by Casey Diam
The moment I stepped outside, clouds of smoke dived into my nostrils and orbited my lungs, defeating any prospect of the fresh air I’d hoped to intake. Darkness had fallen, but the lights coming from the building lit the surrounding area, enabling me to make out the few faces coming and going.
Ascending the stairs from the underground bar behind the girls, I stopped with them in the gravel to the right of the staircase. My attention turned to the two guys sitting on chairs taken from inside the bar, smoking on the opposite side of us with beers at their feet. The warmth from the day had spilled over into the night, making it a nice night to be outdoors.
Amber lit her cigarette and asked, “So, Caleb? You guys aren’t together anymore?”
“No. We never really were together.” I turned my gaze to the curious girls. If I was too vague, they’d keep asking questions, and that was the last thing I wanted. “I don’t know what happened last week, but we just don’t”—I searched for the right words that wouldn’t give anything away—”want to go that route. We decided friendship was a better option for us.”
Lisa turned her head and blew a cloud of smoke behind her. “Don’t mind Amber. She’s just trying to get the scoop. She’s had a crush on Caleb for the longest time.”
Caleb? Really? Not Calvin?
There was clear tension between Calvin and her, but she wasn’t denying a crush on Caleb, which made me wonder if Caleb had ever slept with either of the girls.
“Anyway, if you’re looking to meet someone, tonight’s the night,” Lisa said, the end of the cigarette burning bright orange as she took it to her lips. “There are these college hunks who come here almost every Friday night, and they are like the fan yourself kind of hot.”
I peeked at Amber, who was quiet and looking over my shoulder. “Speak of the devils.”
“Amber isn’t a big fan.” Lisa pulled the wide neck of her blouse off her shoulder and wiggled her hips. “She likes her men older. I don’t. No shriveled-up balls for me.” She winked. “Just kidding. They’re all shriveled up.”
Smiling, I bit my lip. I really liked her.
“How old are you guys?” I asked.
“Twenty-one. We met in the tenth grade and haven’t left each other’s side since,” Lisa explained.
“Lisa, Lisa, Lisa. My favorite señorita.” An athletic, dark-skinned guy grabbed Lisa and lifted her into a tight hug.
Before I could get introduced, another hunk of a man circled around and stood in front of me. “I know you.”
I looked up to a clean-shaven face and intense eyes, but with the low lighting, I couldn’t really make out the color. His hair was dark, only a tad shorter than Caleb’s, and by the way my neck hurt from staring up at him, he had to be at least a couple of inches taller than Caleb, too.
“I don’t know you,” I said even though his face seemed familiar.
He grinned. “Damn. Really? I’m pretty sure we were in the same class last semester.”
“Oh, you go to Dodson?”
“Holy shit! You really don’t know who I am?”
“I don’t, but with the ego behind your words, it might be a good thing.”
He laughed. “Hmm, how about I buy you a drink and introduce myself?”
“Uh, no, thank you.”
I started to go around him, but he fell into step with me, and that was when I noticed Lisa, Amber, and the rest of the guys had already gone back into the bar.
“You don’t even want to know my name?”
“No, I want it to slowly eat at your ego, knowing there’s someone at Dodson who doesn’t know who you are.”
“Wow, now, I really want to buy you a drink.”
When I opened the door to the bar and looked back to him, the light from inside shone on the flash of green in his eyes. He was cute, and I couldn’t help but think, with everything going on, being with someone else other than Caleb might be good for me, for him, and our sanity, depending on how the pieces of our lives would end up fitting together. An icky grossness slithered around my digestive tract with that in mind, and I realized that not knowing what Caleb and I were to each other was ten times worse than finding out the facts even if it turned out to be the worst-case scenario. I needed answers, and if it meant going back to that mansion, then that was what needed to happen and sooner rather than later.
“Can’t drink. I’m working tonight.”
Chapter Forty-Five
Caleb
Lisa was the first one to return to the bar with one of her friends from college, followed by Amber, who’d returned to the table. That was five minutes ago, if not longer, and it had become natural for me to worry about Paige when she wasn’t within my line of sight. How could they have left her outside like that? Preparing myself to go check on her, I shifted in my seat but then saw her entering through the front door with some tall dude close behind.
“If you’re wondering, she doesn’t need help flirting. She’s a natural.”
Passing a glance at Amber, I nodded. “I know.”
Her soft and inviting gaze made it easy to tell she was still into me. The dryness in my throat forced me to swallow. Paige walked toward us, and my gaze lifted, sending daggers through the prick who was openly gaping at her rear end.
Miller.
He’d slept with half the girls in this bar and had the rest lined up, waiting for a turn. There was no fucking way I was letting him put his disease-stricken fingers on Paige. Standing, I allowed her into the booth.
Before I could warn her about Miller, she said to me, “Tomorrow. Let’s go to the mansion tomorrow.”
❧
It was eight in the morning, and according to my phone’s GPS, we were ten minutes away from the mansion. The bright daylight a mere five minutes ago dimmed the closer we got to Paige’s childhood home. It was like driving into the woods to some haunted mansion. Observing the trees thickening on either side of the narrow road, I was about to pass it when Paige directed me onto the paved entrance surround by trees and bushes. The L-shaped brick building was nestled within what I imagined used to be perfectly landscaped trees and gardens.
Letting the car roll forward until it was somewhat hidden from the road by a tree, I looked over at Paige. Her lip was sucked between her teeth, and one of her legs was tapping away on the floorboard. She’d put her hair into a ponytail today, and with the summer weather finally showing face, we’d both thrown our jackets into the backseat.
“Are you ready?” I asked her. “We could sit here for a bit if you want.”
Sucking in a deep breath, she gradually let it out while rubbing her palms against her thighs. Taking one of her hands in mine, I rubbed the back of it in a soothing motion.
“I should just go before I freak myself out.”
We stood at the front door without my weapon because I’d worn basketball shorts. It was much harder to secure and keep hidden at the back of my shorts due to their elasticity, and the last thing I wanted was to have it exposed where Paige could see it and think I was here to finish the job. She looked around us as I shoved the key in the lock and pushed the door in.
The first thing I saw were the white sheets thrown over the furniture.
Last night, Paige had told me more about the mansion that belonged to her grandparents on the Sawyers’ side of the family. A lawyer had sought her out before she left the community home and given her a key along with a message, saying it was a gift to her that would remain untouched until she decided what she wanted to do with it.
When I stepped inside, my head rotated from the vast staircase to the sunroom and a family room, and when I turned, Paige wasn’t behind me like I’d thought. My heartbeat sped up, and I hurried back out the front door.
“Paige,” I called.
She was standing a few feet off to the side, hands rubbing up and down her upper arms as if she were cold.
Jogging up to stand in front of her, I grasped her shoulders. “Paige, it’s okay. I’m here with you.”
Her o
nly response was a constant shake of her head and a few short breaths leaving her mouth.
Holding her chin, I tipped her head. “Look at me. Focus on me. I’m here. Nothing’s going to happen, okay?”
After a few more inhales and exhales, she nodded.
“Okay?” I asked.
“Okay.”
“Do you want us to come back another day? We don’t have to do this today.”
I knew bringing her back here could give way to memories, ones that could possibly be of help to us. But, as much as I wanted that for her and for us, I didn’t want her to go in if she wasn’t ready.
Blue irises moved to the corner of her eyes as she eyed the house behind my shoulders like it might jump out at her. “I have to,” she whispered.
“Okay, we’ll go in together.” I held out my hand for her to take, and her hand felt so small and fragile in mine. “Try to think about what it was like living here a few months or longer before anything happened. That might give us a clue as to whether or not the Sawyers had known anything about why someone would come after them.”
As soon as we stepped inside, she grasped my hand tighter and veered to the right, away from the family room. She stopped and peered out the window where a daybed sat with a white sheet draped over it.
“Mom loved this window. It was her reading spot.” A pained expression appeared over her face like she was about to cry. “She... she was sad.” Tears filled her eyes. “I’d caught her crying a few times. I don’t know why.”
She bit her lip and looked behind her, and I could feel the fear she was emitting.
“Hey,” I said, trying to get her attention. “Whatever that was, don’t think about it.”
A small tapping sounded through the empty house, freaking me the fuck out. Paige blinked, trying her hardest to fight back tears as she continued to peer behind her. A soft tap-tap-tap filled the space, sending goose bumps up my arms.
I looked down. It was her combat boots against the parquet. She started to pull me toward the other side of the house through a family room. A sob burst from her throat, and it shocked me since I’d thought she was doing well.
“Paige, hey.” I stopped, which brought her to a stop. Her head hung, and her sobs grew louder. “Paige, what is it?”
“The guitar.” She sniffled, wiping her eyes.
“What guitar?”
“Dad,” she said like the air was being compressed in her lungs.
She tried to continue forward, but I stopped her again, only it made her cry harder. So, I let her walk but still held on to her hand. At this point, I didn’t know if it was out of comfort for myself or for her, but I held on.
The door to the room she was heading to was wide open, and it only took one step inside before Paige crumpled to the floor and completely lost it, wailing and screaming, her body becoming dead weight on the floor. Kneeling down next to her, I clutched her shoulders, trying to raise her up.
“Dad,” she cried, reaching her palms all over the floor. “It’s everywhere.” She inhaled, tears streaming down her cheeks as she stared at the wall for seconds, like there was more to the wall than the white paint.
Looking around the empty room and seeing nothing out of the ordinary, I had no words, so I just held her. Though I kept my eyes peeled because, if she was seeing something I wasn’t seeing, then, fuck, maybe this was a fucking bad idea.
Wait, there’s nothing in here.
The flooring looked new. She was calling out for her dad. She did that in her nightmares. Had she seen her dad after they shot him or the rest of the family?
Damn it, Paige. You need to talk to me.
As I got her up into an almost-sitting position, she rocked forward, a hand pressing to her stomach.
God, she’s so pale.
Her breathing was off. She was taking about five breaths in the time it took for me to take one.
“Paige, it’s okay. Just breathe.”
But she was gone. She wasn’t even seeing me or hearing me. She was just gone.
Fuck.
Her body began to tremble, and I was stuck between wanting to pull her away from this or letting her stay because, somewhere deep down, I knew she needed this. But common sense also told me that she didn’t need this. She was bawling and in so much agony. I couldn’t take it.
Scooping her up into my arms, I ignored her shrieks and carried her back the way we had come. I struggled to open the door with her cradled against my chest, freaking out, but I managed. This place was giving me the creeps and I just wanted out.
I sat on the steps with her in my lap, and I could see everything, including the tears and snot running down.
Uh—I shook my head—you’re lucky I like you.
My hand caught the hem of my shirt, but then I thought twice about it. I picked up the hem of her shirt and wiped her nose.
The sunlight blaring down on us seemed to have a calming effect on her, but she was still so pale and out of it that I doubted she noticed.
Cupping her cheek, I turned her head to me. “Come back to me, Paige. Please. You’re going to be okay, I promise.”
I didn’t know when it’d happened, but she’d become my favorite person. My thoughts tapped into a memory, and I frowned. She’d joked about me sending her back to a mental facility, and I didn’t know why before, but now, everything was coming together. This was what had caused it. Her nightmares, her anxiety...
What have I done?
“Why did they leave me alone?” Fresh tears coursed down the corners of her eyes. “Why am I here, and they aren’t? I don’t understand.” She inhaled a few times before she continued, “I’m tired of running. I’m tired of trying to forget, trying to be numb to this. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. It hurts. It really, really hurts.”
“I know, but it’s only for a little while. You’ll feel better soon.” My own eyes welled with tears. “Maybe not today or tomorrow, but you’ll get there.” Tucking her head into my chest, I held her for a while longer until she forced her way out of my arms.
“This is so fucked, Caleb.” She angrily swiped at her eyes and then marched toward the car. “My family gone, we could be related, and still no fucking answers. Seriously, how does one even begin to recover from shit like this?”
An erratic palpitation took hold of my heart as I considered just how fucked up we both were in our individual lives. I’d set out to find her in hopes of finding a way out from under Alex Connor and unraveling everything he’d been doing. Instead, things had only gotten so much worse. There had to be something major we were missing. But what?
Standing, I turned and removed the key from the door before walking the short distance to the car. Paige had slipped out of her blouse, and it was rolled up in a ball at her feet. She yanked her hoodie over her head and rolled back the sleeves until it was heaped around her elbows.
“The one time you didn’t bring a change of clothes, huh?”
“Yeah.” She relaxed her head against the headrest, and I imagined she was worn out after a cry like that, but that wasn’t what I saw. She was unsettled.
“Do you want to stop for breakfast?”
“I’m not hungry.”
Chapter Forty-Six
Paige
Halfway through our quiet ride back into the city, my phone started to vibrate in my lap. An unknown number displayed on the screen, and though I didn’t want to pick up, curiosity had me clicking on the voice mail.
“Madelyn, this is Sergeant Bailey.” I looked to Caleb, whose eyes remained on the road. “I’ve found some information that could be of use to you. You can reach me at the office or at—”
I hit pause.
“Can I use your phone?” I asked Caleb.
“Yeah.” He took it from his lap and handed it to me.
Quickly inputting his passcode, I was surprised to see he hadn’t changed it from when he realized I’d figured it out. Using his phone to copy down Bailey’s number from my voice mail, I ended the message an
d dialed the number into my phone.
I pressed Send and waited.
A few days ago, when Rodriguez had entered the building at the station, she’d taken the file from Bailey and ushered me into her office. Then it had seemed she didn’t recognize me from the night I was in Caleb’s car or she was good at faking it. Either way, it hadn’t taken all but five minutes for her to tell me what had happened and for me to get the hell out of there.
If Sergeant Bailey had continued to look though, it meant she was curious about what had happened almost twenty years ago. That meant she could be my top resource for figuring this out. But, first, I needed to know I could trust her.
“Sergeant Bailey.”
“Good morning. This is Pa—uh, Madelyn.”
“Oh, yes, Madelyn. Do you have time to come into the office to today? Something wasn’t sitting well with me, so I checked the system for your missing person record, then I went back down to records... and well, it’s quite confusing,” she explained.
“Is it possible for us to meet outside of the office?”
“Uh, sure. Where would you like to meet?”
I gave her the address to a coffee shop not too far from the station.
Thirty minutes later, Caleb pulled into a parking space in front of it. The only thing nearby was a gas station, and that was still a couple hundred feet away. I got out of the car and walked to the building. Being inside the car with AC was okay, but I was burning up in my hoodie outside of it, though I was too anxious to put this off until later. When I pushed the entrance door open and stepped inside, Sergeant Bailey wasn’t there yet, but the place was perfect. Chic, modern, and not too busy that we wouldn’t be able to sit and speak privately.
Spotting a restroom in the back, I remembered Caleb warning me about my red and puffy eyes. I hurried over to it, went straight to the sink, and started splashing cold water on my face. Making my hands form a bowl beneath the constant flow, I let the water fill my palms before lowering my head and cupping each hand over my eyes while silently giving myself a pep talk.
No one needs to see your weakness. Show them your strength.
