by Renee Ryan
As he turned to face her, his strong warm fingers took hold of her hand. There was no more amusement in his eyes, only serious attentiveness. He was staring at her with such purpose her blood ran molten in her veins. Yet she shivered.
“Will?”
He continued staring down at her, saying nothing, his gaze filled with gleaming, silvery-eyed intent.
That look. It made her knees go weak. She should pull away, move apart from him, but she took a step forward instead, closing the distance between them to mere inches.
The wind kicked her hair around her face, obscuring her view for a moment.
Hand reaching out, he pushed the tangles away from her forehead. “Bridget, my beautiful, beautiful girl.”
The words sent another shiver whipping down her spine. Beautiful? He thought she was beautiful?
He raised her hand tenderly to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to her knuckles before cradling it against his chest. His heat seemed to echo through her, to the very core of her heart.
She closed her eyes and simply breathed in the moment.
“Bridget,” he whispered her name again, this time in a low, rough voice that was no longer steady. “What am I going to do about you?”
She shivered a third time, looking down as she flushed.
“Oh, Will.”
A second passed, and then another. He placed his fingertip under her chin and then lifted her head with gentle pressure.
The kiss shouldn’t have surprised her. She saw it coming, saw the intent in Will’s eyes before he lowered his head to meet hers. Yet it still made her heart pound and her head swim. She sighed into the kiss, marveling at the rightness of the moment, and the contentment flowing through her.
This was where she belonged. With this man.
All too quickly he pulled his head away.
Her hand reached to her mouth of its own accord. “Oh, my.”
“My thoughts precisely.” He brushed a fingertip down her arm, the gesture both casual and intimate. His smile was so tender she nearly lost her footing again. Surely, with that look in his gaze, he was about to say something important to her, something that would change her life forever. Indeed, the yearning look on his face seemed to confirm it. But his expression was so uncertain. Surely he didn’t doubt her feelings for him.
He touched her cheek. “Let’s get you home.”
What? That was it? The man had just kissed her oh-so-tenderly, had looked at her as though she was the most important thing in his life, and all he could say was let’s get you home?
Wasn’t this the moment when he was supposed to make a declaration or a promise or—something?
Eyes blinking rapidly, Bridget waited for him to begin again and make the moment special. Instead he said nothing. He took her arm with solicitous care—she’d give him credit for his impeccable manners—and then helped her into the carriage.
And still he said nothing.
When Daniel had kissed her he’d given her flowery words and endless promises. He’d meant none of them.
What was worse? she wondered. Words that had no meaning? Or no words at all?
Fighting back an onslaught of tears, Bridget waited in stunned silence as Will walked around to his side of the carriage. Had she done something wrong?
She desperately wanted to ask. But she couldn’t find it in her to look at him just yet, not directly. Staring straight ahead, feeling hollow and bleak, her vision blurred as the truth hit her at last.
Even without the words, even without the promises, Bridget realized she was in love William Black, desperately, unequivocally in love with the man. If his current dreadful silence was any indication, he didn’t feel the same way about her.
Lord, what have I gotten myself into?
* * *
Will gripped the horse’s reins tightly in his hands, his knuckles turning white from the effort. He knew he was handling the situation badly, knew he needed to tell Bridget he loved her, wanted to make her his wife. In short, he needed to tell her the truth.
Yet the words wouldn’t come. Not even when she looked at him with that lost, confused expression.
Lord, what have I done?
Without thinking about the consequences, without caring about the possible repercussions, he’d given in to temptation and had kissed Bridget soundly on the mouth.
One moment he was thinking happily about his mother huddled over coffee with Ben, the next Will was letting his emotions take over without any of the logic or careful consideration that usually guarded his decisions.
He should have left her alone, should have stepped back before he’d given in and kissed her. Hadn’t he decided she deserved better than him?
He’d been incapable of resisting. Because right or wrong, good or bad, he’d wanted to show Bridget how he felt. The kiss had seemed the most natural step.
Now he needed to explain himself.
He wasn’t sure where to start.
Hoping for an idea—any would do—he cast a glance in her direction. She looked sad and confused and so completely adorable he wanted to grab her and never let her go. He refrained. Her brother-in-law had made a valid point last night, one that had haunted Will all day, even during their picnic.
He had been committed to marrying another woman for very specific reasons, reasons that were still important to him. How could he know for sure he wasn’t replacing Bridget Collins with the first suitable prospect that came along?
The thought made his stomach roil. The woman sitting by his side was so much more to him than a substitute for a bride he’d never met. Bridget, this Bridget, his Bridget had brought music and laughter back into his home. She’d brought joy back into his heart and had won over the children within moments of meeting them.
How could he not want her for his bride? How could any man not want her?
A disturbing memory came to mind, one that had him reaching out and closing his hand over hers. “Tell me about your fiancé and the day of your wedding,” he said. “Tell me what happened.”
Her shocked gasp and swift yank on her hand out from under his warned Will he’d hit on a highly sensitive subject. Flynn had told him only the basics.
She was devastated.
Right, now he remembered that very important part of the story. A minute too late. He shouldn’t have blurted out the question.
“You…you know about Daniel? You…” Her voice hitched on a sob. “How?”
“Your brother-in-law told me last night.”
A lone tear escaped from her eye and trailed down her cheek. “He shouldn’t have said anything. It wasn’t his place.”
“Probably not.” Will reached up and caught the next rogue tear with his thumb. “If it makes you feel any better I forced the issue. And he didn’t give any details.”
She looked away, put a trembling hand to her mouth and sighed. “Well, I suppose that’s something.”
“If you tell me where the man lives I’ll hunt him down and beat him to a pulp.”
Instead of making her smile, the statement unleashed an onslaught of sobs. Tears rolled unchecked down her cheeks.
Excellent, Will, now you’ve made her really cry.
Hurting for her, he pulled the carriage to a halt.
“Bridget.” He spoke her name on a whisper. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I know.” She looked to the heavens, waved her hand in a fanning motion by her face to no avail. The tears kept coming.
Will couldn’t stand it. He simply couldn’t stand seeing her in such misery. He tugged her into his arms and held her close. “I’m sorry he hurt you.”
“He said he loved me. But he didn’t, not really. Not enough to follow through with his promise to marry me.” The
words tumbled out of her mouth in a choked, hiccupping rush of air. “He claimed he loved me…” She let out another sob. “But he didn’t…even…understand me.”
Unsure what to say, or how to say it, Will stroked his hand along her spine in a soothing up-and-down motion.
Slowly, stroke by stroke, she relaxed into his arms. “We’d known each other all our lives. He’d seen how I was with our neighbors, helping whenever I could, doing whatever was needed. Yet, in the end, he said I gave too much of myself to everyone else. He feared I wouldn’t have anything left for him, so he decided to marry Amy Doyle, a woman he claimed would put him first.”
Will’s hand stilled. What a selfish clod.
“How could Daniel think I didn’t love him enough?” she said into his shirt. “The capacity to love isn’t finite. It’s a growing, expanding gift from God that only grows larger and fuller with use.”
Not always. But in Bridget’s case, that was true.
There was a certain fierceness to her capacity to love that went beyond what others had within them. She would never withhold an ounce of her devotion, not from her husband or from any living creature on this earth. Will had a mangy, very spoiled dog sleeping in his children’s room to prove that particular point.
The man Bridget eventually vowed to love till death do them part wouldn’t get a portion of her, he’d get the very best of her.
“The scoundrel didn’t deserve you,” he said through a tight jaw.
She held silent a moment, then turned her face up to his. “You really believe that?”
Lost in her watery gaze, he nodded slowly. “I do.”
“Do you know what hurt the most?”
He shook his head.
“My life with Daniel had been nothing but a lie. He’d allowed me to believe he loved me and that my future was with him. Then he broke his word at the very last moment.”
She clutched at Will’s arms, as though hanging on for dear life. But then her eyes took on a distant gleam. “How could he have done that? How could he have lied so completely? To me, a woman he’d known all his life?”
“I don’t know,” Will said, his gut churning with rage. How could her fiancé have done something so heinous? A man was nothing without his word. Let your yes be yes and your no be no, that had been the Biblical principle Will had lived by all his life.
“Will?” Bridget said his name very softly. “Do you think I give too much of myself?”
“No, I don’t.”
Her fingers dug into his sleeves. “Truly?”
“Bridget, my darling.” He drew in a breath. “The Bible teaches us everything we need to know about love. Above all, it’s supposed to be selfless. When we truly love someone we should want to serve that other person. It’s not about what we get from them in return. It’s about what we give.”
“Is that how you love?” She reached up and cupped his cheek, her eyes full of tenderness. “Are you a man who gives rather than receives?”
Wanting to answer her truthfully, he closed his eyes and concentrated on her question. As a parent his answer was an unequivocal yes. He would give anything for his children, even his life. But as a man, one who’d been served the ultimate betrayal by a woman he’d vowed to spend the rest of life with, he wasn’t sure anymore.
And until he knew the answer he couldn’t make any promises to Bridget. She’d been lied to before. The result had broken her heart. Will would not subject her to that pain again.
He opened his eyes and stared into her beautiful, trusting face. Even after what her fiancé had done to her she was still willing to give of herself. She was the most incredible woman he’d ever met.
Afraid he might lean down and kiss her again, he pulled slightly back. “I’m a man who wants the very best for you.” He set her out of reach and took hold of the reins. “At the moment that means getting you home before the sky turns completely dark.”
Chapter Nineteen
An eerie stillness hung over the road as Will steered his carriage down the lane leading to Bridget’s house. They hadn’t spoken since he’d set the carriage in motion. Bridget couldn’t help but think the silence between them was excruciating, painful even.
No one would ever know they’d recently shared a sweet, tender kiss that had changed her life forever. Or that Bridget had revealed her darkest secret only moments before and Will had responded by saying just the right words to help her release the shame from her heart at last.
Sighing, she dropped her gaze to his hands holding the reins. He had strong, sure hands, capable of such tenderness, the kind that made a woman feel protected and adored at the same time.
Head still down, Bridget cast a covert glance back to his face. Will kept his gaze fixed straight ahead but she could see that his eyes bore signs of quiet distress.
There would be no declarations from him tonight, no renewal of his marriage proposal. After what she’d revealed about her past, she should be thankful he didn’t attempt to give her empty words or false promises. After all, he knew exactly how much Daniel’s rejection had hurt her.
Will’s steadiness of character ought to be awe-inspiring. By not saying anything, he was showing her the greatest sign of respect.
But right now, at this very moment, Bridget wanted to hear Will say he cared. For her, only her. He didn’t have to say he loved her, nothing so earth-shattering, just that he cared what happened to her, that their kiss had meant something to him.
She’d thought the Lord had brought her to this man and his family for a purpose. Had she been wrong? Was more grief in her future?
Before that terrible thought could creep into her heart and settle, her new home came into view. Although the repairs the men had begun yesterday weren’t nearly enough to make the structure attractive, the soft glow of twilight cast the building in a more flattering manner than ever before. Bridget felt the weight of her troubles lift ever-so-slightly.
Nora met them on the stoop. She was alone and smiling, a clear indication she’d had a good day. At least someone had, Bridget thought.
“Hello, Bridget.” Without waiting for a reply she directed her gaze to Will. “Mr. Black, won’t you come inside a moment? I have something I’d like to show you.” Her voice was filled with satisfaction.
Seconds ticked by before he responded. For a shocking moment Bridget thought he would refuse Nora’s request and thus leave her to explain his rude behavior. Instead he allowed a small smile to spread across his lips and let out a dry chuckle. “That sounds ominous.”
“Not at all.” Nora took his arm and led him into the house ahead of Bridget. “I’ve been working on a cake recipe with the chocolate you left yesterday. Since you’re the expert I want to get your opinion on the mix of flavors.”
Following behind at a slower pace Bridget didn’t catch all of his reply, but she was pretty sure she heard him mention his chocolatiers attempt to formulate a soft candy and ask if Nora would be interested in helping them.
Despite knowing Will was simply being a smart businessman, Bridget felt her chin tremble. Why was he so easy with Nora, so comfortable, when only moments before he’d been distant and silent with her?
She wasn’t jealous of her sister, not precisely—well, maybe, but that wasn’t the point. The point, Bridget realized as she knuckled an errant curl out of her eyes, was that she loved Will—it scared her how much—and from all outward appearances he did not return her feelings, at least not on the same level.
She never expected falling in love would feel like a physical blow. She’d always prayed the Lord would gift her a capacity to love that would overflow abundantly and increase daily. To Bridget’s way of thinking, a person could never love too much or too hard.
But this new type of love with its very real pain in the vicinity of her hea
rt, was nearly too much to bear.
“Bridget,” Nora called from the kitchen. “Get in here. Will and I want your opinion, too.”
Guard your heart, Bridget.
The silent warning came entirely too late.
* * *
The following Saturday morning, Bridget woke with a dark sense of foreboding. Although she’d been feeling off-kilter ever since Will had kissed her, the sensation was stronger today. Perhaps avoiding him all week had been a mistake.
Or perhaps not.
Bridget had needed the time apart to understand this all-consuming love she felt for the man. The strong emotion was still so new, both frightening and thrilling at the same time, but mostly frightening. Mainly because she had no idea how he felt in return.
Her solution to the problem was to avoid thinking about Will altogether. And their kiss. And the way he’d held her tenderly in his arms and let her cry into his shirt over Daniel’s betrayal. He’d helped her heal, when she hadn’t known she still needed to do so.
Will is your employer, she reminded herself. And you’re his children’s nanny. That kiss had been…it had been…
Glorious.
No. No, no, no. She was not thinking about that particular event this morning. Today she and Nora were welcoming their first official guests to their new home. Mrs. Fitzwilliam and the McCorkle brothers were due to arrive sometime before noon.
Thankfully Gavin had ridden over to the jailhouse two days prior, and alerted Nora of the impending visit. Apparently he’d stayed much longer than necessary, plying Cameron with questions about possible job openings in the Sheriff’s Office.
The young man clearly knew what he wanted.
Bridget did, too. She wanted a family of her own, with Will as her husband and the twins as the first of their many children. Surely he wanted the same things. She’d caught him watching her with considerable longing in his eyes.
So what was stopping him from declaring himself?
She knew he cared for her. After all, he’d been very gracious when she’d asked for the morning off to prepare for Mrs. Fitzwilliam’s visit. When Bridget had impulsively asked him to come, too, and meet her friends, he’d readily agreed, smiling into her gaze in the way she treasured. He’d promised to bring Olivia and Caleb along, as well. Perhaps even Esther.
