by Judi Curtin
She shrugged. ‘You’re my friend. I want you to be happy.’
‘Saying that I’m your friend makes me very happy,’ I said. ‘And I wish you could be happy too.’
‘Thank you,’ she whispered. I smiled at her, but I think we both wondered how my wish could possibly come true.
It was too early for breakfast, but I knew cook would find me something to eat. She was being extra-nice to me since I’d mended her best dress a few days earlier.
‘Ah, my favourite little seamstress,’ she said when she saw me. ‘Sit yourself down and I’ll have the scullery maid bring you some bread and hot milk and maybe a nice egg to keep you going on your journey.’
Cook laughed when I cleaned my plate, and had second helpings too. ‘Slow down, Lily,’ she said. ‘You’re eating as if you weren’t going to see food again for a month.’
My mouth was too full to answer her, but I didn’t know what to say anyway. How could I explain that I didn’t like to eat much at home? Every scrap I ate was one less for everyone else, and it hurt me to see Winnie’s skinny little legs, and Mam’s fake smile when she said she had enough, even when she’d barely had a thing.
But maybe cook understood anyway. She went into the pantry and a few minutes later she came back with a basket covered with a clean white cloth.
‘I ordered a bit too much this week,’ she said, as she handed the basket to me. ‘And I wouldn’t like to see it spoil. It would be a great help to me if you could give these few small things to your mam.’
I pulled back the cloth to see a basket full of treasure. There were eggs and carrots and parsnips and cheese and a big hunk of fruit cake.
‘Oh, Cook,’ I said. ‘My mam will––’
‘I forgot something,’ she said, and she ran back into the pantry, coming back with something large wrapped in brown paper. ‘A little bit of ham,’ she said as she put it into the basket, and tucked the cloth neatly around everything.
Meat of any kind was a big treat in our house, and this looked like the biggest piece of ham we’d ever had.
‘Thank you so much,’ I said. ‘You are truly kind and my mam will remember this day forever.’
Cook looked embarrassed. ‘Get along with you,’ she said. ‘Or it’ll be time for you to come back before you even get to the gate.’
* * *
Mam met me in the front yard and she cried when she saw what was in the basket. That made Winnie cry too, and then Anne, who never liked to be left out of anything, joined in too.
‘No, don’t cry, sillies,’ I said. ‘Mam is happy.’
They looked puzzled at first, but when she saw that Mam was smiling through her tears, Anne started to dance around in circles. Winnie copied her, and then Mam and I joined in. The four of us held hands and danced around the yard like wild things, and we didn’t care if anyone saw us. In the end, Mam threw herself down on the bench and the girls jumped on top of her. I sat beside them as we all laughed and tried to catch our breath.
‘Oh, Lily,’ said Mam putting her arm around me. ‘That laugh makes me feel ten years younger.’
I lay my head on her shoulder and enjoyed the moment. It was so nice not having to worry if my hair was messy, or if I was being polite enough, or quiet enough, or obedient enough. That’s what I missed about home. I missed being me.
* * *
Later, while I was helping Mam to put the food in the cool cupboard in the back yard, I told her all about Nellie.
‘The poor little pet,’ she said. ‘What a life she’s had. Still though, now she’s had a piece of luck.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘She got the best girl in all of Ireland as a friend, and that’s a rare treat.’
‘Thank you, Mam.’
‘I love hearing all your stories from the Big House,’ she said. ‘Thinking about my Lily serving all them fancy people gives me a lift. I’m sad when you’re not here, but I look forward to you telling me every little thing about your new life.’
Now I felt guilty. I hadn’t told Mam about Maeve and the painting, and I didn’t intend to. It was the first big secret there had ever been between us, and it had been making me feel uncomfortable all morning. When I’m trying hard not to say something, I’m always afraid that the words are going to jump out all on their own.
But how could I tell Mam the truth?
I’d heard Lady Mary and Sir Josslyn talking, and I’d seen little signs that the world is changing. In the servants’ hall there was talk of all kinds of new things like votes for women, and freedom for Ireland. Mam wasn’t like me though. She was still living in the olden days. She was happy for me to be spending time with Nellie, but she would never understand the friendship that was growing between Maeve and me. If she knew the truth, she’d be cross with me. She’d say I was getting above myself. Worst of all, she’d worry for me, and she already had plenty to worry about.
Then I remembered my good news.
‘Lady Mary is so kind,’ I said. ‘She’s buying presents for all the servants.’
‘A present from the gentry,’ said Mam. ‘Aren’t you the lucky girl? I wonder what she’ll get you?’
‘Oh, she asked me what I wanted, so I know already what it’s going to be.’
‘And what’s that?’
‘It’s going to be a beautiful doll, all of my own. I’m going to call her Julianne. I can make clothes for her and she’ll be gorgeous. She’ll have long dark hair and––’
‘A doll? You asked Lady Mary for a doll?’ Mam didn’t look very happy.
‘Yes. Do you think that was too much? But Lady Mary didn’t seem to mind – and I want a doll so badly, and I can bring her home every week so Winnie and Anne can play with her too. They can dress her up and …’
‘You’ll have to tell Lady Mary you’d like a pair of winter boots.’
‘But I’ve already said––’
‘You’ll have to tell her you’ve changed your mind. This is a great opportunity, Lily, and you can’t waste it on dolls. Lady Mary can buy the best quality boots, so they will last you for years, and then Anne and Winnie can have them after you.’
I could feel tears coming to my eyes, but how could I let Mam see them, when I knew she was right? My only boots were much too small for me, so it made sense to ask for a new pair. Dolls were for rich people who didn’t have to worry about what to wear on their feet.
Mam put her arm around me, and I saw there were tears in her eyes too. It wasn’t her fault we were poor.
‘I know you’d like a doll, Lily,’ she said. ‘But …’
‘It’s all right, Mam,’ I said, pretending I was wiping a speck of dust out of my eyes. ‘I don’t know what I was thinking. I’ll tell Lady Mary I’ve changed my mind.’
* * *
The rest of the day went quickly. I cleaned the windows and helped Mam to wash the bedsheets.
‘This isn’t much of a day off for you, Lily,’ she said. In a way she was right, but the girls were small and the boys were at school all week. If I didn’t help Mam, then she had to do everything herself, and that didn’t seem fair.
‘It doesn’t matter,’ I said. ‘I like helping you.’
When the jobs were done, I went for a walk with Hanora and Rose, and after that, I helped the boys with their homework. When we were finished, Anne came over to the table with a battered old copy book and a little scrap of pencil.
‘Time for my homework,’ she said.
I smiled and I leaned over to take the copy from her, but she went past me and handed it to Denis.
‘I’ve been helping Anne with her letters,’ he said, looking a bit embarrassed. ‘She’ll be starting school soon, and I want her to do well.’
‘She knows lots already,’ said Jimmy.
‘You clever girl!’ I said. ‘You’ll be top of the class when you get to school, and we’ll be the proudest family in Sligo.’
I was happy that Denis was teaching Anne, and that she was doing so well, but I couldn’t h
elp feeling jealous. I used to be the one who helped the girls with everything, and it hurt a little bit to see that Denis could do just as well as me.
He looked really proud as he held Anne’s small hand in his, and helped to guide the pencil along the page.
And then I thought of Nellie – I’d been so busy thinking of all the ways I couldn’t help her, I’d never taken time to consider the one thing I could do. I could teach her to read!
I was so excited, I leaned over and gave Denis a huge kiss on the cheek.
‘Yuck!’ he said, wiping his face with the side of his hand. ‘What was that for?’
‘Because you’ve given me a wonderful idea.’
‘Well, we’re trying to work here, so don’t do it again,’ he said, and we all laughed.
Chapter Sixteen
As soon as I got back to Lissadell, I went straight up to the nursery. Isabelle was in the dressing room, folding the children’s clothes. Each of the little Gore-Booth children had more clothes than my entire family.
‘I’ll be finished in a minute, Lily,’ she said. ‘Why don’t you go in and look at that doll you love so much?’
I went and picked up the doll and rocked her in my arms. Now I knew I’d never have a doll of my own, playing with this one made me sad, so I stroked her hair, and fixed her dress, and put her back on the chair.
‘Tell me all about your trip home.’ said Isabelle. ‘Did you have a lovely time with your family?’
‘It was wonderful, thank you,’ I said. ‘I want to talk to you about something else though.’
I looked over my shoulder to see if the nurse was around. She was always kind to the children, but I was a bit afraid of her in her starchy white uniform and shiny black shoes.
‘Don’t worry,’ said Isabelle. ‘Nurse is downstairs having a natter in Mrs Bailey’s sitting room, and the children are fast asleep. It’s just us here.’
‘It’s about Nellie,’ I began.
I told Isabelle all about the letter I’d written, and how Nellie hadn’t been able to read it.
‘But don’t tell anyone else,’ I said. ‘I don’t think that would be fair to Nellie.’
‘Of course, I won’t say a word.’
I smiled at her. I knew she wasn’t a gossip, like some of the kitchen maids.
‘Anyway, I’m only telling you because I have a plan. I’m going to teach Nellie to read, and I need you to lend me some of the children’s books – I’ll take good care of them, I promise.’
‘That’s such a lovely thing to do,’ said Isabelle. ‘And I’m sure I’ll be able to get some books – the children have more than they could read in a lifetime. I’ll check with Nurse when she comes back, and I’ll bring some books to your room later.’
* * *
When I got to my room after supper, there was a neat stack of books on my bed. Some were very easy, with A B Cs and numbers. Some had pictures with words underneath, and some were stories of magical places. There was also a tiny chalkboard and a box of coloured chalks.
I changed into my nightgown, folded my clothes and put them away. Nellie was still working, so I wrapped Mam’s shawl around my shoulders and jumped into bed. I picked up one of the story books, and began to turn the pages. I’d never before had the luxury of a whole room to myself, a gas light and something exciting to read – it felt like being in heaven.
Much later Nellie came into the room yawning.
‘I am so tired,’ she said. ‘Mrs Bailey had me take out all the living room rugs and beat them, and I think my poor back is broken.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I said, putting down my book. ‘I’ll do them with you next time.’
‘Thank you. Did you have a nice day with your mam?’
‘Yes – and while I was there I had a wonderful idea. I thought …’
Now I felt shy.
Would Nellie feel insulted if I tried to help her?
Would she think I was treating her like a baby?
Would she be angry with me?
Now that we were starting to be friends, I didn’t want to do anything that might spoil it.
But friends look out for each other, so I had to try.
‘Maybe I could teach you how to read?’
At first Nellie didn’t say anything, and I started to worry. When she did speak, her voice was so low, I could hardly hear her.
‘You’d do that for me?’
I jumped out of bed and hugged her.
‘Of course I’d do that for you. When do you want to start?’
‘Now?’
So she changed into her nightgown, and snuggled into my bed with me, and her lessons began.
* * *
For the next few days there was no sign of Maeve. Sometimes I went into her room to dust and air it. Sometimes it felt as if I had imagined my days with her. Had I really worn her fine dress, and sat on her soft chair? Had she really talked about her life and asked about mine? If it weren’t for the easel and paints in the corner of the room, I might almost have imagined the whole thing.
* * *
And then one morning she was back!
She found me coming out of Lady Mary’s room.
‘There you are, Lily,’ she said. ‘I’ve been looking everywhere for you.’
‘Lissadell is a big place,’ I said. ‘In my mam’s house, if you’re not in the kitchen then you’re in the bedroom – it’s hard to get lost.’
Maeve laughed, and I realised how much it meant to me that I could make her do this.
‘Hurry up,’ she said. ‘We’ve lost so many days, and I want to get started on the new work straight away. I’ve already cleared it with Mrs B, so you can just come along with me.’
In her room, she’d set up the easel with a clean sheet of paper, and the soft chair was all ready for me by the window.
Maeve went into the dressing room, and took out the blue dress, but suddenly I felt daring. She had so many beautiful dresses, and I thought how nice it would be to try another one.
‘Maybe the blue wasn’t right after all,’ I said. ‘Maybe I could …?’
Maeve laughed. ‘I love playing dress up. Wait there a minute – I know where there’s lots of old clothes belonging to Mother and my aunts.’
She ran from the room, and a minute later she was back with an armful of dresses and a huge box of hats and gloves and jewellery and shoes.
‘You first,’ she said. ‘Which dress would you like?’
When I was dressed in a gorgeous purple silk dress, with lace at the neck, Maeve gave me a feathered hat, and fur-trimmed gloves and a long string of pearls.
‘What do you think?’ she said, as I tried to balance in the silver high-heeled shoes I’d chosen. I couldn’t speak. A stranger was staring back at me from the mirror.
‘Come on,’ she said. ‘Let’s try something else.’
For a long time the two of us tried on dresses and jewellery and hats and shoes. We stood in front of the mirror and made faces, and walked up and down like fine ladies – (we looked alike, except Maeve was practising and I was dreaming.)
In the end, Maeve threw herself onto her bed, and I sat on my usual chair by the window.
‘That hat you’ve got on belongs to my mother,’ said Maeve. ‘But I think it’s nicer on you.’
She was giving me a compliment, but I didn’t care. All I could think of was that I was wearing Countess Markievicz’s hat! Maybe wearing her clothes was making me feel brave, so I brought up something that had been on my mind for a long time.
‘Why won’t anyone around here talk about your mother?’ I asked.
Maeve sighed. ‘Everyone except Aunt Eva thinks Mother should spend her time going to parties and balls – acting like a lady. Instead she does all kinds of things that people here think make her a disgrace to the family.’
‘And what do you think?’
‘I’m proud of the way Mother stands up for poor people, and I am happy that she is working for a free Ireland, but sometimes she can be rather �
� dramatic.’
‘She’s an actress?’
‘That’s not what I meant – though she does appear on the stage sometimes – even in the Abbey Theatre.’
‘I’ve never heard of that before. Is it in Sligo?
Maeve laughed, but not in a mean way. ‘No. It’s a very famous theatre in Dublin.’
‘I must have missed it on my last visit to the capital,’ I said. ‘I might have had too much shopping to do.’
Now the two of us laughed. We both knew I’d only been to Sligo once, and had never been anywhere near Dublin.
‘So when your mother isn’t on stage, what does she do that’s so dramatic?’ I asked.
‘Well, once she was arrested.’
‘For what?’ I hoped Maeve wasn’t insulted by the shock in my voice. In my village, people only got arrested for stealing or fighting, but surely Maeve’s mother wouldn’t do anything like that?
‘She was at a demonstration, and she said some bad things and threw gravel at a policeman – it was reported in the Sligo Champion. Mother wrote to Uncle Joss and told him that the story wasn’t true, but I don’t think he believed her. He wasn’t happy, I can tell you.’
‘I can believe that,’ I said, thinking of Sir Josslyn who seemed so calm and sensible and proper.
‘Mother was always a bit wild,’ said Maeve. ‘Even when she was young. Once she and Aunt Eva stole a cow and her calf.’
‘What did they do that for – they surely didn’t need the milk?’
‘They did it just for fun. They hid the animals, and spied on the poor farmer who spent the whole night searching the lanes, calling “sucky, sucky”.’
At the thought of it, we both had a fit of laughing, which kept going until there was a loud knock on the door.
‘Miss Maeve. Is everything all right?’
It was a man’s voice.
‘Miss Maeve?’
It was Mr Kilgallon!
I jumped up, almost tripping on my long velvet dress. The room was a mess, with clothes and jewellery thrown all over the floor and on the bed.
Maeve was perfectly relaxed. ‘It’s all right,’ she said quietly. ‘I asked you here, so you won’t be in trouble – and anyway, Kilgallon and I are good friends. When I was little and had no companions, he used to play football with me on the landing. Don’t panic.’
