by Merel Pierce
The man also advised Nikolai to be more calculating in exacting his attempts to comfort. Allowing the female to go without his purr or company on occasion might force her to engage him when she grew restless or in need of the soothing balm only the alpha’s rumble could provide.
Bit by bit, Nikolai began to see the wisdom in actions he’d been concerned would have opposite the intended effect. Both the bond they shared -- and the female’s body language -- exposed more than she knew about her state of mind.
She liked seeing her mark on his throat. It spurred a secret, almost vindictive sort of possessiveness each time her eyes alighted on it. Eventually, the sight of his nudity didn’t send ripples of fear through the threads of their bond. Instead, it was replaced by cautious interest. When he began spending more time in his office for work rather than the bedroom, the female sometimes grew bold enough to cross the threshold and engage him when she grew lonely in his absence.
It may have seemed unethical for the doctor to share information gained from the female’s therapy sessions, but the man was admirably practical. Assisting her in adjusting and regaining a sense of normality and security in her life was the only goal that mattered to the man. He seemed to feel that assisting Nikolai in learning how to foster that environment for her was justified. Nikolai couldn’t help but agree.
It became common for the female to watch him from her nest in the darkness of night, when she believed he thought her to be sleeping. For long periods she would stare in silence, a conflicted jumble of emotions crowding the air between them. Anger, frustration, mistrust, anxiety, curiosity, loneliness, sadness, longing. It was a potent cocktail, difficult to ignore. But Nikolai feigned ignorance, giving her the space and illusion of privacy to explore her feelings.
Though he concealed it well, he was elated the first time she whispered his name while he lay in bed, her last syllables lilting upward in nervous question.
“Nikolai?”
“Yes, sweet one?”
“Were you sleeping?”
“Not yet. Do you need something?” He rumbled lazily, careful to disguise his interest.
“No,” she hesitated for several moments, obviously debating. “I guess not, really. Sorry.”
Nikolai rolled to face the window where she resided, propping his head up with his hand as he gazed at the lumpy shadows of her nest. “Are you having trouble sleeping?”
The pile of blankets shifted. “Yeah, kinda.” The admission was muffled and sheepish. Nikolai smirked to himself coyly.
“Would you like to talk about it?”
“I don’t know.” She sounded doubtful now, as if she were losing her nerve. “I don’t really want to talk.”
“I’m finding it difficult to sleep myself,” he offered, extending her a metaphorical breadcrumb. “Why don’t you bring your tablet and show me what you were watching this morning that amused you so much?” The male suggested evenly, mindful of his tone. “I could use a distraction from thinking about work, and it might be nice to laugh for a while.” He felt a flicker of apprehension from the female as she hesitated again.
“It’s kind of stupid, I don’t know that you’d like it.”
Nikolai sat up, stacking pillows behind him before reclining partially against the headboard. “Are you going to make me beg, little wolf?”
A few more moments passed in silence before the pile of blankets rustled and shifted, and the backlit silhouette of the little female emerged. She padded across the room to retrieve her tablet before venturing cautiously towards the bed. He folded his hands behind his head on her approach, assuming as neutral a position as he could manage.
The psychologist had been very specific about how to handle her if she approached him in a more intimate setting. Do not initiate contact, do not hold a purposefully intimidating position, and most importantly, do not growl. Considering how much he still desired her, it was difficult to ignore his instincts. He only hoped the effort would pay off in the end.
The little female put a knee to the mattress on the opposite side of the bed, hoisting herself up to rest on her shins. She paused there, the screen of her tablet lighting up to expose the nervous expression she wore as she swiped across it with her finger. As she searched for the program her eyes flickered nervously his direction, checking to make certain he hadn’t roused from his place beneath the blankets.
Once she found what she was looking for she twisted to sit down beside him, leaving a solid foot and a half space between their bodies. It was in this space that she sat the tablet, propping it up like a monitor before hitting the play button. She then turned to the task of arranging the pillows behind her and settling in beside him.
As he watched her, he was reminded of the first night they’d spent together. He’d internally compared her to a feral dog then, and now that estimation seemed even more appropriate. If he could equate handling her to befriending a once tame animal that had gone wild, his chances of success seemed more likely.
Rule number one was established as he watched her eyes flick anxiously his direction. Don’t startle the animal when it grows brave enough to venture close. Be still, offer no cause for concern. Allow it to grow comfortable just being near you.
He offered her a soft smile before turning his attention to the small screen between them. Some sort of animated introduction was flashing across the screen. “So, what is this?”
She shifted self-consciously.
“It’s uhhh, it’s about a spy agency where agents are constantly screwing up stuff. It sort of alternates between really smart humor and really juvenile stuff. But I mean, it’s funny.”
The next hour and a half was spent watching several episodes of the adult cartoon, with Nikolai offering a well-timed chuckle or smile at the appropriate times to keep her from growing concerned that he didn’t like it. Eventually she began to relax, and seeing her smile proved worth sitting through the tedious show choice.
At the end of the third episode, when she didn’t reach down to hit the play button and skip to the next, Nikolai glanced over to find that she’d fallen asleep. Infinitely pleased, he didn’t dare alter anything about the scenario that might have woken her. Instead, he left the tablet open between them, easing his arms down to his sides and linking his hands over his abdomen as he gave way to staring up at the darkened ceiling above.
Though it may have seemed miniscule to most, the fact that she felt comfortable enough to fall asleep beside him suggested that the great pains he’d been taking to make her feel safe were having a positive effect. It was good.
Nikolai had no qualms about using force when necessary, but he’d never intended to be heavy handed with the little female or inspire real fear. It simply wasn’t necessary to exert his dominance over such a creature in that way. It was a lesson his father had taught by example in his treatment of Nikolai’s mother.
Though Nikolai’s mother was also an alpha, she was not subjected to the same treatment as those who were not family. She was loved, respected, and treated well. On the occasion that his parents disagreed, there was never violence or outright aggression on the part of his father. No matter how his mother might rage, the man always regarded her in the same even manner. Rarely had he even raised his voice when speaking to his wife. No matter her dynamic, she was still more delicate than he, and she was always regarded as such.
Though Nikolai had not been above manipulating his female when he’d first taken her from the transfer station, he would never have put her through anything like the alphas who had stolen her from him. It was senseless and cruel to torture such a vulnerable creature the way they had.
The viciousness and callousness of other men had destroyed the foundation he’d only just begun to lay with her, forcing him to start over with even less to work with than he’d originally had. He was wise enough to realize that it would take time, which is why he allowed her to rest where she lay instead of drawing her against his chest as he might have preferred.
The doctor
was right. Allowing his omega to make the first move would serve him best in the long run. The illusion of choice was a powerful thing, Nikolai knew. He had no desire to pain the female further, and so he waited. Tomorrow was a new day after all, and they were one step closer than they had been.
Chapter 27
December woke in the middle of the night confused and disoriented. It hadn’t taken her long to figure out where she was, but that knowledge hadn’t done much to calm the nervous racing of her heart.
She lay still for several minutes, listening to the steady sound of the slumbering alpha’s breathing for signs that he might stir. The dim glow of moonlight angling across the bed revealed the scene to be much as she left it when she’d accidentally fallen asleep. The tablet lay dormant between them, the bare-chested male remained on the far side of the bed with one hand beneath his head and the other resting on his belly. She frowned, confusion returning.
Though he had been moderately respectful of her personal space since bringing her home, December wouldn’t have expected that consideration to extend so far as his bed once she willingly chose to get in it. But he’d left her where she lay, undisturbed.
Though his self-control over the past few weeks had been impressive, she knew the male desired more contact with her than she’d been comfortable with. Waking to find that he’d respected her need for space even here, a strange new cluster of feelings stumbled into the chaotic mess of her emotions. Appreciation, admiration, and what felt oddly like affection.
She watched him for some time, silently debating what to do. On one hand, she itched to retreat to the relative safety of her nest where the male always left her in peace. On the other… Her nest was lonely, and often colder than she let on. The scent of the male was all around her here, and to her surprise, it wasn’t inspiring the fear she expected. Instead, she found herself longing to inch nearer to the impossible warmth of the sleeping man. There were risks, of course.
What would happen if he woke up while she was slinking closer, for instance? She had technically been cleared for light or “restricted” sexual activity, after all. Would he assume the fact that she remained in his bed meant that she was ready for that? Would he stop if she told him she wasn’t? A flicker of fear passed through her as she briefly considered the idea that he might not.
But therapy had taught her to identify when she was projecting her experiences with other men onto her alpha, and she realized quickly that assuming he would behave like the men who had raped her was unfair. He’d done nothing to give her a reason to believe he would act that way.
Her alpha. That too, was something therapy had helped her begin to accept. Nikolai was her alpha. Her bonded mate. Whatever his reasoning for claiming her, there was no changing it. As bitter as December had been about what happened to her, the bond she shared with the male made it clear enough that he felt very acutely that he’d failed her and was seeking to make it right. His regret and concern were real enough, and practiced as his expressions may be, he was less able to disguise his feelings from her when she could feel their echo in her chest.
Still upright against the pillows, December slowly moved to tuck her feet beneath the edge of the comforter. Seeing no change in the man nearby, she lifted the blanket and slipped down the mattress until she was covered to the waist.
Cautiously, she picked up the tablet and laid it behind her on the bed. She held her breath as she squirmed towards him atop the sheets, grateful when she found that the male was resting beneath both the blankets and the linens. She was only beneath the blanket. There would be a barrier between them, all be it minute.
December froze when the male inhaled more deeply than before, fearful that she’d woken him. However, when she waited several moments and heard no change in the rhythmic cadence of his breathing, she gathered the courage to continue her course.
The nearer she drew, the more overwhelming his smell became. The pheromone-laden air spoke of the male’s strength, his natural musk enticing and warm. Traces of aftershave added an exotic spice to a scent that had become so familiar that it was difficult to remember what breathing air had been like before he became an everyday fixture in her life.
When she’d come so close that she could feel the heat of his body and only a sparse few inches remained between them, she stopped. Any closer, and she felt certain she’d wake him. It was here that December curled up on her side, facing the male as she tucked her hands beneath her head and tried to relax. Her field of vision was swallowed up by the man’s torso, and she couldn’t help tracking the steady rise and fall of his chest each time his rib cage expanded. December sighed.
As the days passed and she realized just how much of her emotional state had been influenced by the severances of the dead alpha’s bonds and the trauma she suffered, it had become increasingly difficult to remain angry with the man at her side. He’d restructured his entire life around her. Whether it was guilt or some other unknown emotion that inspired his efforts, she couldn’t say. Neither of them could change what had happened, but he seemed to be trying to atone for it.
She certainly hadn’t expected his patience, kindness, or understanding. After all, none were traits alphas were commonly known for. Most especially those in positions of power such as he was. Though he had struggled for control and spent much of his time seething in silence those first few weeks, he’d shown a level of restraint and depth of character that surprised her.
Perhaps that was why she felt safe, lying beside him as she was now. Her subconscious mind cautioned against it, but as her pregnancy progressed, she found it more difficult to maintain her distance. Just over two months along, she couldn’t imagine how much stronger the need to be near him might grow before it was said and done.
Despite her fear, she’d begun to yearn for more than just the fleeting touches he offered in passing through their day to day contact. Her body craved his nearness. Often, when she sat on the edge of his desk flipping absently through magazines while he worked, she fantasized about curling up in his lap instead. The idea of tucking her head against his chest and feeling his arms close around her while she listened to the sweet rumbling of his purr left a physical ache in the pit of her stomach.
She’d have liked to blame it all on the baby. After all, the research she’d done made it clear that the success of an omega’s pregnancy and the health of her child depended heavily upon the involvement of the father. In his care the omega and child would thrive. Without him, both were prone to poor health and complications. It was an infuriatingly unexplained phenomenon, but one that seemed consistent enough to be relied upon as fact.
But it wasn’t only the baby that made her want to be closer to him. For all the misery knowing him had brought her, very little of it had been caused by the male’s own hand. Though their time together had been painfully brief, it was also hard to overlook. She’d never been with a man like him before. How he touched her, how gently he petted, purred, and even sang for her both before and after she’d been taken. He was nothing like she expected.
When memories of beastly alphas abusing her body rose up to haunt her, Dr. Luellen had encouraged December to focus instead on how it had felt to mate with Nikolai. The male had helped her build her first nest, had waited to be invited in and then made certain that she found her pleasure before he ever bothered to take his own.
When she’d been anxious about his knot, he’d seen her through the more difficult moments and comforted her in their wake. He’d not left her cold, hurting, or afraid. He’d treated her well. Better than any other lover had in her entire life, if she were being honest. Why the doctor recommended she try to think of Nikolai instead of her rapists when she was struggling wasn’t difficult to reason out. He was real, and he was here. He was also her future.
December sighed again, closing her eyes as she tried to redirect her thoughts. Thinking about their mating wasn’t wise, not while lying so close to the man himself. After all she’d been through, she’d learned the ha
rd way some days before that she could still grow aroused by the thought of their joining.
It had made for an awkward afternoon, with the male attempting to ignore the lingering scent of her accidental arousal while she studiously avoided him. She’d definitely be inviting trouble if she allowed her mind to drift too far down that road now.
Instead, she focused on her breathing. It was another technique the doctor had taught her for times when she needed to calm her nerves. How long she took those measured breaths and released them she couldn’t have said, but after drawing in air laden heavily with his scent for some time, she was finally able to relax. She drifted to sleep shortly after, feeling the safest that she had in weeks.
***
“I never thanked you for saving my life.”
December’s brow furrowed at the dreamy sound of the male’s softly spoken words. For the past five minutes she’d been feigning sleep, unwilling to put an end to the gentle stroking of her hair or the warm vibrations of the purr she’d awoken to. She was tucked in at his side, forehead and nose flush against his bare ribcage, fingertips pressed to his skin when her arms bunched beneath her chin in her sleep.
Judging by how she was curled up beside him, there was little doubt she managed to migrate into her current position under her own steam. However, when she’d woken to find that he hadn’t taken advantage, she’d allowed herself the luxury of cautiously basking in his attention. Until he spoke, she’d thought she fooled him into believing she still slept.
Unwilling to admit that she wasn’t, she remained still. Unfazed, the man continued to sift his fingers through her hair. “The day you were stolen from me, had I gone to the transfer station when I originally intended, I might have been killed,” he murmured, “Your well-timed distraction most probably saved my life.” The male spoke so lowly that had she been asleep she may not have been roused by his words, and for a moment she had to wonder if he truly knew whether or not she was awake.
