by Xavier Neal
“You were right.” I shrug. “It wasn't my marriage. It wasn't my place.” Hearing the words stops him in his tracks again. Disbelief clear. “What I do know is you were both my parents and while so many of those memories are filled with resentment towards you, I never once questioned how you felt about mom. And I'm not gonna start now. As far as I'm concerned you had a once in a life time kind of love. You don't get that shit without some hardships. I understand that now. Firsthand.”
He nods at me. I keep my eyes focused in his. “Did you read her journal?”
I quickly shake my head. “No. And I'm not going to either.” He raises his eyebrows at me. “Those were never meant for me.” In what looks like relief he nods. “But I do need something from you.”
“What's that?”
I pull the key from my pocket and hold it out for him. He stares at it like one touch from it would kill him instantly. His jaw is vibrating as he takes a slight step backwards. “I have worked damn hard to get through the shit that haunts me from the past. So has Haven. Your turn.” Dad shakes his head in denial. “I know you're in more pain than I will ever understand. I know you're not in any hurry to forgive yourself, but you need to. I need you to.” His mouth opens briefly before returning to form a hard line. “Please.”
Dad takes the key out of my grasp and slides it into his pocket, tears on the verge. It's going to be a day filled with them. Silence settles in the room for a few moments before he finally speaks. “You're a damn good son.”
“I haven't always tried to be, but I'm trying now.”
To both our surprise he takes a couple steps towards me and pulls me into a fatherly embrace. It's filled with support. Appreciation. Forgiveness. No. We may never be the cookie cutter family I'm sure he once dreamed of. No. We will never be as close as I was to my mother. But we'll be something different. Something that fits us. Something that works.
He hugs me a little tighter and says, “I love you Slugger.”
Pulling away I nod. “I love you too dad.”
With a short smile he replies, “A Walker is only as good as his word.”
I let a smile takeover my face while my fingertips play with the ring box that's nestled in my pocket.
“You sure you about this?”
“I am.”
“How do you know?” he counters.
Typically all the doubts everyone has surrounding this would piss me off. Push me to the edge of fury. Instead I look at it for what I know it is. Concern. Love. I reply, “I just do.”
Our conversation is cut short by another knock on the bedroom door. This time the face waiting for me is one I was expecting. Politely my father excuses himself and greets her with a short nod as he passes her.
Jazz strolls into the room wearing a yellow halter top dress, her hair pinned to the side, and a small clutch purse in her hands. She looks classy. But then again she typically does. “What pisses you off more Grim? That I knew you would call me or the fact that I was right?”
I shake my head at her, “Neither.”
Surprised, she raises her eyebrows, “Oh really?”
“Really. What pisses me off isn't the fact you know me so well, it's the fact you don't think I know you,” my answer is followed with me taking a step towards her. “That you don't want to give us a chance to let us into your life the way we've let you into ours. But let me be clear about something Jazz. I have been out of line about things in the past, but they are the things I would give my life for. And if the situation comes and it's you I'm being challenged over, I hope you know I won't do anything different. You chose me because you knew that. Because you knew that whenever it comes down to the wire I'm going to do what I feel is best. For the country. For my team. For you.”
She scrunches her face briefly and rolls her eyes. “You are such a pain in the ass Grim.”
“It's my wedding day. It's allowed.”
“Ugh.”
When she softly smiles acknowledging the truth in what I just said, I ask, “Where's Green Eyes?”
“Green eyes?”
“Uh. Martin. Haven calls him that. I don't think she knows his real name still,” the confession makes Jazz smirk.
“He's being watched. Carefully.”
“By who?”
“Miller,” she beams proudly. “I decided dining with them would probably not ever happen, so I called in my favor you won fair and square.”
The two of us let out a little chuckle and I say, “I need a favor.”
“Really?” she sounds almost annoyed. “Me helping you throw together a wedding in less than 24 hours wasn't enough? What else could you possibly need? A kidney?”
I laugh a little once more. “I need you to protect Haven if anything happens to me.”
“Grim--”
“No Jazz. I've made Glove and Lordy give me their word too. I need yours.”
“Grim you know if anything happens to you HORN--”
“No,” I cut her off. “This isn't an official business thing. It's about family Jazz. And you're a part of it whether you want to be or not.”
“But the girl hates me,” Jazz whines for the first time. Hearing her sound so human, so normal, eases a little stress that's on my shoulders. I know what that's like. Knowing she sees so much of herself in me and me so much of myself in her makes this request easier.
“She'll get over it,” I insist. Jazz lets out another annoyed sigh. “Now. Your word.”
She stares back at me long and hard before saying, “You have my word Clint.”
I nod at her answer when Lordy comes flying into the room. He opens his mouth to say something to me when Jazz looks over her shoulder at him. Immediately his eyes drift down the neckline soaking her in like a sponge.
“You look amazing,” he compliments her.
A brief red color warms her face before she coos, “Thank you.”
Trying to shake off being dumbstruck he looks back at me, “Haven's ready. And Glove says if you don't hurry up he'll replace the suit he's wearing with one you don't like to see him in.”
“I already told him I'd kill him if he was naked at my wedding.” I scowl.
“Then you might wanna hurry up before you have a wedding and a funeral in the same day.” Lordy laughs exiting the room with Jazz's eyes on his ass.
I shake my head before I mumble, “Not a good idea Jazz.”
“That was what Shepard said about you,” she informs me with a twisted smirk.
“And I'll prove him wrong,” I prepare to walk past her, but drop my voice to say, “And I hope you prove me wrong too.”
Quickly I take the stairs and exit Mindy's house to join the others waiting on my front lawn. There are sun flowers sprinkled all around the yard, an arch right above the door for us to get married under them, and of course everyone has one attached to them. While Mindy spent most of the day decorating her backyard, making wedding chocolate chip cookies, and making appetizers for us to enjoy after the big moment, Lexi and Leighyani helped set up this area. Believe it or not Leighyani was happy to help. She told me congratulations many times and even asked did I mind if she came to see the ceremony. People change, I have to remind myself. People can change.
I take my place right in front of the door across from the Justice of the Peace. With a deep breath I look at our family that is waiting to be a part of this memory that's being made. Glove and Mandy who have hooked arms. Her dress very similar to the one Jazz is wearing. Both smiling at me ecstatically. Jazz, whose arm is hooked with Lordy's, clearly trying to remain in career mode, but right on the edge. Lordy with a longing in his eyes and even traces of melancholy. My father proudly standing on his own beside Mindy who's doing her best to hold it together in Doug's arms. Striker and Lexi are next to Leighyani and her date who looks like a young David Beckham. Anna and Felix are holding hands with bright smiles as well. The staggered placement of everyone just lingering in the yard among the sprinkled sunflowers feels perfect. There's only one person missing from
the crowd. A knot grows in my stomach that expands through my chest into my throat. She's not here on this day. She won't be here to see me do this. She'll never meet Haven. She'll never see her grandchildren.
My jaw starts to quiver at the thoughts that are attacking, at the way death is cackling at my breakdown, when the front door opens and Haven crosses the threshold. Without waiting another minute, without waiting to admire her in the most beautiful dress I'm sure she's ever worn, I pull her into me and drop my lips on hers. Her warm hand cradles my face as I suck every bit of her into me that I can. With every push of my tongue against her I'm reminded she's in the same boat as me. Her parents won't ever see those things either. It's a reality she's most likely made peace with long before this moment, but I need her to know I understand now. I'm with her now. We're in this together. Everything. All the time.
“You're supposed to say your vows first Slugger,” Mindy scoffs. “This is not proper wedding etiquette!”
I slip my tongue away from Haven's and end the kiss with a gentle press. With my eyes still closed I lean my forehead against hers and grumble a half ass apology, “Sorry. I just...needed that.”
“Never be sorry for needing me too,” she answers.
Finally I open my eyes and take in the vision that's going to be my wife. Her bright brown eyes are shimmering just like the rest of her. Haven's wearing a very pale yellow strapless dress, hair pinned high on her head like Mindy's, high heels, and most importantly her dog tags around her neck.
My hand reaches to adjust them, which makes her grin widely. I sigh, “You look beautiful.”
“Thank you.” She looks away shyly.
“Are you two ready?” The JOP asks.
We nod and he begins a very brief and to the point speech. I'm not sure of what he says. The entire time my eyes are lost at the sight in front of me. The way Haven's chest is rising and falling so calmly. The way her makeup looks simple but sweet. The way the yellow compliments her skin. The way everything about this moment is about us. How we came together. How we'll live together. How we'll die together.
My attention stays lost in her essence until I hear Glove's voice say, “Now would be a good time Grim.”
I shoot him a glare. Unsure of what it is I'm supposed to be doing I look back at Haven who smiles softly. “Want me to say mine first?”
Vows. Simple. With an easier smile I shake my head. “No.” A deep breath comes out of me and I turn my head to apologize to the JOP. “It's not that I was intentionally not listening, it's just....sometimes when Haven's around that's all I see. She clouds my vision.” I turn my head to face her. “My thoughts. She creates havoc to my system, chaos to my emotions, and insanity to my life.” She looks surprised but continues listening. “It's the most beautiful. Amazing. Incredible. Thing. Before you came into my life I was chasing death. The only thing I wanted more than to be in the highest honors of my branch was to die doing it. I was empty. Life was empty. And then you fell into it like an Angel with broken wings for me to save. I wanted nothing more than to save you from everything and everyone. You were my mission then. The only thing that mattered.” She smiles again as she continues to listen. “But missions come to an end. Or they change. And when I realized you no longer needed me I wasn't sure how to handle that. I wasn't sure about anything anymore. However, I realize I couldn't save you from yourself and I didn't need to. You weren't looking for a permanent savior, you were looking for someone to hold your hand out of the pits of hell. To hold your hand down the road of life. To hold your hand while you found your way. To hold your hand as you head towards your future. And I understand that now. I swear to you Haven, I will walk with you. In sickness and health. In sunshine and rain. In triumph and tragedy. I will be your sunflower and your sunrise. And you will be mine.” Pulling the ring box out of my pocket, I remove my mother's ring at the sharp intake of a breath from the crowd. It's my father's. My eyes cut to him and he gives me a nod of approval. I didn't need it. But I damn sure wanted it. I put the box back in my pocket and slide the ring on her finger. She knows how much this means to me. To him. To us. Her thumb strokes the metal as tears form in her eyes.
It takes a minute before she speaks. “You Clint Thomas Walker, are intense. In every aspect of the word. It's scary. It's overwhelming. And there's nothing like it in the entire world. When you came into my life, fear was all I knew and because of that intensity you forced me to face things I didn't know I had the strength for. To build a life I never thought I'd have. To look forward to a future that before you, would have never existed. I know I have made mistakes. I have fallen. I have failed. It is because of you and your strength that I found a way to pick myself back up. To put the pieces back together in my own life and I thank you with everything in my heart for letting me help put the pieces back together in yours. I know that together, with you, there's no such thing as broken. Just mending. And I swear to you from this day forward I will be your glue. I will be that string. I will help carry your weight in sickness and health. In sunshine and rain. In triumph and tragedy. I will be your hope and your lifeline. And you will be mine.”
Mandy shuffles over and hands Haven the ring that I know very well. The same one I used to wear with my tags. The same one that is one of the only connections to her parents she has. Just like my mother's ring is for me. I hold my hand as steady as I can as she slides it on my hand.
With both rings in place I get ready to kiss her again when the JOP says, “Wait.” I stifle a groan that makes the teary eyed crowd snicker. “With the exchanging of these rings, in the presence of these witnesses, Clint Thomas Walker you are agreeing to take Haven as your wedded partner?”
“I do.” The words can't come out fast enough.
“With the exchanging of these rings, Haven Grace Cartwright, in the presence of these witnesses, you are agreeing to take Clint as your wedded partner?”
“I do.” She hums wetting her lips just as excited as I am.
“By the authority vested in me, in the state of Texas, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.”
The minute the JOP is finished my lips tangle back with hers this time, as my wife. Our lips part and tongues roll around like they are exchanging their own vows. My hands grip her hips tightly, her body molding against mine. The rest of the world fades away as the only thing that matters to me is the woman who I just gave my life to. This woman who I would give my life for.
Cheers and applause fill our ears and I pull away to whisper, “Alpha Haven Walker. Alpha.”
She giggles and places a chaste kiss on my lips. “I love you Clint Thomas Walker.”
“I need you two to sign your license,” Jazz presents us with a piece of paper. I notice the look on her face isn't filled with joy like it was before. This look I know. This look I am familiar with. She reiterates what I'm thinking by saying, “Now.”
I pull the pen out of her hand, scribble my name, and let Haven follow suit. Once she's signed Jazz opens her mouth to say something, but I shake my head. Instead I slip my lips briefly against Haven's, touch her tongue with mine, and pull away.
In a low voice I sigh, “Angel, I have to go.”
Her eyes widen and I prepare myself for her to fight back. To hear her and see her disappointment. Surprisingly she lightly touches my check and says, “Be a good Marine.”
My heart swells with pride. “Yes ma'am.” Turning to look at Jazz I nod that I'm ready.
She hands the signed paperwork off, makes a hand motion at Lordy and Glove that has us rushing away. Turning around I catch my father's eyes. He gives me a nod in understanding before I walk away from the wedding guests, confusion on many of their faces.
I hate having to do this. I hate having to walk away. I hate that work demands me right now. My body flops in Jazz's front seat, a small ease rolling through me that Haven is completely mine.
Jazz starts the engine and gripes, “Ugh. I wanted a cookie.”
With a light hearted chuckle I r
est my head back against the headrest as she takes off down the road. “Me too Jazz. Me too...”
On the roof of the building across from the drop spot, I am securely behind my rifle with my ear piece in my ear, listening to Glove breathe loudly. While I'm positive it's not his intention it's obnoxious. I adjust the scope once more and watch the conversation between Lordy and Martin in his vehicle. The drop is supposed to be simple. Martin arrives at the spot, appears like he's having car trouble, while the money is moved securely from his vehicle to the money handlers. According to Martin the money is never switched in the same fashion. Very rarely is it in a briefcase like it is in the fucking movies. Today it's being moved in a box full of old books. The bills aren’t what we’re tracing this time. Lordy is supposed to transfer a small tracking device along with the money. Nothing should go wrong. I move my scope into the distance spotting a car heading our direction.
“Approaching.” Jazz states.
I return my focus on to Lordy. Protecting him is my purpose. Getting him out alive. In situations like this people like that are anything but trusting to new faces. The situation starts to unfold. A man pulls up in a white SUV in front of Martin’s car, pops the hood, and takes out what appears to be jumper cables. I keep my eyes focused on everyone’s position. Their response to Lordy has them reaching for weapons as Martin’s mouth moves at a rapid speed, clearly explaining the situation. I notice the one with the tie rub his nose twice. A signal. But I’m not sure who is he is giving it to.
I question, “Additional threats Glove?”
“Negative.”
Uncomfortable by the slight gesture I saw from him I reach out to the other set of eyes on the outside of the situation, “Jazz?”
“Clear.”
My finger adjusts on the trigger, ready to shoot when I notice everyone has started to relax.
“Situation?” Jazz’s voice questions.
“Steady.”
The line goes silent and I watch as someone gets out of the back of the SUV and approaches the passenger side of Martin’s car, grabbing the box of books. Lordy’s eyes are focused on the moving money while Martin merely pushes his hands into his jeans. He doesn’t look nervous. He doesn’t look concerned. And even with the way the men are taking the money from him and are skeptically staring, he looks un-phased. Once the money has been transferred, Lordy helps by removing the jumper cables, placing a tiny tracking chip, Merlin designed, on them. Once the money has been moved and both hoods closed, the bald man, the driver, the one who gave the signal earlier pulls out a weapon and shoots Martin in the chest. Before he has the chance to pull the trigger on Lordy, which is clearly his next move, the bullet flies from my rifle through his hand forcing the gun to drop. His back up goes to shoot when I fire a shot at the vehicle, giving Lordy a chance to duck and cover. Unsure of where my shots are coming from the man who moved the money scrambles to help the other man get in the vehicle. Before I have the chance to fire again I hear unexpected footsteps forcing me to whirl around right before a man can shove a knife through my chest. I block and strike him so the knife falls from his grip. The attacker swings again, his fist landing in my jaw stumbling me backwards. We continue exchanging hit after hit, my fists packed with more rage and determination to kill him than his. The scuffle continues until I grab my K-BAR from my pocket shoving it cleanly into his stomach, eyes watching the life fade from his. I dig the knife in deeper to make sure it's hit every vital spot it can when the warming sensation in my own abdomen has me letting go. Pushing his practically lifeless body away from me, I look down at the hole leaking blood and glance at the attackers gun that's laying beside him. The pain sharpens and I can feel my breath starting to stagger. The drawback to being able to look like an everyday ordinary person, no vest. No indication that I'm anything more than your average civilian. The burning sensation gets worse and I try to head for the direction I came. If I can just get to the team, if I can just get close enough for them to see me, if I can just make it a little further...
