by Krista Walsh
Before she had a chance to worry too much, Gabe said, “It’s kind of a relief to know you get it.” He paused. “You don’t get lonely?”
Vera gave a half shrug. “I’m usually too busy to be lonely. And I have the dogs. They go a long way in keeping me company. But yes. Sometimes.”
She chanced a peek at him and found his attention focused on the ground a few feet in front of his boots. She wondered what thoughts her answer had triggered. Likely, he remained busy enough with his own business that he didn’t have time for anyone else either. With his reputation spreading as quickly as it had — Ezel had told her months ago that she was constantly referring people to him — he probably worked to the point of exhaustion. Maybe he felt better knowing they were alike in that regard as well? At least they weren’t alone in their loneliness.
“What about Percy?” she asked. “You have him to talk to at least.”
Gabe laughed, but Vera didn’t miss the slight bitterness in the sound. “I do, indeed. In fact, it’s usually hard to get him to stop.” He laughed again, this time with more good humor. “I’m grateful to Percy, but he has his own issues that make me reluctant to dump too many of mine on him.”
She thought of the wall of servers in the background of Percy’s screen and put that image beside his video games and chocolate bars. “Does he ever go home?”
“That is his home,” Gabe said. “The real question is does he ever leave? The answer is no.”
Vera stumbled over a dip in the ground, and he circled his arm around her waist to catch her. She cleared her throat and leaned into his grip. She thought she noticed a hint of hesitation as he pulled his arm away and returned his hands to his pockets.
“Agoraphobic?” she asked, staying focused on the conversation.
“I don’t even think that’s it. It’s not being outside as much as fear of what’s hiding from view. When he was eighteen, he was mugged outside his college campus by a bunch of trickster demons. They stole his computer, his phone, and any desire he had to spend time in the outside world. They also sparked his interest in the otherworldly. He saved up all his money doing software engineering and built himself this warehouse fortress. Everything he needs, he orders online, and it all has to go through a series of delivery systems to make it difficult to trace him. Even his groceries are delivered, and I think he uses a fake name and has the bags placed in what amounts to an airlock so he doesn’t need to see anyone. Even I don’t know how to find him.”
“And we complain about being lonely,” Vera said, sighing. Gabe scratched the back of his neck.
“What about Ara?” he asked.
“She’s basically my other half,” she said. “She’s my best friend, my business partner, and the closest thing to a sister I’ll ever know. Ours was one of those truly serendipitous meetings you think you’ll only read about in books. The kind that ends up introducing you to something you didn’t know you needed and changing your life.”
She fell silent as it struck her how well those words applied to her current situation as well.
A few drops of rain landed on her forehead. She tilted her head to face the sky as she wiped them away, watching the soft blanket of gray and white clouds drift past. If the temperature weren’t too warm for snow, she would have thought the farmhouse was about to see its first flurries of the season.
“I guess we should head back,” Gabe suggested, and Vera was surprised by her reluctance. She was enjoying their walk. Hearing him speak about his friends and family, even if some subjects were tinged with grief, had sparked a desire within her to learn more. She wanted to hear about his memories of his brother and learn what his relationship had been with his father before he’d disappeared.
Something in her soul longed to reach out and touch his, but her doubts kept her quiet.
He did ask you for drinks once, she reminded herself.
Nine months ago, her other half emphasized. Since they’d been alone, he hadn’t said one word or made one move that suggested his attention meant anything other than his dedication to a client.
So she tamped down the quiver in her chest, swallowed her regret, and nodded. With a sharp whistle, she summoned the dogs, and Vidar and Baxter bounded toward them, running wide circles all the way back to the house.
Instead of coming inside, the dogs headed to the full water dishes on the back porch and then fought over the food bowls.
“I hope you don’t mind me setting them up out here,” said Gabe. “I didn’t want them waking you this morning.”
Vera bit down on a smile of gratitude. “That’s perfect. Thank you.”
She peered around the corner of the house at the large outbuilding that took up a large section of the backyard. The doors were partly open, and through the gap, she spotted a workbench and great hulking shapes covered in white sheets.
His dad’s workshop, she guessed, and wondered if Gabe had spent some time alone in there this morning.
She stared at him as he opened the side door, his dark hair touched with raindrops, his full lips stretched into a warm smile. His jacket was darker in patches where the rain had soaked through, but that only molded the material closer over his broad shoulders and tapered waist.
She couldn’t help but notice the way her gaze wanted to drift downward over the seams of his jeans. She wished there weren’t so many problems pressing down on her so she could take the time to make sense of the feelings running through her. At this rate, she was bound to stick her foot in her mouth and ruin everything.
Closing her eyes against the thought, she swallowed a groan and followed Gabe inside.
8
The walk had served as a wonderful distraction, but as soon as Vera stepped into the living room, her impatience returned. She found she didn’t want to stray too far from the laptop in case Percy called back. She’d already checked twice to make sure they hadn’t missed a call from him while they were out. The rift Gabe had opened remained hovering above the laptop, or she would have had him call his friend just in case.
The Fettered Wolf was safely back in its hiding place in her room. Strangely, having the book lying about while she was inside made her feel just as vulnerable as leaving it in the house when she went outside.
“What sort of information do you think Percy is looking for?” she asked, stoking up the fire as Gabe stood over the stove making supper.
He shook his head. “Knowing him, it could be something as obscure as a newspaper article from the eighteen hundreds showing the book at a flea market or something.”
Vera straightened her spine. “No one in my family would have put the book up for sale.”
“I’m not saying they would, just that Perce has a knack for finding the most random information. Usually he’s quick. To be honest, I’m surprised it’s taken him this long to get back to us. Maybe we’ve finally given him a puzzle that stumps him.”
She paced back and forth between the living room and the kitchen. “I hope that’s not the case. We need those answers.”
“And he’ll find them,” Gabe reassured her. His soft voice, sounding in no way bothered by her irritation, made her ashamed of her shortness.
“I’m sorry. I’m not good at sitting and waiting. I’m used to doing.”
“I understand,” he said. “I can’t say I’m good at sitting around either. But somehow I don’t feel in quite as much of a rush to get back into things as I normally do.”
Before she had time to process his comment, the fire popped, making Vera jump. Any tension she’d lost on their walk had come back tenfold. It wrapped around her neck like a noose, tightening with every minute that passed.
She hoped Ara was all right, and that the shop was functioning without her for the day. Not that Ara couldn’t handle it without her, but what if someone had come in hoping to look through the latest arrivals Vera hadn’t had time to unpack? Would Ara know she had stored them in the back corner? And if she was busy looking through the books, who would work the cash?
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Breathe, Vera told herself, trying to stop the mental spin. In the scheme of things, with everything else hanging over her head, the shop was a small concern. It had basically run itself for the past year, and the customers were loyal and regular enough that they would notice any suspicious characters just as well as Ara or Vera.
She exhaled slowly and stretched out her fingers to relieve the tightness in her palms. Her responsibility toward the book had to come before everything else.
Vera cast another glance at the blank screen as she passed by.
“Dinner is served,” Gabe announced, jarring her out of her worries.
Her stomach was flip-flopping so much she wanted to decline eating, but out of respect for the time he’d spent making the food, she stepped toward the counter. She found herself smiling at the meatballs arranged in a smiley face over her spaghetti.
“I figured if we couldn’t manage a few laughs of our own, our food would have to make up for it,” he said, and Vera chuckled.
“It’s done a wonderful job.”
He handed her a fork, and as though he had worked a miracle with his little joke, her appetite awoke with a vengeance. They ate in silence until their plates were nearly empty, and when only a few meatballs remained, Gabe asked, “Have you given any thought to how you’ll move forward with the information Percy gets for you?”
Vera chewed on her pasta, savoring the spices in the sauce, even though the acidity of anxiety was burning a hole through her stomach. “In passing. Nothing concrete. My hope is that Percy finds out what sort of demon this Rega character is so we can pinpoint his weaknesses. If I can find a way to trap him, I can learn why he wants the book. As for that voice…” She shifted her hair over her shoulder, away from her food. “I don’t know. It managed to find me, which opened a connection between us. If it visits me again, I might be able to backtrack that connection to where it is, then maybe I can go after it personally before it reaches me.”
“Those are some ambitious plans,” Gabe said. He took her empty plate with his and gave them a quick hand wash in the sink, then turned to lean on the edge of the counter. “You might need some assistance.”
Vera stared into the dark lenses pointed back at her. So impersonal, and yet so much a part of him that she could forget he wore them.
“It’s possible,” she said, and the admission came more easily than she would have expected. A little unnerved by this, she followed Gabe to the couch. “Rega is strong. If it were just him, I might stand a chance, but that warlock knows how to use his magic to make himself stronger. I might not be able to beat both of them. Never mind having to tackle that ancient power as well.”
As she spoke, she couldn’t believe what she heard herself saying. Considering how difficult it was to admit her doubts to herself, her ease in sharing them with Gabe felt unreal. She let out a sharp laugh as she settled onto the cushion. “I don’t know if it’s the meatballs or the fresh air, but I’ve never been able to admit I needed help before. I must be relaxed or something.”
“I certainly notice a difference,” he said.
She arched an eyebrow. “You hardly know me. How could you notice a difference?”
“I’ve never heard you speak this much at one time before. I didn’t think you were capable of holding a full conversation.”
He spoke teasingly, taking any sting out of his words. She hadn’t realized her crumbling walls had been so obvious. It was a testament to how much she trusted him, even if she still didn’t completely understand why.
“It’s not that I can’t, I usually just choose not to,” she said. “A person takes in much more information when she keeps her mouth shut.”
“Is that a hint?” Gabe leaned toward her.
“Just some friendly advice,” she replied, keeping the same teasing tone to avoid offending him. She sat back in her seat. “I should thank you for convincing me to come here. I feel almost optimistic that we’re going to win this.”
He shrugged. “I wouldn’t say my suggestion was entirely altruistic.” His smile wavered, and his jaw squared with simple earnestness. “I wanted to prove you could trust me. That I was worth relying on.”
Warmth filled Vera’s stomach, and she dropped her gaze to the collar of his shirt. The top button was undone, and the glow of the fire turned his skin a soft bronze in the shadows.
She cleared her throat and, trying to hold on to their teasing banter, said, “I would have given you a glowing testimony anyway.”
His lack of laughter in response drew her gaze to his, and her breath halted as he reached for her hand. His warm fingers trailed over the skin of her wrist and over her palms, turning her nerve endings to firecrackers.
“My desire to help you had nothing to do with work.” He dropped his head to stare at her hands and released a breath.
The silence between them stretched on, and Vera didn’t know what to do. She was tempted to fill it with mindless babble — to bring the conversation back to the subject she knew was more important than anything else — but instead she waited. The butterflies under her skin grew rowdier.
This entire experience was new for her. She didn’t know how to react or what her response should be. She didn’t have room in her life for anyone else. She couldn’t rearrange it and add something new without having everything else tumble down around her, and yet in that moment, she wanted nothing more than for him to speak.
He’d given her a glimpse at a life she never knew she wanted, and, good or bad, she wanted to get past this moment, so they could move on to whatever came next.
“I’m just going to say this,” he finally said. “Because I have no idea how you feel or what you’re thinking. You asked me last night why I never stopped by your shop to say hi. I won’t say the answer I gave you is a lie, but it was definitely just an excuse. The fact is I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since the day we met. Every single day, I’ve wanted to go to your shop and ask you out for those drinks again, but no matter how many times I walked by, I could never work up the courage to go inside. I could never get over the fear that you would tell me to leave.”
Vera thought of Allegra’s comment the day she’d come to see her. Somehow the succubus had known about Gabe’s desires and intentions. Which meant they must have been in contact. A flare of jealousy rose up inside her at the thought of Allegra’s perfect curves and honey-hued skin, of her powerful allure that drew in everyone around her.
“Then you walked into my office,” Gabe continued, and the fervent tone of his voice banished her fears. “I couldn’t have planned that no matter how many times I wished it. Obviously, I wasn’t prepared for it. Instead I acted like a clumsy ass, working too hard to appear cool and detached, and drove you out before I even had a chance to offer any real help. That’s why I went after you. It had nothing to do with work. I wouldn’t have cared if you’d already solved the problem. I just made up my mind that I wouldn’t let you walk out of my life a second time.”
He cupped the back of his neck with his free hand, then dropped it down to cover her other one. “This might sound crazy — possibly even a little bit creepy because we barely know each other, but I find you the most fascinating and beautiful woman I’ve ever met. I want to know if we could make something work between us.”
Vera opened her mouth to reply, but no sound came out. She’d listened to every word he’d said as though they were the only sustenance she needed, but now that he’d finished, she found she couldn’t remember any of it. For the past nine months, Gabe had been her recurring dream, offering her possibilities she’d never considered for herself. She’d assumed they were all in her head, the fantasies of a lonely old maid.
A few hours ago, she’d been thinking about how nice this sort of life would be — the rambles through the fields with Gabe and the dogs, the promise of dinner when they returned home, the warmth of the fire as they curled up on the couch. She’d imagined what it would be like for that life to be hers.
; Now that seemingly impossible dream had been dropped into her lap, and she didn’t know what to do with it.
She wasn’t even sure she was capable of slowing down enough to appreciate that kind of freedom for longer than a weekend. What would she do with her time? And nothing Gabe had said overrode her knowledge that she couldn’t wedge him into the life she’d built without knocking something else out of the way. How long would it take before her existing commitments resumed priority in her life, and he was left neglected and ignored?
It was impossible, no matter how much she might want it.
She didn’t say any of this aloud. She doubted she would have been able to if she tried. Instead, she floundered for an appropriate response, her brain spiraling to put words in the right order.
At the same time, the problems of her reality felt so far away that they didn’t look as insurmountable as they usually did. As always, she had jumped from one extreme to another. He hadn’t offered her anything yet. He had spoken honestly, and the least she could do was offer him the same courtesy.
But the words wouldn’t come. No matter how deeply she searched for them, she couldn’t find them.
She realized she didn’t want to find them.
Shifting on the couch, she raised her hands to Gabe’s face. He lifted his head and then froze as she rested her fingers on the sides of his sunglasses. Slowly, she pulled them free. He sucked a sharp breath between his teeth and tried to look away.
She stopped him, cupping his face. He shifted his gaze upward, then to the side, too cautious to trust that his ability wouldn’t harm her. She’d been right in her guess about the dark circles under his eyes. He looked as though he hadn’t slept in weeks.
Whatever nightmares haunted him, she wanted to take them away.
“What if it was a fluke?” he asked her in a rumble barely louder than a whisper. “What if I look at you and something happens, and you disappear?”
Vera swallowed the fear that tightened her own chest. She was terrified of the decision she was about to make, more so than any chance of being turned to stone. Both directions had the possibility of destroying her — one would just be faster and less painful.
