* i.e.: female hormone supplements. Premarin® is a brand name for estrogen: Provera® is a brand name for progesterone.
Phyllis
Phyllis's mother kept saying it's your life; it's your life; just don't mess yourself up. The first time Phyllis went out tricking she wasn't nervous because she thought she was just going along with Shawna to watch and learn. But somehow she ended up being the one to give the driver a blow job. He must have been able to tell that she was inexperienced, because when it was all over he said give me my ten dollars back and started shaking her and hurting her until she went to boohooing and gave him the money back and then he pulled over and let her out.
Dinah
I had this one Kung Fu master that loved to be my slave, laughed Dinah, yawning and stretching her body like a snake, scratching herself, lying naked on the bed with Jimmy's stiletto between her legs.—And he liked for me to tie him up and choke him around the neck, then make him suck my toes and things. And he wrote me out a contract for his life. — Dinah giggled.—And he said I could do whatever I wanted to do to him. I could rent 'im out to my friends an' I could beat 'im, and if he happened to die—huh!—he had my permission. I mean, I had his permission. I had this other date; he looked just like Kenny Rogers. And he would like for me to give 'im golden showers. He liked for me to drink like a sixpack of beer and then after about a good hour then he'd want me to piss all in his mouth and he'd gobble it down just as fast as I could piss it out.
Phyllis
Phyllis consulted Shawna and learned to use her lips less and her tongue more when she gave blowjobs so that her ratings steadily climbed right along with the drivers' penises, and her breasts were lovely but she kept her penis because as she said to Jimmy with a wink she got more attention with a penis. For a year or two she was working in a government office by day and whoring by night, and she was always yawning all day and making mistakes and rushing off excitedly to make money when evening came and she could come alive with lipstick waving to her pal Luna who lay on her side on the hood of Code Six's Lincoln spreading her white-stockinged legs in a scissors kick so that you could look right up her stained skirt and see the outline of her balls, and the other cars around her were like dirty white islands in the darkness, and Phyllis called Luna babe go ahead and bite their nuts off! and Luna laughed and called back I'm gonna pick their pockets too and buy me a heap of meth and groceries! and Phyllis clip-clopped perkily with racing heart to her own corner making music with the sexy click of her high heels and reaching out to cars until a car stopped and she got in saying honey I'm gonna make you so happy (but she always kept one hand on the doorhandle) and then the next day she'd come in to work so sleepy that finally the government said Phyllis dear you have two choices: quit or get fired; so Phyllis pouted and quit and started working out of her hotel room which cost sixty bucks a day but that was no problem because she shared it with three other Transformers who were as smooth and pure as chocolate statues, and in the morning Linda got herself takeout and Fawn and Luna took showers and made themselves up and rolled their deodorant on, and the hotel room was hot and sunny and clean and flowers yawned in the wallpaper and stuck out long delicate tongues of leaves and Linda smiled in her teddy bear T-shirt and Luna watched television very quietly and Phyllis shot up and sat looking out at Eddy Street, at the Vietnamese children running, at the drunks shouting and falling while the sun poured itself into the hot pavement so that everything started to stink. At night Phyllis had some really good times. —Oh, she had such soft smooth arms! She looked really good now; a lot of the men she sucked off never knew she wasn't a woman. Some of them told her she gave the best blow jobs they'd ever had. One time when she went to jail someone who knew said she was a Transformer and they all said no fucking way; she ain't no Transformer; and when she was proven guilty of possession of a penis they said wow; they said that one ain't no Transformer—that one's a Decepticon!
Jimmy
The entire time he had been sitting on Jack's bed staring at the two women with round round eyes going G-G-G—and his grey hair jerking crazy as he rubbed his chin-sandpaper with one unconscious hand, breathing fast and hard as he concentrated so that Dinah thought to herself God look at that disgusting old pervert I wonder where he gets his money from and Phyllis thought well now I've seen both ends of him I have to say his face is even uglier than his dick! and Dinah thought Christ is he getting off just like that I wonder if he's coming in his pants I wonder if he changes his underwear afterwards God this is so stupid and Phyllis thought how much more money does he have? and Jimmy thought Gloria I can feel you kicking inside me like I was a woman and you were my baby Gloria I can feel you growing inside me please Gloria. And he thought I have Dinah's hair should I get something of Phyllis's? and he thought Phyllis go on and Dinah go on; tell me so I can keep going on.
Dinah
Oh, said Dinah, . . . and I had this one guy, a real nice healthy fine young guy, an' what he would like, he liked for me to kick 'im in his balls as hard as I can with my boots on. And then what he'd do is he'd ejaculate while I'm kickin' 'im. With my pointed-toe boots! You think you'd like that? You kind of remind me of that guy. I had another date, like with six-inch heels he liked for me and this other girl to walk all over 'is face with heels, and step on 'im as hard as we can, just walk like we're walkin' on concrete, an' step on his balls an' stuff with the heels. It didn't hurt—he came! An' lemme think. Let's see some other dates I've had.—Oh! —I've had dates they wanted me to screw 'em with dildoes an' vibrators, an' they wanted to suck 'em like they were suckin' on a man's penis. They wanted me to screw 'em with a dildo an' a vibrator, and whup 'em. I've had plenty of slaves. Then I've had plenty that wanted to give me pedicures an' kiss my ass and all kinda shit like that. But that's OK, 'cause they never been harmful.
Phyllis
Once Phyllis had a date who didn't know that she was a deceiver and she really liked him and he liked her and kept buying her drinks and feeling her and she pushed his hands out of her lap and she went with him and he really wanted it and she said she'd blow him but he wanted to stick it in real bad and Phyllis said not on the first date and he got mad and said what are you? are you a woman or not? and Phyllis got insulted and slapped his face and said don't you talk to a lady that way and how dare you and the man said he was sorry and Phyllis said take me home and the man said he was really sorry and Phyllis said take me home. He took her home. The next week he called and Phyllis said what do you have to say to me and he said I'm terribly sorry and Phyllis said well I forgive you but I don't want to see you again and he said I'm horribly miserably sorry and Phyllis said all right come and pick me up. So he bought her drinks and cuddled up to her and Phyllis let him go a little farther and she could see he really wanted it so she said all right honey but I've got a surprise for you and he said what do you mean and she said I'm not what you think I am and when she showed him he was flabbergasted. But Phyllis said don't be afraid and she helped him and he went ahead and did it and thought it was wonderful. He fell hard for her. He was a married man with two kids, and he wanted to leave the family and come live with Phyllis forever. She finally had to break it off.—Oh, she was GOOD! (But Phyllis had needle tracks all over her arms.)
Dinah
Mmm, yawned Dinah. I had husband an' wives. Those benefit mosdy for the wife. But I'm not into it. I'm not bisexual, or into oral sex as far as givin' it to another female. Once we been in a situation, then the husband wants to say it's for the wife and the wife wants to say it's for the husband. So then I end up with two or three hundred dollars—I have to think of stories now. I have to think of 'em.—OK, now, there been times when girls have gotten killed; the Vice have come by with pictures and stuff and showed 'em to us, like the Green River Killer when we were up in Seattle. There been times when I've cut . . . I've had to cut guys. Lot of 'em were, that's when I were drinkin'; that when I would get upset. Get vi'lent. 'Cause they'd get vi'lent with me. There was actually a time when I begge
d, actually begged this one guy not to get vi'lent with me, 'cause I knew what I would do. It's happened plenty of times, believe me. This one guy, when I begged him, actually begged him not to get vi'lent with me, and I pleaded and I started crying because I was in such a depressed state of mind that I didn't care. So he wanted to get vi'lent with me, so I just started stabbing him. He went to the hospital; we both went in an ambulance, 'cause he pushed me through a two-storey window. I didn't go out the bottom floor; I just went out the large window, and I took off running and he came running up and he fell, and I waited for the police, and they found me, and they held me in jail twenty-one days to see if he died. Then they let me go, 'cause there were no charges or anything. It was self-defense.
Phyllis
Once when Phyllis was in a hotel she had a man up and he was crazy; he kept saying what do you see? and Phyllis said I see a bed and a lamp and a dresser and then he jumped on her and she screamed until the manager came. Once a man picked her up and got into the freeway lane and Phyllis said where are you taking me? and the man just stared at her as if he had never seen her before and she knew he was crazy and started boo-hooing and begging him to take her back or let her out but he just kept going right across the Bay Bridge and onto the freeway, faster and faster toward the Orinda hills where a whole mess of girls had just been found with their cunts cut out and the needle was steady at sixty and Phyllis started screaming oh my God and the needle was steady at sixty and the man stared and stared at her and they came to Orinda among the poppies and the buttercups and snapdragons that sparkled like night-cities in the hills above the freeway (at night the houselights came on like pale white moonflowers) and it was evening, the traffic all dun-colored on the grey concrete, winding up and up among the hills, the headlights like dim round cheeses, but the sun still caught the ridgetops, making the trees as rich an emerald green as blood was red, and the man took Phyllis higher and higher but she would never reach Mount Diablo where my friend Seth picked a bouquet of wildflowers for Maureen; and into Phyllis's head came a crazy voice saying of her, Oh, she's headless—travelled a thousand miles without a head! and Phyllis screamed please, oh my God and the yards were steep and ivy-glossy, and there were hedges on either side of the little streets, and it was very warm and the evening sun was orange and somewhere not far away there were pink lawn-geraniums and children playing basketball and the trunks of eucalyptus trees shimmered like skeletons and tall narrow white houses with orange roofs rose upon the hills and the man stared at her with inhuman eyes and the freeway was a dead permanent color and the tail-lights of the cars ahead of her were shining very red and bright like her screams that no one in the other cars could hear, and the sky was hot and bluish-white above her head but orange behind and purple before, and the lights of the cars began to glow brighter and brighter and Phyllis screamed and opened the door and jumped out and her wig flew off and she saw it flying as she flew and it looked very small on the shoulder of the freeway and then she hit and her adrenalin was going so fast she got right to her feet and she hadn't broken any bones but her face was laid open from here to here and she had a concussion and she saw the car speeding, speeding, away, with the passenger door flapping like a single tremulous wing.
Dinah
Once I went to jail and I got gang-banged, said Dinah brightly. Then she laughed. No, I'm lying. I'm lying.
Virtue is its own reward
Thanks girls, said Jimmy. Here's a ten dollar tip for you and for you.
Home again
Well Jimmy said Pearl you look all tired out. It's pretty late, too. What you been doing with yourself?
Oh I was out looking for Gloria again, he said, I met two friends of hers that had some information, so maybe if I think it all through I'll get a break. Was there any mail for me?
Let me see, said Pearl. There was something. Oh yes here's your disability check.
Jimmy went upstairs and locked the door. He took Gloria's hair out of the matchbox and kissed it. He lay down on the bed with his eyes closed.
Gloria
Jimmy did not want to think about the Green River Killer who had scared Dinah because that would scare Gloria, too, who was so innocent that on the train ride she kept saying I see a green river out there I see a green ocean! when what she saw was the greenness of Louisiana that rolled from horizon to horizon with nothing in sight but a mangy dog, Melissa's dog, that kept limping beside the train and howling as if it knew someone and Gloria said why is he sad? and Jimmy said he's just playing a game he's just chasing us for fun and as soon as we get there he'll be there too and his master will be waiting for him with a big bowl of dogfood; and then they got to Gloria's grandmother's house and in the guestroom Gloria said what do you see? and Jimmy said I see a bed and a lamp and a dresser and Gloria said now turn out the lamp and we'll sit here and pretend we're watching movies all by ourselves now what movie are you watching? and Jimmy closed his eyes and saw a man trying to strangle Dinah and Dinah sobbing and struggling and pulling her knife out and stabbing the man deep in the chest so that his blood sprayed into her eyes and he came at her clutching at her to kill her laughing and bleeding and saying I am the Green River Killer and Dinah stabbed him again and again and he pushed her through the window and Gloria said why aren't you saying anything Jimmy why do you look so strange what movie do you see? and Jimmy said I see a movie about someone who likes people to walk on his face but that's because he's made out of grass and he likes how happy their toes are when they go barefoot and he likes it when the rain falls on his face so he can grow taller and greener, and Gloria said that's a good movie and Jimmy said what do you see? and Gloria said I don't know it's all stories and oh look here's grandmother's kaleidoscope now see how the pretty things keep getting changed into something else.
Gloria
So when Jimmy was little he used to watch Gloria's mother painting Gloria's nails holding Gloria's hand over the bureau and buffing her nails with the sandpaper stick and saying Gloria, Gloria you've been biting your nails again and Jimmy said no ma'am it's from holding onto all those rocks at the creek and Gloria's mother said well whatever and she took the bright red nail polish that looked like candy (although the polish remover smelled better) and began painting Gloria's nails again so carefully and Gloria said I can see my face in my fingernails so little and reddish-pink and Jimmy would say paint my nails too and Gloria said yeah Mommy paint Jimmy too! and Jimmy would cry and cry until Gloria's mother painted his nails too but she would call him silly and say Jimmy you're a boy not a girl and so after a while Jimmy didn't ask to have his nails painted anymore. In the summer Gloria and her friend Shawna used to play in the rubber wading pool in the backyard and they would stay in there for hours pretending to be mermaids and calling each other mermaid names like Pearl and Crystal and Jimmy was jealous but Gloria said no you can't be a mermaid and Jimmy said aw why not and Shawna said he can get in too I don't care but Gloria said no he can't because you have to be a girl to be a mermaid and anyhow we don't have a third mermaid name to call him, so Jimmy had to run through the sprinkler and watch the rainbows in the arches of water that curved up into the air like silver ribs and they sprayed down on the newly cut grass that was so wet and made the bottoms of his feet green and Gloria laughed and said look at Jimmy running and Shawna said Jimmy can run so fast can't he Pearl and Gloria said yes so fast Crystal and Jimmy was still a little cross but later Gloria said I want you to be a boy not a girl and anyway I like you best of all.—Jimmy knew that that was true because she spent even more time with him than with Shawna and would never take Shawna or anyone else to her and Jimmy's secret place that was down the steep path through the trees behind his house that led down through the raspberries and to the creek where they once saw an otter and another time a skinny black dog skulking along the ridge and following them all the way to the cliffs of clay so that Gloria was scared and said do you think it's a wolf do you think it eats people? and Jimmy said naw it's just a German shepherd without a home
and Gloria held his hand and they made more clay people until Gloria turned sixteen and started spending more time with Shawna because Jimmy she said Shawna and I have girl-secrets and Jimmy was jealous of the two mermaids again but he didn't say anything and he watched how Shawna started teaching Gloria how to dress and how to walk and how to hold herself and how to keep her hand on the doorhandle when she got into a car with a stranger and overnight Gloria became even more beautiful as he had to admit and all the boys kept calling her but she said I only go out with Jimmy and the boys said Jimmy you prince are you porking her? and Jimmy said you bet I am every night but actually they'd never done it yet. One night Gloria got back late from band practice and she and Jimmy were supposed to go out to the movies and Gloria said gosh Jimmy I'm so sorry to keep you waiting give me fifteen minutes I'll be right back I promise and Jimmy sat on the porch drinking a soda and watching the stars and humming gol-den times, gol-den times and nodding at the ghosts that leaned against houses and picket fences waiting with him as Gloria ducked under the fence into Shawna's back yard with new clothes under her arm, the price tags still on, and Jimmy saw the light go on in Shawna's bedroom and Jimmy said to the ghosts bet you want to date her too don't you, you assholes? until in fifteen minutes exactly Shawna and Gloria came over together laughing and Jimmy could not believe how beautiful Shawna had made Gloria so fast with a bow in her hair and a polka-dot dress and little red slippers and her eyes were snapping with pride and the two girls looked at the way Jimmy looked at Gloria and Shawna laughed and Gloria blushed and Shawna said well goodbye and Gloria hugged her and Shawna went home. That night he said Gloria Gloria you can do anything you want to me you can write a contract for my life or whatever because you know I'd die for you Gloria you're so perfect I'd even drink your piss and Gloria said Jimmy you don't have to talk that way aren't I going out with you? can't you see that I feel the same about you?
Whores for Gloria Page 6
