by Chelsea Roy
“Ah!” she cried, and pinched her other nipple. She felt herself contract around Jack’s cock and he groaned. His hips slammed into hers, forcing his fingers hard against her clit. The sudden, sharp movement was enough to tip Ellie over the edge. She moaned long and low as her body contracted around him.
Jack quickly flattened his body out along hers and wrapped his arms beneath her shoulders as he continued to pump into her. She clasped his sweat-slick back as he rode her toward his own orgasm. As she felt his wet heat explode into her, she tightened her arms around him, loving him with every fiber of her being and knowing something she hadn’t known when she was with Jack a year ago. There would never be another night with Jack.
Jack woke up to gently filtered light softly illuminating his hotel room. He was briefly disoriented until he remembered Ellie’s visit the night before. His hand spread out next to him looking for her and what he found were warm, empty sheets. He knew Ellie had left, and not just to go get coffee. Jack knew she wouldn’t be coming back. The pain in his chest made him feel like it was going to explode. He had been so deluded to think every mistake he’d made with Ellie was set right by making love to her last night. He knew she’d felt the difference and he could tell he’d made her off-balance. He gambled on it being enough to keep her around during the light of day and he’d lost.
Rolling onto his back, he considered everything that happened the previous night. They’d made love three times. After the first time, they’d had a bath in the double tub the suite featured. Jack hadn’t showered after his concert and both he and Ellie were just a little grimy from the night. The bath had been both relaxing and arousing. He had watched as Ellie’s deep pink nipples had teased with the bubbles floating on the surface but he hadn’t done more than a simple touch here or there. After the bath, Jack had gone down on Ellie until she’d gripped his hair in her hands and ground herself on his face during her orgasm. Jack had been determined to imprint himself on Ellie’s memory, trying to make sure he was impossible to forget. He was unashamed to admit that he wanted her thoughts filled with him, not with the man that she was dating. Jack knew if he was going to have even a fighting chance of winning Ellie back, he needed strong ammunition in his arsenal. He just didn’t count on Ellie walking out on him this morning.
He let out a heavy sigh. In reality, he had no real idea how to go about making Ellie see that he’d changed. Jack knew he would never really be worthy of her love but he knew he wasn’t as bad as he used to be. He was also certain without a shadow of a doubt that he loved her. Surely that had to be worth something in her eyes. He just needed to make sure they were open so she could see clearly.
FIVE
The persistent sound of his ringtone woke Jack from a dead sleep. He’d been dreaming about Ellie and was pissed someone interrupted what was shaping up to be a very pleasant dream. He could feel the pillow imprint on his cheek and knew without looking that his hair was probably standing straight up. He rolled onto his back and looked at the ceiling with blurry eyes.
“What?” He snapped into the phone, not recognizing the number.
“Jack?” The feminine voice on the other end of the line was vaguely familiar but he couldn’t place exactly where.
“Who wants to know?” He finally asked, his voice rough from sleep and the effects of too much Johnny Walker the night before. Although he didn’t drink often anymore, last night the worry over Ellie had become too much for him and he’d downed a good part of the bottle. Over the past four months, Ellie had resisted his attempts at reconciliation at every turn. Hell, he didn’t even know where to find her. So much in her life had changed he had no clue where to even start. In the year they’d been apart, she’d moved out of the apartment she’d always lived in and he had no idea where she’d gone. She had disconnected her cell number so he had no way to call her. In his deepest darkest place, he was terrified that these changes had occurred because she was now married to the man she’d started seeing. At this point, Jack was fairly certain he’d lost Ellie for good and the knowledge crushed him.
“It’s Regan, Ellie’s best friend.” The woman said, and Jack felt stupid for not recognizing Regan’s voice sooner. To be fair, though, it wasn’t like he’d seen Regan lately or anything. Or had ever even seen her on a regular basis. Jack had no idea how she’d gotten his number or why she would be calling him at all.
“Jack?” Regan said, sounding irritated. He realized she’d been talking while he’d been off on his little side trip. He tried to collect his thoughts and focus on the fact that Ellie’s best friend was calling him after months of radio silence. Something monumental had to have happened for Regan to reach out to him like this. Jack was suddenly a little queasy because calls like this were never good.
“I’m here. Sorry.” The response came out gruff and scratchy.
“Jack, you need to come home.” Regan told him. Any hope Jack had that this was a social call was gone. Regan wouldn’t be asking him to come home for any good reason. It wasn’t like Regan was a huge fan of his. In fact, he knew she’d probably like to castrate him over his treatment of Ellie. Jack’s heart began to race in his chest.
“What the fuck for, Regan?” Jack couldn’t help sounding belligerent. He was afraid and fear didn’t sit well with him. The conclusions Jack was coming up with for the reasons behind her call were enough to make him want to reach for another bottle of Johnny Walker. Jack’s stomach dropped even further as he heard her sniffling on the other end of the phone.
“Jack, what I’m doing might end my friendship with Ellie. I feel like, though, that this is the right thing to do for Ellie, no matter what the outcome is with our friendship. And the right thing for Ellie is for you to come home right now. She needs you desperately.” Regan hesitated, clearly torn up about whatever situation was going on in San Diego.
“Regan, what the hell is going on?” Jack had risen from the bed and was standing in his hotel room pacing. “Ellie’s never asked me for help on anything; she’s too damn stubborn. Why would she want it or accept it now?” It wasn’t that Jack didn’t want to give Ellie help. He just knew Ellie and knew whatever offer of help he tendered would be tossed back in his face.
“She lied to you. There never was another man. Never.” Jack’s heart stuttered with hope before it began pounding with fear and dread. Why would she have lied about having another man? If she’d lied to him about another man, why had she made herself unreachable? Why would she completely withdraw from him? What in the hell was going on with Ellie?
“I don’t understand.” Jack finally said, as he threw his suitcase on the bed. It was true that he didn’t know what was causing this opening into Ellie’s life but he wasn’t going to be an idiot and ignore it. He just hoped it wasn’t too little too late.
“She told you that stuff about another guy so that she could make a break from you. Ellie’s always wanted marriage and babies and she knew if she kept getting back together with you she would never have either one because she’d keep waiting for you. I know you guys haven’t had a great relationship lately…” Regan’s voice trailed off again and Jack snorted.
“She’s been fucking ignoring me for the last four months and you know it.” He told Regan flatly.
“All I can say is that Ellie needs you to ignore whatever issues you have going on between the two of you and come home to take care of her. Please.” Regan began openly crying and it made Jack sick to hear it. Clearly there was something major going on because Regan wouldn’t do what she considered to be a betrayal of Ellie’s wishes for some bullshit reason. And from what Jack knew of Regan, she wasn’t a crier.
“I’ll be home in a few hours. I’m in Dallas, so not far. Where is she? Where should I go?” He asked Regan. He knew without asking that whatever was wrong with Ellie was serious.
“Memorial. She’s at Memorial.” Regan’s voice caught on a sob and Jack’s stomach sank. There were a lot of bad memories waiting for him at Memorial, namely watching his mom die
from cancer. If his Ellie was staying there, something really bad was going on.
“I’m on my way.” He told Regan grimly. “And thank you for calling. We both know Ellie obviously doesn’t want me in her life right now. I appreciate that you’re risking your friendship with her to make sure she’s okay. I know you’re taking a chance on me doing the right thing by her and I will. I promise.” Jack’s heart was crashing into his ribs as he threw things haphazardly into his case. Ellie had been his center point for years and, although he’d made a lot of changes in his life over the past year that were definitely for the better, he didn’t know if he could survive in a world where Ellie didn’t exist.
“I didn’t call her for your sake Jack. I called for hers. She needs you.” Regan finally responded, sounding a little bit more like her fiery self.
“Just, thank you.” Jack told Regan sincerely. “I’ll see you in a few hours.” Regan murmured something else that Jack didn’t catch and he disconnected the call. He immediately pulled up his travel app and began looking for the quickest way to San Diego. Jack prayed that whatever was wrong with Ellie was fixable because he sure as hell wanted to prove to her he was ready to be what she needed. He was finally in a place in his life where he could be counted on to care for her the right way.
SIX
Ellie heard the door to her hospital room open. She shifted her head on the flat hospital pillow and blank eyes that were a flat grey found Regan’s vivid blue ones. She knew there were dark circles bagging under her eyes that hadn’t been there just a few short weeks before. Her hair hung in pale blonde clumps around her shoulders, having now gone unwashed for several days. Her hospital gown rested haphazardly on her shoulders. She couldn’t find it in her heart to care how she looked. Not when her world had utterly crashed down around her.
“Hon, you have to try to sit up.” Regan told Ellie, her voice very gentle and beseeching. Had Ellie been stronger, she would have been amazed at Regan’s caretaking side. It was completely contrary to Regan’s normal fiery personality and until now, Ellie had no idea it existed.
“I don’t want to.” Ellie closed her eyes and shifted her head so she was facing away from Regan. She was tired of Regan constantly prodding her to do something when she wanted to do nothing at all. Ellie barely felt the draft of air on her bare back where the gown had separated and was numb to the chill of the hospital room. She did feel Regan tug the thin blankets up so that they rested over her shoulders. Ellie didn’t understand why Regan was being so gentle with her. Regan was many things; intelligent, funny, and loyal, but a caretaker she was not.
Ellie hated the silence that stretched out with her proclamation and knew Regan was watching her huddled under the covers. She could feel the frustration pouring off Regan’s body in waves and couldn’t bring herself to care that she was the cause of it. Ellie heard Regan’s feet as she backed away from the bed and then the soft swish of the door closing that signaled Regan had headed out into the hall. She knew it made her a terrible person, but she couldn’t bring herself to care that she was hurting her best friend.
Ellie didn’t know how much time had lapsed when she heard the door creak open again. She felt like she was lying in a suspended state where time had no meaning. Her last conversation with Regan could have been just minutes ago, or hours. Ellie had no way of knowing. Truthfully, Ellie wished Regan would just give up on her and go away. Things would be so much easier that way.
“Regan, I’m not going to sit up today, okay? Just…. Please just go home.” Ellie’s voice was tired and completely lifeless.
“So you’re just giving up?” The gravelly, angry voice was the last one Ellie expected to hear. Her body jerked on its own accord, turning instinctively toward the one person Ellie last expected to see. She couldn’t help herself from drinking in the sight of Jack’s familiar beautiful face and glossy dark hair. For the first time in days, Ellie felt something other than blinding despair. She knew without being told how Jack came to be standing in her hospital room and she was instantly furious.
“Regan had no right to contact you!” Ellie cried out, her emotions immediately on the surface.
“You should have called me El!” He countered back harshly. Tears ran down Ellie’s cheeks unchecked. Her shoulders shook terribly. Jack crossed the room in two steps and sat on the bed next to her. His large warm hands clasped over her much smaller, cold ones. Ellie simultaneously wanted to be held by him and wanted him out of the room so he didn’t witness her meltdown.
“El, what in the hell is going on? Nobody will tell me anything!” Jack’s frustration was clear in his voice, as was his worry. Her heart froze, but before she could say anything the hospital room door opened and Regan came back into the room. At the sight of Jack sitting on Ellie’s bed, Regan’s body visibly trembled with fury.
“This is your fault!” Regan yelled as she jabbed at his chest with her finger.
“What in the hell?” Jack growled at Regan, clearly unprepared for the attack. Ellie’s hands were released as Jack held his up to fend off Regan.
“If she wasn’t so afraid that you’d never come back, she never would have done this! Christ!” Big tears slid down Regan’s cheeks and Ellie began to sob. Jack was regarding both women with confusion.
“What did Ellie do?” He asked loudly. Ellie could hear his mounting frustration at being left completely in the dark.
“Regan, stop!” Ellie implored weakly. This wasn’t how she wanted to tell Jack. Truly, she never dreamed of telling Jack her situation at all. In her version of the equation, he had just been the means to an end.
“What the hell is wrong with her?” Jack demanded of Regan, ignoring Ellie’s protests.
“Several things at now, but chiefly that she’s pregnant but the baby’s not living. It’s called a ‘missed miscarriage’. Her body continues to think she’s pregnant but the baby has no heartbeat.” Regan’s voice wobbled as she shot the words at Jack. Ellie stilled and watched Jack’s face in horror as comprehension dawned across his features.
“That’s why you came to me after the concert!” Jack’s eyes stabbed into hers, angry and accusatory. Ellie refused to think about the betrayal she put there and her eyes dropped to the blankets covering her body. She heard what sounded like hurt in his voice and even though she knew she must be wrong, she still felt very small and cruel at what she had done. Regret coursed through her body, a living and breathing thing inside of her.
“Jack…” Ellie began, but Jack cut her off with a slash of his hand through the air. He shoved his fingers through his hair.
“What in the fuck could you possibly say that would make any of this okay?” He asked her, his vocal cords straining from the effort to not yell at her. Ellie cringed. She had heard Jack angry at other people before but his anger had never been directed at her. Ellie’s spine straightened and her eyes swung to his.
“I’ve stood by you since the day I met you,” Ellie said miserably. “I know I don’t get to have forever with you because you aren’t a forever kind of guy. You made it clear that what was between us was sex only, with a little side of friendship tossed in. What you didn’t know, what you didn’t see, was it was only sex on your part. I had feelings for you!” Ellie cried defensively.
“So, what? Your ‘feelings’ for me excuse your actions? You got pregnant with my baby to trap me to you? I would never have pegged you for that kind of bitch.” Jack said cruelly. Ellie frantically shook her head at Jack’s misinterpretation of her actions. Not that the real reason was any better, but she wanted the truth out there since they had gone this far.
“I just wanted a piece of you to be with me always. I wanted to wake up every day to something you and I had made together. You were never supposed to know. It was never meant as a trap. Why do you think I’ve left you alone?” Her voice broke on the words. She knew she was completely in the wrong in this situation but she didn’t want Jack to view her actions in any light but the truth.
“Ellie, Chris
t! I don’t know even what to say. You took something from me. You’ve never used me before. You’ve always been the one person in my life I trusted. And you did this to me, like I was a stud for hire or something.” Jack’s voice still sounded angry, but Ellie could hear the hurt loud and clear. Her heart turned over. She had honestly never meant to hurt Jack.
“For just a little while, I had something beautiful that we made together. Something I’ve always wanted. And now it’s gone and I’m sorrier than I can say, all the way around. I never meant to hurt anyone.” Ellie grabbed his hands in her own, desperate to maintain a connection with Jack.
“Ellie…” Jack said, and shook his head. He refused to look her in the eyes. Ellie felt panic take hold in her chest. This was worse than losing Jack because they didn’t work together. This was Jack leaving her because she’d betrayed him. She spoke in a rush.
“I know I did something terrible and unforgivable. I was selfish for once in my life. I’ve never asked anything from you. I took you back each time you decided you were tired of screwing your groupies because of how I felt about you. And now I’m paying the ultimate price and being punished for taking what I wanted. It’s my fault the baby died. If I hadn’t done something so inherently wrong, everything would have been okay,” she said on a sob. She clutched his hands tightly and then let go. “I’m so, so, sorry.” Ellie lay back on the bed and turned away from him, curling into a tight ball hoping she could magically disappear.
SEVEN
Jack sat on the edge of Ellie’s hospital bed in stunned silence. His emotions were all over the place. He felt anger, disbelief, and blinding relief. During the plane ride to San Diego, he’d imagined all sorts of scenarios. Ellie sick with some type of cancer. Ellie hurt from an auto accident. Ellie dying from some unknown disease. None of the scenarios involved Ellie carrying his baby and all involved her being terminally ill. He was having a hard time processing the news that she was okay. A miscarriage wasn’t life threatening, thank God.
