I slip into the bar and lower my jacket, which I used to cover my head from the rain as I dashed through the parking lot. I look my jacket over to see how much rain has collected on it, but it's not too bad.
I scan the packed venue and spot Kelsey seated in a stool behind the bar. She sips from what I assume is a glass of vodka and Redbull. Her favorite. I can't stand the stuff.
“Hey, sis,” she says as she spots me. Her hair rests behind either shoulder, looking flawless, as if she's stepped out of an Herbal Essence commercial. She wears a dress that I'm sure is designer and a set of pearls that are probably real.
“Is Janet here yet?” I ask.
“She's here all right.” She glances at the dance floor. Janet, in a black skirt and a long-sleeve maroon jacket, is shaking her ass against Jarek's crotch!
A massive crowd fills the dance floor, but despite how busy it is, Janet and Jarek catch the judgmental gazes of more than a few patrons. Jarek laughs as he indulges Janet with the dance. In a periwinkle button-up with sleeves rolled up and a few buttons undone, it's clear he's not trying to appear more laid back than the last few times I've seen him. “What's he doing here?” I ask severely.
“I invited him,” Kelsey replies, eyeing me as if she's suspicious about why I asked that—and with such a harsh tone. “Is that an issue?”
“No, no. I was just surprised to see him.” I sit on the stool beside her. As the bartender approaches, I order a ginger ale. I'd rather order straight liquor, but if Janet's drinking, I assume I might be the only one who can drive her home. I don't look back at the dance floor. I don't want to deal with him again, especially after our last encounter, but I know I'll have to.
The song fades into another before I hear, “Lana!” Arms wrap around me, and when I turn, I see the glazed-over look in Janet's eyes. Dammit, Janet. Get it together!
Dammit Janet was her nickname in college, given to her by her friends. When I was a senior and she was a freshman, I'd meet her out with her sorority sisters, and they used the name with affection and humor. Still, Dammit Janet was a notorious drunk. Though I'd experimented with some of my dorm-mates when I first started attending classes at the University of Georgia, a few nights of vomiting and some nasty hangovers during tests prevented me from investing too much time in partying. “Janet, don't you think you should be taking it easy?”
“I've been trying to get her to stop,” Jarek says, stepping up beside her, “but the clever girl's managed to sneak drinks for the past thirty minutes.”
“It's my fault,” Kelsey says, something I don't doubt for a moment. “I keep letting her too close to mine.”
“Oh, no!” Janet cries as she stares at a clock on the wall behind the bar. “It's almost eleven! Kirk's going to kill me if I don't call him!” What is he, her babysitter? She snatches her purse off the counter and starts off, riffling through her purse as she heads for the front door. I rise to follow her, to make sure she doesn't get into any trouble.
“Don't worry,” Kelsey says, “I've got this one.” She takes her drink. "We'll go together!" she exclaims with false sincerity. She turns to Jarek. “You mind? It'll be real quick.”
“Not a problem,” he says. The jealous fire within me burns at my cheeks. Kelsey follows behind Janet. Whatever cruel power reigns over this universe clearly just wants to make my life miserable.
As they head off, Jarek orders a shot of Tequila. He doesn't look at me. I guess he's as eager to see me as I am him, especially considering what a bitch I was the other day. A part of me feels I should apologize, yet I'm owed a bigger apology than he's offered or could offer.
“Good day at work?” he asks.
“It was fine,” I say curtly. “How goes your business here?”
“Not as good as I was hoping, but I'll know for sure in the next few days.”
“On another date with Kelsey, I see.”
“What's it to you?”
“Just an observation.”
“Did you have anything else you wanted to lay on me while I'm still in town?”
“Nope. I've covered everything.”
He gazes at me as if he's furious, and I'm glad he's mad. It's nice knowing that after all these years, I can still get to him. “Did I say something? Do something the other night?” he asks. “Is that what this is about? ’Cause I was really looking forward to getting together again.”
“You mean fucking again? Is that what you wanted?”
He looks around, baffled. “Seriously, what do you think has happened to me? Do I really seem all that different?”
I study his look. Though he appears more casual than the last time I saw him, with his button-up loose against his khakis and the rolled-up sleeves, it's still nicer than he would have worn back in the day. And that hair is just as flawless as it looked that night at Mom's Women's Charity event. “You look a lot different,” I say.
“It's interesting that a girl who's always had money thinks she can judge me now that I have a little.”
“You have more than a little. And what makes you think I've always had money? We've had a lot of years where we've had to fight and scrape just to get by, same as everyone else.”
“According to your Mom, that's not a big problem right now, so it's not like we're on totally different planes of existence.” Why are we still talking? “And who are you to judge me for being different now?” he continues. “You don't even watch those damn movies you loved so much.”
“Of course I watch those movies.”
“So you lied?”
“Yes, I lied. You thought you were so clever because I haven't changed at all, evidently. You think you can come back here after all these years and read me like a book. I'm sorry if you don't like my attitude now, but I've had a lot of life to live while you were gone, and it's made me this way, so sorry if it doesn't fit the fragile mold you remember.” He smirks. “What?”
“You still watch those movies.”
“Oh my God.” I hop off the stool and start to leave.
“Where are you going?”
“I'm going to find Janet and Kelsey.”
“No, please. Wait a minute.”
“Yeah?” I ask, turning back to him.
“I'm not any different than I was back then. I'm still a goofball. I wear these clothes because, like you, I'm expected to look a certain way for my job. I don't even pick the shit out. I have a designer who coordinates it all. Hell, she has to match outfits for the week because I'm liable to grab mismatched socks if she doesn't handle everything. I still fix my own car, and I still have the same fucking cassette tapes that we used to listen to in the truck together.” That's adorable, and I wish he hadn't said it because it sets me at ease about him, and I don't want to be at ease. I want to hate him! I want to hate everything about him!
“It's still me, Lana.” It's too bad he doesn't understand that that's what I'm mad about. He's still the guy who walked out on me. He's still the guy who left my family in our time of need. And for that, I can never forgive him.
He shifts his gaze to the end of the bar. “Oh, shit,” he says. I turn to see Janet gulping down a shot. She sets the glass next to two others.
“Dammit Janet.”
I dash across the bar. When she spots me, she giggles. “Hee hee. Am I bad?”
I roll my eyes. “You're just a mess. Where is Kelsey?” I'd forgotten how irresponsible she could be. She keeps it checked when she's around Kirk, and since I've rarely seen them apart, I didn't realize she could still achieve sorority-girl sloppiness until now.
She shrugs, turns to Jarek, and smiles. “Hey, Jarek,” she says in her most flirty tone possible.
Do all the Raeven girls have a thing for him? I grab Janet and start my quest to find Kelsey, who I catch stepping out of the bathroom. “You said you'd watch her!”
“I brought her back in. We were just at the other end of the bar. I didn't think it'd be an issue.”
“Great. Just great. Please tell me you drove her.” Sh
e shakes her head.
“I drove myself, silly,” Janet says.
“Well, you're going to stay at my place tonight, I guess.” Thank you, Kelsey mouths.
I don't want to deal with her right now. This is all her fault. I mean, it's Janet's fault, but Kelsey could have done a better job discouraging her up to this point. Kelsey knows just as well as I do how she can get. Although I'm sure neither of us expected her to act like this.
Jarek helps me drag Dammit Janet to the car. The rain has settled down to a light sprinkle, which makes it easier for us to transport her. “Thank you,” I say, setting her inside. He walks around the car and gets in the passenger's side. As I slide into the driver's seat, I ask, “Did you drive here?”
“Took a car.”
“Oh, did you want a ride?” I ask, thinking this is an odd time for me to drive him back.
He eyes me like he thinks I'm a bitch for thinking he's trying to mooch a ride off me. “I was going to help you get her back and then get another car. Considering you live on the third floor, I thought you could use the assistance.”
“Oh, thank you.” That's incredibly thoughtful.
“Are you guys going to pork?” Janet asks like a goofy teen.
“Shut up, Janet,” I say, as if I'm also a teenager.
She giggles. “Don't tell me to shut up. Always thinking you're my parent. You're not, Lana. You're not Daddy. And you sure as hell aren't Mom, but for different reasons.” She laughs at that, too. Jarek gazes at me, as if he's amused by her remarks. I start the car and head back to my apartment.
The car is silent for a while, except for the sound of raindrops hitting the windshield and the wipers swishing back and forth. I turn the music up.
“Oh, God, it sounds like The Exorcist in here!” Janet squeals from the back. I turn it back down.
“I would have thought you could hold your liquor a little better than you did in college,” I say.
“I would have thought you would have a better sense of humor by now,” she snarks. “And it's all down. That's what matters, right?” Jarek chuckles.
“Don't encourage her,” I insist. But he keeps laughing.
“Jarek thinks I'm funny,” Janet says. “Do you like funny girls, Jarek?” Through the rear view mirror I catch her winking at him, a playful wink, a wink Janet would only give a man she wasn't seriously pursuing, because in my experience, when she's actually interested in a guy, she's the least flirtatious person in the world.
She takes her seat-belt off and leans over the console between Jarek and me. “Please put your seat-belt back on,” I say.
“Don't tell me what to do. I'm just trying to talk to you.” She turns to Jarek. “Hey,” she whispers, “you mind telling me something?”
“What?” he whispers back.
“Did you and Lana ever...?”
“Okay, Janet,” I say, throwing my arm back and shoving her.
“You did, didn't you?” Her eyes light up as if she just unearthed some great secret.
“It's none of your business. Now just sit back there.”
“You totally did. Was it good?” I hate you so much right now. I wish I could pull the car over and punch you in the face. Through the rear view mirror, I see her beaming at me. “It's huge, isn't it?” I'm glad it's dark in here because I don't want either of them to catch the change in my skin tone.
Jarek presses his lips together, like he's not willing to offer anything about this, which is a damn good idea, because anything he says right now is likely to piss me off.
“I can see it in your pants,” she continues. “It's practically a billboard you're walking around with. You'd think you tailored them just to show it off...”
“Janet, please...” I say, hoping to get her off this subject. Dammit Janet finds this hilarious, but I know Sober Janet won't be nearly as amused about what she's talking about. And I doubt Kirk would be either.
“What?” she asks, but her attention returns to Jarek. “My friends and I used to sneak around to the garage, when you were working on your truck. We'd see it just poking out in those jeans. First time my friend Marla pointed it out to me, I thought it was hard as a stone, but nope, that's just how it always is, dangling around. It must be a fucking weapon. Is it a weapon, Lana?”
“Janet, you're going to feel so stupid tomorrow!”
“I feel stupid right now. And every day, so what's changing? Just let me talk about this. It's always been on my mind, and I want to talk about it. Kirk's got an itty bitty baby dick. It's like if a baby carrot had a premie.”
“Janet!”
“It is! Obviously that's a ridiculous exaggeration, but you know what I mean. You don't feel that.” She cringes and shakes her head. “You should have taken your shirt off more,” she says to Jarek. “Seriously, you had a real good body when we were younger...” He has a better body now. “...and my friends always liked it when you did things around the house shirtless. I think our house would have been the place to hang if you'd just been our own little Magic Mike. I mean, huge Magic Mike. ’Scuse me, Mr. Man.” Mr. Man? Did she learn how to flirt from a thirteen-year-old girl?
“Why don't you already have a wife?” she continues. “How old are you? You're too old not to be married. Lana's getting there. Twenty-seven.”
“Not for three months, thank you very much.”
“Close enough. But there's still time...if she'd learn how to keep a man. Pfft. Fat chance of that happening.” I'm done interfering with her rambling. “I guess it's good that you're not married, though,” she says. “Don't listen to the others.”
“Others?” Jarek pipes up.
“The liars. The ones who tell you how amazing it is to be married. Oh, God. You never get to do anything. You're always waiting to see if the partner approves...see if you can go out...see if you have to stay in again. We always stay in. That's no fun. I want to party.”
She quiets. As relieved as I am that it's stopped, I'm a little sad to hear that she's unhappy in her marriage. Maybe she's just having a difficult time right now since Kirk is gone. I doubt she feels this way normally.
“It's okay that you're not married,” she says. “You just haven't found the right one yet.” I see his eyes on me in my periphery. Why is he looking at me? Is he acknowledging I'm not the one? Is he regretting what he did? I want to turn and look at him, to see what he thinks about that, but I don't want him to interpret my looking as some sort of desperate longing for him...I mean, clearly there's desperate longing going on, but he doesn't have to know that!
“Janet, seriously?”
I battle her limbs as I pull her from the car, but she fights. I don't know why. Where does she think she is going? “I can do this myself!” she screams.
“Okay, come on,” Jarek says.
She bats her eyes at him. “Anything for you, babe.”
Kirk would love to hear that, I'm sure. I lead her into the guest bedroom and she throws herself onto the bed. She stirs. “Lana...Lana...” she says, her eyes shut, her arms laying limp over her head as she lays flat on the bed, her skirt hiked up so far that a few more inches would be revealing more about her choice in underwear than I care to know. I pull her back to her feet and pull the sheets back, helping her under the covers. I tuck her in. “Lana!”
I don't acknowledge her rambling. As I'm about to start out into the living room, where I left Jarek while I prepared her for bed, she grabs my wrist. I turn back to her.
“Are you happy, Lana?” she asks, reopening her eyes which glisten with water.
“Yes.”
“No, you're not.”
“Why do you say that?” I ask, wondering if her state might evoke an honest reply. She appears as if she's suddenly sobered up.
“Because I look into your eyes, and I see how sad you are,” she says with a slur. “How do you do it? It hurts so much, and you just find a way.”
“What hurts so much?”
The water in her eyes stirs about. “Life.”
&
nbsp; Though I understand her sentiment, it saddens me to hear my little sis sound so unhappy. I try to convince myself it's just the liquor talking, but I know better. I sit on the edge of the bed and scoot closer to her. “What can I do?” I ask.
“To be happy?”
“To help you.”
A tear runs down her cheek. “I don't think I can be happy. It's too late for me. But you were always so happy, so full of life, and now when I look at you, it seems like every day, you lose a little more of that life you had. And I just keep thinking, what if Dad were here to see you?”
Her words jab at that memory of Daddy, make me fear the notion of looking at my life now— how restless I feel, how sad I've become. I know Janet didn't mean to stir this feeling, but since it's about Daddy, I can't help but feel saddened by it. And what would he think if he saw Janet in this state? Would he be angry with me for not doing more to keep her in my life? It feels like every time I inquire about her life, she just pushes me further away, so I don't know what to do.
“Lana, don't be sad. You don't need to be sad anymore. Why can't you just be happy with Jarek?”
I'm horrified. Why did she say that? Am I so transparent?
“You guys were so happy back then. I remember being jealous because I thought you would grow up and get married and have kids.”
“There was nothing between us.”
“Yes, there was. Everyone knew it. And we were all waiting for you to wake up and see it. What happened? Why did you push him away?”
Push him away? I want to object, but Jarek is in the living room, and I don't want him to hear us talking about him. “You're so drunk,” I say.
“But I'm saying things that are truer than anything most are willing to say. I'm telling you what you already know. I believed in magic back then, Lana. I believed that good things could happen to good people and that everything would work out in the end. But I'm not sure anymore. Why do they lie to us? Why do they tell us that we're going to grow up and everything's going to work out for the best?”
I don't know, Janet. I don't know. But I can't respond to her while she's like this. “Just get to bed,” I insist. I rise and start for the door.
Every Time He Leaves (The Raeven Sisters Book 1) Page 7
