by Lucy Adams
“The carriage is being prepared,” Titania said, turning away from Dinah. “Pray, if you wish to help, have some hot coffee prepared and, mayhap, bandages and hot water.” She scurried away at once, evidently to dress and prepare for what she would need to take with her, leaving Dinah standing alone in the hallway.
Dinah’s mind was working furiously, telling her that she ought to do as Titania said and remain in the house. It was entirely improper for any young lady to go about London alone, and particularly not late at night! If the gossip mongers were to hear of what had occurred, then not only Lord Whitehaven but also Titania could be mocked and laughed at from behind gloved hands.
But if you go with her, then are you not also putting your own reputation in danger?
Closing her eyes, Dinah took in three long breaths and tried to find the same decisiveness that had once been such a part of her that she had never once questioned what she should do. Had this been a few months ago, then she would not even consider going with Titania, but now, now that Titania had pointed out her faults in being critical and judgmental about others and now that she knew full well that what she felt for Lord Whitehaven was a good deal more than she had ever expected, there was something in her that wanted her to go with Titania. She wanted to help. She wanted to be there to aid Lord Whitehaven, no matter what state he was in. Yes, she was disappointed and mayhap even sorrowful over his choices, but she could not linger on that. She would not remain in judgement on him any longer, especially not when he needed help.
Trembling just a little, Dinah lifted her chin and hurried towards the staircase, descending it quickly and thereafter giving rapid instructions to one of the maids. Then, before she could change her mind, she made her way to the front door and, seeing the butler open it for her, gave him a small, quick smile as though this was the confirmation she needed that she was doing the right thing.
* * *
“What do you think you are doing, Dinah?”
“I am coming with you,” Dinah replied calmly, as Titania stared at her in surprise. “Lord Whitehaven needs us, does he not?” She shrugged as though this was something Titania should have expected. “Besides which, accompanying you means that there is less opportunity for someone to question your reputation.”
Titania stared at her in evident shock for some moments, before climbing into the carriage and sitting down opposite her. The door was closed, and Titania rapped on the roof, telling the driver that they were ready.
“Goodness, Dinah, you have changed somewhat since I was last in London,” Titania commented quietly, looking at Dinah carefully. “What has come over you?”
Dinah shook her head, a little embarrassed. “It is not a change that has been within me for some time,” she answered honestly. “It has only been since you spoke to me with such frankness that I have realized that my piety has done no one any good, not even myself.” She spread her hands. “I am sorry for the times I have spoken words of judgement over you, Titania.”
Titania’s brows rose all the more, appearing quite astonished, only for her to let out a shout of laugher and shake her head.
“I can hardly believe that you are saying this Dinah – much less that you are in the carriage with me now, but I will accept your apology and state that I am glad you have decided to change so. I think, truly, that you will feel the benefit of it.”
Dinah let out a long breath, her stomach tightening with tension as the carriage made its way through the dark streets. “I must hope so,” she replied, as Titania smiled broadly. “Although I do not ever think I shall have the same boldness as you!”
Titania laughed again, her eyes softening. “No, indeed not. Although that is, mayhap, rather wise on your part, Dinah. I am so often still outspoken and act without thinking first.” She smiled gently. “I suppose everyone has something they need to change, do they not?”
“Yes, I believe so,” Dinah answered, wondering whether Lord Whitehaven would ever be willing to give up his vices. She looked out of the window at the darkness but saw very little—other than a few flickering lights in the windows. Her hands tightened in her lap, her anxiety mounting furiously.
“I do not know what Grayson thinks he is doing,” Titania muttered, referring to her brother in the same way as her mother did. “To go to Elder View and throw money around is utterly ridiculous and very foolish.”
“Elder View?” Dinah enquired, aware of just how quickly her heart was beating. “What is that?”
Titania bit her lip and looked away, her face lit by the two small lanterns that hung within. “A gambling house,” she told Dinah, making Dinah’s heart sink all the more. “Foolish man.”
Dinah said nothing in response to this, recalling how Lord Whitehaven had laughed in her face and stated that he had every intention of going to gambling hells and the like back when he had first come to London. Of course, she thought to herself, she ought not to expect a gentleman to change his behavior immediately and completely, reforming himself all at once. After all, she was not able to prevent herself from thinking judgmental or critical thoughts about others simply because she realized now she ought not to do so. They still came to her. She still had to battle them, had to force them away. Mayhap that was the same with Lord Whitehaven.
“Stay here,” Titania said, as the carriage came to a stop. “I have two of the grooms with me and–”
“Regardless of how many you have, I am coming with you also,” Dinah stated, interrupting her cousin and making Titania stare at her with surprise. “Do not try and prevent me.” So saying, she waited for the carriage door to be opened and then stepped out as quickly as she could into the dark London streets.
Titania joined her almost at once, and they stood looking up at a rather imposing building with a large wooden door that seemed to be shut up tight. There were obviously drapes in the windows because here and there, there came small chinks of light that caught Dinah’s attention.
“Do you think he is within?” she whispered, only for the sound of a shout and a scuffle to catch her ears. Frightened, she reached for Titania’s arm, holding onto her cousin tightly and praying that Titania would not laugh at her.
Her cousin did no such thing. Instead, she put her hand over Dinah’s and took in a long breath – mayhap trying to gain her courage, Dinah thought. Another shout of pain rent the air, leaving Dinah and Titania standing together and looking all around them for evidence of where it had come from.
“If I might,” said one of the grooms, coming closer to Titania. “There is a small alley just to the left of this building. I did wonder if…?” He trailed off, gesturing behind him. “I would not want to leave you, but–”
“We shall all go together,” Titania declared, as a hard, cruel laugh came towards them. “Do stay beside me, please, Dinah. We cannot lose each other.”
Dinah could say nothing, for her heart was beating so quickly and her mouth so dry that she could not even speak if she had wished to. Instead, she simply concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other, aware that they were drawing near to the sounds of a fight, which her mind told her she ought to be running from instead of turning towards.
“Courage,” Titania whispered – although whether this was for Dinah’s benefit or her own, Dinah could not tell. Keeping their arms linked tightly together, the two ladies walked around the corner and came upon the most dreadful sight.
Lord Whitehaven was propped up against a pile of barrels. Two lanterns hung on the wall above his head, although Dinah suspected that this was to ensure that the three gentlemen who were beating him senseless could see what they were doing. Her stomach churned furiously at the sight of Lord Whitehaven, seeing the blood running down his face, the dark bruises around both eyes and the way that one arm seemed to hang at a haphazard angle.
Whatever it was he had done, Dinah did not think that he deserved this.
“Unhand my brother!”
Titania’s voice was loud and authoritative, but the three men
turned towards her as one, their eyes narrowed and their jaws set hard. They each bore a steely gaze, a mop of unkempt hair and were in their shirtsleeves. Dinah did not think that they were gentlemen of the ton.
“Ah, look what we have here,” said one of the men, advancing towards Dinah and Titania. “Two angels come to save a devil from himself.”
Dinah swallowed hard, reminding herself that there were tigers with them and that they had nothing to fear. Her eyes remained fixed on Lord Whitehaven, seeing his weakness and how he could barely remain standing. Were it not for the barrels, then Dinah was quite certain that he would have collapsed entirely.
“You will leave my brother alone,” Titania said loudly, her voice shaking just a little. “You will not touch him again.”
The three men laughed as though this was the most ridiculous thing they had ever heard. The laughter was cruel and unkind, making Dinah tremble visibly. She did her best to remain strong, to show the same strength of character as Titania, but still her weakness remained within her. Praying silently that God would give her the strength to help Lord Whitehaven, and that He would protect both Titania and Lord Whitehaven, Dinah lifted her chin and let out a shaking breath.
“‘Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult,’” she quoted, giving the men a verse from the Bible that seemed to stop them in their tracks. “And is it also not said that ‘bloodshed follows bloodshed’?” She shook her head at them as though they were small children that needed her guidance, trying not to reveal a single modicum of fear to them. “You are doing wrong, and you will only reap the same sort of wrongdoing.”
The third man leered at her, although Dinah noticed that his expression was a little less certain than before. “An angel that knows verses from the Bible,” he laughed, waggling a finger at her. “Not that it means anything to the likes of us. We have a job to do, that is all.”
Dinah lifted her chin again, looking at them as disdainfully as she could. “And no one will admire you for it, nor look up to you,” she said, aware of the shake in her voice but praying that they would not notice it. “Does it not also say, ‘Do not envy the violent or choose any of their ways’?” Seeing the first and second man share a glance, she continued to speak. “You are in danger of destruction,” she said, filling her voice with warning. “You do not believe that God himself can see you at this very moment? That He does not examine your hearts and see you failing in every way? The Psalmist wrote that ‘the Lord examines the righteous but the wicked, those who love violence, He hates with a passion.’” Spreading one hand out wide, she gave them a fierce look. “You are doing a great wrong and the consequences you may yet discover to be eternal.”
This, for whatever reason, seemed to put a fear in each of the men’s faces. They glanced at each other, and then back at Titania and Dinah, although the first remained as menacing as before.
“He knows what will happen to him if he does not pay,” the first man said, his voice dark and his words grating. “This is only just a warning.”
That being said, he jerked his head to one side and led the other two men away from Lord Whitehaven, leaving both Titania and Dinah staring after them in shock. Titania let out a long breath, pressing Dinah’s hand tightly.
“I do not ever think I have been more grateful for your knowledge of the Holy Bible,” she said softly, grasping Dinah’s hand tighter again and beginning to make their way carefully across the dirty ground towards Lord Whitehaven. “Well done, Dinah.”
Dinah’s breath was shaking out of her, hardly able to believe what had just occurred. “I did not expect it either,” she said honestly, carefully picking her way across the broken glass and avoiding the dark stains that she feared was Lord Whitehaven’s blood. “It was all I could think to say.”
“He will rescue them from oppression and violence,” Lord Whitehaven whispered, as Titania and Dinah finally reached him. “Is that not so, Dinah?”
Dinah’s eyes filled with tears at the sight of Lord Whitehaven’s battered and bruised face, hearing the weakness in his voice and feeling her own agony over it. Whatever he had done wrong, this was more than enough of a punishment.
“That is so,” she answered, as Titania pulled out a handkerchief from her pocket and pressed it against a seeping wound on Lord Whitehaven’s forehead.
“And God has sent you both to me to rescue me from my own stupidity,” Lord Whitehaven whispered, his voice barely loud enough to reach her ears. “What am I to do?”
Titania glanced at Dinah, the worry in her expression the very same that clouded Dinah’s heart.
“We must get you home,” Titania replied, trying to sound reassuring. “Thereafter, we can discuss what has happened to you, but you cannot be allowed to stay here.”
“I cannot,” Lord Whitehaven croaked. “Mother will–”
“We will make certain she does not see you nor know of this,” Dinah promised, wanting to alleviate his distress. “Come now, Whitehaven, you cannot remain here. You must have your wounds dressed.”
Thankfully, Lord Whitehaven agreed without any further concerns, although the cry of pain that left his lips as Dinah and Titania helped him to his feet to lead him towards the carriage almost had them setting him back down again.
“The tigers may have to carry you, Whitehaven,” Titania murmured, throwing a concerned glance towards Dinah. “I do not want to add any further pain to your injuries.”
Lord Whitehaven let out another low groan, his hand clinging to Dinah’s shoulder as they moved slowly forward.
“No,” he whispered, his breath hissing out through his teeth. “No, do not allow me to be shamed so, Titania. For even some of my staff to see me so is already shame enough.”
Titania grimaced but did not disagree, walking slowly forward with Dinah on Lord Whitehaven’s other side.
“It was one of your servants that came to tell me of what they had seen of you,” she commented, a touch dryly. “The servants are already aware of what has occurred, Whitehaven.”
Dinah said nothing, seeing Lord Whitehaven’s expression tighten as one of the carriage drivers came near them with a lantern held high, wondering if his expression came from his pain or from the knowledge that his staff knew of his beating.
“What did you do to have them inflict such pain on you, Grayson?” Titania asked, her voice softer than before. “You have endured a terrible beating.”
Lord Whitehaven said nothing, moaning just a little as he was aided into the carriage. Dinah climbed the steps after Titania and sat down opposite Lord Whitehaven, her hands tight in her lap as she fought back the gnawing fear that he had been terribly injured in some way. She did not care, she realized, what it was he had done nor how foolish he had been, for she just wanted him to recover. Quite how they were to keep him from Lady Whitehaven, she did not know, for the injuries to his face were many and could not easily be hidden.
Lord Whitehaven said nothing more, clearly unwilling to answer his sister’s questions, and set his head back against the squabs, closing his eyes and letting out a long breath. Dinah’s gaze flickered to Titania, who was looking at her brother in evident concern, biting her lip hard. Fighting to find something encouraging to say, Dinah simply reached forward and pressed Titania’s hand lightly, seeing how her cousin looked across at her in surprise, only for a small smile to cross her face – although the worry did not fade from her eyes.
“What must you think of me?”
Dinah sat back in her seat and looked at Lord Whitehaven, seeing how his face was contorted with pain and regret.
“I am lost,” he continued, his eyes still shut so that Dinah could not tell to whom he was speaking. “I have lost myself in my own desires, my own vices. I cannot turn from them, and now I am lost to it.” Heaving a great sigh, he finally opened his eyes and looked directly at Dinah, his eyes glazed with agony. “What must you think of me?” he said again, swallowing hard and then closing his eyes again as the lantern light flickered over his face, sp
reading shadows of all kinds in every direction.
Dinah spoke before she could prevent it, her thoughts in a myriad that spread out in every direction.
“I think you wish to numb yourself to whatever it is that torments you,” she found herself saying, aware of how Titania was looking at her in surprise. “I think you do whatever you can to hide the truth of your heart from yourself – and the way you have chosen to do so is to drink yourself into a stupor and to then gamble whatever you please, without any true consideration.” The words were still tumbling out of her, hastily spoken in the urge to have them escape from her lips. “If only you would confront such feelings, look directly into your heart and face the truth that lies there, then I believe you would no longer seek to numb yourself,” she finished. “I may tell you repeatedly that you are the same as any other gentleman, but you will continue to believe that you are less of a man because of your limp. Unless you can look at yourself and accept the truth of who you are, you shall never be content.”
Silence filled the carriage for some minutes, and Dinah’s cheeks slowly flooded with color as a slight sheen of sweat broke out over her forehead. She had spoken out of turn. She had said too much. She ought not to have been so forward.
“Very well said, Dinah.”
Her head lifted. Titania was looking back at her with a gentle smile on her face, one that spoke of reassurance and encouragement.
“And if you are wise, brother dear, you will listen you our fair cousin,” Titania continued, looking across at Lord Whitehaven, who managed to open his eyes just a crack. “For I believe you will find great wisdom in what she has to say.”
Lord Whitehaven made a small noise in the back of his throat, although what it was meant to signify, Dinah did not know. She sat quietly in her chair for the remainder of the journey, looking at the silent figure of Lord Whitehaven and wondering the very same question as he had asked.
Now that she had spoken so bluntly, now that she had told him the truth about what she thought of his behavior, just how did he view her now? Was he angry with her for what she had said? Would he revert back to how she had always known him—unkind, ill-mannered, and inconsiderate? Or would he look at her now with respect and consideration, continuing forward with the beginnings of an understanding that had started to grow between them?
