‘You’re being hard on yourself.’ His voice was warm and comforting. ‘You’d had a shock. And I’m sure it’s still difficult for you.’
‘I keep saying that to myself. That’s it’s been hard. That I need time.’ She put the mug on the desk. ‘And it has been very … unsettling. But I can’t stay unsettled for ever, can I?’
‘I told you before, Steffie. You’re still you. You’re still the same person you always were.’
‘I thought that perhaps I should go looking for him,’ she said. ‘My biological father.’
Liam nodded slowly.
‘But I don’t want to.’
‘That’s your choice.’
‘But still. You hear so much about people having this need to seek out their real parents. So I thought there was something wrong with me that I didn’t feel that way.’
‘Pascal and Jenny are the sort of people who’d support you no matter what.’
She sighed. ‘I’d been going through a time when I was feeling guilty about all the financial support they were giving me. Living in the house. Always there if I needed them. And I thought maybe that it was because they felt guilty. That they were trying to make it up to themselves.’
‘Oh.’
‘And I don’t know how I should be now,’ she said. ‘Sometimes I want to hug them and tell them how much I love them and appreciate every single thing they’ve done for me, and sometimes I want to scream at them for keeping secrets from me. I guess I’m totally conflicted.’
‘In which case, today must have been difficult for you.’
‘I’m happy for them and I want to say that to them, but I don’t want them to think that everything’s OK,’ she confessed. ‘I’m a horrible person really.’
‘No you’re not,’ he said. ‘You never were. You never could be.’
‘You thought I was.’ She had to say it. She couldn’t not. ‘You walked away from me because of Steve.’
‘And I’m not exactly proud of myself over that,’ said Liam. ‘I keep going over and over that day in my head. How I reacted when he came into the house with you. All proprietorial and marking his territory. I got a bit stroppy, to be honest. The thing is, I’m not someone who’s good at muscling in. I never was.’
‘You didn’t have to muscle in,’ she told him. ‘He was already on the way out.’
‘Because of me?’ He looked at her sceptically.
‘Actually, no,’ she confessed. ‘Because I’d worked out he wasn’t the one. Admittedly only a few hours earlier, at the party, but still, in my head it was over and it was nothing to do with you. But that’s why I didn’t mind getting down and dirty with you, Liam Kinsella. As far as I was concerned, I’d already left Steve. If I’d been in love with him, I certainly wouldn’t have jumped into bed so eagerly – and so often – with you!’
‘I was a little bit of a spoiled child about it,’ said Liam. ‘He was so much the boyfriend, I felt … oh look, I thought I was the proverbial notch on your bedpost.’
‘You’re joking, right?’ she said. ‘It’s girls who usually have those sort of thoughts. Men are proud of their bedposts, aren’t they?’
‘We do like to boast,’ agreed Liam. ‘But at the same time we can be as insecure as women. Why would you think otherwise?’
‘I don’t know.’ She spoke slowly. ‘I guess it’s because you always seem to be the ones in charge.’
‘Maybe some men are,’ agreed Liam. ‘But Steffie, I’m used to being the last man picked for things. Remember? And just in case you’re thinking I’m a bunch of neuroses and stuff, I’m pretty OK with my life. Except I struggle with the relationship thing sometimes. With what I’m supposed to do and how I’m supposed to do it.’
‘You didn’t struggle with it very much when I was here before,’ Steffie pointed out. ‘In fact, if I remember correctly, you knew exactly what you were doing.’
‘I did, didn’t I?’ He grinned. ‘And …’
‘And?’
‘How about I do it again?’ he suggested as he put his arms around her.
‘Oh!’ exclaimed Jenny.
Behind her, Alivia, Colette and Roisin’s mouths had also formed circles of surprise as they looked at Steffie and Liam, locked in their kiss.
‘Hello, Mrs Sheehan.’ Liam raised his head. ‘Is there a problem with something?’
‘I … um … no.’ Jenny’s hands were at her cheeks. ‘I’m … sorry. I didn’t mean to barge in here.’
‘But you did.’ Steffie, who’d been shocked into complete silence when she saw her mother, followed by her sister and cousins, found her voice again. ‘What on earth d’you think you’re doing?’
‘We noticed you were missing, Steff.’ Alivia’s voice bubbled with amusement. ‘We saw footsteps in the snow. We thought you’d been abducted.’
‘Abducted!’ Steffie stared at her. ‘That’s the lamest thing I ever heard.’
‘It’s true, though,’ said Roisin. ‘I’m sorry, Steffie. We were worried about you.’
‘You thought I’d kidnapped her and brought her back to my office to do what with her?’ asked Liam.
Four pairs of female eyes looked at him.
‘We couldn’t know it was you,’ said Roisin. ‘We thought … we were afraid …’
‘I did indeed meet Steffie outside, although not by prior arrangement.’ There was a hint of laughter in Liam’s voice. ‘And then I suggested she’d be better off in the warmth than in the snow.’
‘Well look, Steffie, as you’re obviously OK, I’ll leave you to it.’ Jenny wondered if there were any more ways in which she could embarrass her daughter and make her hate her. Because so far, she thought, I’m managing to do a great job.
‘You can use that door, Mrs Sheehan.’ Liam pointed behind him. ‘It leads directly to the dining room.’
‘Thank you,’ said Jenny.
‘Thanks, Liam,’ chorused the other three.
They followed Jenny out of the office.
Steffie and Liam were left alone. They looked at each other wordlessly for a moment.
And then they began to laugh.
Chapter 41
Back among the crowd of revellers, Jenny sought out Pascal and told him what had happened. Her husband’s mouth twitched and she gave him a stern look.
‘It’s not funny,’ she said. ‘If we’d walked in a few seconds later, God knows what would’ve been going on.’
‘They were only kissing, weren’t they?’
‘Yes, but …’ Jenny sighed. ‘It’s like everything I do regarding Steffie turns to dust. Things were bad enough before, but she’s never going to forgive me now.’
‘You’re overdramatising,’ said Pascal. ‘The good news is that she seems to be getting it together with Liam Kinsella, who’s one of the nicest men I know. He looked after her when she was out in the storm and he looked after her tonight too. He obviously has some kind of feelings for her and she could do a lot worse than have a relationship with someone whose accomplishments in the kitchen exceed beans on toast.’
Jenny smiled weakly. ‘You always look on the positive side.’
‘What’s not to be positive about?’ asked Pascal. ‘She’s finding happiness, Jen.’
‘Or else this is some kind of fling and he’ll break her heart and—’
‘And that’s what happens in life,’ Pascal interrupted her. ‘We kept things hidden from our kids partly for our own sake, but then because we thought it would be easier to wait till they were older – and in the end that was a complete disaster. She’s had a lot to deal with. Whether it’s a fling or something else with Liam Kinsella, it’ll do her good. Although,’ he added, his tone suddenly grim, ‘if he breaks her heart, I’ll break his bloody neck.’
‘I was beyond mortified,’ Roisin said to Davey, who she’d been telling about the encounter.
Davey roared with laughter. ‘I can’t believe you went looking for her in the snow,’ he said.
‘We were all worried. This is a difficu
lt day for her.’
‘Why on earth should it be?’ asked Davey. ‘It’s not about her, it’s about Mum and Dad.’
‘Yes, but …’ Roisin shook her head.
‘Steffie will be fine,’ said Davey. ‘All she needed was a good man in her life to sort her out.’
‘Davey Sheehan! Don’t be so damn sexist! I bet you wouldn’t have said that if Camilla was nearby.’ Roisin’s eyes scanned the crowd. Her brother’s fiancée was chatting to one of the neighbours.
‘Probably not,’ Davey admitted. ‘She has me under the thumb all right. But I like being there.’
‘Hopefully your wedding will be a less fraught event,’ said Roisin.
‘I hope so too,’ said Davey. ‘But Rosie, every family has its own problems, not just the Sheehans. With five marriages between them, Camilla’s parents bring a lot to the table in that regard.’
‘You’re right.’ Roisin sighed. ‘All I want is for everything to be sorted.’
‘And eventually it will be,’ Davey told her. ‘Even if it’s not exactly how you’d like it.’
Bernice didn’t know how she’d ended up standing beside Summer. One minute she and Alivia had been giggling like school kids about Steffie and Liam, the next she’d turned around and Summer was at her elbow. Bernice felt her stomach sink. The mother-to-be was as pretty as ever, her face flawlessly made up, her golden hair curled and adorned with a sparkly comb, her dress not completely figure-hugging despite the fact that she didn’t seem to have a shadow of a bump yet.
‘I believe congratulations are in order.’ Bernice knew that her clichéd words were stilted and awkward, but Summer smiled at her.
‘Thanks,’ she said. ‘It was a surprise for both of us.’
‘Are you keeping well?’
‘I was sick as a dog at first,’ Summer confided. ‘I thought I was going to die. But the last couple of weeks have been better.’
‘Have you and Carl made any plans?’
‘What sort of plans?’
‘Marriage?’
Summer shook her head. ‘That’s not on the agenda yet.’
‘I hope you’ll be very happy.’
‘I hope so too,’ said Summer. ‘But it’s difficult when the father of your child doesn’t really know his own mind.’
‘In what way?’
‘You all think I’m an idiot,’ said Summer. ‘You think that because I like to have a good time and because I work – well, worked – in a bar, and because I do some modelling, and most of all because I’m blonde, even though you also know it’s not natural – well, you think I’m a fool. But I’m not.’
‘I never thought—’
‘I’m not an idiot, and I know you and Carl had a long history and that everyone here loves you and tolerates me. I know that Carl still loves you too.’
‘He doesn’t.’ But Bernice could feel her heart beating faster.
‘He thinks he does,’ amended Summer. ‘He feels bad that the whole on-a-break thing ended up with me getting pregnant and no big showdown with you. I sometimes think he started going out with me to spite you. But I’ve got a lot of skin in the game now and I have to look after my future and my child’s future. I don’t know what’s going to happen between me and Carl, but I think we have a shot. We have fun together. I’m good for him. And I think he’ll be a good dad too.’
Bernice was silent.
‘I don’t know if it’ll work with Carl and me in the long term, but for the sake of our child I have to give it a try. So what I’m saying, Bernice, is butt out.’
It took Bernice a few moments to get her thoughts in order. And to accept this harder side of Summer.
‘I wanted a baby,’ she said. ‘He didn’t. That’s what it was all about.’
‘I know,’ said Summer. ‘And I’m sorry for you that I got knocked up and you didn’t. But there’s not a lot I can do about that now other than make the best of it. Which is what I intend to do.’
‘Good luck with that.’ Bernice tried and failed to keep an edge of bitterness from her voice.
‘I’ll need it,’ said Summer. She turned away from Bernice and plunged into the crowd again.
Bernice watched as she spoke to Poppy and then Alivia and then began to talk to Sarah. Carl’s mother had a fixed smile on her face but then Summer said something to her and she laughed. Dammit, thought Bernice, she knows what she’s doing. And if she’s managing to get Sarah on side, she’s a smarter operator than I ever gave her credit for. She watched as Carl joined them and put his arm around Summer’s waist. Maybe he wasn’t entirely happy with the situation, Bernice thought, but he was accepting it. If I’d managed to get pregnant, he would have accepted that too. But I didn’t. And it’s over. It was over from the moment we went on a break.
She dragged her gaze away from her ex-boyfriend. Time for me to accept it, she thought. Time to acknowledge that this is the last Sheehan family party I’ll ever be at. And given the way most of them tend to turn out, maybe that’s a good thing.
‘So what are you doing next weekend?’ Sean McGettigan asked Colette.
‘No plans.’
‘Fancy dinner with me?’
‘Could be fun.’
‘You’re in Dublin and I’m based in Wexford,’ said Sean. ‘How about we meet in Avoca? I know a lovely place there for dinner, and we could stay over if you like.’
‘Sounds like a plan.’
Sean grinned at her. ‘Excellent.’
Colette grinned in return. ‘Excellent,’ she said too.
Alivia was talking to Frank. She hadn’t had much opportunity to speak to her mother’s boyfriend before, but she was finding him an engaging person with a wide range of interests.
‘So you and Mum,’ she said, when there was a pause in their conversation. ‘How’s that going?’
‘Daughters are so upfront,’ said Frank. ‘My own asked me the very same question yesterday.’
‘She did?’
He nodded. ‘Sandra’s always looked out for me. She doesn’t want me to fall into the clutches of an unsuitable woman.’
‘I hardly think my mum is unsuitable.’ Alivia thought this Sandra sounded a bit of a dragon.
‘Ah, she cares about me. Same as you care about your mum. And you need to know how much I care about Lucinda too.’
‘You care about her a lot?’
‘Of course. Why d’you think I’m seeing her?’ Frank’s voice was light, but there was a serious tone behind it. ‘I like being with her. She likes being with me. We’re enjoying life.’
‘But are you looking for more than that?’
‘Have you ever seen those articles about divorced and widowed men? We all want to get married again. We need good women to keep us on the straight and narrow,’ Frank told her, a hint of amusement in his voice.
‘And you think my mother fits that bill?’
‘If she wants to,’ said Frank.
‘Don’t mess with her,’ warned Alivia. ‘Just don’t.’
‘I love her,’ said Frank. ‘Maybe when you’re older you have a different perspective on what love should be. I’m prepared to give it time if that’s what she wants.’
But as Lucinda came over to them and kissed Frank on the cheek, Alivia knew that her mother didn’t need any time at all.
Steffie rejoined the party a little later, while Liam divided his time between the kitchen, the bar and the guests. Nobody said anything to her about her disappearance into the night, and she took part in the celebrations with a lighter heart than she’d had for a long, long time. Every so often Liam would join her for a while, and each time he did, she felt herself fall in love with him a little more. Although maybe that’s because it’s a wedding, she told herself. It envelops you in all sorts of soppy romance, and I can’t let myself be carried away by romance.
But it was hard not to.
The party broke up after one, and the waiting staff began to clear the tables. The taxis Pascal had arranged to take the guests to the hotel most
of them were staying in had arrived, and people were transferring their cases from their own cars, then coming back to hug Pascal and Jenny and thank them for a lovely day.
‘I’ll be in touch,’ said Sarah. ‘Maybe we could do a girls’ day, you, me and Lucinda.’
‘Sounds good,’ said Jenny.
‘Fabulous party,’ said Summer. ‘Hope to see you again soon.’
Everyone was telling them it was a fabulous party. Everyone was saying what a good time they’d had. And Jenny supposed that it had been a great day, if you discounted the fact that she’d messed up with her younger daughter before she’d even resolved their first crisis.
‘You’re staying in the B and B next door, aren’t you?’ Roisin said to Steffie as she came back from her own car with Steffie’s overnight bag. ‘With Bobby and Tom.’
Steffie nodded.
‘Here you are.’ She put the bag down in front of her.
‘Thank you,’ said Steffie. ‘What time are you heading back to Dublin tomorrow?’
‘I was hoping you’d all come for brunch.’ It was Jenny who spoke, her voice hesitant. ‘You and Davey and Roisin – and your other halves and families, of course. Around half-eleven, twelve? I was going to do a full Irish.’
‘Sounds good to me,’ said Davey. ‘I’m trying to wean Camilla off soused herring and on to sausages.’
‘He hasn’t succeeded yet,’ said Camilla.
‘I don’t have herring,’ said Jenny. ‘But I have cold meat and cheese.’
‘Perfect,’ said Camila.
‘And we’ll be there too,’ Roisin told her mother.
‘Steffie?’ Jenny looked at her younger daughter.
‘I don’t know yet,’ she said.
‘You’re coming home with us,’ Roisin pointed out. ‘So you should be there. Save us having to detour to pick you up.’
‘I’ll text you,’ said Steffie.
‘That’s grand.’ Pascal put his arm around Jenny. ‘We don’t have to have everything set in stone now when we’re all exhausted after a long day. Hopefully you’ll make it, Steffie. I’m sure Bobby or Tom would be happy to drop you off at Aranbeg.’
‘I’m sure they would,’ she said.
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