“Oh no! What happened?”
“Gerry and Mel split up, and Mel quit the band because of it. We might’ve looked around for a new drummer, but Gerry decided he wants out too.”
“That’s messed up. No longer interested in the music scene?”
“Actually, he’s gonna try a few solo gigs. He’s going after what he wants, so more power to him.”
“But what are your plans? You loved playing in the band.”
“Well, yeah! Music’s in my veins, girl, you know that. I might ask around to see if anyone needs a bass player.”
“I see. Then what’s your good news?”
“I aced that interview with Steele-King Construction, and yesterday they called to say I got the job! I start work next week.”
“This is fantastic news!” Samantha said.
“Yep, I couldn’t be happier,” he said, with a tone of pride in his every word. “Henry will be well taken care of, don't you worry.”
Samantha felt certain he meant it.
Veronica admitted in private that he’d cried when he’d first learned about Henry, but not because he was distressed over it. Instead, he confessed how elated he felt to find out he had a son. He told her how hard it was, never to have had a relationship with his own father, and the last thing he wanted was for Henry to feel the ache of abandonment he’d endured all his life. He intended to become all the things his own father hadn’t: a protector, a provider and a role model his son could respect. “No kid of mine is gonna go without,” he’d said. He promised Veronica that as long as he had breath in his body, Henry could count on him.
“Doesn’t he want proof?” Samantha had asked. “You know, a paternity test to seal the deal?”
“I laid all my cards on the table, Sam. He told me now that he’s learned the truth, he can see himself in Henry and he said to skip the test. And he believes me, how he was the only possibility besides Ben.”
“He said that?”
Veronica nodded. “He even admitted wondering about the paternity when he first learned of my pregnancy. He did the math and knew a chance existed from our one-nighter, but figured it was more likely Ben’s.”
“Too bad you didn’t fess up in the first place. Like, when you got pregnant? Think of what you did to Ben and me. What’s more, you left the actual father out of the equation.”
Veronica hung her head. “I never once asked for any money or help from Ben.”
“No, but you put him through an emotional wringer! You’re the reason we ran away and ended up crashing the car. And you ruined any chance we had to be with each other.”
“He hurt me too, Sam. I felt used, and I guess I couldn’t get over that he…he chose you over me.”
“And there it is: you wanted him to suffer. You exacted your sweet revenge on both of us with your conniving ways.”
“I was mean and immature. I’m sorry.”
“Well, there’s still someone else who deserves an apology.”
“I know. I will rectify that.”
“Sam,” her mother called from the front door, summoning her back to the present.
“Coming.” Samantha laid down her artist’s brush, rubbed her temples from the strain of concentration, and left her easel.
Darlene stood there with a handful of mail, eyeing one envelope with open curiosity. “Here, it's addressed to you. I wonder what it is.”
Samantha ripped open the envelope. The letter inside had the Memorial University of Newfoundland letterhead printed on top. She scanned down through it quickly.
“Holy crap!”
“What is it? What does it say?”
“One second, Momma, please.” Walking back to the living room, she reread it, slower this time, making sure she hadn't misunderstood the gist of it in her haste. Then she dropped the letter and threw her arms around her mother’s neck.
“I’m going to Harlow, England! I can't believe it!”
Darlene laughed, mirroring her daughter’s joy. “Harlow, England? For school?”
“Yes! They accepted my application, and I’ll also receive the travel award to help me get there! I forgot I’d applied.”
“Good grief! How could you forget something like that?”
“Because I applied for whatever scholarship and award I qualified for, ever since I began my classes at Grenfell. I figured I didn’t get this one either.” She grabbed her mother by the hands and danced around the room. “I've been accepted to go to England at the beginning of June for twelve weeks! I’ll be taking the Art History course there. Is this really happening to me?” She whooped some more, and picked up the letter again.
“Yikes!” Darlene said. “That’s only a couple of weeks away!”
“The letter says I’m getting the news late because someone dropped out at the last minute and my name was next on the list. It says I must call right away to let them know I accept. Wow, not only do I get to study and visit overseas, but it could also mean I’ll graduate earlier than anticipated. Wait, it also says I’ll need extra spending money. Think Daddy will help?”
Darlene beamed at her. “I’m sure, between us all, you’ll have your spending money. If anyone deserves it, honey, you do. You have worked and studied so hard.” She drew her close and kissed her on the cheek. “Plus, you have such talent. Well, well, well.”
“I better make that phone call to the university now,” Samantha said, pulling away. “And then I’ll let the used book store know I’m unavailable to work there after all.”
In bed that night, she thought of Ben Swift. As excited as she felt about this glorious, new opportunity, that deep ache in her heart still prevailed. Along with the news she'd be away for the next three months, she realized she wouldn’t see Ben while he stayed in town for his boat tour job.
All things considered, perhaps that was the best outcome. It would have killed her to see him around, knowing he had Cherise on the mainland awaiting his return. Whatever the case may be, she and Ben could never get the timing right, even now, with Henry’s true paternity revealed and Ben’s previous relationship with Veronica no longer an issue.
She tried to push aside her disappointment. Her family’s desperate prayers had been answered and Henry had come through his dreadful ordeal fully recovered. She was also super fortunate to get this opportunity to attend the Harlow campus – along with her father’s ongoing financial assistance – to have this trip abroad and a new course of study to explore. She shouldn't expect to get everything in the world she wanted handed to her, should she? Turning over and adjusting the covers around her, she sighed. Evidently, a life reunited with Ben wasn’t meant to be.
***
Samantha leaned against the deck rail in Veronica's back yard while her sister pinned fresh, laundered bed linens on the clothesline. Before the wooden clothespins were all securely fastened, the damp sheets billowed in the breeze, the spring air catching them like the sails of a boat and making them snap against the sunny blue sky.
“…and it might be too late to enroll for September. If it is, I should be able to start in January.” Veronica shook her head and laughed, her eyes crinkling at the corners like their mother’s, the empty clothes basket resting on the curve of her hip. “Imagine: me, going to college! I never thought it would happen.” Their eyes met for a fleeting moment before Veronica looked away.
“How many courses do you think you can manage?” Samantha asked.
“Well, I'll take it slow at first and try a couple of night courses a semester until Henry is out of kindergarten or finished first grade. With Kalen helping with child care, I’m sure I can do this thing.” Veronica joined her on the deck and slouched down into the lawn chair opposite her.
“And with Daddy paying your tuition.”
“Our dad came through for both of us, didn't he?”
“Will you move in with Momma again when Mandy and Gina move away?”
“Only if I’m desperate,” Veronica answered. “I hope I can find another roommate before I h
ave to resort to that.”
Samantha picked up on how much Veronica had mellowed over the past few weeks, as if the heavy yoke of guilt, worry and responsibility had fallen from her shoulders, giving her the essential space to breathe and magically blossom. And although Veronica had gotten through her school years with barely passing grades, she had completed her high school exams with a B minus average while Henry was still an infant. Samantha had confidence she could do almost anything if she wanted it enough. She perceived too, when Daddy had visited last weekend, how the relationship between him and his elder daughter had been repaired and somewhat revived. With things out in the open now, the long road to healing could finally begin.
“I can't believe I fly to England on Sunday.” A tremor of anticipation fluttered through her entire being at the thought.
“Besides it being your first time on a plane,” Veronica said, “you get to study in Europe. How epic is that!”
Though she detected the envy in her words, Samantha knew her sister was happy for her. Far from a declaration or even a hug, she would accept it with grace for the gesture of affection it was meant to be.
Sisterly love, Veronica style.
“Will you see Ben before you go?”
“I don’t know.” She silently rehearsed what she’d say to him if she got the chance before leaving. How she accepted that he belonged with his beautiful young lady in Nova Scotia. How she wished him well when he headed back to her at the end of August, at the same time she returned from Harlow. And how he had her blessing to put their doomed relationship behind them once and for all.
Later in the afternoon, with the house empty, Samantha had a good long cry for herself. She hadn't meant to stumble upon the photographs of Ben in her high school portfolio. She had flipped through it for a couple of snaps of her family to take to Harlow, when the packet of photos fell out and scattered over the bedroom rug. Scooping them up in a hurried manner, she spied one of her time-worn favourites, where Ben peered into the lens of her camera. She’d taken the picture when they first became friends years ago, and she’d chosen it as the image for a portrait project at the time.
Veronica had claimed the pencil portrait for her bedroom wall, but tore it into a thousand pieces when Ben broke up with her and began dating Samantha. Maybe she would take a photograph of Ben to England with her, but any besides that one; it conjured far too many torturous memories Samantha preferred to keep buried.
Her original intent forgotten, she sat on the corner of the bed. She recalled another old photograph, the only picture she knew of with both her and Ben in it, taken when he still dated her sister. Kalen had asked to try out her camera one night when they were all getting acquainted, hanging out with Ben and Veronica in their kitchen on Military Road. He’d finished the film roll, snapping candid shots of the other three teenagers.
In the photo, she and Ben sat next to each other, talking. He looked down at her, an undertone of amusement on his handsome face. The memory of the missing photograph burned in such vivid detail, she scarcely needed to find it, but it was the only one she ever had of them together. When had she seen it last? So long ago, she had forgotten. The one leftover remnant of her first tender but passionate love, and though Kalen took it with her camera when Ben and Veronica were still an item, she fervently wished she could find it to pack in her suitcase. If she did see him before she left, it could be the last time forever, she realized.
Again, she sorted and sifted through the items in her portfolio. She scoured through her old art books, drawing pads and folders stacked on the shelf in her bedroom closet. She had a moment of joy when she found a few of the snaps from the same roll, but still she came up empty.
Resolute in her mission, she moved to the living room and scanned through the rows of dusty photo albums on her mother's bookshelf. She ran downstairs to the basement and pulled out what the three Calmer women had stored there, doggedly digging out boxes of old textbooks from high school, ransacking her way through Veronica’s stuff as well as her own, until she had unearthed everything and felt convinced the picture was nowhere to be found.
It had disappeared. The one little thing, the one tiny piece of him she’d hoped to hold onto, was gone. Vanished.
Had Veronica come across it and spitefully ripped it into pieces as she did with Ben’s portrait? Could she be that petty?
Samantha sank down into a crouch on the cold concrete floor. Wrapping her arms around her knees, she let the hot tears flow until her eyelids swelled shut and her entire being, including the deep, savage ache, turned gradually and mercifully numb.
Chapter Twenty-Four
“A big, wide smile for Auntie one more time, Henry,” Samantha said, focusing her camera lens on the little boy who sat on his father’s knee. They posed for the photo shoot at Kalen’s, on an ottoman Samantha had positioned for them in front of the fireplace. “There it is! Perfect. Okay, let’s take one with your guitar like you suggested.”
Kalen picked up the Gibson that leaned against the couch and swung it around in front of Henry, sitting his son on his knee between himself and the guitar. Samantha readjusted her lens and captured a winning moment where they smiled at each other. She snapped a couple more for good measure before her nephew decided he’d had his fill of posing and wriggled away.
“Think we’ll have a keeper?” Kalen asked her, glancing over at Veronica who unwrapped a cereal bar for Henry.
“Without question,” Samantha reassured him. “You two are quite adorable together, so my job was easy.”
Kalen’s mouth curved into a broad grin. “Thanks, Sam.”
She opened the camera, took out the roll of film, and passed it to him. She reminded him the other pictures were of Henry as well, photos she’d taken of him since his recovery and his discharge from the Janeway.
“You still prefer film photography, huh? Although you have the digital camera?”
“I do. That reminds me! I haven’t returned it to you yet. Or the chain you gave me.”
“Never mind that. I want you to keep both, and I don’t want to hear another word about it. You might take to using digital later on.”
“That’s really generous of you. Hey, when you get the roll developed, could you send me a picture?”
“For sure. And later, when you get a chance, you might be able to draw a portrait from it for us.”
“What a wonderful idea! I’d be happy to.”
The doorbell rang and Kalen went to answer it. Samantha felt herself grow warm all over when she saw Ben enter.
“Hi, all,” he said shyly, tossing a friendly nod in Samantha’s direction. “Ready, Kalen?”
“Ready for what?” Veronica asked, hands on hips. “Have you forgotten you promised to watch Henry today?”
“You’re right, I did,” Kalen said. “Go and get ready for work. He can stay here with me.” He turned to Ben. “Your invite totally slipped my mind, man. Sorry. Rain check?”
Ben shrugged. “Yeah, that’s cool, b’y. We’ve got all summer.”
“Where are you going?” Veronica asked.
“Orientation for my job with the boat tour company I told you about. It doesn’t start until next week, but my new boss told me to come down today to start breaking in my sea legs. I thought Kalen might want to tag along, that’s all.”
Veronica shot him a mischievous wink. “Why don’t you take Sam with you instead?”
Samantha’s throat went dry. Damn it, Ronnie! Sweet – and surprising, coming from her – to make such a suggestion, but how could she put him on the spot like this?
But Ben nodded. “Good thinking! What do you say, Samantha? Want to come along? You could bring your camera and get a close-up of the cool new iceberg out in the Narrows.”
A nervous quiver coursed through her. Did she have the guts to handle this? But how could she decline? Whatever conflicted and complicated emotions remained regarding Ben, it might be the last time she’d have the occasion to hang out with him. Promptly, she agree
d. “Can we stop for some new film on the way?”
***
Samantha pulled up the fur-trimmed hood on her duffel jacket, snapping it under her chin. The calendar might read late May, but springtime on the water in Newfoundland was typically anything but warm. They’d boarded the forty-two-foot Cape Island-style boat half an hour earlier and met the middle-aged captain and his crew members, a pair of good-natured young men wearing stocking caps and rubber boots, who clapped Ben on the shoulder and showed them around the vessel. With no more fuss than that, the captain entered the wheelhouse and started the motor. Turning around, they headed in the direction of the Battery, a picturesque assemblage of quaint homes nestled inside the harbour itself.
At the rugged summit of Signal Hill, Cabot Tower loomed above them as the boat moved through the deep water. After sailing at a leisurely speed alongside the colourful village neighbourhood at the foot of the hill, they rode the swell of the ocean, motoring out through the Narrows of St. John’s Harbour.
Even with the cold, Samantha enjoyed herself. Experiencing once again the pungent smells of engine oil and the salt air, the chill in her bones and the bracing ocean spray on her brow, all revived her childhood memories of trips in her father’s fishing boat. She’d always appreciated the lure of the sea and the hardy outdoor life back home in Calmer Cove, so being on the water again for the first time in half a dozen years felt like a treat. It had been far too long.
She peered up at her companion. “How ya doing so far?”
“Finest kind,” Ben said. “I used to get motion sickness in car as a kid, but I never got seasick the few times I’ve gone out in boat.”
“Remember if you do, to stare at the horizon. That used to help me.”
“Hey, there it is!”
Samantha turned to look past Fort Amherst to the south of them and out to the open sea. There, in all its natural splendour, towered the most epic iceberg Samantha had ever seen up close. And they were steaming closer! She marvelled in quiet awe at its blinding whiteness in the sun, and the colours, the shades of blue that practically glowed in each facet and crevice of the massive sculpture from Canada’s north. With cold but nimble fingers, she opened the leather case she wore over her shoulder and pulled out her camera, looping its strap around her neck. She snapped away at the magnificent glacial mass while their vessel took its time navigating around it, giving it a wide, safe berth.
Calmer Secrets: Calmer Girls 2 (Calmer Girls Series) Page 22
