by Chelsea Roy
As Jack lay there with his Ellie, he tried to reformulate his plans. This new reality was way different from what he envisioned in the hospital. It had taken him just minutes to get on board with being there for Ellie and giving her whatever she needed. How was he supposed to fix a body not made to carry babies? It frustrated the hell out of him because he had a shit-ton of money but in a situation like this, there was little he could do. Money couldn’t buy everything. It wasn’t like he could just order Ellie a new, perfectly working reproductive system no matter how much he wished he could. One thing was for certain, he needed to immediately rearrange his schedule so he could stay with Ellie and help her through this. He needed to be the one to tell her about her inability to have babies. It needed to be him helping her find a solution to what he was quickly realizing was their problem.
The doctor had also conveyed his concern over Ellie’s mental health. According to the doctor, she would need to be carefully monitored for signs of depression. He advised Jack to consider the timing when telling Ellie about her inability to carry babies and suggested right now was not that time. Jack couldn’t disagree with the doctor’s concern given the state he’d found Ellie in at the hospital. The Ellie he knew was strong and fearless. She could slog through mud and came out the other side in pristine condition. It was in her DNA to power through life without caving to external forces. To see her laid low and overwhelmed by her emotions was gut-wrenching for Jack. The Ellie he knew would never have handled the miscarriage by falling into depression. Clearly Jack had a thing or two to learn about Ellie.
Jack acknowledged to himself the complete disregard he’d shown to Ellie over the years. He had never stopped to think about what damage their on-again off-again relationship might have done to Ellie. He had always been so focused on possessing her for himself, he hadn’t cared if there was anyone in the way. He hadn’t cared when she mentioned her friends were getting married and starting families. The yearning was there in her voice, but he’d ignored it. When Ellie asked him to attend any of those kinds of events, he’d pushed her away by making sure she knew their relationship didn’t include any “couples” stuff. Despite all the shit he’d thrown her way, Ellie still wanted to be with him. He was pretty certain she loved him even though she’d never uttered the words. Jack figured Jacob was right. It was time for him to man up and step out of the shadows that he’d been living in for far too long. Ellie had been a constant shining beacon in his life and it was time he accepted how he felt about her.
ELEVEN
“Jack, put me down! Seriously!” Ellie’s voice was frustrated and breathy. Jack had no idea how being in the same room with him affected her. And he wanted to sleep in the same bed as her? Ellie groaned silently. It was torture for Ellie not to be able to touch him, or to be touched by him. Although she wasn’t feeling sexual in any way, Jack’s mere presence in her room was heart-stopping. Jack was an expert at playing her body and they’d always been combustible in bed. Ellie’s heart raced at the thought of sharing the same intimate space as him. He was so mouthwateringly beautiful it was impossible to not desire him in the most elemental ways. Besides that, the one thing they’d never, ever, done together was just to sleep.
“Ellie, seriously.” He mimicked teasingly. “No.” Ellie rolled her eyes at Jack’s caveman tactics. He hadn’t let her climb the stairs to her room and was carrying her over to her bed. He was acting ridiculously overprotective and Ellie didn’t know whether to be charmed or annoyed. His overbearing attitude didn’t stop her from appreciating the flex of muscles as he carried her around. She’d have to be dead to not appreciate Jack’s body.
Jack dropped a kiss onto her nose and set her gently on the bed. He sat down next to her and looped his arm around her shoulders. Ellie looked down at his strong forearm, the one covered in tattoos with tribal markings and skulls. She traced some of the lines with her fingers and watched his hand clench into a fist.
“Ticklish?” She asked impishly. She never got to spend this type of time with Jack, where they weren’t ripping off clothes and trying to satiate their desire for one another. This situation took their intimacy to a different level and it was a level she was struggling to adjust to. She knew so little about the man he was now. She only knew Jack as the rock star who made her feel amazing in bed and Jack, the boy he’d been before everything changed between them. There was a big chunk of his life he’d made off-limits to her as soon as they became physical. She yearned to know who Jack was outside of being a rock star and all-around bad boy.
“No. Fucking turned on as all hell.” His response was surprisingly honest and delivered hoarsely. She swung her gaze to his.
“I’m sorry I can’t do anything about it.” She told him softly. She’d played the role of sexual companion for him for so long she was on unsure footing with their relationship outside of it. She had no idea how to just be friendly with him and she was nervous he would find her lacking without their usual sexual component. He didn’t know her just as much as she didn’t know him.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for. I’d be a sad excuse for a man if I can’t manage my own blue balls.” He told her wryly. “Besides, there’s more to us than just a good fuck.” Ellie was startled by Jack’s insight into her thoughts. Jack had made several comments over the past few days that led her to believe he’d paid more attention to her over the years than she’d given him credit form. She’d always assumed it was just sex between them from Jack’s point of view.
“Is what you said before true?” She asked hesitantly, continuing to stroke his arm absently.
“Is what true?” Jack returned, his tone softening and his breath stirring her hair as he leaned into her.
“Have you really not been with anyone other than me since our last phone call?” She held her breath waiting for his answer. Her heart pounded so hard it felt like her shirt was bouncing along with her heartbeat. She knew he had to feel the frantic beat against his arm and wondered if her anxiety made her seem pathetic.
“El, I realized a year ago what I wanted. I just didn’t know how to get there from where I was. Four months ago, I thought I knew how to get there but you slipped out of my fingers. I was so certain if I went slowly with you, you’d see how I felt about you. And if that didn’t work, I planned on running off the asshole you were dating and stepping in.” His voice was deep and just a little growly. Ellie’s hand came up and captured Jack’s jaw. She turned her face to his.
“I’m sorry, Jack. I was hurt. You seemed so determined to keep me away for such a long time and I made up an imaginary man just to hurt you. I’ve never been with anyone but you. Ever.” Ellie’s eyes widened as she realized inadvertently how much she’d just revealed to Jack. She had never intended him to find out he was her one and only sexual partner. She shut her mouth with a little snap and felt heat sear along her cheeks. Jack’s eyes bored into Ellie’s, clearly picking up on what she’d just admitted to.
“Ever, Ellie?” He asked her. Ellie could hear the disbelief in his voice and she dropped her gaze. Jack had never asked about men she’d been with. He’d never pried into her sexual history; he’d just trusted her when she said she was clean. She’d always assumed he didn’t care about her life outside of him. Confessing to him that he was the only man she’d ever been with revealed the depth of her feelings for him and Ellie wasn’t sure she was ready for that.
“Jack…” She said, delaying the response. She tried to figure out how to respond to him without completely laying her heart bare. She was still so afraid she’d scare him off once he realized just how much she felt for him.
“Ellie, I know I don’t have any right to care. I’ve been a bastard to you for years and God knows I’ve fucked my share of women. But right now? Right now I want to know how many men you’ve been with because I want to be the man who has the right to have that information.” Jack’s voice throbbed with intensity. “I want to be that man for you.” Ellie’s heart skipped a beat at Jack’s words.
“Christ Els. No wonder you’re always so tight on my dick.” Jack adjusted his position on the bed and Ellie realized he’d gotten hard from their conversation. It was clear he liked knowing there was nobody else. “You have no idea what it does to me to know that it’s only ever been me inside your sweet body,” he told her gruffly. Jack’s display of possessiveness completely blew her mind away. It also completely softened her toward him and she leaned into him, relaxing for the first time since the conversation had started. His arm tightened around her and pressed her tightly to his warm side. The clean smell of his skin surrounded her.
“I had no idea you were so territorial!” She told him somewhat teasingly, trying to take the focus off her. A grin kicked up at the corner of his mouth.
“Neither did I! But damn, I think it’s fucking hot that I’ve been the only man to know you that way. I feel like I just conquered the world or something. How much of a hypocrite does that make me, though?” His voice was both elated and rueful at the same time. Ellie gave a small laugh.
“A pretty big one,” she said, and then gasped as Jack pushed her back gently so she was lying on the bed. He followed her down and wrapped his other arm around her.
“Lucky for me you seem to like me anyway.” Jack said seriously and Ellie nodded against his chest. She had a feeling he would be surprised to know just how much she liked him. She lay on top of the bedding with Jack and they curled together.
“Let’s get under the covers, okay?” She asked after a while. Jack nodded against her temple.
“Do you need to change your pad or anything? Is there anything you need before we call it a night?” Ellie’s cheeks burned with mortification. Talk about awkward! Going from being sex-only partners to talking about changing maxi-pads was a huge relationship shift. Ellie wasn’t even sure if married people had these types of conversations.
“Ahhh, God, no!” She stuttered. Jack laughed at her, making his chest rumble under her. She was a little disgruntled he was so amused because she was embarrassed to the extreme.
“Ellie. C’mon. We’ve never been shy with each other about our bodies. You were pregnant with my baby. And I’m fully aware of the facts of life. I know your body is tired, probably cramping, and bleeding. I just want to make you comfortable, okay? There’s nothing to be embarrassed of.” His voice was warm and matter-of-fact. His rational speech made Ellie feel like a prepubescent teenaged girl.
“The hospital gave me a bag with supplies. It’s next to my purse downstairs.” Ellie told him reluctantly. She knew it stupid to be embarrassed over something so normal as a period but she couldn’t help herself. She had never shared details like this with anyone ever.
Jack was off the bed, downstairs, and back faster than Ellie could blink. He knelt beside her at the side of the bed. Ellie reached out and pushed his inky black hair away from his forehead. His vivid blue eyes shined with sincerity and he leaned his cheek into her palm. Ellie felt so much love for him in that moment she was almost unable to stop herself from saying it aloud. She had to clench her jaw to keep the words from coming out.
“What can I do to help?” He asked. “You’re not in this alone.” Ellie’s heart melted and she realized any misstep while she was moving forward with Jack would absolutely crush her. She had loved him before, true, but not like this. He had never taken care of her like this and made promises to her. Everything was changing and it put her heart on the line even more.
“Just be here, Jack. That’s everything I need from you right now.” She told him, and leaned forward and lightly kissed his full lips. She accepted his help up off the bed but drew the line when he started following her into the bathroom. She gave him a level look and shut the door softly in his beautiful face. There was no way she was having him in the bathroom to help her change her underthings. She shook her head in bemusement at the strange turn their relationship and taken. Opening the hospital bag, she got busy taking care of unpleasant business.
TWELVE
Sunlight filtered its way in through the plantation blinds in Ellie’s room. She came awake slowly, completely confused. She could smell bacon cooking and that didn’t compute. She hadn’t bought bacon in forever. Not because she didn’t love it. In fact, the opposite was true which led to the bacon staying at the store. She could probably eat a whole package of bacon in one sitting and wasn’t that just too embarrassing for words? She realized Jack must have gone to the store and literally brought home the bacon. Ellie grinned a little at the witticism.
She tried moving on the bed but her muscles protested. Her body felt like it had been hit by a wrecking ball. She threw her arm up over her eyes and groaned out loud. Recovering from anything sucked. She hated being weak.
“Ah! You’re awake.” The lighthearted deep voice startled Ellie so much that she popped straight up in bed. Even though she knew Jack was in the house, she hadn’t expected him to be right there. He was supposed to be with the bacon!
“Jack!” She said in her hoarse morning voice. She watched a smile tug at his lips, no doubt laughing at her confusion.
“You’re not a morning person, are you?” He asked her. She was momentarily struck by the fact they’d probably had sex together in what amounted to hundreds of times, but really knew nothing about the other’s daily habits. Ellie groaned again and slowly leaned back against the pillows.
“No. Not a morning person. Not until after my macchiato.” She cracked her eyes open to look at him again. He looked refreshed and disgustingly alert. “I suppose you’re one of those horrid morning creatures?” This time Jack didn’t hold back a deep belly laugh.
“Come on El. You’re off today and I’m here. Let’s do something. Let’s hit the beach. We can bring a big blanket, lay, and listen to the waves.” Ellie couldn’t deny how good sitting on the beach listening to the waves and contemplating life’s mysteries with Jack sounded. “I’ll even get your macchiato for you.” He coaxed. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips before breaking completely free.
“You’re on! Just give me a few, okay?” She asked. She needed to assess the state of her body and was definitely not secure enough in the new relationship status with Jack to have him around while she did that, no matter what Jack said he was comfortable with.
“If you need anything just yell.” Jack leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. He laughed again and the bewildered look on her face. “Oh, and there’s bacon.” He smiled a devilish smile and turned and walked out of the room humming under his breath. As always, his voice was beautiful even when there were no words attached to the tune. Ellie gingerly eased out of bed and shuffled over to the bathroom where she took care of business. She’d never suffered a miscarriage before and had expected to be very sore today. She was surprised at how normal she felt. Her heart still hurt terribly, but her body felt mostly okay other than cramping. She was a little lightheaded but figured that was probably from her lack of movement while she was in the hospital.
Ellie took a quick shower and mustered up the energy to blow dry her hair until it hung softly around her shoulders. After applying just the barest minimum of makeup, she pulled on a pair of really old jeans that were holey and soft. They were old enough to allow for the extra room her still-swollen tummy needed. She topped the outfit off with a plain t-shirt and flip flops. She had never pretended to be anything other than what she was, which was a jeans and tee type of girl. Jack had never seemed to care what she wore, as long as she was with him and Ellie was grateful for that.
She went downstairs and stopped dead at the bottom of the landing. Jack was sitting at her dining room table scrolling through his phone with a plate of bacon at his elbow. He looked relaxed and at home in her little condo and Ellie felt the first real bloom of hope expand in her chest. She mu
st have made some sort of noise because Jack looked up and smiled. His grin lit up his face, making him devastatingly handsome. There was no sardonic twist to his lips, no cunning calculation on his face. It was just Jack and Ellie found him incredibly appealing.
“You look fucking hot,” he told her bluntly. Ellie blushed, and then laughed shyly.
“So do you,” she returned. And it was true. Jack’s hair, which was normally styled into a faux-hawk, was lying down and gleamed inky black. It looked touchable and soft. He was wearing a plain black t-shirt and faded blue jeans. Most of the piercings had been removed from his ears and the ones from his nose and eyebrow were absent. Except for the tattoos running down his arms, he looked like a normal, albeit really hot, guy. If it were normal circumstances, Ellie knew she would be all over him.
“Ellie,” Jack hesitated. She watched as he collected himself before continuing on. “It’s possible that the paps might pick up on the fact that I’m here with you. They might dig into what happened. I’ve learned to ignore them, but this is new for you.” Ellie heard the worry in Jack’s voice.
