don’t want to be like everyone else here, trapped by this stupid town.”
“But it’s home.”
“Anywhere can be home. You have an opportunity most kids in Ridgewood would kill for.”
She was silent for a second. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Would you kill to get out of here?”
“I don’t know. I mean, I guess I already plan on leaving. After I win a few more regional contests, I’ll start competing all over the country.”
“So you’re getting out too, then.”
“Yeah. Eventually.”
“Ridgewood can’t contain us.”
“No, it definitely can’t.”
I set off down the hill, heading into the valley. “Wait up!” Becca called, coming after me.
“Don’t be so slow,” I said, grinning at her.
As she moved down to walk next to me, she tripped and stumbled slightly on a root. I grabbed her before she could topple down the hill.
“Shit, you okay?” I said.
“Yeah. Fine. Just didn’t see it,” she mumbled.
I could feel her warmth against mine. I was acutely aware of how sweaty I was from the climb, but I also didn’t want to let her go.
“This feels familiar,” I said softly.
“Don’t bring that up.”
“Can’t pretend like it didn’t happen.”
“Yeah, but you promised we’d move past it.”
“I guess I did.”
But the truth was, even back then I didn’t want to move past it. Even back then I wanted to drop down into the dirt with her and slide my tongue between her legs. I wanted to make her back arch until she came in big rolling waves.
But I let her go, and eventually we headed back to the car.
As I came back to the present, I realized that memory stuck with me for two reasons.
First, it was one of only a few times her and I had ever gotten that close. There were a million moments when I’d wanted to reach out and grab her, but only a few when it ever happened. Our stepsibling relationship kept all of that at bay, no matter what I may have felt.
The second was more important, though. It hit me all at once: she had gotten out, but I hadn’t. I planned on touring the country, seeing what there was outside of Ridgewood. Instead, my mom got sick and I got involved with a bunch of fucking gangsters.
I still climbed. I still entered and won competitions. But I hadn’t left.
And I was a little disappointed in myself. If I had to go back, I would do it all over again. I’d sacrifice anything for my family. But there was still that tiny ambitious voice in the back of my mind that wanted to climb with the best.
I watched as Becca disappeared into the early morning mist. The memory hadn’t lasted more than a few seconds, but suddenly I felt tired.
There was only one way I knew how to combat that. I finished my coffee, walked into the garage, and grabbed my climbing gear.
Chapter Seven: Rebecca
I climbed out of the shower, steam curling around the ceiling, and wiped the mirror off. I had spent most of the afternoon walking around the property, reacquainting myself with the woods.
It felt weird at first being alone out there, but I got used to it pretty fast. I had spent most of my life in those woods, and it was really only the last four years that I was away from it.
Still, they felt smaller somehow. More crowded. Almost as if the trees had gotten smaller and denser and the underbrush had been allowed to grow out more.
I frowned at myself in the mirror. Who the hell was I? Sometimes I felt like the outdoorsy girl that grew up in a small town, and sometimes I felt like the science geek and computer programmer that lived at Dartmouth.
I felt the pull of both personalities. I was still the girl I used to be, still the girl from Ridgewood, but I was someone else, too. It was hard acclimating to what I had slowly changed into. I hadn’t noticed anything different when I was living at school, but being home made it so clear.
I had moved on somehow. But the world felt like it stood still.
I walked out of the bathroom and into my bedroom, lying down on the bed, my hair still wet. The party was still a few hours away, but I knew I needed to start getting ready sooner rather than later. Reid probably wouldn’t wait for me.
That was the curse of having long hair. It took absolutely forever to dry.
I put on Netflix and started to get dressed, and two hours drained away, just like that. By the time the fourth episode of Chopped finished, I was mostly ready to go. I stuck my head out of my door.
“Reid?” I called out.
There was no reply. It was nine already, and we were supposed to leave in an hour. Frowning, I walked down the hall and knocked on his door.
“Reid?” Still no answer. Cautiously, I pushed his door open. “I’m coming in, so uh, please have clothes on.”
The room was empty. Frowning, I walked inside, not exactly sure what compelled me to go in there.
It was more or less how I remembered it. He kept the place pretty neat. Posters of famous climbers were hung on his wall, and a few small trinkets decorated the windowsill. I walked over and picked up a small wooden rabbit, obviously hand-carved. It felt smooth and warm in my hands.
“Like it?”
I nearly jumped out of my skin. “Reid,” I said. “I was just, uh, looking for you.”
He stood in the doorway grinning at me. He was covered in dirt and sweat, and he was still wearing his climbing gloves. I stared at his bulging muscles, his ripped, lean body standing confidently in front of me.
“Well, you found me.”
“Right. Uh, just wanted to check about the party.”
He nodded. “We’re still on, college girl.”
I put the rabbit back in its spot. “Were you climbing?”
“Sure was. What tipped you off?”
I frowned. Why was he being such an asshole?
“Okay, well, I’ll see you in an hour.”
I moved to leave.
“My dad made it,” he said suddenly.
I looked back at him. “What?”
“The rabbit,” he said, nodding at it. “He carved it for me when I was a little kid.”
“Oh. It’s really good.”
I hadn’t heard much about Reid’s dad. I knew he had died when we were both really young, but neither Reid nor Cora talked much about him. I figured it was just too painful for them.
“He made a bunch of stuff like it. But that’s all I have left.”
“Does your mom have anything?”
“Not sure. If she does, she never showed me.”
I wished I knew what else to say. He had never opened up to me before, and it took me a little off guard.
“You should shower.”
He smirked. “Care to join me?”
“No, thanks. Already got my hair wet once today.”
“You can wear a shower cap. Makes no difference to me.”
I rolled my eyes and left his room. I heard him laughing behind me
as I shut my own door on him.
That was typical of Reid. One second he’s talking about his dead father, and the next he’s saying some dirty thing about me. He knew exactly how to drive me crazy, making me want to kiss his lips softly one second and wishing he would bury his mouth between my legs the next.
I had no clue how I was going to survive the summer with him.
He was quiet in the car. I sank back into the seats of the truck and felt the vibrations move up along my legs. I glanced over at him, taking in his muscular body. He was wearing basic jeans and a T-shirt, but he pulled it off.
He glanced at me and caught me looking. He grinned. “You look good,” he said.
“Thanks.”
“Too good for this party. You’re going to attract plenty of creeps.”
“Pretty sure I already have one right here,” I muttered.
He laughed. “I’m not half as bad as some of these guys.”
“If it’s so dangerous, why are you going?” I snapped.
He was quiet for a second, considering. “You get used to it after a while.”
“Then I’ll get used to it.”
He shook his head. “I’m not sure you will, Becca.”
I rolled my eyes and looked out the window. His whole overprotective thing was getting a little lame, and I just wanted to get away from him.
Truthfully, I was a little nervous. I hadn’t been out in Ridgewood in a long time, let alone out with Lindsey. What if he was right and I didn’t fit in anymore?
We moved through town and began to head north, toward the border.
“Where is this party, anyway?”
“Near the coal mine.”
“Who lives out there?”
“Nobody does. There’s this old RV some guys found and fixed up. People like to party there now.”
“Like your van.”
He glanced at me. “Something like that.”
We lapsed back into silence and the memory of him kissing me out there in the woods came back again. My heart beat fast in my chest and I felt twice as nervous.
Finally, after about a half hour of driving, Reid pulled off onto a dirt road. We bumped and jostled along it, heading toward lights up ahead. He pulled out into a clearing, and illuminated by strands of white Christmas lights was an RV.
And about a hundred people milling about it.
I was surprised by the size of the party. I had expected something small and chill, but it was more like a rager in the woods. There were at least two kegs and a table with bottles scattered all over it.
“It’s packed,” I said.
Reid pulled the truck over, parking in a line of other cars. “Yeah, usually gets like this on Fridays.”
“Do you know all these people?”
He snorted. “Not even close.” He sat there for a second, looking out the window. “Listen, I know you’re sick of this, but if you get in trouble, come find me right away.”
I sighed. “Okay dad, will do.”
“Seriously. Come find me.”
I pushed open the door and got out. The sounds of people yelling and laughing hit me immediately. Up ahead, someone was doing a keg stand, and a bunch of people cheered for him as he chugged beer upside down.
I had never done a keg stand before, and I wasn’t about to try it. Besides, I was wearing a skirt. That wouldn’t be very lady-like.
Reid got out and nodded at me. “Have fun, college girl.”
“Whatever,” I mumbled and walked toward the crowd.
I didn’t recognize a single person. Reid was instantly surrounded by a bunch of people, all calling him “Climber,” but I didn’t know any of them, either. I moved through the crowd, looking for Lindsey.
I pulled my sweater close around me. The night was a little cool but I felt packed in, even though we were out in the open air. I pulled out my phone and texted Lindsey.
Where are you? I’m here.
Absently I wandered over toward the kegs and grabbed a cup. The guy working the pump smiled at me.
“I don’t know you,” he said.
I shrugged. “My first time.”
“Well then, enjoy the finest cheap beer Ridgewood can supply, first timer,” he said, filling my cup.
I smiled at him, “Thanks.”
He had shaggy hair and a young face, almost boyish, but he had to be my age or older. “I’m Josh,” he said.
“Becca.”
“Good to meet you, Becca.”
Before I could say anything else, someone came up from behind me and impatiently began to fill their beer. I smiled at Josh and moved away, back into the crowd.
I felt my phone buzz and pulled it out. Just got here, by the RV!
Relieved, I made my way over and spotted her leaning against the RV’s wall, looking at her phone.
“Hey,” I called out.
She looked up. “Hey, Becca! I’m really happy you came!”
We hugged and I laughed. “Of course, what else is there to do around here?”
“Meth, mostly.”
I laughed. “There’s a lot of people here.”
“I know, more than usual.”
“Do you do this a lot?”
“Yeah. It’s like a regular thing now.”
“Really? That’s cool.”
“I guess. It gets old after a while.” She grinned at me. “Come on, let’s get me a drink.”
We made our way back over toward the kegs. Josh was still working the pump and smiled at me as we walked up. “Back so soon?” he asked me.
“Beer me,” Lindsey interrupted.
“Hey, Linds,” he said, looking at her.
“Josh.” She didn’t smile at him. There was a short awkward silence as he filled her drink. We walked away as soon as it was done.
“Do you know him?” I asked her.
“He’s just some asshole.”
“Oh. He seems nice enough to me.”
“They always do, at first.”
I let that comment hang in the air as I followed her to the outskirts of the party. Lindsey spotted some lawn chairs and snagged them, laughing as she dropped into one.
As I sat down, I spotted Reid moving through the crowd, followed by two cute girls.
“Speaking of assholes,” I said.
“What? Reid?”
I nodded. “Look at him.”
We watched as the girls caught up to him and they began to talk, obviously flirting with him.
“He’s okay,” Lindsey said.
“I don’t know. He’s so arrogant sometimes.”
“Can you blame him? I mean, you have eyes, right?”
I gave her a look. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“He’s the hottest guy here, Becca. Probably in all of Ridgewood.”
“No way that’s true.”
She laughed. “Trust me, Climber is way too gorgeous for this little town.”
I frowned and watched as he said something to the girls and then walked away. They didn’t follow him. He looked up and caught my eyes, giving me a huge grin.
“Shit,” I muttered.
“What?”
“He just caught me staring at him.”
“Well, now he’s coming over.”
I watched as he picked his way through the crowd and walked over to us.
“Climber,” Lindsey said.
“Linds. Becca. You guys having fun?”
“About as much fun as you can have in this place,” Lindsey said.
He stared at me and I took a sip of my drink. I noticed he wasn’t holding anything but decided not to mention it. He was probably staying sober to drive us home later, which was a little surprising. I’d expected him to at least drink a little bit, but maybe Reid was more responsible than I gave him credit for.
“What about you? Loving the finest Ridgewood has to offer?”
I shrugged. “It’s pretty cool.”
“Pretty cool? This place is a dump.”
“You seem to be enjo
ying yourself.”
He smirked. “Now that I get to stare at those nice legs of yours, I am.”
Lindsey giggled, clearly surprised.
I rolled my eyes. “Cut it out, Reid.”
“I can’t help myself. Something about you in a skirt drives me crazy.”
“Aren’t you guys like, brother and sister?” Lindsey asked.
“No,” I snapped, probably too quickly. “We’re just stepsiblings.”
“Our parents didn’t get married until the summer just before she left,” Reid said, nodding at me.
“We’ve barely lived together,” I added.
Lindsey gave me a look that was obviously suggestive of something I couldn’t let myself think about.
“I got to go,” Reid said, looking back into the crowd. “Duty calls.”
“What’s that mean?” I asked, but he was already walking away and didn’t answer.
“Probably meeting up with Thom,” Lindsey said.
“What’s with him and that guy? There’s something mysterious going on that I’m not aware of.”
“Ask him about it,” she said, shaking her head, only adding to my curiosity.
It felt like everyone knew but me.
I sighed and sipped my drink, not willing to press her harder.
“Oh shit, looks like a flip cup game is starting,” Lindsey said, pointing. “Let’s get in on that.”
Reluctantly, I stood up and followed her over to the crowd of people that was forming around a table. Lindsey got us on to one of the teams, and we lined up on our side.
I wasn’t huge into drinking games. Really, I wasn’t a huge drinker, but I hadn’t been home in so long that I didn’t want to seem like I was no fun. When my turn came, I drank the beer in my cup and managed to flip it over on my second try. We ended up winning the first game by a mile.
I laughed as everyone cheered. Josh was standing next to me, and we exchanged looks. For a second I felt like I was actually part of the group.
It had been awhile since I last played flip cup or any other game like that, and it became really clear by the third game that I wasn’t in drinking shape anymore. I had gone to a few parties in college, but I mostly studied and spent time with my roommates. I never got into the crazy party scene out at Dartmouth.
I was probably pretty boring. But I really was trying to be a little less lame.
Game four started, and I watched as the people in front of me drank their beer and flipped their cups. When it was my turn, I managed to do it in one try.
