by Rose, Imogen
“If we move back here.” She looked glum.
“Let’s head out for a drive,” Kellan suggested. “We’ll go past your house first, Ariele.”
After quick showers, we threw our clothes back on and headed out to David’s car.
“I’ll drive,” Ariele said. “I know where to go.”
We jumped into the Jeep, enjoying the beautiful bright day. Both Ariele and I had disguised ourselves the best we could, stuffing our hair under the hats we’d put on and hiding our faces behind oversized sunglasses. As Ariele drove, I kept a lookout, though the streets were quiet. Most people were likely either at work or school, but we did see the odd person out with a stroller or walking a dog. Ariele didn’t drive for long before parking opposite a stucco-finished house. “This is it—my house.” She paused. “Except it isn’t anymore. I wonder who lives here now. I might have a little peek in the mailbox to check if it’s someone I know.”
Before I could stop her, she’d climbed out of the car and was crossing the road.
“What the—” Kellan shouted. He turned to me. “Let’s stay here. No one’s around. I hope. So stupid of her.”
We watched Ariele open the red mailbox and pull out a bunch of mail, flicking through the mess of letters and bills. Then she put it all back in, closing the lid. She looked at us, holding up a finger, and then turned back to the house. She began walking toward it, and for a horrible moment, I thought she was going to ring the doorbell.
“OMG, make her stop!” I hissed at Kellan, who was ready to jump out and go after her. “Wait!”
She skirted the porch and continued along to the back of the house and out of sight.
“I’ll go get her,” Kellan said.
I held him back, my eyes transfixed by a shadow emerging from the house next to Ariele’s. The shadow formed into a girl as she stepped out into the sun wearing a pink bathrobe over blue pajamas. Her long dark hair swung behind her as she hurried over to Ariele’s house.
“What are we going to do?” I whispered.
“Nothing. Crouch down. We can’t have her seeing us as well. Hopefully, it’s just a nosy neighbor, and Ariele will be able to come up with some excuse and get back here.”
We hid in the Jeep, peeking out every so often to see what was happening—nothing for ages.
“I think I should go check it out,” Kellan said.
“Give it another minute. It’s not like the girl looked dangerous or anything. Ariele will totally deal with her if she needs to. Just another minute.” Which stretched into another five minutes. Kellan threw me a glare but then stiffened.
“Look!” he whispered.
Ariele and the girl emerged from behind a tree, hand-in-hand, and walked toward the girl’s house. They went inside. Ariele didn’t as much as look our way.
“Sheesh! Now what?” I asked.
“We wait. Maybe she knows her?”
“Looks like it, but isn’t that a total disaster?”
“Guess we’ll find out when she comes back,” Kellan said. “But we have to keep you hidden at all costs. You getting discovered would be a disaster on a whole different scale. Stay down, and let’s hope that Ariele comes back on her own.”
She did. An hour later. She grinned as she approached the car. Me—not so much. I was grumpy, tired, achy, and hungry.
“Sorry, guys.” She got into the car. “Let me make it up to you by getting us some sandwiches from Hoagie Haven.” She started the car and pulled out into the street.
“Spill, Ariele! Who the heck was that?”
“That was my friend Monica. She’s off from school with a tummy bug and was looking out the window and saw me walk into my back yard. I had taken off my hat and was twirling around when she thought she recognized me and came running over to make sure it was me.”
“Crap. Is she going to tell anyone?” Kellan asked.
“Of course not! She’s my… vault, as is A. They would never betray me, ever. She was just thrilled to death to see me. And wants us to go hang with A later, but I told her I couldn’t.”
“Good,” I said. “What did you tell her about your disappearance?”
“I told her that I didn’t want to lie to her, but I couldn’t tell her anything at the moment. She obviously tried to pick me for more info but backed off when I said that I really couldn’t. I did tell her that I was hoping to move back, and that got her really excited. For now, we promised to keep in touch daily by phone.”
“Is she going to tell A, seeing as you guys tell each other everything?” I asked.
“Probably. But that doesn’t make any difference to you, so don’t worry about it. It won’t go any further than the two of them.”
I wondered if A would tell her boyfriend. No further usually included boyfriends.
We pulled up to the sub shop, and Kellan ran in and got us food and drinks, which we took to the lawn in front of Princeton University. I sprawled out on the grass once I was finished eating, letting the sun’s rays warm me up as I admired the gorgeous stone buildings and the turret in the distance.
“I’ve seen my house—which some total strangers live in, by the way—and Monica. I’d love to see A, but I guess that’s out for now. We’ve got a bit of time before you head to the rink. What do you want to do?”
I felt a pang of guilt even considering it. My dad, Rupert, was the best dad ever, even though he drove me nuts at times. But that crazy came with the territory. Ella and I were champions of naughty, and he did his best to keep that somewhat under control—always using his own cunning, rather than his power, to do so. Mom was the power-crazy one, the one who handed out the you’re-grounded orders. I could go to my dad with anything, knowing that he’d listen first and not judge. He always tried to see things from my point of view. He was always there for me—he had my back. So, why was I even thinking of Dillard? Something inside me wanted to see my biological father. Maybe just to see what he looked like, to see if I saw any of myself in him. I assumed he’d be at work, and we’d be gone before he got back. Yet, there could be no harm in just voicing it to Ariele. “Do you know where A’s dad works?”
“Yes, up in New Brunswick. We could probably make it there and back before four. Do you want to go?”
“You know, I think I do, but he’ll be in an office or something. How will I get to him? I don’t even remember what he looks like.”
“Let’s drive up there and think of a plan on the way. We don’t have much time to do this, but if you decide you don’t want to go through with it when we get there, that’s okay. Come on.”
“You sure, Shrimp?” Kellan’s face had clouded over with worry.
I nodded as we walked back to the car and were on our way again, thankful that David had lent us his Jeep. It was great to see Ariele in such a chipper mood. I couldn’t remember the last time she’d been so upbeat. She even sang along with the radio. Amazing how seeing Monica had made her feel optimistic again.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Kellan whispered into my ear.
“He’s my father, and this could be my one and only chance to see him.”
“How are you going to do that?”
“By pretending that I’m A.” I couldn’t think of any other way.
“Gosh, I don’t think you can do that!” Ariele exclaimed. “You don’t even look the same.”
“Similar enough that even you thought I was her,” I pointed out.
“Yeah, physically, but I was really thrown by the hair. He’ll know something is up as soon as you open your mouth, so don’t think about talking to him. And don’t you think it’ll be strange when he goes home and A totally denies being in his office?”
“Maybe, but she’ll just have to deal with a dose of strange, same as everyone else.”
“What are you going to say about your hair?”
“Nothing. I’ll keep my hat on.”
Kellan shook his head. “This could blow up in your face. I don’t like it one little bit.”
I
didn’t say anything else. He was right, this could go totally wrong, but I had to take the chance. It could never come again, and Dillard was my father, good or bad.
Ariele pulled up to a red-faceted building and pointed to a doorway. “In there, and walk up to the receptionist. Are you like really doing this? Pretending to be A?”
“Yep.” I got out of the car before either of them could talk me out of it. I walked into the building and flashed a smile at the receptionist when she glanced up from her monitor.
“Arizona! Nice to see you. Your dad’s in his office. Just walk in.”
As she spoke, I noticed the door she glanced at, walked over, and knocked.
“Come in!”
Genesis. Everyone originates from somebody. Everyone has a biological father and mother. Most people have a mom and dad, or at least one of them. And some have a father and a dad. Sometimes they are not the same.
The man in front of me was definitely not my dad. He was my father, yet he was a stranger. But the look he gave me was not one a middle-aged stranger would give a teenage girl. It was one of familiarity—so deep-rooted and comfortable that the irritation in it was natural.
“Arizona.” The bald, tubby man heaved as if the sheer effort of saying the name deserved compensation. “Did you bring the money?”
My hand automatically reached into my Chanel bag. I gathered what I had and laid it on the desk in front of me, not once taking my eyes off my father.
He grabbed the scattered bills and started to count. “You had me worried this morning, disappearing without giving me this before you left.” He put the bundle in his pocket. “This is about five times more than you said you had. Do you have any left in your bank account?”
I shook my head.
“What about David? Does he have any? He should pay board for the amount of time he hangs out at the house.”
I shook my head again.
“How did you get here?”
“David gave me a ride,” I said softly.
“What’s wrong with you? Coming down with something?”
“I’m fine,” I said, speaking louder, wondering if I really wanted to chat more with this man. Did I want to get to know him, or was it better to take my mom’s word for it, figure he was a loser, and walk away?
“Good. I’m driving straight to AC after work, and I’ll probably stay there until Sunday.”
“Okay,” I said as he poured himself a drink.
“Can I have a glass of water?” I sat down, even though he hadn’t asked me.
“Sure, here you go.” He handed me a bottle from his desk. “You better get back to school. Can’t have those grades getting any worse. Your mom will have my head.”
“Have you heard from her?”
“Me? No. I thought you said you spoke to her a couple of days ago.”
“Yeah, that’s right.” I paused, trying to remember all the questions I had wanted to ask him and wondered if there was a way to talk to him, to break through his narcissistic wall and have him open up a little bit about the past.
“What’s with the hat?” he suddenly asked, eyeing me suspiciously. “Did you do something silly with your hair again? I hope that blond fiasco taught you a lesson.”
“Nope, just a bad hair day. It’s frizzy like you wouldn’t believe.”
“Since when do you care about things like that?” He asked and then chuckled, the fat around his belly shook. “No, don’t tell me… since you started going out with that David guy. Right, you better be on your way now. I’ve got work to do before I shove off.”
“Fa—Dad,” I said, nearly choking on the word and feeling a deep disloyalty to my dad, “do you have time to talk?”
“Talk? About what? I am kinda swamped at the moment, so if it’s not urgent—”
“It’s not exactly urgent, but it is important.” I looked him in the eye, shooting him one of those looks my mom was an expert at.
He looked taken aback as he sat up straighter, stroking his chin. “All right, go on.”
“I have been wondering about some things, and I know that this is probably a bad time to ask you, but I need some answers. Did you ever love Mom?”
He squinted his eyes into slits and removed his glasses, putting them down on the desk. “Why the sudden interest in that? Does this have to do with David? And relationships?”
I nodded.
“Well, I don’t do well in that area, as you know, so I am not the best person to talk to. You should talk to your girlfriends about that. How about Monica?”
“I will, but could you just answer the question?”
“Did I ever love your mother?” He lingered, looking lost in thought. “I was attracted to her, and what she stood for—her social standing, if you know what I mean. Was I ever in love with her? To be honest, I am not sure what that really means, so by default, I’d have to say no.”
I felt my heart break for my mom. She’d had two kids with a man who couldn’t even pretend to have ever loved her. “What about me? Do you love me?”
His eyes softened. “Why would you ever ask me something like that? Of course I do.”
“Then why are you taking money from me to go gambling? It makes me sad.” My eyes welled up at the thought of A having to live with this man.
He looked confused. “What’s come over you, Arizona? It’s what I do. You’ve never had a problem with it before.”
“I have. I just never said anything, that’s all. What about Mom? She must hate that you spend all your money like that.”
“She has a problem with everything I do,” he mumbled. “What does it matter? We’re divorced.”
“I guess it doesn’t, but does it matter that I do? And I am pretty sure it will to Ella as well when she finds out. I want you to stop. Now.”
“Well, I will give cutting back on the gambling some thought when I get back from—”
“No, I don’t want you to go to Atlantic City at all. And I want my money back.” I gasped as the words poured out of my mouth. What did I care? But then I realized that it wasn’t for me, but for A. She was a part of me. I could feel her pain, her desperate sorrow. Somehow, over the last year, our souls must have fused somehow, and she wasn’t really gone at all.
“Oh, is that what this is about?” Dillard said angrily, pulling out a few bills from his pocket and waving them in the air. “The money? I’ll return that to you on Sunday.”
“That’s not it! Why don’t you come watch me play hockey tonight instead of going?”
“Oh, come on. It’s not like I never come to your games, and it’s just practice tonight. I will give what you said some thought when I get back. Now,” he said rising from his chair and ushering me to the door, “it’s time for you to get back to school.”
My face was soaked with tears by the time I got back to the car with mascara probably running down my cheeks. I felt like a hot mess, and I was sure I looked like it.
“What happened?” Kellan enveloped me in his arms and helped me into the car.
I couldn’t talk, burying my face in his chest and letting the tears run dry. I wasn’t crying for me. I wept for A.
Ariele drove us back to David’s apartment in complete silence. I’d stopped crying by the time we arrived, but I felt hollow. I walked over to David’s mantle and picked up the only picture on it—a framed photo of David with A on the ice rink. She was looking up at him and smiling, her eyes bright with happiness, and he gazed at her as if she was the only girl in the world. His fingers were casually entwined in hers.
I felt my sadness lift as I looked at the picture. David had brought A to a warm, safe emotional place —a place I’d lived in for as long as I could remember. My family had grounded me with their love and support, to the point that I took it for granted. The girl in the picture could have been me, and she was only now beginning to realize the comfort and confidence in knowing that someone always had her back. Even if that wasn’t her family.
Kellan hugged me from behind, peeri
ng over my shoulder. “They look happy.”
I nodded and pulled him to the couch, feeling just as content as they looked.
“So?” Ariele said. “Now that you’re done weeping, can you tell us what happened? Did he figure out that you weren’t A? If so, we’re in real trouble and had better disappear.”
“No, he didn’t. I was pretty good at keeping up the pretense. He did take all my money, though, so I don’t have any left.”
“What?” Kellan asked. “Why would he do that?”
“I guess you don’t even need to ask. You know the drill, right?” I said to Ariele.
“Yeah.”
“You could have warned me.” I explained to them what happened, leaving out my question about Mom. That was just too painful to share. “I am glad I got to meet him, but he’s not my dad. I didn’t feel anything for him.” Apart from disdain. “Has A tried to get him off the gambling thing?”
“It’s not really up to her, is it?” Ariele replied. “Your mom tried for years without any luck. Dillard did drugs too. He said he needed a fix to deal with your mom’s constant nagging about his gambling. Things got really ugly. Believe me, A has seen the results of trying to make him give it up, so she goes along with it. She has to.”
“Why doesn’t she just move in with Mom… her mom? There is a mom doppelganger somewhere.”
“A rebelled big time when things were at their worst, even threatening and being violent toward Ella. It was a bad time. She hates her mom and blames her for not butting out of his business.”
“Huh? That seems a bit insane. Sheesh, I was in his office for ten minutes, and even I tried to make him give up gambling!”
“You did not!” Ariele chuckled. “And how did that go?”
“He blew me off.”
“That’s our Dillard.”
We heard a key turn in the front door lock, and David walked into the apartment. He was dressed in a Princeton High School varsity jacket, a sure sign that he was totally settled in Arizona Stevensland.
“Hey!” He waved. “Good day?”
We nodded. We’d already decided not to share our day’s events with David. He would totally have major meltdowns at most of it—Ariele meeting up with Monica, me visiting Dillard. I was stressed out just thinking about telling him any of it. And if I didn’t keep my mouth shut, it would probably mean the end of any visit to see A. But now, more than ever, I had to see her for myself, to make sure she was happy. I needed her to be as happy as I was. Anything else just seemed unfair.
