by Lisa Hall
I call Thor and manage get him into the car and head across the village, skirting the outside of the park. I don’t see Gareth’s van anywhere on the street outside the house, but that doesn’t mean anything – parking on this side of the village is notoriously bad and the chances are he’s had to park around the corner. I manage to squeeze the Mini into a tiny space close to the house, my back wheels just skimming the double yellow lines, and clip Thor’s lead on, wincing as he stumbles when he jumps out of the car. Poor old boy.
‘Hello! It’s just me,’ I call out, as I push open the freshly painted front door of the house Gareth is renovating. There is the smell of wet plaster on the air, and the bare floorboards of the hallway are covered in dust that rises up to cover my boots as I walk through. ‘Gareth?’
‘Through here,’ a voice calls from the back of the house, where the recently renovated kitchen is. I frown slightly, it doesn’t sound quite like Gareth’s voice, but leaving Thor where he has slumped on the front door mat, I head through. As I enter the kitchen, my heart sinks. Aaron is leaning up against the newly installed work top, takeaway coffee cup in his hand.
‘Oh, Rachel. How nice to see you,’ he smirks into his cup before taking a sip, leaving a tiny curl of cappuccino foam on the tip of his hipster moustache.
‘Is Gareth here?’ I don’t waste any time on niceties, eager to drop the keys off and leave now I know Aaron is here.
‘Gareth? No. He stepped out for a bit.’
I look past Aaron to where a mobile phone sits on the counter. Gareth’s mobile phone.
‘Where is he? And isn’t that his phone?’ I reach for it, but Aaron moves it behind him, so that if I want it I have to lean round him. I pull back. I don’t want to touch him. I don’t want to get that close to him.
‘Did you need him? He’s just popped out.’
‘So you said.’ I grit my teeth in frustration. ‘So, where is he? He asked me to bring over the keys to the Kingsnorth house.’ I let the keys dangle from my finger.
‘He had to go and get some bits from the builder’s merchants. The plasterer is coming tomorrow and we said we’d provide the materials. I’m not sure Gareth needs those keys now.’
‘Seriously?’ Irritation scratches at my skin as I realize I’ve had a wasted journey. ‘Listen, just tell Gareth …’ I trail off, watching Aaron’s fingers as he spins Gareth’s mobile on the work surface in front of me, almost taunting me. ‘Did Gareth even send that message? Or did you send it to try and get me to come over, knowing that Gareth wouldn’t be here?’
‘What? Oh, Rachel, don’t be so paranoid … why would I do that?’ Aaron shakes his head patronizingly, that annoying, smug smirk still playing about his lips.
‘I don’t know – to try and get me here on my own? Seeing as I won’t go for a drink with you maybe you’re just trying another tactic. Is Gareth even coming back here?’ Panic rises as I realize I can’t even call Gareth, to find out where he is and whether he’s nearby. ‘Look, I’m not in the mood for stupid games, Aaron. I’m leaving. Tell Gareth if he wants the keys he can come home and fetch them himself.’ I flounce towards the front door, calling to Thor and hoping that my voice doesn’t sound as uneasy as I feel.
Almost tripping over my own feet in my haste to get away from Aaron and that tense, uncomfortable vibe he carries with him, I make it all the way to the gates of the park before I am convinced that I can hear footsteps behind me. Don’t be so paranoid, Rachel. Aaron’s words ringing in my ears, I wrap Thor’s lead tightly around my wrist and finger the keys in my pocket, slipping one between my knuckles to use as a weapon if I need to. The crunching of the dead leaves that have fallen from the huge oak trees that line the tarmac walkway gets louder, and I whirl around, key clutched tightly between my fingers.
‘Hey, chill out.’ Aaron is there, two steps behind me, his hands raised in surrender. It seems I’m not paranoid, after all. ‘I just wanted to …’
‘Why are you following me?’ I demand. ‘Was it you who sent that text? I’m going to speak to Gareth about this, you know that?’ I lower my fist, suddenly feeling drained and exhausted.
‘I just wanted to talk to you, that’s all.’ Aaron looks over his shoulder, towards an empty bench. ‘Will you sit down with me, just for a second? I don’t mean any harm, Rachel, come on. You know me.’
No, I don’t rises to my lips but I keep the words tucked inside for fear of angering him. The park seems deserted, and we are alone on the bench. I knew you, once, years ago, and even then, it was barely. I don’t know you, or what you’re capable of, at all now.
‘The thing is, Rachel,’ Aaron says, leaning close to me, so close that I can smell his aftershave, and see the tiny hairs that peep out of his nostrils, ‘I don’t understand what you’re doing with Gareth. I mean, why him?’
‘What?’ I am caught off guard, Gareth the last person I thought he would mention. ‘What do you mean, what am I doing with him? I’m married to him, for God’s sake. What does that tell you?’ Indignation burns and my voice goes up an octave. ‘And what’s that supposed to mean – why him?’
‘You deserve better than him, Rachel, and you’re clearly not happy. You deserve so much more.’
‘I’m perfectly happy as I am, thank you. Not that it’s any of your business.’
Liar. I look away, suddenly worried that my affair with Ted is written all over my face.
‘I could offer you so much more than he can.’ Aaron gropes for my hand, his damp palm meeting mine and I pull back in horror, realization dawning. I was right, not Amy. He is a creep. ‘I never got over you, Rachel. Why do you think I couldn’t make a go of things with Harriet? Why do you think I came back here? It’s only ever been you.’
Jesus. I try to swallow but my mouth is completely dry, my heart banging in my chest. I have to get away from him, just the very idea of him makes my skin crawl. This is worse than I first thought. He’s not just a creep – he’s obsessed.
‘No, Aaron, it’s never been me – we never had a relationship. You hung around with people that I knew at university – there was no friendship, no relationship, nothing between us – there’s nothing to get over. I’m sorry if you ever felt that things should have been different between us.’ Why am I apologizing? I’ve never given him any reason to think we had something. ‘You need to leave me alone, do you understand? I’ll tell Gareth you’re harassing me otherwise.’ I stand; ready to run if I have to. Thor lumbers to his feet, wheezing. Please, God; don’t let me have to run.
‘Gareth will never find out, if that’s what you’re worried about.’ His hand shoots out and grabs my wrist, gripping my skin tightly and making me cry out in shock. ‘And let’s face it, it’s not the first time.’
‘What did you say?’ He knows. Oh God, he knows about Ted. Fear leaves a metallic taste in my mouth as I feel his fingers tighten, my heart hammering against my rib cage.
‘I said, it’s not the first time it’s happened around here … look at him, for example. His wife legged it with her yoga teacher, apparently.’ He drops my wrist, gesturing to someone walking towards us from the gates. I have to look twice, before relief overwhelms me as I recognize the familiar gait. It’s Ted, wrapped up in a Barbour, wearing the scarf I bought him last week. The only time I’ve been brave enough to buy him anything. Maybe Aaron doesn’t know anything after all.
‘Everything OK, Rachel?’ Ted has reached us and is looking at Aaron and me in turn, concern etched into his features. ‘Is he bothering you?’
‘No, it’s fine.’ I rub at my wrist where Aaron pinched the skin and tug the sleeve of my jacket down. ‘Are you walking this way? Do you mind if I walk with you?’ Latching on to Ted as a way to escape, I turn a blank gaze on to Aaron, determined not to show him how much he frightened me with that little display. ‘Goodbye, Aaron. I’ll tell Gareth what you said.’ There is nothing Aaron can do, apart from smile and turn away, walking back towards the house Gareth is renovating.
‘Shit.’ I l
et out a shaky breath, once he disappears from view.
‘What’s going on, Rachel? Who is that guy?’Ted reaches for my hand, but I’m shook up, nervous, and I don’t want anyone to see us together. ‘Did he upset you?’
‘Oh, God.’ I scrub my hands tiredly over my face. ‘I don’t know if I can do this any more, Ted.’
‘Don’t say that,’ he pulls me towards the wooded area behind the park bench, where we can talk away from prying eyes. ‘I need you, Rachel.’
I sigh as he places his hand on the back of my neck, under my hair, sucking up the warmth from his skin as though I am starving. Which in a way, I am – starving for affection.
‘That guy … he works with Gareth. I thought he knew about us, I swear, Ted, I thought my heart was going to burst in my chest. He’s … creepy; he keeps following me, saying things to me. He scares me.’
‘Do you want me to speak to him? Warn him off?’ Ted’s blue eyes gaze intently into mine, until I almost feel uncomfortable. I squirm out from under his hand, pulling Thor closer to me.
‘No. Leave it. I don’t think he knows, and I’ve told him that if he carries on I’m going to tell Gareth what he’s been saying. But I just don’t know if I can carry on with … all this. Us.’ The fear of discovery isn’t exciting any more, and I hate the way I feel when I leave Ted’s bed – disgusted with myself for my lack of willpower.
‘Don’t say that, Rach.’ Ted’s mouth twists up slightly as though disappointed, before leaning in and kissing me until my breath comes in tiny gasps. ‘I’ll text you,’ he says, before sliding out of the shadows of the trees into the park. I wait for five minutes, as Thor stares up at me balefully wanting to be home in the warm, before I follow Ted, looking over my shoulder as I step out onto the path.
‘Mum!’ I’m so busy looking over my shoulder, I don’t see Robbie on the path in front of me. ‘What were you doing in the bushes?’
‘Just taking Thor to do his business.’ Panic makes my heart thunder in my chest and I have to concentrate on my breathing to make it seem as though I haven’t just jumped out of my skin. ‘I forgot the poo bags.’
‘Ewww. Nice work if you can get it,’ Robbie laughs. ‘I’m heading over to Sean’s for a bit – we’ve got college work to do. I’ll eat there. See you later.’ He leans in to kiss my cheek and I hold my breath for a moment, hoping that he doesn’t smell Ted’s scent on me. He waves over one shoulder as he strides away, and I finally feel as though I can breathe again. What the hell are you doing, Rachel? This thing with Ted will be the end of you.
I am stirring the curry, a cold glass of wine on the worktop beside me when Gareth gets home. For once, he comes through into the kitchen, instead of just heading straight for his office as he usually does. My thoughts whirl, and I slop curry over the side of the pan onto the hob in my frantic stirring as I wonder, panicky and nervy, if Aaron has told him about Ted and me. The more I thought about what he said to me earlier, the surer I am that he didn’t say, the first time it has happened around here. I tut, and wipe at the hot glass on the hob, in an attempt to appear normal.
‘Did you have a good day?’ I ask, still wiping at the hob in a bid to avoid eye contact. ‘There’s wine open in the fridge.’ I lay down the cloth and turn to the fridge, but Gareth is already pulling the cork from the bottle and pouring himself a large glass.
‘I had a shit day, thanks for asking,’ he growls, and I turn back to the stove, resuming my stirring. ‘Left my bloody phone at the Riverside house – you know, the one over the other side of the village? I had about thirty missed calls by the time I got back, I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to catch up.’
‘You didn’t need the keys to the Kingsnorth house in the end, then?’ I keep my eyes on the curry as I ask, not sure I want to hear the answer.
‘What? What keys?’ Gareth frowns as he sips his wine. ‘I never did need the keys to the Kingsnorth house. That house is finished – the estate agent has a set, and it’s on the market.’
‘Right.’ My hands shake as I slide the plates out from the warming tray on to the work surface. ‘My mistake.’
17
JANUARY – SEVENTEEN DAYS AFTER THE PARTY
‘Come on, Mum,’ Robbie slides a mug of tea in front of me,‘just eat a little bit. You don’t have to eat it all.’
I pick up a slice of the toast he’s made for me, forcing it to my mouth. I have no appetite, and everything I do eat turns to ashes in my mouth. Now, even Robbie has noticed, so I force the cold toast between my lips and chew, hoping I will actually be able to swallow it.
‘See? My cooking isn’t that bad, is it?’ Robbie smiles as I give a tiny huff of laughter and bite into the food again. I have to make an effort, for him, if nothing else.
‘What are you up to today? You’re looking smart,’ I ask, forcing the toast down with a big swig of tea. ‘Oh, today is practice interview day, isn’t it?’
‘Yep. Can’t wait.’ He rolls his eyes, and tugs at the tie he’s wearing theatrically.
‘I got you something.’ Getting up, I rummage in the drawer, searching for the tiny good luck token I bought him. ‘Here.’ I hand him the tiny silver keyring, a four-leaf clover. ‘It’s just a silly little thing from Dad and me, but we wanted to wish you luck, not that you’ll need it – you’ll be fine.’
‘Thanks, Mum.’ He turns it over in his hands, before attaching it to his door key. ‘Fingers crossed it works.’
Glancing at the clock, I see it’s almost eight thirty. ‘You’d better go, you don’t want to be late.’ Robbie follows my gaze.
‘Shit, sorry Mum. I have to go – you’ll be all right, won’t you?’
‘I’ll be fine, don’t worry.’ I have a plan of action for today – my next step in uncovering who did this to me. I might be scared, but I don’t have to stay scared. That little bubble of rage that flared in my stomach when I talked to Amy about what happened is growing day by day. ‘But listen, Rob … don’t mention to anyone that Dad is away at the moment, OK? Don’t say anything to Josh or any of your other friends.’
Robbie frowns, and I think he’s about to say something before he changes his mind, instead just giving me a nod and a quick peck on the cheek before he flies out of the door. I know he probably thinks I’m paranoid, but I don’t know who else Jason works for, and I feel slightly less exposed if people don’t know that Gareth isn’t home every night. I throw the remains of the toast into the bin, squashing the empty bread bag on top of it so Robbie doesn’t see it later, and head upstairs to shower. As I place my foot on the bottom stair, the piercing shriek of the doorbell makes me jump, my heart stuttering in my chest. Cautiously, I pad silently over to the front door, peeping through the spy hole. I breathe a sigh of relief when I see who it is.
‘Liz.’ I smile weakly at the sight of my neighbour on the doorstep, looking slightly less perfect than usual. ‘Is everything all right?’ Her façade seems to have slipped this morning – her hair ruffles in the breeze as opposed to its usual rigid style, held in place with acres of Elnett, and she doesn’t seem to be wearing any make-up – highly unheard of for Liz.
‘I’m sorry to call round so early, Rachel.’ Liz pushes past me in to the hallway, as though she can’t bear to be outside for another minute. ‘I’ve hardly slept, thinking about it all. I need to talk to you, it’s about the party.’
‘Oh.’ I don’t know what to say. ‘Come through.’ I lead her into the kitchen, and make more tea, even though Liz ignores it in her agitation.
‘What did you want to talk to me about?’ I hold my cup protectively in front of my face, my armpits prickling with nerves. I don’t know what Liz wants to tell me, but I am frightened to hear it, I know that much.
‘I’m so dreadfully sorry, about all of it,’ she says, her hand shaking as she reaches for her mug. As she raises it to her lips, the tea slops over the edge, leaving light brown splash marks on her cream blouse. I move to grab her a cloth, but she waves it away, and I know then that she is
n’t herself, not at all. ‘I feel as though it’s partially my fault, I mean I had the party in the first place, and I’ll be honest, when you first came to see me after that night, I wasn’t entirely convinced that you … that it …’
‘You didn’t believe me,’ I say flatly, ‘so why are you here now? What’s happened that’s made you change your mind? I am assuming, of course, that you have changed your mind.’ Unbeknownst to Liz she has just fanned that little flame of rage that burns low in my belly, the flame that makes it imperative that I find out who did this, and make sure they are punished. She looks suitably shamed, and takes another sip of tea to compose herself before she speaks.
‘Obviously, I know now about Jason. I didn’t realize at the time – I would never have employed him had I known that was his history …’ she sniffs, ‘and then of course, Neil went crazy and fired everyone – so now, I have no gardener, no cleaner, I have to do it all myself.’ My heart bleeds. I try to muster up some sympathy but fail miserably. ‘I have to clean for myself … that’s how I found these.’ She reaches down into her bag and pulls out a scrap of fabric. Her nose wrinkles with distaste as she pinches them between finger and thumb, throwing them down on to the table before wiping her fingers surreptitiously on her trousers.
