“You go on to bed,” he told her. “I'll join you in a little bit.”
After she undressed and pulled down the comforter on the bed, she smelled the unmistakable, acrid whiff of pot smoke emanating from the living room. Wrinkling her nose, she closed the bedroom door and padded into the adjoining bathroom. While she brushed her teeth, she noted the remaining partiers at least had the common decency to keep the stereo turned off. Lying in Kalen's bed, she heard them talking and laughing, before she drifted to sleep.
***
Unpacking her clothes and putting away her things in her dorm room that night, she put Sarah McLachlan on her CD player. With the strains of Building a Mystery filling her room and making her oddly melancholy, her thoughts wandered off again, but to someone besides her boyfriend this time.
Ah, Ben. She'd felt secretly disappointed he hadn’t contacted her for the rest of the week after Kalen had spilled the beans about their relationship. Maybe he’d seen no point in it, or he’d felt upset with her for failing to tell him about her boyfriend. Kalen used to be his old friend too, after all. Maybe he had gorgeous Cherise on his mind, and after sober second thought regretted the impulsive kiss he and Samantha had shared. Or maybe he was out of patience with the entire lot of them, lumping her in with Veronica, of all people.
For whatever reason, he hadn't returned to see Henry at Gina’s or Darlene’s, nor had he mentioned a paternity test to Veronica or anyone else. Had he changed his mind about the whole matter? Or did he think Veronica would eventually cave and allow him in Henry's life, and he had decided to await a response?
“How long is he willing to wait, though?” she wondered aloud. She flopped on her narrow single bed and picked up her novel on the wooden chair she used as a nightstand. Turning on her reading lamp, she opened the book and tried to focus on Thomas Hardy’s beautiful prose instead of the thoughts swirling around in her head. Her darling nephew would be turning four soon! Hadn’t his father missed enough of the child’s early years already?
Samantha did learn Darlene had finally talked with Veronica in a last-ditch attempt to convince her to see Ben’s side.
“I did my best, Sam,” she’d said with a frustrated sigh, “but you know as well as I how bull-headed Ronnie can be. When she makes up her mind to dig in those heels of hers, I might as well save my breath. She did say she’d think about it some more, but I didn’t get much comfort from it.”
A part of Samantha still held to the belief her sister would come around. She had to do the right thing and accept Ben’s desire, as well as his right, to be involved.
Darlene told her Mr. Swift had called and dropped by on Friday while she’d been out and Veronica was at work. Her mother filled her in afterwards that he’d visited with Henry and pressed her with another offer of support. Darlene had agreed to his suggestion to send her the money for Henry, instead of trying to mail it to Veronica anymore.
The next morning, after a lecture class and on their way to the photography lab and darkroom, she, Ivy and Michael compared notes on their plans for the coming summer.
“I can’t believe it,” Samantha breathed, switching her backpack to her other shoulder. “In two short months, we'll be finished our exams, and you know what that means.”
“Tell me, Sam. What does it mean?” Ivy asked with a giggle.
“We’ll be gearing up for our final year and the last hurdle of our studies. And then? Exams will be a thing of the past forever!”
Michael whooped. “Awe-sum! Do I ever love the sound of that! Sweet, sweet freedom.”
“Yeah, except then the real fun begins.” Samantha gave a mirthless laugh. “The real work. Searching for a job where we can put all of these ‘practical’ skills to work.”
Ivy punched her in the arm. “Never mind that now. Hey, after we’re done with our developing, let’s go catch the new exhibit of nudes in the gallery.”
“Awesome idea,” Samantha agreed with a small chuckle. “Something to tide us over until we see our guys again?”
Michael gave an exaggerated groan.
“You’re reading my mind!” Ivy answered.
As much as she looked forward to freedom from studying after her eventual graduation, Samantha loved when her life was busy with creative work. Any artistic outlet usually helped her focus on the present, so her mind and her thoughts wouldn’t run away and get caught up in concerns of the past. She thought it kept her sane, to be honest.
But as the days and nights slipped by, and despite how engrossed she was with school and her art work, Samantha still had great difficulty to stop from thinking of someone else's freedom. Kalen had looked so despondent when she’d left him on their last morning together, he had almost brought her to tears. He had reassured her he would miss her terribly and would telephone her often, and he did call, though not nearly as much as Samantha would have liked.
How did he spend most of his spare time? He had far more free hours than she did. Knowing this, she couldn't shake the irksome images flitting through her brain, imaginings of sexy, frolicsome young girls throwing themselves at him when he played in the pubs. As much as she recoiled from it, she imagined him surrendering to the temptation of a fling with this one or that one, sharing his lonely nights, and his empty bed, with adoring groupies. He might feel bad about it, but would ultimately forgive himself for the meaningless dalliances they were, in his own mind.
Stop it, Samantha! You’re going to drive yourself crazy! She berated herself for thinking the worst. Why did she have so much trouble trusting him? His rocker lifestyle posed possible risks, of course, with the whole ‘band culture’ scene. Or could this be her woman’s intuition, her gut, a sixth sense telling her what to think? Or was it neither of those things, attributed only to her silly and unfounded insecurity?
After several weeks of intense self-torture, she’d had enough. She made up her mind to believe in his fidelity. She knew, deep down, he cared for her. Besides, it was truly out of her control. From there on, each time a squirming tendril of doubt and fear tried to insinuate itself, she cornered it and drove it out of her mind.
Chapter Fourteen
Samantha glowered at her washed-out reflection in the bathroom mirror. Her fatigue from the stress of the last couple of weeks, the completion of her final exams for the year, the long bus ride home, and the case of the sniffles she'd caught in the process; all of this factored into her general malaise. Blowing her nose, she suffered the first twinges of a sinus headache, which was rotten timing for her evening plans. Kalen would be arriving any minute.
“Going to be long, Sam?” called Veronica through the bathroom door. “Henry needs to go in his potty. Hurry, before he pees his pants!”
Samantha opened the door. Her sister rushed past her with a squirming Henry by the hand.
“Come on, sit on your pot,” Veronica ordered, tugging at his underpants. “You shouldn’t hold it so long, my love.” But the boy peeked up at her with a grin before he looked down at the wetness that ran down his legs and puddled on the tiled floor.
“Oh, Henry. You were doing so well with this, but lately―”
“Is he regressing? It might be a good idea to keep his potty outside the bathroom,” Samantha suggested.
Veronica threw her a sour look. “You’re so brilliant, Sam. That's what I do at Gina's. Guess I'll have to do it here too.”
The doorbell rang.
“Sam, can you get it?” Darlene called from the kitchen. “Got my hands full in here.”
Samantha shook her head as she went to answer the door. Full of what, dear Momma? A second or third vessel of your beloved vino before the party starts?
“Samantha!” Kalen stood on the step with a huge tray of fancy finger sandwiches in one hand and a giant platter of fresh fruit and cheese nibbles in the other. “Let me in so I can put this down and fill my arms up with you.”
She giggled and got out of his way, welcoming the rush of affection that washed over her. Even with her achy, flulike sy
mptoms, she looked forward to the evening’s festivities. It wasn't every day the Calmer women had cause for celebration, especially one like this: Samantha had turned twenty-one.
“Get over here, babe,” Kalen said.
She flew into his embrace, turning up her eager face to kiss him. His mouth on hers was warm, moist, heaven-sent bliss. Two months had felt like a lifetime to her. “I missed those lips,” she told him.
“You have no idea how much those lips missed yours.” With a soft groan, he drew her closer, pressing her to his chest. “Brutal around here without you. Your bus trip okay?”
“The usual. But guess what? I found out I got the job I wanted for the summer!”
“You did?” he said. “Um, which job was that again?”
Pulling away, Samantha gave him a cuff in the arm. “Do you ever listen? The second-hand book store advertised a part-time gig, remember?”
“Oh right! Doesn’t pay much though, does it?”
She laughed. “No, but I get to read a whole lot.”
Darlene entered the living room, full wine glass in hand. “Great to see you, Kalen,” she said with a wide, toothy grin.
Here we go again, Samantha thought. She’d already discerned her mother had been hitting the sauce since this afternoon. When she’d voiced her disapproval earlier, Darlene had shrugged, saying she wanted a head start on celebrating her daughter's birthday.
“I'm so proud of you, honey. Here you are twenty-one and one year away from graduating with a degree! You’re doing what I couldn't do: you’re working hard and never losing sight of your goal. I only got through two years of nursing school before I quit and married your father, but you won’t be doing anything of that sort. You’re refusing to let any man hinder your ambitions. Isn't that reason enough to celebrate?”
So why couldn't she wait until the get-together started? Samantha fumed to herself. It was one of her mother’s many excuses to get “comfortably numb,” regardless of what went on around her.
Cash came home with more food and refreshments, and Gina and Mandy arrived close behind him. Samantha wished Allison and Rex weren't still in Halifax, or she would have invited them, too.
Veronica and Henry joined them. Samantha welcomed her nephew to her lap, kissing him on his damp, slicked-back hair as he cuddled into her. His tiny fingertips ran up and down the inside of her arm where the skin was white and baby-smooth, a habit of comfort he’d fallen into whenever he got up in her lap for his nightly snuggle. The boy smelled fresh from his bath and had his pyjamas on, but sleep seemed to be the furthest thing from his mind. After a few minutes, he got down from her lap, ran around the coffee table, and climbed into Kalen's.
“Hey, buddy,” Kalen said, “I like your jammies. I’ve got some at home that are totally like them, ya know.”
Henry peered up at him. “No, you don't. They're for little boyth, thilly!”
Kalen tickled the lad in the ribs. “They’re for little boys and me, silly!”
Henry kept saying no, giggling and squealing from the jabs and tickles. When the tickling stopped long enough for him to catch his breath, Kalen started the whole thing over, repeating he had the same jammies, and tickling him again, sending the child into more gales of laughter and high-pitched squeals.
“Oh, terrific!” his mother said. “You're getting him all wound up for bed. Momma's going to get your milk, Henry. Go and pick out your bedtime story.”
“No!”
“What did you say?” Veronica asked in a stern voice. “Don't you ‘no’ me, young man. Get in there right now.”
Kalen peeled him off his lap and set him down, but right away he climbed up again, giving his mother a defiant glare.
“May I, Ron?” Gina asked, approaching the child.
“Be my guest,” she said with an exasperated sigh, before disappearing into the kitchen.
Gina picked Henry up off Kalen's lap. “Playtime’s over, bud. Gina's going to read you a story tonight. You love it when I read to you, don't you, my trout? Come on, say goodnight to everyone.”
Henry rubbed his eyes with the back of one small hand and waved with the other. “G'night,” he said, accepting the cup of milk and a kiss from his grandmother on the way to bed.
Cash riffled through his CD collection beside the stereo. A few minutes later, as the living room filled with chatter, Sheryl Crow’s Tuesday Night Music Club played in the background. Veronica returned from the kitchen with a glass of beer.
Kalen moved over on the couch, closer to Samantha, to give Veronica room to sit. “Got your hands full with that young imp of yours. Some freakin' cute, though.”
“Which is how he gets away with so much devilment,” she replied, plopping down on the rug instead. “God makes little children that cute so their parents won't kill 'em.”
They all laughed. “There might be some truth to those words,” Darlene said.
After a short while, Gina emerged from Henry's room. “Out like a light,” she told Veronica.
Standing up with his glass raised, Cash gave a small ahem. “Before the music gets too loud, you guys, I'd like to make a toast to the birthday girl.” After everyone followed suit with their drinks, he continued. “Samantha. I realize I only met you a year and a half ago, but it’s been a privilege getting to know you. I’ve come to be as proud of you as your mother is. As for your Fine Arts studies, yes, you have two more semesters to go next year, but with your obvious talent and your strong work ethic, I know you’re going to ace this thing. Here's to your continued success, and what I'm sure will be a brilliant future in anything you do. I’ve come to love you as my own. Cheers and Happy Birthday, sweetheart!”
Samantha swallowed around the lump in her throat. She smiled, mouthing a thank you to Cash as they all clinked their glasses together. She saw her mother's chin quiver. Oh, please, Momma, it’s just like you to get all bloody maudlin and mushy and ruin everything! But Darlene managed to behave herself, merely wobbling over and throwing her arms around her neck, telling her how proud she was of her baby girl.
“Honey, next year you’ll be the first in our family to earn a university degree since your Aunt Donna.”
Samantha caught the wistfulness on her sister’s face, and the same sort of longing mirrored on her mother’s. Veronica had traded higher learning for motherhood, but after all this time, did Darlene still regret abandoning her own education?
“Ronnie, it's too bad Sebastian couldn't join us. Has to work, does he?”
Sebastian, Veronica's latest love interest, worked as a medical intern at the Health Sciences Centre. Darlene had told Samantha on the phone that her sister had gotten rid of Russell last week because he'd behaved so coldly to Henry.
“Yeah, he's working nights all weekend,” Veronica said, her voice glum.
Cash asked Mandy about her studies, and whether she’d earned her degree yet.
“Gina and I have our convocations next week,” she said with a tone of pride. Excitement in her voice, Gina chimed in on how the two of them were considering a move to the mainland in the fall to secure part-time jobs while they worked on their master’s degrees.
Darlene had finished arranging the bounty of nibbles on the dining room table. “Everyone help yourselves,” she said, picking up a napkin and dipping some shrimp in cocktail sauce for herself before sitting down. Cash refilled her glass.
While Samantha wondered to herself if Veronica would move home with their mother if Gina and Mandy moved away, Kalen's cell phone rang. After finishing the call, he asked Samantha if he could speak to her, alone. She nodded and they went into the kitchen.
“How long do you think before we go back to my place?” he asked, looking distracted.
“What? Why?”
“Some friends want to drop over to see me.”
“But I just got back from Corner Brook this afternoon. We should stay! It feels wrong to leave already. The others made an effort for my birthday; why can't you?” What was so important about his friends, ton
ight of all nights?
“I know. What if I went and came back?”
“Are you serious? Surely, you can blow off these friends of yours for one night! Or do I matter at all?” What next? She began to have grave doubts regarding Kalen all over again and what she meant to him.
“I’d blow them off if I could.” He acted as if he wanted to tell her more. “I'll be quick, alright? You won’t even have time to miss me.” He gave her a swift peck on the cheek and headed for the door.
“What! Goin' already, Kalen?” Darlene said in a mildly incoherent voice.
“I'll be back in a jiff,” he said as he left.
Samantha avoided the questioning looks by excusing herself and fleeing to the bathroom. Something had to be going on. She wasn't stupid. What could be so important that he had to leave now? The one thing that came to mind: drug dealing, probably marijuana. Leaving straightaway like this would mean a customer needed to buy from him or he needed to buy from his supplier to keep his racket going.
He always had money in his pocket, she realized. Playing a few gigs a month in a band in this city and in this economy wouldn't pay that well, particularly when the money got split between four members. But he had mentioned that small inheritance from his grandparents. She knew he hadn't worked in construction since last summer, but the money came from somewhere.
She hated the thought of him earning cash illegally. He might spark up a joint or two from time to time, but dealing it presented a new set of worries for her. Did her hot boyfriend live the life of a petty criminal?
Before the others could wonder what took her so long in the bathroom, she swallowed her pride and returned to them. They had already helped themselves to the nibbles, and Leonard Cohen crooned I’m Your Man from the stereo. The dining room table, laden with many of her favourite hors d'oeuvres, looked and smelled tempting, but Kalen’s departure had wrecked her appetite. She went to find a strawberry cooler in the fridge instead.
Calmer Secrets: Calmer Girls 2 (Calmer Girls Series) Page 12
