After opening the container of chow mein and spare ribs, I popped the top off a beer and flicked on the TV. Some football game was on the sports channel, so I left it playing while I ate. My attention wasn’t on the match, though, and my thoughts kept drifting back to Megan, and what Davi had said about me needing to show her I was in it for the long haul. I meant it when I promised to be there for the baby, I just needed to be sure it was mine. Why couldn’t she see that? Megan’s earlier words made me wonder if it wasn’t that she couldn’t see it, but maybe she didn’t want to see it. Was she having second thoughts about me being involved in the baby’s life? Had she changed her mind and didn’t want to keep it?
As I continued to try and figure out what was going on with her, and what I should say to her next, I opened another beer. Then a third. Old habits were easy to fall back into, and the comforting haze of alcohol made everything easier to cope with, although it didn’t block Davi’s words out entirely.
‘All she has to go on is what she’s read in the papers and seen online, and if we’re being honest, you haven’t exactly got a stellar reputation.’
I’d been so wrapped up in my own shit, I hadn’t realised the implications of what he’d said. If all Megan’s assumptions about me were based on what she’d read in the media, no wonder she thought I was looking for an easy way out. I’d carefully cultivated my reputation. To an outsider, that, coupled with my recent actions, could easily be seen as me not wanting the baby. No wonder Megan was confused. I had to do more to convince her I wanted to be a part of my child’s life, before it was too late.
The sound of my phone ringing jolted me awake, and I squinted in the semi-darkness, wondering if I could ignore it. It was my day off, and I was hungover. No way was I answering my phone. Voicemail could deal with it. When it started ringing a second time, I was about to switch the bloody thing off when Megan’s name flashed on the screen.
After our argument, I didn’t expect to hear from her again so soon, and despite my pounding head, I knew if I didn’t answer, that’d be it. My last chance with her would be fucked.
I tapped the answer button and put the phone to my ear as I tried to wake myself up. “Hey.”
“Hey. Can you talk?” she asked, her voice croaky, causing her to cough.
“Sure.” I walked into the kitchen and put the coffee machine on then grabbed some painkillers.
“About last night. I’m sorry. I’ve had time to think, and I’ve realised I haven’t been very fair to you since I told you I was pregnant.”
I remembered Davi’s advice and knew it wasn’t time to play the blame game.
“I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean it when I said I didn’t want to be a part of the baby’s life. It’s just this whole paternity thing is driving me crazy.”
“Me too. That’s why I called. I think we should talk about it properly. Are you free today?”
Her question was like a bucket of ice water being tipped over my head, and I felt more alert than if I’d drunk five mugs of coffee.
“Yeah. What time do you want to meet?”
“About twelve okay?”
I looked at the digital clock on my cooker: ten-thirty.
“Not a problem.”
“Do you know Belly Buster Café in the city centre?”
The coffee machine beeped to tell me my espresso was ready, and I gulped it down, ignoring it as it burnt my throat. “The one on Bell Street?”
“Yeah, that’s the one. I’ll see you there at twelve, okay?”
“Sure. See you soon.”
When Megan hung up, I made another drink, and while I waited for it to cool, I jumped in the shower. Once I was dressed, I cleared up the mess from the night before, and checked my mobile to make sure I wasn’t forgetting about any important appointments. Certain I had the day to myself, I zapped some leftover chow mein in the microwave and had that for breakfast before heading out to meet her.
When I arrived at the small café, I didn’t know what to expect once I came face to face with Megan. The night before had been tense, and we’d both said things we hadn’t meant. Even though we’d apologised, I still had an uneasy feeling as I scanned the room for her. I braced myself for a good rollicking, and probably a slap around the face too. Not that I didn’t deserve either of those things. Even by my standards, how I’d treated her recently was pretty appalling.
As I made my way towards the table where Megan sat, I was surprised when she looked up at me and smiled. For the first time since she’d told me she was pregnant, light sparkled in her green eyes and her cheeks flushed. It reminded me of the night we met. Her figure had started to plump from the weight of being pregnant, and it made her tits looks bigger. Looking at Megan, with her dark hair falling around her face, I decided being pregnant really suited her.
“Alright?” I said, shrugging off my jacket and allowing it to fall on the chair opposite her, before sitting down.
“Hey,” she replied with another smile and a nod of her head. “Do you want any lunch before we start talking?”
Megan already had a half empty glass of orange juice and an empty bowl besides her. Obviously, she’d been there for a while before I’d arrived.
“No. I’ll have a juice too,” I replied, motioning for the waitress to come over to our table. “Do you want anything else?”
“No. If I drink anymore, this baby will have me peeing for an hour,” she said with a nervous laugh.
Sexy, I thought sarcastically, and then shook the idea from my head. The baby that was ‘making her pee for an hour’ was probably my baby, and I could forgive it for a few uncomfortable moments here and there. As the image seeped into my head, I realised this was probably only the first of many changes the pregnancy would cause. Then there’d be night feeds and nappy changes to come after that. I’d have to get used to being a little grossed out at times, so why not start now?
“That’s a good sign though, right? It means the baby is healthy and moving around?”
“Yeah, the baby’s fine. It’s growing as it should, and when I saw the midwife a few weeks ago, she didn’t have any concerns.”
“Good to hear. So, when will you get to see it? Like, in an ultrasound scan, I mean.”
“Actually, my twelve-week dating scan is scheduled for later today,” she said, playing down the fact that she’d just thrown into conversation she was seeing the baby for the first time. “That’s one of the reasons I asked you to meet me today. I’d like you to come, if you want?”
Holy shit!
My mind reeled as the implications of her words hit me. It was like the moment I stepped into the cage.
“You want me to come with you?”
Megan’s brows knitted together. “That’s okay, isn’t it? If you’ve got to get back for training or something, I can always reschedule the appointment so we can go together. I just thought you’d like the see the baby too.”
“I would … I do …” I stammered, still having a hard time getting my head around the fact that not only did Megan want me involved in this important moment in the baby’s development, but that in just a few hours, I would see the child - my child - for myself.
The thought of seeing my unborn child made me even surer I had to find out for certain if this baby was mine. I’d already grown to accept, and even like the thought of becoming a father, and I knew these feelings would intensify if I saw a scan of the baby. The idea this baby might not be mine made my head spin and my heart hurt.
“The other thing I wanted to clear up with you is the matter of the paternity test,” Megan said, as if reading my thoughts. “I overreacted when you first asked me. I’m sorry. I was only seeing it from my point of view, and took what you said as an insult. I didn’t realise by asking for a paternity test you were just protecting yourself. No one wants to be taken for a ride, and as I’m pretty much a stranger to you, how can I expect you just to take me at my word?”
Surprised at how well Megan had guessed my feelings, I took a deep
gulp of my drink and nodded.
“I’m sorry too. The thing is, I’m really shit at this. But it isn’t because I don’t want the baby. I do, it’s just hard to know what to say and do when we don’t really know each other. You know?”
“Exactly my thoughts, which made me realise you’re right. We should have a paternity test. You and the baby need to know the truth. The only rule I have is that we wait until after it’s born. I know that’s a lot to ask, and you’ll be putting yourself on the line by waiting for six months to know the truth, but it’s too much of a risk while I’m still pregnant. I did some research online and read that it poses a slight risk of miscarriage, so unless there’s additional reasons to perform the test, it’s usually advised to wait until after birth.”
“Christ, I thought they just took blood or something. I guess, yeah, if there’s some kind of risk involved I’ll gladly wait it out,” I replied, without really thinking about it. Even if I didn’t know for sure this baby was mine, I knew for certain I didn’t want to be the reason any harm came to it. If waiting a few months would ensure the baby was born safely, then I’d wait.
Megan let out a breath then smiled. “Thank you for understanding. It means a lot. I promise, as soon as it’s safe, we’ll take the paternity test.”
“Thanks for agreeing to the test. I know it can’t be easy for you, and I understand why you thought me asking for it was me looking for an easy way out. I think we need to spend the next few months getting to know each other, so we can build up that trust.”
We continued chatting and discussed other aspects of the pregnancy. Megan and I both agreed I should go with her to as many midwife and hospital appointments as I could. That way, I would have the same first-hand information she did regarding the baby’s development, meaning if there were any problems with the pregnancy, I’d know straight away, rather than having to wait for Megan to get hold of me. Plus, my being more involved with the pregnancy would give us the time we needed to work on our relationship, so we could stop these horrible misunderstandings from happening.
Megan also insisted that until we took the paternity test, she didn’t want any money from me. If I wanted to buy things for the baby, she wasn’t going to stop me, but until the baby was born and the test taken, she didn’t want me to feel obliged to support her. I appreciated the gesture, and it helped me believe she wasn’t just doing this to make some quick cash.
“We’ve still got a little while before we’re due at the hospital,” Megan said after checking the time on her phone. “Wanna look around the shops or something?”
“Sure. Have you bought anything for the baby yet? Or are you waiting until after the scan today?” I asked, remembering once hearing about not buying anything for a baby before the twelfth week, in fear of jinxing the pregnancy.
Megan sighed then shook her head. “You would not believe the amount of stuff a baby needs. Not that I’m asking you for money. I meant what I said.”
“It’s cool. I don’t mind helping out, and I’m sure once I tell Mum about today, she’ll get out her knitting patterns and begin planning all the outfits she wants to make for the nipper.”
“Aww, that’s precious. Tell her I said thanks.”
“I’m sure she’d tell you herself that it’s not a problem. She’s very much looking forwards to having her first grandbaby. How about you? Will the little one have a brood of cousins to play with?”
“Nah, I’m an only child.” Megan shrugged. “And none of my friends have kids.”
“I suppose being an only child makes the pregnancy all the more special for your parents, though.”
“Yeah. Now they’ve gotten used to the idea, they’re really pleased.”
“That’s great. I bet having people who care about you around makes it a lot easier to deal with.” I thought of my own parents’ reaction. I realised now Dad was just trying to have my back when he suggested a paternity test. I planned to call and apologise to them when I got home. I wanted them involved in the baby’s life.
“Oh, yeah. Especially Dad. I’d have been lost these last couple of weeks without him. He’s been invaluable since I began looking for a new place to live.”
“You’re moving? But there’s nothing wrong with the place you’re at now. It’s a damn nice flat from what I can remember.”
“It is, it just won’t be big enough for me, all my things, and a baby. I don’t want to move far, though. I still want to be close to my parents. And I don’t wanna move too far away from the city so I can still get a job after the baby is born.”
I paused for a moment. “You’re going back to work after you’ve had the baby?”
“Well, I’ll have to eventually. It won’t be for a while, though. I don’t want to miss out on all those important little moments. But a girl’s gotta make a living, right?”
I remembered being a kid, and how mum was always at home with Marie and me while dad was at the gym. I figured Megan would be the same. “Well, yeah. I guess. I just assumed when the baby’s born you’d stay home with it.”
“Yeah, and let the magical money pixies take care of the bills. I should be so lucky. Besides, I think I’d go crazy if I gave up working entirely.”
I laughed. “I know what you mean. I can’t imagine my life away from the gym.”
As we continued chatting and walking, we passed a baby shop, and I stopped outside. Until recently, what a baby wore or slept in hadn’t even crossed my mind, but thinking of the baby and how it was probably mine made me want to buy everything it would ever need.
“Wanna take a look around?” I said.
Megan hesitated for a moment. “Until we’ve taken the paternity test...”
“Like I said, it’s cool. I’m not going to spend the next six months acting like this baby isn’t mine. You wouldn’t have agreed to the test if you weren’t sure, and I want to provide for my kid.”
“Okay, but you don’t have buy anything if you don’t want to.”
We stepped into the shop, and I was overwhelmed by all the stuff available. I’d always assumed all a baby would need was clean clothes, somewhere to sleep, some nappies and a few bottles. On display were things I’d never even seen before, let alone thought about. Changing tables, countless little outfits, toys, stuffed animals, blankets, pushchairs and prams, and cots of various sizes. No wonder Megan needed to move to a bigger place. I had to wonder whether she’d be able to afford all this and move house. I wanted to help. I wanted my child to have something I’d provided. As Megan browsed through the rows of clothes, I wandered over to the toys. I knew it was way too early to be thinking of something so big, but I just couldn’t resist the wooden rocking horse I saw. I’d had one when I was a kid, and remembered many fun hours pretending I was a knight chasing a dragon (who always had Marie’s voice in my games). Bending down, I single-handedly scooped up a medium-sized horse made of wood and a softer material for the seat and mane. Then, as I was carrying it to the till, I noticed an electric steam bottle sterilizer, and thought it would be a good way to save Megan some time when she was feeding the baby.
As I neared the counter, Megan caught up with me, and her eyebrows shot to her hairline, her green eyes going wide.
“Oh, Kian. You don’t have to go buying all this stuff.”
“I know I don’t, but I want to.” I threw her a grin.
“But the baby won’t need a rocking horse when it’s first born.”
“I know, but I had one as a kid, and well…” It felt stupid saying it out loud.
Megan beamed at me in reply, and I thought again how being pregnant suited her. It made her cheeks all rosy, and that was kind of cute.
“That’s really sweet, but honestly, your money is better spent on something you need while you’ve still got the chance.”
She had that same look of determination Davi got when he wasn’t going to let me get away with something, and I knew I was fighting a losing battle. “Okay, but the sterilizer stays.”
“Sure.
It’ll be so useful. Thank you.”
With another smile, I put down my purchase on the cash desk, and then reached into my back pocket for my wallet. It felt really good to be spending my money on someone else for once, and not just blowing it on random junk I didn’t need.
When we left the shop, we quickly nipped back to Megan’s car so she could put away the sterilizer, then we made our way to the hospital for our appointment.
As soon as I set foot inside the maternity unit, I felt a lightness in my chest, and got the same rush I had before a fight. This was really happening. I was really here, and soon I’d see my baby for the first time. Looking sideways at Megan, I knew she was thinking the same thing. Her cheeks were flushed and a few small beads of sweat had broken out along her brow line. This was a first for both of us, and we were equally excited and unsure of what to expect. In a strange way, it was reassuring to know I wasn’t alone in my feelings. It was good to know that everything I was thinking, Megan was too, and that we could be there for each other through this.
After signing in at the reception desk, we were directed to the waiting area, and told that the doctor would call for us shortly. Taking a seat next to Megan on the stiff metal bench, I looked around at the other patients waiting to be seen. Many were couples, some with other young children already, though there were a few women on their own. Watching one girl who looked barely eighteen, I wondered if the father of the baby was just unavailable, or if he’d run out on his child. I then realised that Megan could have been alone there too, if she hadn’t called and we hadn’t sorted things out. The thought caused my chest to tighten and my stomach burbled. I vowed never to miss an appointment under any circumstances.
The minutes ticked by as Megan flicked through a glossy magazine and I continued gazing around the waiting room. Seeing an expectant father lay his hands on his pregnant partner’s growing bump, it amused me to think in a few months’ time I’d be able to do that too, and possibly feel the baby moving.
I was about to ask Megan if she knew when the baby would start kicking, when the receptionist rose from the desk. “Megan Green, you can go through to the obstetrician’s office now.”
All It Takes Page 8
