“I’m a screw up,” she said quietly. “I’m grateful for your help, Mr. Hammond—”
“Perry.” His voice was deep, sending shivers down her spine.
“Perry, okay. I’m grateful. But you’re just going to be disappointed in me.”
“I don’t think so,” he told her quietly. He stood up and held out his hand.
She stood, warily. She was still as a statue as he leaned close, his lips brushing her cheek, her jaw, and at last—lightly—her lips. When he drew away, she knew her eyes were wide with shock.
“I think you’re the most beautiful woman, inside and out, that I’ve ever seen,” he told her. “I think you have it in you to do everything you’ve ever dreamed of. Tomorrow morning, you can walk out that door and never see me again. All I want is for you to bet on yourself.”
And he left her there, standing open-mouthed in his living room, with a tiny smile as he closed the door to his bedroom behind him, and locked it.
No strings attached.
It could not, she told herself, possibly be true. But she touched her lips, where she could swear she still felt his kiss, before making her way into the bedroom where Darren was already fast asleep.
4
No strings attached. Cara scrubbed at a particularly stubborn grease spot and frowned.
Was it possible, at all possible, that Perry had meant what he said? When she woke up the next morning, Perry was gone and there was fresh coffee. ‘Bagels in the fridge’ said a note on the counter, and Cara had stared at it, reflecting wryly that the only way Perry could show himself to be a more perfect man would be to have flowers and bring her breakfast in bed. He was playing the gentleman, and he’d been doing so long after any reasonable man would have given up the chase.
She did not understand it.
“Time for your break,” Mack said, sticking his head into the kitchen.
“Not for another thirty minutes.”
“Nah, you can take mine. Someone’s here to see you.”
Perry? Her heart fluttered, and she tried to calm herself. He was just like all the others, she said silently to herself. She just hadn’t figured out his angle yet. She should not be this glad to see him.
Her face fell when she came out of the kitchen, and her stomach did an uncomfortable sideways leap.
“Craig.”
Why, in the name of all that was holy, did he have to be so hot? His T-shirt clung to his torso, arm muscles peeking out perfectly, and the amount of stubble on his chin made him the perfect mix of clean-cut and bad boy. Even the stockbrokers, hurrying to and fro with their air of importance, were sneaking admiring glances his way.
“So what’s this?” He leaned against one of the pillars, arms crossed, smirking.
“What’s what?” She knew him well enough to see the trap coming; she just didn’t know from where.
“Should I play back the message for you? I had to play it about five times before I could stop laughing long enough to listen.”
The message. She swallowed, hard, and felt her face go red. She could still remember it: on the steps outside the apartment so that Darren wouldn’t hear, tears streaming down her face and her voice choking over the words. I need your help.
“That was five weeks ago,” Cara told him bluntly. She knew she had to be careful, that she could not afford to piss him off—not today, not when she needed to see his parents later. But it was so difficult. You never knew what you might say to make Craig angry. There was nothing he wanted more in the world than to have people need him—and nothing he despised more, either.
“And what, since then you’ve figured everything out?”
She didn’t have an answer to that, and he smiled. It was not; she reflected, a nice smile. Maybe she could consider this a warm-up for tonight.
“So you didn’t get thrown out of your apartment?” Craig asked her.
“How did you know that? How did you find me?”
“I have to keep tabs on you somehow, don’t I? You’re taking care of my son. I need to make sure he’s okay.”
“Taking care of?” Cara asked him incredulously. “He’s my son, too, Craig. And you know where to find him. You have for all his life. I always made sure you knew where I was.” She swallowed. “And I never let him know you were too lazy to come see him.”
His eyes flashed, and she tried to feel remorseful—but damn, it felt good to tell him off. It felt good to say to his face all of the things she said to the mirror while she brushed her teeth, or to the phone she hadn’t dialed.
“Lazy?” He asked her dangerously. “Which one of us is lazy, Cara?”
You. But she knew what was coming.
“You’re the one who dropped out of college,” he told her cruelly.
“You told me to. You told me to take a semester.”
“Because you were useless that year.”
“My family had died!” Cara stared at him, chest heaving. “I lost everything. Of course I was sad, Craig. I thought you understood.”
“And you thought you’d get pregnant and take my money, too?”
“It was an accident,” Cara said through gritted teeth. She had said this a thousand times, and he never believed her. But she was determined that someday, he would. Someday, he would see she was not a gold digger.
“Sure. Which is why you’re doing so well for yourself, huh? Working your dream job, finished up your degree, living in a posh apartment.”
Cara could feel eyes on them. In the corner of her vision, Mack was hovering awkwardly, and the line of people waiting for coffee was gawping as if this was some kind of street theater. Go away, she wanted to yell. Leave me alone.
You deserve this, her mind told her quietly. It was funny, how much she sounded like Craig sometimes.
“I’m here,” Cara said, “to provide for my son, because his father won’t give a cent to see him clothed. I’m here because school doesn’t pay.”
“Oh, sure, that’s why. Like you ever planned on finishing that degree. What was it you kept telling me you’d do someday?”
“Stop it, Craig.” Her heart was beating wildly.
“Something with robots? Cyborgs? You were going to build… what was it…”
Stop it.
“Satellites. Like you could ever do that.”
“I said, stop it.” Was that her voice? It came out like a command, and even Craig fell silent. If everyone hadn’t been looking before, they were now. Cara clenched her hands and raised her chin. “I’ve worked for everything I have in this life. I love your son more than life itself, and I would do anything—anything—to keep him safe. If you don’t care that your son is growing up to be an amazing man; that he’s smarter than I ever was, that he’s going to change the world someday, well, you’ll have to make your peace with that. I know I’ve had to. But if you’re going to leave us to fend for ourselves, Craig, then you leave and you never come back. I’m done hoping. And don’t you make fun of me for having dreams. At least I have dreams. And you know what? I’m going to go back to school. I’m going to finish. I’m going to do everything I planned on doing. And you’re going to look back on your life and see you never did anything at all. You’re not even going to remember most of it.”
She pushed her way past him out of the cafe, fighting not to break into a run. She could not think, not even for a moment, or she would break down right there on the lobby floor and scream. She had been waiting; she realized. All these years, telling herself she was alone—but really, she had thought he would come through. How stupid could she be?
“Cara, wait!”
“Turn around,” Cara hissed over her shoulder, “and walk away. I don’t want to see you ever again.”
“Cara, you can’t take what I said seriously.”
“Why not?” She rounded on him. “You’ve said it enough, haven’t you?”
“I didn’t mean it, I just… seeing you like that. I was wrong about you, Cara.” He stepped close.
Cara stepped bac
k, unsteadily. He should not look like a romance novel hero. It wasn’t fair. She wanted to believe he was telling the truth.
“I’ve spent seven years trying to get over you,” he said softly, his eyes fixed on hers. “Come on, Cara, give me a second chance. I’ve missed that fire.”
A second chance. How many times had he walked out on her?
But she wanted, so badly, so very badly, for him to be telling the truth. Her mind was telling her not to be a fool—like it always had, with him. What were a few mean jokes, a few nasty words, when he had the body of a God and a fortune to match? She’d be safe forever… and she’d learned what it was to be hungry.
She was wavering, and he saw it.
“Cara, I’ve been terrible. I thought I wanted a party girl, but you were always the one for me.”
He’s lying, don’t believe him. But she took one unsteady step toward him.
“I haven’t been able to forget you. Do you know how many times I’ve almost called you?”
Another step.
“I was ashamed of how I behaved after Darren was born.” His brown eyes were very warm on hers. He held out his hands. “That’s why I didn’t call. I knew you’d say all the things you said in there. I deserved that.” He gave that too-perfect smile of his, white teeth flashing in a tanned face.
Another step.
“Come on, Cara. We’ll give it a second try. I was always a better person when I was with you.”
She was shaking as she reached him. She wanted to believe, and even when she knew it was a mistake, she couldn’t stop herself from standing on tip toe for him to kiss her. The picture was too pretty, too safe, too secure. She could put up with it, she lied to herself. A few mean jokes, a few mistresses. He’d try to be a good husband, wouldn’t he? Wouldn’t he?
His hands stroked up her arms and his tongue probed into her mouth, and all of a sudden Cara wanted to cry. This was all too familiar. The pretty picture only came with a sick rush of dread now. She knew how this ended.
It took all she had, but she pushed herself away. And as she turned her face away so she wouldn’t have to meet Craig’s incredulous gaze, she saw dark eyes watching her. Perry. He pushed himself off the pillar he’d been leaning on and walked away, and without another word to Craig, Cara took off.
5
“Perry!”
She thought she saw a hitch in his step, but he did not turn.
“Perry, please!” It took all she had, but she put on a burst of speed and beat him to the elevator, reaching out to grab his hand, to stop him from pressing the button.
The touch sent a jolt through her, and from the look in his eyes, he felt it, too. She could still feel his lips on her cheek, on her mouth, and she stared at him, her breath coming short.
“Let me explain.”
“You don’t have to explain anything.”
“Would you stop being so perfect?” The shout surprised her. Judging by the look on his face, it surprised him, too. “Let your guard down, Perry, be a human for once.”
“Because you know me so well.” His face was bitter.
“You thought you knew me, last night. You said I reminded you of you. So you know what I think?” Cara glared at him. “I think you’re right. I think you do the right thing, and you tell yourself you’re a good person, and you hold it against the world when things don’t go your way. I think you tell yourself that nice people always finish last, but you do the right thing anyway because losing out when you did the right thing feels better than winning by doing the wrong thing. I think you’ve told yourself that you’ll never find anyone who loves you, so you seek out people who might and then you let them get away because you’re too scared to have them leave you instead of the other way around.”
“You don’t know me.”
“I think I do.” She’d seen the jolt of recognition in his eyes. “So why don’t you let me explain. Why don’t you let your guard down for a moment instead of shutting me out, and I’ll tell you what you saw?”
She didn’t even know what she hoped would happen. He would walk away from her when he heard what she had to say; she was sure of it. But somehow that wasn’t as important as telling him the truth. For years, she hid behind the knowledge that no matter how much they hurt her, no matter how far she fell; no one would ever know how much pain she was in. As long as she hid the truth, as long as she put on a mask, they’d never break her—not the real her.
“When I finish,” she told him softly, “you can walk away and never see me again. Just let me tell you the truth.”
His own words. He closed his eyes and let his head fall, then forced a smile. “Okay.”
He led her to the back of the lobby and she chose a couch and sat. When he only stood and stared at her, she began.
“I was in my sophomore year of college, and Craig was… I didn’t know what he saw in someone like me. He had the clothes and the money, and everyone wanted to be his friend. But he chose me, and it made me feel like I was really something. I hadn’t even wanted that, you know. I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend. I didn’t want him until he chose me, and then it felt so good.
“When…” Her throat closed, and she forced herself to keep talking. “When my family died, he was there for me. It was a car crash. My parents, and my sister. She was fourteen. I don’t even know what happened. I stopped caring. I stopped going to class. I couldn’t seem to get out of bed anymore. It took too much effort to eat, or… do anything. Craig told me to take the semester off. He said it would help. He said he’d take care of me.
“And then I got pregnant. He wanted me to get rid of the baby, and I guess it made sense. I was still so depressed. But it was life, don’t you see? It showed me that there was more to the world than just darkness. I stopped drinking. I stopped smoking. I could see colors again; I had the energy to do things.
“But he was so angry with me. He started accusing me of keeping the baby to get money out of him. His parents came and threatened me. I told them I’d sign anything they wanted, but they didn’t care. They just wanted to tell me how stupid I was for letting it happen. When Darren was born, they didn’t come to see him. Craig didn’t come to see him.”
She could remember it like it was yesterday: her, alone in the hospital, holding the baby and wondering what she had done.
“I never meant to ask him for help, I swear to you. But there was the hospital, and then the clothes, and… I was trying to work two jobs, but I couldn’t pay anyone to watch him. I tried everything, but it never seemed to be enough. And I kept thinking that if I just did the right thing, it would all get better.
“It took seven years to fall apart. First the diner, then my apartment. I called him when the diner closed. I said I’d do anything; I just needed the money for Darren. Not even for me, he could take him shopping, get him clothes; that way he’d know it wasn’t going to me. He didn’t call me back. I didn’t hear from him until—”
“Today,” Perry finished softly.
“Yeah. There have been so many since him. Guys who told me I was special; I was really something. And they all wanted one thing, and when they didn’t get it, they walked away. After a while, it was a lot easier to see what was happening before I got caught up in it. When you came along, I thought you were lying.”
“Cara, I grew up dirt poor.” He sat at last, and his eyes met hers. “Some nights we had cheese and crackers for dinner. Hell, some nights we had crackers. I went to bed with my stomach rumbling every night for years, and what I learned was that people laughed at you when you asked for help. People weren’t going to give you anything, not even if you were starving to death slowly.
“When the Marines gave me a way out, I turned them down flat. I told them I didn’t need anything, but the recruiter followed me home, and when he saw me get into a fight I couldn’t win outside my house; he beat the crap out of them and picked me up off the ground, and he said to me, when are you going to learn that everyone needs brothers to help them? He’d grow
n up just like me, destined for nothing because he had nothing but pride, and he couldn’t ask, and it was his recruiter who had gotten him out. He said he was paying it forward.
“And I didn’t want any help, Cara, but he was right. I took that offer, and I saw some things I wish I could forget. But that money got my family out of a tight spot, and it got me to college, and that got me here, because I learned to say ‘yes’ when someone offered me something. The only thing it couldn’t get me was a woman who understood, who fought for herself and her family like I’d fought for me and mine. You can call me crazy, but when I saw you in that diner, I knew. I knew you were that woman.
“You don’t have to be with me, Cara. Just knowing you’re out there? It’s enough. I won’t bother you if you don’t want it, but…” He held out the folder he’d been carrying. “This is an application. To MIT. Humor me, fill it out. Send it in. Let me pay your application fee. And even if I never see you again, when you come across someone someday who doesn’t want any help, you stick with them until they take it.”
“I…” She took the folder, opened it, and stared at the logo. “Why?”
“Because I want you to bet on yourself,” Perry told her. “I kept telling myself I would never be anything because I would rather starve and steal than ask for help. When I took my spot in the Marines, it was the scariest thing I had ever done. But it gets easier.”
“Hey,” said a voice from behind them.
“What?” Cara turned to meet Craig’s eyes.
“Are we gonna go?” he asked her, looking over Perry with contempt. “You left me hanging.”
“Oh.” Cara looked down at the folder. She looked at Craig. The moment stretched, branching two ways ahead, and she swallowed, pressing her lips together. “You know, I don’t think so,” she said finally. “I think we’re done, Craig.”
“I’ve heard that before.”
“I mean it this time.”
Dirty Cops Next Door Page 71
