“She was so into her test tubes and experiments. She was going to save the planet, cure cancer, give something back to the world she took such delight in. And I couldn’t be there so I asked Grandfather Mick, and now I find out he’s the one who rigged the lights and that damned box. And maybe he even heard her fall and let her lie there dying and he did that for the Pack.
For his Pack. But I don’t want to creep back to Belfast and grow vegetables, Constance. I want to fight back. For my Pack, for the Pack that exists now, because we can’t go back in time to a past that doesn’t exist anymore. I wish you’d come with me and help me. I don’t want to be alone anymore. And I know I pull away sometimes, but if I promise to work on that, won’t you please try? Until your birthday?”
My mouth twisted but I didn’t move.
“You want to know what I said to her? Because she stood there in that room, plain as day.
She wore that green dress I loved so much and her hair was red as fire. She held her arms out to me and told me to come with her, that she had things to show me and somewhere warm and beautiful to bring me and all I had to do was take her hands. You know what I said?” Murphy’s face was far off and dreamy. A small, bittersweet smile curled his lips. He laughed a little under his breath and then looked at me, all dreaminess vanishing.
My voice was a croak. “What did you say?”
“I said no, Constance. I said I wasn’t ready, I didn’t want to go. I wanted to stay. Then she was gone and you were there, crying, and I wanted to tell you to stop, but I couldn’t make the words come. I don’t remember much after that.”
Taking a deep breath, I buried my face in my hands.
“It’s all going so fast, Murphy. Two weeks ago, I didn’t even know you and now you’re my bond mate.”
His smile was sympathetic. “I know. That damned Allerton loves arranging other
people’s lives, doesn’t he?”
I laughed weakly. “He’s a Councilor. They think they’re elite or something. Powerful.”
He laughed too but his eyes were suspiciously shiny. “Please put your pendant back on.
At least until August.”
With trembling fingers, I fastened the clasp around my throat, and for some absurd
reason, felt immediately better.
Murphy grinned at me. There were dark circles under his eyes and he looked so very
tired.
I was appalled at myself. “My timing has always sucked. I’m sorry, Murphy.”
“I like your timing.” He patted the bed beside him and I walked over and sat. I started to cry again like a complete idiot, and he handed me a wad of tissues from the box on the nightstand.
Blowing my nose helped me compose myself a little bit.
“What did you tell O’Reilly? Did you tell him we’d join the pack?” I asked and he rolled his eyes.
“I told him to go fuck himself, is what I told him.” He laughed, and a small giggle escaped me despite myself. “But he said he’d call me back. Do you really think I’d have given him the satisfaction of accepting his offer without making him beg? Not to mention I don’t make the decisions unilaterally for us. I’ll not be rejoining that pack unless you want to as well.”
He watched me toss the tissues into the wastebasket. “Do you?”
I shrugged, because I didn’t know. I couldn’t think of a pack without thinking of shifting, and that brought on a host of clamorous emotions I had trouble sorting out. I thought of my wolf, the way she loved to run, and my face twisted.
“Oh, Jaysus, I really did fuck everything up, didn’t I? Stanzie, I’m so sorry.” He sounded so disgusted with himself, and I wished he would touch me but he didn’t. Of course he didn’t.
Then it occurred to me that he was waiting for me to touch him, and I envisioned this huge stalemate where the both of us would walk around for eternity wishing the other one would reach out first and neither of us having the pride or guts to do it.
“What bullshit,” I muttered, and before I could stop myself, I placed a hand on one of his.
We both stopped breathing for a moment then he hugged me, carefully, because of the IV
drips in his poor, bruised up, bitten arm and it got much, much easier to breathe.
“I want you to make O’Reilly beg,” I told him, and a cheerful grin split his tired face. I sat up straight on the bed but kept hold of his hand. “But I do want to join the pack, Murphy. It’s only the biggest, most prestigious pack in the whole world, isn’t it?”
“One of them.” He winked.
“I figure if I can interact as a wolf with Mac Tíre, fuck the rest of the Pack and what they think, I’m not the problem. But you’ll have to help me, and that means making me interact with them and not letting me hide behind you. Because that’s what I’ll want to do and you can’t let me no matter how much I whine and cry, okay? You promise, Murphy?”
He grinned. “I promise, Stanzie. You’re a brave woman. I just hope I’m half as much help as you think I will be.”
“Make O’Reilly beg a lot,” I said and we both started laughing.
“I sanction your decision,” declared Councilor Jason Allerton from the doorway where he’d stood for the gods knew how long, damn him. “But I hope you won’t make this a drawn-out affair. I have work for you two and you can’t be my Advisors without a pack.” He gave us a grin and we gaped at him.
“Advisors?” I said in the same way I would have said “Well done” if someone had
offered me an overcooked steak. I preferred my meat on the raw side.
“It’s a thought.” Allerton mused. “I find myself short-staffed, and here the both of you are and I thought perhaps the idea would appeal.”
“It’s an honor you offer us to be sure,” said Murphy with a noncommittal expression.
“But?” Allerton leaned against the doorjamb and waited as though he had infinite
patience.
“I don’t know how long you’ve been listening, but you need to understand I’m not a
very...developed wolf.” I drew in a deep breath.
“I’m well aware of what you’re like, Constance,” said Allerton. “Your former pack leader made sure to tell me all about what he perceived as your shortcomings in that area. And others.”
He looked amused. “And frankly I don’t care. I’m not in the habit of being impressed by posturing, insecure martinets like Jonathan Archer. Besides, you’d be my Advisor in this form.
We don’t do a lot of Council business in wolf form. Whether you wanted to develop your wolf or not is a strictly personal decision and has no bearing on my offer.”
“Well, of course it does. It should,” I argued. Murphy shut his eyes and leaned back into his pillows. “If I’m that irresponsible in wolf form, why wouldn’t it bleed out into this one?”
“I would call you many things, Constance, but irresponsible would not be one of them. If you can’t see why I would want you to be an Advisor, maybe I’m wrong to offer.”
I looked at Murphy but he was no help, the bastard, he kept his eyes shut.
“Okay, so maybe I’m not irresponsible. But I am impulsive,” I contended and Murphy
either coughed or laughed, and I had my suspicions which one it was. “I tend to rush in and don’t always think things through at first. I thought Advisors were supposed to be calm and cool like that French Advisor, Angelique. People want to talk to her, they’re drawn to her and want to tell her things, because they think she’ll understand and she’s sympathetic.”
Murphy did laugh that time and I wanted to hit him, but I took the high road.
“Didn’t she draw out that little girl and her mother yesterday,” Murphy said over my shoulder to Allerton, but he talked to me. “Weren’t they both confiding in her and trusting her and them not knowing her fifteen minutes. And look at me. I’m not exactly a trusting soul or an easy one and hasn’t she got me begging her to stay with me, because I can’t even think about what it would be like
without her around anymore. And I haven’t even known her two weeks.
But no, she’s not Advisor material. She’s not at all like that French woman. No. I can’t see it.”
“Not to mention the fact she took one week to figure out something I’ve been puzzling out for five years,” added Allerton with a twinkle in his eye. “No, you’re right, Liam. She’s not Advisor material.”
“Oh, shut up.” I groaned then froze, because I had just told a Councilor to shut up. He and Murphy stared at me. “You see! You see how impulsive I am and how I rush in! I just told you to shut up! Me! And you’re a Councilor. This is just the sort of thing I’m likely to do at the worst possible time and--”
“That’s why Liam will be there too to pick up anything you knock over,” predicted
Allerton.
“She’s more likely to be picking up after me,” Murphy growled but he grinned.
“We’d be together?” I hadn’t thought about that.
“Maybe not every case, but most of the time I would say, yes, you would be. Especially at the start,” said Allerton.
“Accidents and murder and all that grief and anger,” I said, cold to think of it.
“You can’t hide forever, Constance. And you’ll be helping people, not hurting them. But it’s up to you and you can’t do anything for me until you have a pack. So why don’t you think about it and let me know in a few weeks’ time? How about that? I think you could do with some time to think and relax.” Allerton smiled at me again.
Slowly, I nodded.
“I’ll await your decision but don’t feel rushed. I want you to be sure.” Allerton gave us a cordial nod then left.
Murphy and I still held hands. I looked down at our linked fingers and it seemed as though there might be a chance that my future would not be as bleak as I’d feared.
“When do you get out of here?” I looked up to see him staring at our hands too. He gave mine a squeeze.
“I’ve got to stay the night, damn it all,” he muttered.
I squeezed back. “Maybe you should get some sleep then. It’s late I think. I lost track of time hours ago.”
“It’s about ten o’clock,” he said. “I am tired. You must be too. Why don’t you go back to the hotel and take a bath. Get some room service. I’ll eat Jell-o and try not to puke all over myself.”
“Murphy, I’m not going anywhere tonight. Especially if I get to see you eat Jell-o and puke.”
“Constance, there’s only this one bed and I’m barely fitting it in myself with all these goddamn tubes and wires.”
“I’ll sleep in a chair. I can sleep anywhere, Murphy, in any position. It’s one of my lesser-known talents. I’d be glad to demonstrate only I think you’re going to fall asleep way before me. If only to avoid the Jell-o.”
Murphy brushed some hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear. His gaze searched mine.
“How will they do it? How will they stop the grandmothers and grandfathers? It’s all over the world.” I swallowed thickly and he squeezed my shoulder.
“I imagine there will be a rash of quiet arrests and word’ll go out. It’s not going to be overnight, and there’ll probably be more young, promising people who die before this all ends.
But we know what we’re up against now. We know who we’re fighting. Thanks to you.”
“Oh, hell, I think Allerton knew but he couldn’t prove it. You and I were guinea pigs,” I whispered.
Murphy clucked his tongue. “I had no idea I’d bonded with somebody so cynical.” But when we looked at each other we both knew what I said could be true.
“What will they do with the grandmothers and grandfathers they go after? Will they put them to death?”
Murphy nodded slowly.
“Yeah, I would think so. Murder’s against our law, Constance.”
I squeezed my eyes shut against the images that wanted to appear to me. Images of
Grandfather Tobias and his slanted smile, and the way his eyes would crinkle when he laughed.
He used to laugh with me a lot.
“If I’d never brought that car over there for him to see...” I choked out.
“There would have been some other opportunity. Constance, you can’t think like that.
You can’t possibly change anything, so don’t go there.”
I shook myself as if I’d been submerged in water. “Do you want to be an Advisor,
Murphy?”
“Do you?”
“I asked first.”
Murphy played with my hair as he considered. His touch was soothing. I tried not to think about what might have happened if I hadn’t gotten back to the hotel in time, or if things had gone differently here at the hospital.
All I wanted was to go away with him, somewhere safe, somewhere far, but his answer made me understand that it would never happen.
“I think I do. Yeah.” He gave my hair a gentle tug. “Now you tell me what you want, and don’t even try to lie, because I’ll smell it if you do.”
“I guess we could give it a shot. It’s not as if you sign in blood and can never, ever escape. It might be fun. Definitely interesting.”
Murphy gave me a slow, approving smile. “We’re going to do grand things together,
Stanzie, you and me. Grand things. You wait and see.”
I was just so grateful I had the chance.
We might have stared into each other’s eyes forever like a couple of sappy teenagers if not for the nurse who bustled through the door wheeling a cart. She placed a covered tray before Murphy after giving him a simpering smile. Even beat up and half dead, Murphy attracted women like flowers attracted bees.
“Aha!” I lifted the cover with a flourish to reveal--Jell-o. Lime green and disgusting.
“Ladies first,” said Murphy with a gallant gesture toward the spoon. I rolled my eyes before tasting a jiggling spoonful.
“Not bad,” I lied. “Your turn.”
“Suddenly, I’m feeling very tired. I can’t even seem to keep me eyes open.” He feigned sleep.
As I watched him, the taste of lime Jell-o coating my tongue, my heart gave a strange little flutter. I wondered, really wondered, what the future had in store for us. Whatever it was, I wanted it. For the first time in a long, long time, I looked forward to what was coming more than I yearned in futile desperation for the past. It was a good feeling.
Epilogue
Sun is warm. Warm on fur. Warm on me. Run. Run fast! Run so fast, legs blur, trees blur, world blurs. Friend! Friend is here. Hello, Friend. Smell good. Taste good. Run, Friend? Run with me? Friend roll on back. Friend trust. Me roll too. Grass on fur. Sun in eyes. Friend takes my throat. No bite me. Friend never bites. Me no bite. We run. We run fast. Me want to run forever with my Friend.
About Amy Lee Burgess
http://www.lyricalpress.com/store/index.php?main_page=authors&authors_id=183
I’ve been writing since I was ten years old, but this is my first published novel. Beneath the Skin was written in a feverish haze the first eleven days of November. I blame the fascinating subject of shape shifting. What would people do if they had this ability? Is there a spiritual, instinctive connection between human and animal and if there is, how can I kick-start the spark of self-awareness within them both? Where would it lead? I guess I will have to continue Stanzie’s story to find out.
Amy Lee’s Website:
http://amyleeburgess.blogspot.com/
Reader eMail:
[email protected]
About The Wolf Within Series
Book 1: Beneath the Skin
Available in ebook from Lyrical Press
Book 2: Scratch the Surface
Coming soon from Lyrical Press
Book 3: Hidden in Plain Sight
Coming soon from Lyrical Press
Document Outline
Cover
Back Cover Copy
Highlight
Beneath the Skin
Copyright
/> Dedication
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Epilogue
Beneath the Skin Page 19
