“I see you found my clothes.”
“Thank you. I’m just going to wash mine if that’s okay? We don’t have anything to wear. When Thayer wakes up, I’d like to wash his, too.”
He led me out to the laundry room and showed me where the soap was. I could feel the tension between us – coming from him – so strong it made my knees feel weak. I was aware of every single movement, every shrug, every bend in his arm as he helped me get the washing machine ready. I wish he’d just go away and let me get this on my own. It was bad enough I was wearing his clothes, I didn’t need him breathing on me too.
“What’s going on Abigail?”
“What do you mean?” Even I could hear the shakiness in my voice. The air was almost suffocating and I hoped he couldn’t see the rise and fall of my chest from breathing so fast.
“What’s going on? There’s something you aren’t leveling with me on and I want to know what it is.”
I tried ignoring him, casually throwing my mismatched panties and bra into the machine and covering them with my shirt and jeans. Once I got the machine going, I turned around and was met face-to-face with a not-so-happy Thatcher. He braced his hands against the machine, effectively closing me in the small area between him and the washer, leaving no room for me to go anywhere. At least not unless I wanted to touch him, which I was not going to do.
Three inches filled up with five years of stuff. The muscle in his jaw worked itself and his eyes, oh Lord those eyes, all blue and stormy like the ocean, tried so hard to read into my soul.
I swallowed.
“I’m not asking again. What the fuck is going on with you? Adrian thought you told me something and as far as I can tell, you haven’t said a damn word about anything. I want to know what it is. What are you hiding?”
My mouth felt like it’d gone through a terrible wind storm and I swallowed again while trying not to breathe in his masculine scent, which I swear smelled like vanilla, into my nose. Trying not to feel the thick air that filled up the three inches of space between us. I tried really hard not to look at his lips that were shaped to perfection and colored with a kissable pink and surrounded by all that facial hair that my fingers were just itching to touch. So much so that I was sure my knuckles were white from the tight hold I had on these sweatpants.
“Adrian and I got a divorce.” I let it all out in one quick breath. There. I said it. I couldn’t look him in the eye. My eyes darted everywhere but at him. Seconds went on. Minutes, maybe. Finally, unable to stand the tension and heat of his half-embrace, I went to move but his arm wouldn’t budge.
“What did you say?” he whispered, as if his life was changing.
“You heard me, Thatcher. It’s over between us.” I didn’t add the fact that it’d never started between us because, well, when I looked Thatcher in the eye, he looked like he might blow a gasket. The vein in his temple was bulging, his jaw was ticking and a quick glance confirmed that tattooed forearm was indeed, tense.
“Why?”
I cocked my head to the side, pondering all of the reasons Adrian and I were over. Pondering what I should tell him. What I wanted to tell him. What I thought he deserved to know. Did he care if Adrian never found me sexually attractive and vice-versa? Did he really want to know how many times I’d wanted a man, any man, to find me attractive enough to love me and stay with me? Did he care that Adrian and I got along as great friends and nothing more?
“It wasn’t working out, okay?”
“Wasn’t working out in what way?” he asked in a clipped voice.
Sex. Love. You know the usual. “Thatcher, damn it, it’s not your concern. It’s over between us. It was a friendly agreement.” We don’t love each other. Not the way I love you. No. Just no. I wasn’t willing to go there. I didn’t believe it even as the voice inside my head said it.
“The hell it’s not my concern. What about Thayer?”
My heart sunk. Not because I was jealous of my son – just that Thatcher worried about him and not me. The truth rearing its ugly head yet again.
“Thayer is going to be fine. Adrian can see him whenever he wants. He’s been a great dad to him.”
His eyes faltered as I said this and I instantly felt bad for my implication. Defeated, he pulled his arms away from the washing machine effectively letting me free. He wouldn’t even look at me, just stepped back allowing me to go on my way. I stepped away and then stopped with my back to him. I wanted to ask him all these burning questions that I’ve had for years – they were on the tip of my tongue – why he left Thayer and I. Why hadn’t I mattered enough for him to stay with me? I wanted to blame him that he couldn’t dare be angry about any of this because this wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for him.
“I don’t understand you,” I whispered.
I walked out, anger and hurt on top of the exhaustion suddenly taking over me. I was once again confused by this man. What did he want from me? What didn’t he want from me? I went to my bedroom and laid on the bed, careful not to jostle Thayer as I snuggled into the pillows.
There was no way Thayer and I could stay here longer than a night.
Chapter Five
Thatcher
I had to get out of the house. It was taking everything I possessed in me not to follow her upstairs and order her to tell me what the fuck was going on. Why hadn’t Adrian said anything to me? What happened? I threw on jogging shorts, laced up my sneakers and went for a run.
What had I missed? I played the past five years through my mind, replaying instances of Adrian and Abby together. Thayer’s birthdays seemed to be the most memorable in my mind and envisioning them, I could recall the two of them being normal. Kind, respectful to one another and caring. Great at being parents to Thayer. Always just Adrian and Abby. Usually never one without the other or at least, I rarely saw Abby without Adrian. Their relationship had never been a question in my mind and suddenly they’re divorced? Not even a ‘we filed and are going through the motions.’ It was just flat-out over.
I headed further away from Lone Star, crossing the bridge and taking the ATV trail up to Pepper Ridge. Pepper Ridge had two roads going up to it – one was a smaller ATV trail and the other was an actual road – which was heavy with construction traffic from Altitude Energy building one of their wind turbine facilities here. Not being bothered by the dirt sticking to my wet skin, I chugged on, wishing I’d brought water with me.
I’d always taken for granted that Adrian and Abby were fine. A couple that was happy. A good couple. Thinking about it now, trying to remember those actual moments of happiness, I was drawing a blank. Thayer aside, I’ve never seen the two of them affectionate toward one another. Not really. Maybe a simple touch here and there. Always smiles and laughs. I’ve personally never witnessed them kissing and would have never given that a second thought if this hadn’t come up. I’d never witnessed any hug or affection on display from either of them. I just assumed.
I peaked the ridge and stopped, a sudden thought occurring to me. Had Abigail been unhappy this entire time? Did I push Adrian into this marriage, thinking I was helping Abby when in actuality she’d been unhappy from the get-go? When this whole time I thought she was happy. Guilt stabbed me in the gut and I doubled over, clenching my hands against my knees, bowing my head.
I thought I was doing the right thing and it’d been the wrong thing this entire fucking time? My thoughts drifted back to a happier time for me. When Abby and I had been friends, more than friends but never with benefits. We were friends in high school and continued to be friends well into our early twenties. Abby and I started to reconnect with one another, more so than the simple chit-chat when we ran into one another in Deer Creek, and it’d been the best months of my life. We’d gone from friends to something more. Something that had potential. Our attraction had been insatiable. We were like fish on a feeding frenzy. Then she got pregnant and that changed everything for me. When she married Adrian, I’d backed off, respecting Adrian’s role as husband a
nd father. I made that choice.
For a moment, I watched all of the construction trucks moving back and forth, moving dirt from one spot to another and generally doing things that only made sense to them. I was in the present but my mind was so far in the past, it was hard to focus. Adrian owed me a favor. A big favor. When I found out Abby was pregnant, it was the best moment of my life. I was blessed to have such an extraordinary woman and the fact that she was going to have a child, was the greatest gift of all. Part of me and part of her.
It was also the scariest moment of my entire life. I’ve always been haunted by that saying, “like father like son.” I was not going to be like my father because I wasn’t going to put myself in that situation. He was manipulative and abusive. How could I ever be sure that I wouldn’t turn out like him? That I would be able to raise a child the right way? Give the child love and support. Guidance. Be someone that child could look up to and admire. Be someone worthy of that child’s admiration and love. Be that someone who could understand the balance of discipline and abuse – someone unlike my father.
Were there any guarantees to that?
I questioned my grandfather’s motives in requiring I have custody of a child before I could inherit the rest of the money. Didn’t he think I would wind up like my dad? Had he forgotten that my dad was an asshole? It was hard to fathom the will’s stipulations of having custody of a child – who fucking did that? Why?
I took off at a sprint, going back down the ATV trail and heading back toward my house where my son lay asleep and the only woman I’d ever loved – and ironically, made miserable for five years even without my presence – stayed in the room right above mine. What in the fuck was I going to do now? One thing was certain, despite Abby’s divorce, I still needed legal claim over Thayer if I had any dream of coming out of the Deer Creek store on top.
By the time I made it home and showered, the house was still quiet. I was amazed Thayer had slept so long. Spider-Man sat quietly in his bin on the table exactly where I’d left him and I couldn’t help myself, I walked up the stairs making sure my footsteps weren’t their normal thunder and peered into their room.
Thayer was still fast asleep. A lock of blond hair fell over his forehead and his tiny arm was folded beneath his head. His little chest rose and fell underneath the blanket and an unfamiliar feeling gripped my chest, making it difficult to breathe. Abigail lay on her side facing away from him, her hands curled up to her chest. Sun strands from the window blazed against her hair highlighting the reddish-blonde color. Her lips weren’t quite closed and I wondered what she would do if she woke up to my tongue in her mouth. If for just one second, I could relive the feel of those cushiony lips against mine. To be warmed by the heat of her tongue against mine. Once again that same feeling gripped my chest and I turned to walk away but she shifted and I tensed.
“Thatcher.”
My name came out of her mouth in a breathy sigh and I realized she wasn’t awake but still sleeping. Crap. What was she dreaming about? She’d been through so much that I could only imagine the nightmare she was having about me. I shouldn’t have cornered her the way I did and demanded the truth. I should have let her tell me about Adrian and her on her own. I hadn’t considered what she might be going through even though I’d heard her crying in the shower when I set my sweatpants and shirt on the bed. And now here I was like a pervert watching her while she slept – and getting an erection to boot.
I went to my office and grabbed a blanket out of the closet. I returned to their room and spread the blanket out, laying it over her.
“Thatcher.”
She moaned my name again and I stilled with my fists clenched on the blanket above her chest.
“Just like that,” she whispered.
When she didn’t move again, I slowly released the blanket and with my dick the size of a baseball bat, I made my way out of the room. Just like that. My heart thundered in my chest at the thought of my name on her lips as she slept. The implications of her words. Was it at all possible that in these five years she’d been married, she thought about me? Was it possible that maybe, just maybe, there was something more to her story that I didn’t know?
Going into the kitchen to grill steaks for dinner, even though I wanted to go and relieve the bulge in my pants, I swore I was going to unravel Abigail until I knew every single one of her secrets.
Even if it killed me.
Chapter Six
Abigail
When I awoke alone, my dream was at the forefront of my mind and I was grasping at straws trying desperately to remember every piece of it. Thatcher. It was always Thatcher who invaded my mind. The feel of his large hands caressing my thighs, those eyes of his boring into my soul as he whispered dirty words into my ear, that, now awake, I couldn’t hear what they were. God, how I wished I could. He drove me wild. It was that moment, clenching my sex in need, wanting so badly to touch myself with thoughts of Thatcher so present, I realized my toy was in the fire. Dang it.
I got up quickly, throwing a blanket away from me that Thatcher must have placed on me while I slept. The fact that that thought sent crazy thrills of excitement through my body, must have had to do with the dream I’d just had. Heading downstairs and toward the delicious smells of dinner, I saw Thatcher and Thayer sitting outside on the back patio. The screen door allowed for me to listen in on their discussion.
“Spider-Man always likes to be outside.”
“Even in the cold?” Thatcher asked.
“I don’t know. Does he?”
“I don’t think so, buddy. Turtles like the warm sun.”
“Why don’t you pick him up? My mommy holds him sometimes for me. He wiggles a lot.”
“Yeah,” Thatcher said, sounding unsure, “let’s wait until your mom wakes up and she can help you with him.”
I don’t know why, but it annoyed me that he sounded so…so nice. It was like our little moment where he demanded I tell him about my divorce meant nothing to him now. That my life was changing every which way and I didn’t even have my toy to boot – and Thatcher sounded like it was just any other ole day! I made my presence known, sliding the door open and maybe shutting it a little too hard behind me.
“Hi, Mama. Thatcher was showing me how to cook.”
“To grill.”
“Yeah, how to grill, Mama.”
“Is that so?” I dared a quick glance at Thatcher and those damn blue eyes were stern, threatening me as if I were the one to have a problem. This mess was his fault, as far as I could see. Maybe he was affected more than I thought when I had been standing on the other side of that screen door, unable to see his facial features. But now, with the sun waning, sitting in a white Adirondack chair, his hands folded in front of him and the turtle bin at his feet, I could see the grim line in his face that he wasn’t too happy. I could feel the tension rolling off him in waves and for the first time since Adrian and I agreed on this divorce, I was irritated with my husband. Ex-husband. For leaving me to deal with this alone with his friend.
“Hungry?” his voice down-right angry, accusing.
Even though I wanted to tell him no thank you, I couldn’t ignore the growling in my stomach, trying to remember the last time I ate. Before I took Thayer to the park this morning. Thayer had cereal and I ate a banana as I waited for him to finish up.
“I am, actually.”
“I can hear your stomach growling. We grilled steaks.”
“It smells wonderful.”
He took some massive T-Bones off the grill and the heat of the flames had me stumbling back against his chair. He was at my side in an instant.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, I just…it was the heat. The fire’s been on my mind and that just brought back the reality of it is all.”
His warm hand was on my elbow in an effort to keep me steady and I couldn’t help the fact that it wasn’t a total lie what I told him. The fire was on the forefront of my mind, but when I was this close to him, able to fee
l the comforting heat of his skin, the pungent smell of soap, whispers of my dream, the fire wasn’t the only thing on my mind.
“That was stupid of me, I didn’t think-”
“No! It’s okay. I suppose it’s going to take awhile is all. It was only this morning.”
“Feels like its been days.”
“I know. Speaking of days,” he let me go and I settled into the Adirondack chair he’d been sitting in. Thayer managed to find a pile of rocks that he was keeping himself entertained with and I thought it was a good opportunity to bring up the fact that we couldn’t stay here for more than a night. “Thayer and I will leave tomorrow. We can’t stay here.”
“I gave Adrian my word.”
Ugh. There was always that. His word. He never gave me his word. About anything. But with Adrian, it was so solid I damn-near wanted to throw up.
“At least you give someone your word.” I surprised myself, not meaning for the words to come out and I hated how bitter and sarcastic they sounded. But Thatcher made me feel things. Things I didn’t want to feel. Things I didn’t know much about.
He shut the grill off and barely turned to give me a pointed look. He went into the house. I sighed. I was over Thatcher. I was over the pain that had taken up residence in my body when he left me high and dry five years ago. Over it. Why did I feel the need to keep spouting out little jabs then? Why couldn’t I leave well enough alone?
Thatcher’s yard was plenty big and I was happy for that. Thayer was oblivious to my attitude and so far, hadn’t seemed to mind that every possible thing he owned was lying in ashes two miles away. Shrubs and bushes lined the yard, which was squared off by a wooden split rail fence. His yard was flat; scattered groupings of small rocks and newly planted trees filled certain areas making the yard look not-so-sparse.
Wild: A Small Town Romance (Love in Lone Star Book 2) Page 5
