She recognized Kalen at once.
Why was her boyfriend here? Had his band practice ended already? About to call out his name and wave him over, she pulled her hand back when she saw where he was headed. Not in their direction, but toward the back of the room.
He stopped when he reached the table against the wall where Miss Curly-Locks with the boots and tight blue dress waited, smiling up at him. Pulling his chair closer to hers, he sat down.
Samantha’s heart thudded against her ribs. A wave of queasiness rose from the heavy knot in her belly. Her throat constricted when he put his arm around the strange girl and kissed her on the lips, for everyone in the pub to see.
Chapter Eleven
“What loneliness is more lonely than distrust?”
― George Eliot, Middlemarch
“What is it, Samantha? See someone you know?” Allison looked over her shoulder.
The two couples sitting at the table in front of them were getting up to leave, blocking the view of Kalen and the girl for the moment. Samantha did some quick thinking to save herself from a world of embarrassment.
“I feel really sick all of a sudden, you guys. Can we go? Please?” She stood up, her back to the rest of the pub.
Allison and Rex exchanged quick glances and nodded. Within seconds, the three of them were out of the establishment and on the sidewalk. Thick wet snow fell and swirled around them in big, dizzy flakes as they crossed the street. Rex unlocked the car and they got in.
“Feel any better?” Allie asked from the front seat. “Do you feel like you need to throw up?”
“Don't worry, Rex, I won't get sick in your dad's car. I think it's passing, but maybe I should go home.”
“Aw, poor Sam. We'll bring you directly home, love. I guess you've picked up one of those nasty bugs going around.”
Samantha unlocked the front door and entered the silent, empty house. Her breathing shallow and her heart lurching painfully against her rib cage, she switched off the lights and found her way down the hall.
Undressed and curled up in bed with a sleeping Lily by her side, she watched the rain and snow mixture splatter on the window, beginning to form a film of ice on the cold pane. The temperature had dropped since she’d gotten home. The wind and sleet picked up, rattling the trees in the back yard, their bare, glittered branches clicking against each other like bones coated with glass. She pulled the thick quilt up under her chin and burrowed deeper, wishing she had cranked up the thermostat before she'd turned in. She thought of Kalen, his lopsided smile, his icy blue eyes, his bad boy attitude. She let the tears go then, like a dam breaking and flooding her face.
She wondered if there was something wrong with her. She called into question her personality, her natural introversion, her restraint. Might there be something intrinsically lacking in her that left him wanting to seek out other, more outgoing, uninhibited women? Could it be she didn’t measure up for him on a sexual level? She supposed her so-called sweet kisses were, in the long run, inadequate for a guy like him. She knew she wasn't the type of girl who caught a man's eye like the girl at O'Connor's had tonight. And she had no desire to be a sex symbol anyway. Ha! No danger of that.
Kalen had blown her off tonight, saying he’d had stuff to do and had band practice besides. Her hurt flipped into simmering anger. He had lied to her. But if he had lost interest in her, why had he wanted her to sleep with him last night? Why had he made love to her over and over and then asked her to move in with him when she finished at Grenfell?
What a stupid, gullible fool he must think she is! Did he think she would never find out? And she certainly wasn't into having an open relationship with any guy, no matter how big a catch folks thought he might be. She had far too much pride and self-worth to go down that road. She made up her mind to tell him to get lost tomorrow, to cut her ties to him and to put him out of her mind. She would resist letting on that she’d seen him tonight. She would make up a different reason, that she wanted to date a man in Corner Brook, a fellow art student. That sounded plausible enough.
Maybe he’d changed his mind about her and realized he wanted his freedom again to date others. Well, Kalen, go nuts. Go freaking nuts. He could go ahead and screw every girl out there if that was what turned his crank. She told herself she was beyond caring. She refused to be made a fool of; she called the shots now, instead of him. She would save face and come out on top.
Then why did her chest hurt so? Why did it feel weighed down with heavy stones that crowded the air out of her lungs and filled them with aching? As she prayed for sleep to come and give her merciful relief, she couldn't stop the angry tears that flowed and soaked her pillow.
Still wide awake hours later when she heard Cash and Darlene arrive home from their tavern, she swore to herself. As she lay there in the darkness, she listened to her mother's giddy laughter in the kitchen and her singing out to Cash if he wanted to join her in a nightcap.
“Hell, Dar,” he called from their bedroom. “Didn't you have enough tonight already?”
Darlene didn't answer.
Poor Cash. That woman of his will never know when enough is enough, Samantha thought. Ha! What a coup for her mother to find a guy who loved her and who owned a bar! And he allowed her to work there amid all the alcohol and social acceptance of drinking. She would never, ever have enough, not as long as she could breathe. Haven’t you learned this by now, Cash?
***
When her eyes fluttered open the next morning, Samantha knew she'd slept in, from the slant of weak sunlight through her window. What surprised her the most, though, was seeing her plumes of breath in the room. Kicking off the covers, she shivered when her feet touched the cold floor.
She gave the light switch a try. Nothing. Pulling her thick terrycloth robe on over her nightie, she left the room to see what had happened with the electricity.
In the living room, Cash piled splits on top of crumpled newspaper in the fireplace.
“Good lord,” she said. “It's freezing here!” Her teeth chattered as she moved to the hearth, rubbing her hands together.
“We lost the power early this morning,” he said. “I bet the freezing rain on the wires was the culprit.”
Darlene joined them, a bulky grey blanket wrapped around her. “I called Light and Power. They're working on it and said they should have it restored by one or two o'clock.”
“How big an area does the outage cover?” Samantha asked. She edged closer still to the fireplace, which now had big, yellow flames dancing and licking their way upwards through the kindling. The sight of fire alone gave the illusion of heat, though little could be felt yet.
“Most of the city’s center and part of the west end, I think. It's gone over to Gina's too, so they're all coming over to get warm.” Darlene sat down gingerly in her rocker, pulling it closer to the fireplace and wincing as she went. “They should be here soon. They’re making a coffee run while they're at it, if they can find anything open. To the east end if necessary.”
“Your back’s tormenting you again?” Samantha asked.
“She woke up in a spasm,” Cash said. “Hurt herself from lifting boxes at the pub last night. Useless to talk to her.”
Samantha clucked her tongue. “Momma, you should listen to Cash.” She dragged an ottoman over to sit near the hearth.
“You can’t work a bar without booze, people. What was I supposed to do when I ran out of my customers’ favourite beer and rum? If you wanted to keep me away from the boxes, you should’ve emptied them, before you left for that game of pool.”
The blaze burned brighter as the tongues of flame overtook the thin birch junks Cash had crisscrossed on top. The glow of heat grew as the wood crackled, spreading a small circle of coziness around them.
“We're here!” shouted Gina from the front entrance. In tumbled Mandy and Veronica, with Henry close behind. Her sister clutched two trays of coffee cups and Mandy held a paper bag.
“Coffee and muffins for everyone,” V
eronica said, passing around the hot beverages. Henry, already face and eyes into a chocolate chip muffin, sat on the carpet near his grandmother's feet. “Here's your hot chocolate, Henry. I think it's cooled off plenty now. I added more cream for you.” Veronica flung off her red leather jacket and crouched down beside the boy, passing him the cup. She held his muffin for him while he drank half of it down.
Glum, Samantha recalled what her sister had said about men in general and her recent warning concerning Kalen O’Dea in particular. How had Ronnie known he would prove his lack of trustworthiness like the other guys she’d known? One short day ago, she'd considered Veronica’s words a barometer of her general resentment toward the male species. But now? Maybe her more sophisticated sibling had been right. Maybe she had them figured out after all.
Did most men in general lack honesty and faithfulness? Or was it inherently their own fault that four out of the five women in this room had endured hurt in relationships at one time or another? Could a good man be so hard to find? She observed Gina and Mandy from her peripheral vision as they sipped their coffee, smiling and chatting with each other, content to live their lives without male counterparts and appearing rather blissful while doing so. Could it be they had discovered the answer, the key to a happy union, by excluding men from the equation altogether? Or was it, for males and females alike, an inevitable rite of passage to have your heart stomped on a few times before you got it down pat? Her head hurt trying to make sense of it all.
A sharp rap on the front door scattered her thoughts.
Cash answered it. “Hello there,” she heard him say.
“Hi, Cash. Are Veronica and Henry here, by any chance?”
Ben's voice. Samantha looked down at her homely garb, then shrugged. Another man to impress? What the hell odds. She strained to convince herself it didn’t matter anymore.
Darlene greeted him warmly when he poked his head in from the doorway. “Good to see you again, dear. Come join our impromptu campfire.”
Henry's head perked up. “Ben,” he said without hesitation, “you wanna thit by me?”
Ben looked askance at Veronica, who gave a slow nod but said nothing. He hunkered down on the floor next to the child, stretching his long legs out toward the fire. His gaze came to rest on Samantha. “I heard you had a power outage. We kept it in Mount Pearl, but the glitter storm did a number on my aunt's poor trees. Branches broken off all over the yard.”
“The parking lot at Tim's is a skating rink,” Gina said around a mouthful of bran muffin, “but this sun should melt it all before long.”
“Ben, I'm sorry we are out of coffee,” Darlene said. “They're all taken. Would you like half my muffin?”
“No thanks, I'm fine. I ate brunch with my folks.” Henry crawled up in his lap, the child’s initial shyness worn off. Over the boy’s head, Ben smiled at Samantha.
Samantha sighed. She knew what she had to do. Today and not a single day later. Before her strong resolve wore off, she went to the bedroom and dressed in jeans and a warm turtleneck, and over that she pulled on her favourite hoodie from her first year away at school, the green one with the Grenfell Campus crest on the back. In her shoulder bag, she gathered the things she needed to bring with her to Kalen's.
She returned to the living room. Veronica and Ben were talking, their heads together so not to be overheard, while Henry played nearby with the Batman Ben had given him on his previous visit. Whatever Ben said at the end, Veronica nodded to it, but her attitude remained guarded. Ben stood and tousled the boy's hair before his gaze locked onto Samantha's.
“There's a new art exhibit downtown I wanted to check out by a guy I know. Want to come along for a viewing? That’s if you’re free, of course.”
Samantha decided to put off taking care of her other “guy” business for the time being. “I'd love to see it. You sure the gallery still has power?”
He nodded. “I called ahead.”
Samantha said goodbye to the others, avoiding Veronica's pointed look as she and Ben left. As they drove off, they fell into easy conversation about her art and the projects she'd worked on at school.
“I recently started an oil-on-canvas work. My largest painting to date.”
“Oh? What’s the subject?”
“Calmer Cove. Well, not my old hometown, per se, but a view from it. It’s a seascape from there of the Gulf of St. Lawrence. Too early in my progress to show anyone, though.”
“Sounds beautiful. Hope I get to see it one day in an exhibit like this.”
When they walked into the spacious gallery together, she thought of the sudden kiss they’d shared on Friday evening. In between viewing each piece of art mounted on the bright exhibit walls and milling about with the others, she found herself stealing furtive glimpses of his mouth, his shoulders, his hands, whenever she thought his attention lay elsewhere.
She remembered her intention to end it with Kalen, which meant she would be free to date anyone she wanted. Was it conceivable Ben no longer saw Cherise romantically? Could it be possible for them to reconnect and pick up where they’d left off, only this time it would work out because they didn’t need to hide it? Could they rediscover one another, now that they were more mature and better prepared for a serious relationship?
Might he want this too, and his invitation to this exhibit was a way to bring it about? She peeked up at him standing next to her, animated as he talked with his artist friend, a pale, balding lad wearing black-rimmed glasses and a bow tie. She loved the way Ben's features had developed, the high cheekbones and the planes of his face chiseled and manly. He wore his hair shorter these days, trimmed close but with a hank of it hanging over his forehead, untidy enough to make him appear devilishly unaware of his good looks.
When they got back into the car, he asked her what she thought of the exhibit.
“Interesting! Now, at the risk of sounding like an art snob, I think I would have done more with each piece. To me, some of them have an unfinished quality, if that makes sense. I do like the overall tone and his mix of colours though. He has a real aptitude for it.”
“Yes, I love the colours too. I liked most of it, to tell the truth. Guess we can't expect to agree on everything.” He tossed her a grin as he put the car in drive. “Should I bring you home or do you have more time to hang out?”
“I can spare you an extra hour, I guess,” she said, a tiny smile playing around her lips. Since she’d accompanied Ben today, she’d delighted in observing how much his driving had improved; no longer was he bent on exceeding the speed limit like he had as a teenager. For her, this was a huge relief.
They drove around the city in silence for a while until he swung off Waterford Bridge Road and stopped in the small parking lot adjacent to the Bowring Park duck pond. They got out and strolled together on the walking trail around the pond, the faint sun glimmering down through naked tree branches, stippling the bare ground in front of them with tiny flecks of light. They passed by a young family throwing feed to the ducks and swans, while an insistent flock of cooing pigeons clamoured to peck at whatever landed along the shore. Walking across the bridge over the pond fishway, they slowed for a moment beside the Peter Pan statue to share a stick of spearmint gum Ben pulled from his pocket.
When they wandered farther into the park and away from any other people, he told her he had something he wanted to bounce off her. She smiled up at him, expectant. Perhaps he wanted to rekindle their romance as much as she did!
Her smile faltered and then vanished when she heard what he had to say.
“I want to get a paternity test done,” he said, “to make sure Henry is really mine.”
Chapter Twelve
“You're joking, right?”
“Do you think I would joke about something like this? I have rights to the boy if I’m his father. You heard me say I would go to court if push came to shove, and I damn well meant it!”
“But a paternity test? You already know Henry is yours!”
“Samantha. Listen to me, please. Veronica is fighting me at every turn.” He glanced behind them, where an elderly couple approached them on the path. He walked again, urging her to come along. “I don't have a clue what else to do, how else to proceed. My old man thinks the test might be the only way to get the ball rolling.”
“But Ronnie devoted herself to you when you dated. You two were going steady! I think I would've caught on if she’d cheated on you with other guys.” She lengthened her stride to keep up and blew warm breath into her hands, peeved with herself for having left her gloves behind in the car.
“Whatever, but do you see how she's put me between a rock and a hard place? I have to do this if I want to claim any right to him.” He stopped walking and took her hand. “I have two more years of school and then I should be working somewhere full time. Then I'll be able to provide for my son, and I don't think Veronica should be able to prevent it.”
Samantha squeezed his hand.
His forehead creased and his eyes clouded with concern. “I thought you understood,” he said, his words so hushed, she hardly heard him.
“I do.” She could envision Veronica flipping out all over again if he went ahead with this. “What if you give her a bit more time, though? Momma is going to have a talk with her, to help her see your side in this and how it would benefit Henry. Don't stir anything up until she at least tries, alright?”
He dropped her hand, regarding her without emotion. “I'll think about it.”
When they returned to the car, Samantha asked him to please bring her home. She hadn’t told anyone about the pressing business she had with Kalen: she was cutting him loose. And it had to be done whether Ben Swift played a part in her life or not. Getting poisoned with all this boyfriend drama, she moaned to herself.
Calmer Secrets: Calmer Girls 2 (Calmer Girls Series) Page 10
