The waiter took our orders, our starters arrived, and still Kian and I hadn’t spoken a word to each other. Although that didn’t stop the glances that passed between us, or prevent the others gathered around our table from looking from him to me curiously, as though expecting the tension to explode at any second.
When Josh went to get another round of drinks and Kian headed to the bathroom, Stacey turned to me and hissed in my ear, “Okay, what’s your problem with Kian? The two of you have been shooting daggers at each other all night.”
“Nothing. I’ve never even spoken to the guy.”
“You’re not fooling me, Meg. I can see something went on. Everyone can. Even Josh asked me if something was up.”
Knowing it was no use lying to my friend, when apparently everyone was aware of the tension, I sighed then whispered, “Okay, I’ll tell you. But not here, all right? It’s not something I want to discuss in public.”
Stacey nodded, appeased by my answer, and then turned her attention to Josh, who had just returned. But a few seconds later, she stopped mid-sentence and turned to me with a shocked expression on her face.
“He’s the baby’s dad, isn’t he?” she hissed.
“What the hell?” I stuttered in reply, having no idea how to either deny or confirm her claim.
“Josh just told me that Kian said you two hooked up on the night we were at O’Neil’s,” Stacey said, and I cursed the fact that apparently the guys in the locker room gossiped. “That was almost three months ago, which, according to how far along you are, is when you got pregnant.”
My stomach sank and my eyes dropped to the floor. If she’d figured this much out already, there really was no point in lying anymore.
“Okay, he is. But please can we discuss this later?”
“But, wait ... didn’t you say the baby’s father had acted like a twat and wanted nothing to do with you?”
The second the words left her mouth, time seemed to move in slow motion.
I was about to reply when Kian came back from the bathroom. The music moved to a new track - so there was a moment of silence - and everyone around the table heard what Stacey said.
“I ... erm ... well...” I stuttered.
Feeling five pairs of eyes watching me, my face flushed, and I jumped up from the table. Stacey tried to follow, but I waved her away, and as I did, Josh whispered something in her ear that made her sit back down.
I didn’t know where I was going, simply that I needed to get away from everyone and clear my head. Once I’d calmed down a little, I made my way to the bathroom and splashed some cool water on my face. I seriously considered going home there and then, having faith Josh would make sure Stacey got home safely, and the only thing that stopped me was the fact my handbag and jacket were still at the table. Instead, I decided to grab my belongings as quickly as possible and then get the hell out of there.
As I pushed open the bathroom door, I realised that just wasn’t going to happen. Standing in the hallway, waiting for me to come out, was Kian. His blue eyes were much colder than I’d ever seen them before, and he was radiating an aura of unmasked tension.
“So, this is your game, is it? Showing up when I’m hanging out with my friends and telling them the father of your baby is an ass.”
“How dare you?” My eyes narrowed as my voice dropped to a low hiss. “It isn’t like that and you know it.”
“Do I? You call me up randomly, claiming you’re pregnant with my baby, but with no proof it’s mine. Then, when I ask you for a paternity test so I can know for sure, you tell me to get screwed. And now you have the cheek to make out like I’m the bad guy in all of this?”
“How the hell did you expect me to react? Every time I’ve spoken to you about the pregnancy, your reaction changes. First you wouldn’t believe me until I’d had it confirmed by a doctor, then you’re calling up to apologise for acting like a dick and offering to support me, only for you to backtrack and say you want a paternity test. From where I’m standing, it seems like you were just looking for an easy way out.” My voice went cold. I was sick of him and his shit. “Well, you’ve got it now. If you can’t take me at my word and believe the baby really is yours then you can get screwed. I’ll raise this baby without you. We don’t need you. In fact, we’re better off without you anyway.”
Kian silently contemplated me for a few seconds, and I didn’t have a clue what he was thinking. His face was impassive, holding no sign of emotion.
A moment later, his lips formed a thin line and he said, “Fine. Forget it. It’s not like I wanted to be a part of the baby’s life anyway. You raise the damn child alone. I don’t give a fuck.”
Without giving me a chance to say anything else, he turned and stormed out of the restaurant.
As I watched his retreating form, my hands trembled and my heart thundered in my chest.
Argh! You fucking idiot. He never wanted this baby. It’s a good job I’m shot of him. This is best for all of us.
Only, if it really was for the best, why did my heart ache so much, and why did I secretly hope he’d reappear at any second?
Knowing it wasn’t doing me or the baby any good to stand there dwelling on everything that had happened, and that I’d be a lot better off getting home and then forgetting I’d ever spoken to Kian, I made my way across the restaurant and back to our table.
When I reached it, Stacey and Josh were speaking in hushed whispers, Davi had disappeared, and Emilia was sitting with my jacket and purse in her arms.
“C’mon, let’s go. We’ll get you a glass of water and some fresh air,” she said, rising from her seat and passing me my jacket.
In bewildered silence, I took my belongings from her then followed as she led me across the restaurant to a quieter area, which had patio doors opening out onto a small garden.
We made our way outside, and I sat down on one of the wooden benches. Emilia disappeared and returned a few minutes later with two glasses of water.
“It’s too hot in there, isn’t it?” she said, as though nothing else had happened and we were just outside for a breather.
“Erm, yeah. It is.” I figured there was no point beating around the bush. “Listen, I don’t mean to sound rude, but why have you brought me out here? We hardly know each other.”
She gave me a reassuring smile. “Davi’s told me about Kian being the father of your baby, and I assume by the look on your face when you came back just now that the two of you had some sort of argument. You need someone to talk to and get whatever this problem is off your chest. Perhaps talking to someone you don’t know and who isn’t directly related to the situation will be easier for you. That way, you’re not just going to be told exactly what you want to hear. If you’re willing, I’ll listen to whatever you’ve got to say, and give you my opinion if you want it.”
“Aren’t you just going to defend Kian because he’s your husband’s friend?”
“No. I love Davi and I’ll always stand by him, but that doesn’t mean I have to like his friends. Kian and I have never seen eye-to-eye, to be honest. I’m just here because I see a girl in need of a friendly ear, and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t help someone when they needed it.”
I took a sip of my water as I considered how much to tell her. “What else has Davi told you about Kian and me? Did he mention that Kian asked for a paternity test and I told him to get stuffed?”
“No, he hasn’t. Is that what you fought about earlier?”
“Yeah, pretty much. We haven’t spoken since he asked for the paternity test, and I didn’t know he was going to be here tonight. When he heard what I’d said about him to Stacey, he got pissed off and followed me to the toilets. Is he always like this?”
Emilia let out an amused laugh and nodded her head. “I don’t want to taint your opinion of him, but yeah, I do think it wouldn’t hurt if he grew up a bit.”
“So, you think I’m doing the right thing by saying I don’t want him involved in the baby’s
life?”
“Actually, I’m not too sure about that. I don’t have kids myself, so I’ve never been in your position. But when I see Davi with his daughters, it makes me think that no man should be denied the right to be a part of their child’s life.”
“But he said he didn’t want to be involved in the baby’s life anyway.”
“From everything he’s told Davi, it sounds like he wants to take responsibility for his actions and is looking forward to becoming a father. Maybe he just said that he doesn’t want to be a part of the baby’s life because you hurt him.”
“I hurt him?” My voice came out as a high-pitched squeak. “How about what he said to me? Wouldn’t you be hurt if someone questioned your honesty?”
“Of course I would, but you’ve got to see it from his point of view. He knows hardly anything about you, and yet you know he’s a fighter who makes good money. In his caveman mind, he can’t be sure you’re not just taking him for a ride. He probably brought up the question of a paternity test in the wrong way, but what he said was for the right reasons. He doesn’t want to bond with the baby only to find out a few months later it isn’t his and that you were screwing him over.”
“Then why didn’t he just say that? If he’d said it like that, I would have thought about it and not got so angry with him. When he suggested it, it made me feel like he was accusing me of sleeping around and he was looking for an easy way out of this situation. Like he didn’t want the baby to be his.”
Emilia shrugged. “That’s men for you, isn’t it? They just come out and say whatever is on their mind, in the fewest words possible, without thinking how it’ll sound to the other person. I’m sure if he really didn’t want to be involved in the baby’s life, he wouldn’t have offered to support you and he wouldn’t have been so cut up when you told him to stuff it.”
“I don’t know. I’m not sure I can trust him and I really need to be able to. This isn’t just my life it affects, it’s the baby’s too. I can’t risk letting him be involved only for him to turn around a few months later and say he’s bored of being a father and wants out.”
“I’m not saying you should risk that. But I do think you at least owe Kian a little credit. It hasn’t been easy for him, either. He’s not used to taking responsibility for his actions and thinking about others. For him to say he wants to be part of the baby’s life is a big step. I don’t think you should cut him out entirely. He’s the father, and he’s got a right to know his child.”
I thought about what Emilia was saying. How would I feel if it was the other way around and someone was denying me the right to know my baby?
My chest ached and a lump formed in my throat.
“Yeah. Maybe you’re right.”
“But if I am, that doesn’t stop your feeling from being hurt, too. Take some time and think all this through properly.” Emilia reached into her bag and handed me a business card. “This is my personal mobile number. Call me if you ever need anything. Even if it’s just to rant about what a jerk Kian is being.”
“Thank you.” I took the card from her outstretched hand. “I really mean it. Not just for your offer, but for all of this. You listened and you didn’t judge me, and you’ve offered me a perspective I hadn’t considered before.”
“You’re welcome. You seem like a nice girl, Megan, and I want this to work out for you. I want you and your baby to be happy. Whether that includes Kian or not.”
“Thank you again.” I gave Emilia’s hand a squeeze. “I’m going to head home now and think on everything a little more. Would you let the others know I’ve gone, please?”
“Of course I will, and you take care of yourself and the little one,” Emilia said, as we both stood from the bench and she pulled me into an embrace.
“You can count on it.”
When I’d said I was grateful to Emilia for listening to me and offering her perspective on the situation, I meant it. Until I’d spoken to her, I’d been too pissed off and hurt by Kian’s words to see anyone’s point of view but my own. It was far too easy, when surrounded by friends and family offering their support, to see a situation in black and white. Because my parents and Stacey were biased towards me, they hadn’t pointed out how all this might be affecting Kian, like Emilia had.
By the time I reached home, I was too exhausted to think on anything. I texted Stacey to let her know I’d gotten back safely and apologised for ruining everyone’s night. Then I snuggled down into bed, determined to sort through this situation once I was feeling rested, and find a solution that would make both Kian and me happy.
With Emilia’s advice in mind and the weekend ahead of me to clear my thoughts, I called my parents and Stacey to let them know I was okay, but that I had something I needed to sort through, and asked that they give me time and space to do so. They were understanding and insisted if I needed anything, I just had to call them. I really appreciated not having to answer any awkward questions yet.
I switched off my phone, made some breakfast, and allowed myself some time to really let Emilia’s words from the previous evening sink in. She’d been right when she’d said I at least had to give Kian the chance to be there for his child if he wanted to. He was the baby’s father, and it wouldn’t be fair for anyone to deny him of the chance to be involved in its life. I still stood by what I said about his words hurting me and that I needed to know I could fully trust him before I could let him in. Although, I had to accept trust worked both ways. I knew telling Kian that the baby and I didn’t need him was a horrible thing to do. No parent should be made to feel like they’re unwanted. Plus, just as I wasn’t sure I could trust Kian and know for certain he was in this for the long term, he couldn’t be sure I wasn’t just trying to take advantage of him. Even though I knew I’d never use anyone in that way, he didn’t, and he’d be risking a lot by supporting me through the pregnancy. If I was going to be fair to not only myself, but the baby and Kian too, I had to give him a chance to prove himself. To show me he really was committed to being a father. And in turn, I had to show Kian I wasn’t just using him for his status and money.
CHAPTER SIX
I got to my car and found Davi waiting for me.
“Come on. Let’s get a drink,” he said. “You look like you could do with one.”
I followed him back in to the bar area of the restaurant, where he ordered us a scotch.
“What happened?” He slid a drink over to me.
Megan’s words still rang in my head, and they were the first things out of my mouth.
“She said they don’t need me.”
He clapped me on the shoulder. “I’m sorry, Kian. No father wants to hear that, but I’m sure it’s just the anger talking.”
I shook my head and swallowed down a mouthful of scotch, savouring the burn as it hit the back of my throat. “She doesn’t get it. She just doesn’t get it. I knew she was pissed off with me asking for a paternity test, but it’s like she thinks all this is my fault. She accused me of wanting an easy way out.”
“Well, you have been pretty erratic, and her hormones must be playing havoc with her emotions. She needs reassurance and to know you’re in this for the long haul.”
My body tensed, and I blew out a long breath. “I promised I’d support her. What more does she want?”
“For you not to accuse her of being a gold-digging whore?”
“I didn’t mean it like that. You know I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I know you didn’t mean it like that, but I’ve known you for five years. She hasn’t, and you’re not known for being subtle. You say you know nothing about her and that makes it hard for you to trust her, but she could say the same about you. All she has to go on is what she’s read in the papers and seen online, and if we’re being honest, you haven’t exactly got a stellar reputation.”
Damn it. Damn her and damn him. I needed another drink.
I ordered a second scotch for Davi and me.
“Tell me how to fix this.”
“I think the best thing to do now is give her space. If you keep confronting her about this, she’ll feel backed into a corner. Give it a few days then call and apologise.”
“Apologise? Again? But I’ve done nothing wrong this time.”
“You’ve both acted like idiots and said things you don’t mean.”
I wasn’t convinced I had anything to be sorry about, but if it got Megan to talk to me again, I’d do it.
“Fine. I’ll apologise.”
Davi’s phone beeped in his pocket, and he pulled it out to check who the message was from. After sliding it back into his trousers pocket, he downed the rest of his drink and said, “She’s gone home.”
“How do you know?”
“Emelia was just with her.”
“Oh, great. That’s all I need. Your wife hates me.”
Davi chuckled. “She does not.”
“You forget that she threw me out of your house on Catarina’s birthday.”
“Because you got drunk and puked on our brand new leather sofa. I’d have thrown you out if she hadn’t.”
I finished my drink and was about to order another when Davi asked, “Are you coming back to the table?”
“Nah. I need to clear my head. I’ll catch you when I’m back at training.”
“Okay. You know where I am if you need anything.”
“Cheers man. Say ‘bye’ to the others, will ya?”
“Sure.” Davi got to his feet and returned to Emilia and the others. I was about to order another drink when I thought better of it. If Josh or Davi saw me, they wouldn’t leave me alone, and any more than two drinks would put me over the limit. Points on my license was the last thing I needed.
Instead, I stopped by the Chinese takeaway on the way home and grabbed some dinner, making a brief detour to the off-license while my meal was being cooked.
All It Takes Page 7
