by Nicky James
* * *
The incessant ringing of the doorbell the following morning at the ass-crack of dawn made me smile. It made Adrian curse a blue streak when I refused to get up and answer it.
“It’s not for me. I don’t even live here,” I explained, the humor in my tone unhidden.
Adrian stumbled out of bed and tripped as he fit his legs into my joggers and crashed into the wall in his attempt to get to the door and cease the non-stop buzzing.
“Your delivery man is going to die. I’ve watched every episode of CSI, and Criminal Minds, and NCIS AND I have a degree in psychology. I can kill this jerk, dispose of the body, and play innocent by successfully manipulating an interrogator’s mind without anyone being wiser.”
“Your glasses,” I called, laughing when he almost knocked himself out on the door frame.
I hopped out of bed and tugged on my boxers while I ran after him. I didn’t want to miss this at all. I just hoped Krew was prepared to be body slammed on the off-chance Adrian was seriously contemplating homicide.
I caught up in time to pass off his glasses. He scowled as he fit them on and yanked open the door.
“For the love of…”
I stood back and waited, counting down from ten while Adrian pieced it all together. By the time I reached six, I got the response I expected.
His voice rose two octaves when he squealed. “Oh my God! Gimme, gimme, gimme!”
He bounced on his toes with his arms extended, wiggling his fingers at Krew, his animosity long forgotten. Krew’s smile was just as huge as he passed off the six-week-old kitten in his arms.
“Sorry for the early wake-up call, lovies, but Samson did not appreciate the company last night.”
He put the tiny golden Persian in Adrian’s arms as he dashed a glance in my direction. “This little guy is from Rory, I’m just the third-party delivery man.”
“He’s so precious,” Adrian cooed. He turned and showed me his furry new friend. “I thought you hated cats.”
“Pff.” Krew waved a hand like Adrian was being ridiculous. “Rory likes to hear himself bitch, sweetheart. He loves cats.”
I shrugged and scratched the little guy’s head. “They’re not that bad. Besides, I know how much you enjoyed it when Samson was at my house and how much you talked about your cats from when you were at home. He needed a home, I needed the perfect housewarming present and voila.”
“I can’t believe this.”
Krew and Adrian cooed and played with the kitten together, chatting like old friends and sharing cat stories. I was happy to see them getting along so well.
“I have a trunk full of kitten gear,” Krew said as he bounced up from where they were lying on the carpet, playing with the cat. “I’ll go unload it. Any chance I can sweet talk someone into making me a coffee?”
I kissed Adrian’s head and shooed Krew downstairs to get the supplies while I made a pot.
Once the kitten was set up and we all had a mug of java in hand, Krew scanned Adrian’s apartment.
“Nice place. It’s all bright in here. How you doing with that, sugar?” he asked me.
I shrugged, once again noting how the living room was far brighter than mine back home. Maybe Adrian was right, and it was time to switch to brighter bulbs. Maybe in a few months, I’d be all right shopping at night again or going to a café once the sun went down. It would be nice to be able to do those things with Adrian.
“It’s all good. One step at a time.”
Krew and Adrian both gave me matching smiles.
Epilogue
Rory- One year later
Progress was slow. Numerous times over the past year, I had huge setbacks that sent me into a state of depression and had me diving in my closet and drawing the shadows around me once again.
But Adrian never gave up on me.
Every excursion into stores or restaurants challenged me. I relied heavily on my sunglasses and wouldn’t take those steps without them in hand. Over the winter, I lived in a hoodie so I could draw the hood up anytime I was overwhelmed.
It took until late spring for me to finally find a comfort level with all artificial lighting. My lamps at home all had sixty or one-hundred watt bulbs in them now, and Adrian and I ventured out nightly to practice with the intense fluorescents in public buildings. We tried out the twenty-four-hour grocery stores, all night cafes, and anywhere else we could think of.
I had yet to expose myself to sunlight, but I was close. I kept my blinds open longer in the early pre-dawn light and had slowly grown accustomed to seeing the glow on the horizon without freaking out.
In early October, Dr. Kelby gave me the green light to take another step forward so long as Adrian was by my side monitoring me.
Today was the day. I was nervous but determined. I knew if I showed too much anxiety ahead of time then the whole thing would be halted, so I distracted myself with Jackson, Adrian’s cat, while I waited for him to get ready.
Officially, we still didn’t live together. Adrian didn’t want to ruffle feathers with his family since they’d become more supportive, so we kept my apartment for show. In reality, I spent every night at Adrian’s. I had yet to formally meet his parents, but they knew and understood my challenges and hadn’t pushed the issue.
“Are you ready?” Adrian asked as he exited the bathroom.
He had on a pair of jeans and a dark hoodie that made the frames on his glasses stand out.
“As I’ll ever be.”
I stood from the floor and pushed out a long breath. My heart raced, but otherwise, I wasn’t awful. I snapped up my sunglasses and smokes from his coffee table, knowing I’d probably need both before we were through.
Although I’d wanted to quit smoking, Dr. Kelby had warned me about causing myself too much added stress. It had the potential to set back my progress. It wasn’t that she condoned my smoking but taking away all my crutches too soon was dangerous. For Adrian’s sake, I’d cut back significantly. I no longer smoked in the house and only took to the habit when I was craving badly, or outside stresses pushed too hard.
Someday, like my fear of the sun, I hoped it would be a thing of the past.
We wandered down to the street and walked the few blocks toward my apartment and the water’s edge. It was still dark, but morning was on the horizon. The sky in the east was getting lighter, and I knew within the hour the sun would crest the horizon. If I succeeded, it would be the first time in seven years I would witness a sunrise.
I clung a little tighter to Adrian’s hand the closer we got to our destination. We’d chosen the same spot we’d gone to many times in the past to watch the stars. It was nestled against the river, and the perfect place to view the dawning day.
Once we were settled on a boulder near the shore, Adrian rubbed my back while I fiddled with my sunglasses in my hand, fighting the urge to put them on already. The horizon was taking on color, and the sky above had gone from black to dark cobalt, to a pinkish violet hue I knew Krew would love. Every minute that ticked by showed a lighter shade as the world slowly came alive.
We didn’t share words. I couldn’t. It was taking all my concentration to remain in the moment and remind myself that I couldn’t be hurt by the sunrise.
Even though my logical brain knew it was ridiculous, I’d lathered up in such a thick coating of sunscreen before leaving the house that all I could smell was coconut. There was absolutely zero chance of me burning. I repeated that assurance inside my mind over and over, not allowing the panic to rule me.
The first rays of sunshine broke the horizon only twenty minutes after we arrived. My heart spiked, but I reminded myself to breathe. Adrian whispered a steady stream of reassurances when he noticed my elevated panic.
“There is always an escape if you need it. Just remember, you’re safe. I’m here to help you through this.”
I opened the arms of my shades and held them at the ready but kept my gaze fixed on the horizon. The mixture of colors was enough to distract me.
The reds, oranges, and yellows were beautiful. A palette so vibrant, I didn’t know my dark world had been missing it. A sheen of sweat pierced my brow, and the jitters from the inside became trembles on the outside.
“How you doing?” Adrian asked, noting every physical change in me.
“I’m… It’s… okay. I’m okay.”
Words had always been difficult to form at times like those, but I wanted to prove I could stay clear-headed and in control, so I pushed myself to say more.
“I forgot… how beautiful… this could be.”
Slowly, inch by inch, the sun made its appearance. The day took shape, and the darkness retreated more. It wasn’t just physical. With every step forward, the horrors of my past retreated as well. I was empowered. I was in control, and I would get better, even if it took years to conquer.
My hands shook, and when the sun had risen less than a quarter above the horizon, I knew I’d gone far enough. I slipped my glasses on and tugged my hood in place. Adrian rose immediately, taking the cue, and helped me stand. The tremble in my legs was intense and coordinating my limbs to walk away took effort, but I managed. I was not frozen, and I could get away.
At my apartment, I collapsed on my couch with relief and squeezed my eyes closed. Adrian joined me and wrapped me in his arms, kissing my temple and waiting as I regained control.
“You did amazing. I’m so proud of you.”
After another few deep breaths, I opened my eyes and peered deep into Adrian’s contented smile. Brushing the hair off his forehead, I gave him a soft kiss.
“I love you,” I whispered, the strength in my voice still compromised.
Adrian stilled and studied my face as though he hadn’t quite heard me right. For over a year I’d never returned the sentiment out loud. Not with words. Saying it was as terrifying as standing in the sunshine, but today I’d conquered that fear, and it was time I conquered another.
“You’re everything to me, Adrian. You’ve been the sole light in my dark world for a long time. Thank you.”
His lips found mine, and we kissed. He didn’t need to say it back, he spoke with his heart just as I had been doing for over a year. He brightened my life more than the sun ever would, and I loved him more than words could express.
The End
Stay tuned for Book 3 from Trials of Fear
Haphephobia: The fear of touching or of being touched.
Life for Ireland Hayes has never been easy. After years of therapy, random events still trigger him to slip into old habits and leave him crippled by his fear of touch. When a string of unfortunate events leaves him cowering once again, Ireland begins to believe normal doesn’t exist. Perhaps the unexpected friend he meets along the way can offer a soft touch of hope for his future.
Other Titles by Nicky James
Standalone Contemporary
Trusting Tanner
Twinkle Star
Love Me Whole
Rocky Mountain Refuge
Trials of Fear
Owl’s Slumber
Shades of Darkness
Healing Hearts Series
No Regrets (available in audio)
New Beginnings: Abel’s Journey (available in audio)
The Escape: Soren’s Saga
Lost Soul: AJ’s Burden
Historical
Until the End of Time
Steel My Heart
Tales from Edovia Series
Something from Nothing
Buried Truths
Secrets Best Untold
