by Lauren Wood
She made a spectacle of looking through the files, but she knew exactly who she was looking for. Sebastian Nichols was the second from the last in the pile of five. His file was very light, but that was by design by the government. His missions were highly classified and ones that had left a lasting impact on his psyche. They called him in when only the most deadly of all could be the answer to what they were looking for. He could blend into any surroundings and become a sort of chameleon. He would infiltrate not unlike what she was going to do with his life and then burn it down from the inside out.
Cali took off her glasses replacing them with contacts and slowly taking on the guise of a wounded animal. She shifted nervously in your seat, wringing her hands and darting her eyes from one corner of the room to the other. This was common practice amongst those in the military. They were taught to have eyes in the back of their head. She had purposely gone through a three month program to get into the mindset of this mission. She needed all the information going forward and coming up with mannerisms that would come with the territory of PTSD was not easy by any means.
Cali did not consider herself to be fat and for the most part she was just a bigger boned girl and she knew how to take care of herself. She had learned hand in hand combat, how to fire weapons and was quite surprised to find out that she had a kind of marksmen status that others needed to work diligently to accomplish. They considered her an idiot savant and it was if the weapon in her hand was an extension of the rest of her body. Her boot camp trainer tried to get her to sign up for advanced courses.
“I’m not only going to have to immerse myself into every facet of their life, but I’m also going to have to play the part that’s been given to me. I need to get into character. The next time you see me, I don’t think that you’re going to recognize me.” Cali saw that Randy really didn’t believe that, but she was about to make him a believer.
“I don’t know how you expect to get away with anything with these people. They are practically human lie detectors and they will see any kind of bull shit coming their way. It’s going to be very interesting to see you work.” He couldn’t help looking at her chest. He tried to be nonchalant about it, but his eyes mirrored that of a young boy getting his first peek of a woman’s body. “With any of those five guys, I’m going to assume that you know what you’re doing and are not getting in over your head. If you need me for anything or if you feel that you’re drowning then all you need to do is ask for a lifeline.” He closed the door behind him envisioning her naked splayed out across his desk with legs spread and arms out asking for his type of loving.
Randy could easily get lost between her legs and never come up for air for hours. He was a consummate lover of women and the one that captured his heart was a diminutive young ad executive. She could easily wrap her small frame around his waist. The sex was phenomenal and the only thing really missing was more up top. It was a compromise that he was willing to make for the sake of his own happiness. He had his idea of an ideal woman in his head, but to find her and everything that went along with her was an impossible task for him and for anybody else that was trying to do the same thing.
Cali got up and picked up her bag and went through it to start the transformation. The black jeans were slowly pulled down over her ample posterior, until they were at her ankles. She replaced them with a threadbare pair of very faded jeans. The comfortable blouse was replaced with a pullover sweater. She wore no belt and replaced her high heels with that of combat boots. She had a compact and she placed it in front of her, so that she could see what she was doing to her hair. Those women that she had seen coming through the door were either not wearing any makeup at all or wearing very little.
She could still hear the commander’s voice ringing in her ears. He was quite intimidating with salt and pepper hair and a huge Caterpillar mustache underneath his nose. “Dr. Burk, I don’t know how you’re going to make this work, but this needs to be done before the hearing in less than six months.” Cali felt a little inexperienced and requested to be taken underneath the wing of a hard ass trainer. She was sent to boot camp and at first she floundered, but then she slowly got the meaning of discipline. It was a difficult transition and being a woman didn’t make it any easier.
Chapter 2
Following orders to the letter and not deviating from them was what made a good soldier. Cali took about 20 minutes to get ready and to familiarize herself once again with the file of one Sebastian Nichols. According to all accounts, he was a hard nut and felt like he was untouchable. Those higher up were worried that he was going to crack and what he had in his head could seriously bring trouble. The missions that he had completed were not for the faint of heart.
Cali stepped out of the office mumbling something underneath her breath and rubbing their hands like she couldn’t get rid of the blood staining not only her soul, but metaphorically her skin. “I don’t need this. They can’t help me. They can’t even help themselves.” She sat down in the common room her hair covering her eyes and every so often looking up expecting to see a shadow about to attack her.
Sebastian was watching the weather network. He had his hand poised on the remote and sitting beside him was a young man with brain damage. He was talking in slurs, but at least his words were clear and concise.
“I know that technically I wasn’t a part of your platoon, Sebastian. I do have to say that I’m very grateful that you were able to pull yourself away from whatever you were doing to come see me. I know that you’re a busy man and that people have high demands on you to get things done. I didn’t know enough to know what you actually did, but I was there during the aftermath. You have always been a one man wrecking crew and I only wish that I was half the man that you are.” This man was shaved bald with an ugly black T shirt with stains of food making a very distinct pattern in the material.
“Michael, you know that you’ve always been important to me. My brother died doing something he loved and I adopted you from the moment you came into camp. The medication has been helping you and I’ve seen a real improvement. Every time I come here, there’s always this new bit of light in your eyes.” Sebastian was only telling him what he needed to hear. He had already heard from his doctors that the damage was quite extensive and each day was going to be a struggle for him to do things on his own. “You know that I will always come and see you. It’s the least that I can do for a man that served his country with distinction. You’ll always have a soft spot in my heart, Michael.” He remembered the day that a ricochet had penetrated Michael’s cranium.
“I’m really feeling…tired. Would you mind that we cut this short?” What Michael didn’t realize was that his days were numbered. He was slipping away slowly and it wouldn’t be more than a few days before he finally let the enemy of any soldier come for him. Death was that constant reminder knocking on your door waiting for you to answer the cold clammy hand that rapped on it incessantly.
Sebastian got up and put his hands on the wheelchair arms. He pushed him past a new member of this halfway house. She looked like she was dealing with something weighing down heavily on her shoulders. There was something strangely erotic about her size. It always called upon the sword in his pants. Sex was something that he needed on an otherwise daily basis. It was a good way to lose himself in the arms of some woman that was only there to please him. He found that most couldn’t see past the dead shot of his eyes. He didn’t understand why somebody would call him that, but his commanding officer was very good at coming up with names that suited those under his command. Dead shot was something that stuck with him after a particularly grueling session in the Philippines.
He was specifically sent in to take care of a warlord and take him out from a long range distance. One clean shot between the eyes with an actual hurricane bearing down on them was what had made his commanding officer stand up and take notice.
Cali waited for the right time and then struck out like a cobra after its prey. Her hand gripped his and made hi
m look into her downtrodden eyes. The desperation that she conveyed was of a woman that needed a helping hand. “Tell me that you hear that.” Her words were rushed and her hand was taken away too soon. Sebastian looked at this hardened woman, but there was something soft that he couldn’t recognize. “I don’t know what I’m doing here. I feel that everybody is judging me and looking at me.” She didn’t come out and say that she needed a friend, but Sebastian could see the signs like they were written across the wall.
For some reason, Cali decided to go with a wounded bird persona. It was perfect to make Sebastian think that she was the one in need of saving. She was giving him the chance to come to the rescue on his metaphorical white steed. If she could convince him that he was her saving grace, then maybe they had a chance to get to the meat of the matter of his own problems. “I feel almost sick for trying to fool him like this, but it’s better in the long run. He can’t know the truth. He needs to think that I am that bird with a broken wing. He needs to be the one to mend me and to give me a reason to go on. I’ve done my best to sow those feelings into him with one look, but how can I really be sure that it’s working.”
Sebastian looked at this woman and then a fleeting thought of desire crept down the left side of his pants. He had no problem getting excited and a woman with no clothes did that to him in spades. The only thing that was truly missing was a connection and not just two writhing bodies getting to know each other intimately on no more of a level than physical. He had even resorted to paying for it. It was easier that way and there was no entanglement or drama. It was a transaction of a business variety that took place for 1 hour of his day. He would get those feelings under control for that 1 hour and then he would sit and stew over how stupid he had been.
Sebastian wheeled his friend back to his room and then literally had to turn his back. He couldn’t let Michael see any kind of weakness or the terrifying expression on his face of the prospect of losing him. He swallowed hard outside the door and then stood tall with a defiance to not let his emotions get the best of him.
He was half expecting to see that woman gone upon entering into the common area. He was surprised to see that she was curled up in the Lotus position rocking back and forth and watching nothing particular on television. “I don’t know about you, but this place is fucking depressing. If I had to stay here all the live long day, I would probably hang myself from the highest part of the building. I only come in here to see a friend and to make sure that these people are getting what they deserve. You look like you have a story to tell and maybe a walk in the fresh air will clear up some of those cobwebs.” He didn’t offer his hand, but his obvious invitation was put out there.
Cali watched him go back out the door and down the stairs to the street level. She followed like that of a trance or maybe of a pied piper luring the rafts from the sinking ship. His brisk pace would be more than most could take. She had discipline and stamina and didn’t mind showing it. She had found that boot camp was an eye opening experience. She had felt slightly overwhelmed and there were those that thought that she couldn’t measure up. It was there disinterest that had fueled her into fulfilling the most demanding task. She had toned and hardened with more muscle.
She would never give the impression of a stick thin waiflike model on the runway. It wasn’t what she was made for. Her physical makeup was a genetic disorder. Her parents could only have one child and they doted on her hand and foot from the moment that she was born. Her mother and father had long been deceased 15 years ago in a boating accident during an otherwise uneventful family vacation. She was lost at sea for almost a day before a fishing trawler picked her up. They never did find the bodies of her parents and they were declared dead. The funeral was a somber moment and one that was met with a child that could barely keep it together.
Her aunt sent her to a therapist and that was her first taste of where her life would ultimately go.
Sebastian decided to test this woman and began to move very quickly into the park. He pushed himself to the limit, feeling the constricting motion of his chest rising and falling with each breath. He didn’t have to look behind to know that she was keeping pace. He could hear her breathing and the slapping of her footsteps. She wasn’t breathing heavy and this was obviously not something that was a stranger to her.
“I’ve always found that running helps me to get away from things. I sit at one of these benches and I contemplate where I’m going.” Sebastian sat down and looked at the still waters and felt this sort of calm come over him. He had been in too many scrimmages. He walked away when his commander had asked him for one last favor. He didn’t feel right about it, but he needed time to find perspective. Too many things were weighing him down like an anchor around his ankle. There were times that he felt like he was walking in quicksand and going nowhere fast. “I look at all this and I know exactly what I was fighting for over there. Our freedoms should never be taken lightly and people may not understand our dedication to fighting for those freedoms, but they don’t have to. There are only a few of us in the grand scheme of things that know what it is to put our lives on the line every single day.”
Cali sat down beside him, giving him his space and knowing that he had that strong confident attitude. It was hard to deny that the tattoo of his platoon’s number and that of the skull and crossbones in the middle of the United States flag on his shoulder was a telling moment. Cali looked at this man and at first felt sorry for him, but then there was a modicum of interest to learn more about this man. He was that mysterious dark haired handsome stranger. His eyes had this cloudy surface like there was always something on his mind. The images of death must have haunted him something fiercely, but so far nobody had been able to get him to open up about anything.
“I know that you're only trying to help, but it’s not doing any good. I still feel like somebody is watching me and that I should be aware of my surroundings at all times. That’s always a good idea for everybody, but most people go through life like they are sheep. They are penned in like animals in cubicles and they drive home in a progression of a death march. None of them really know what it is to live by the seat of their pants. You never know when your time might be calling.” Cali had done her research and had poured over detail after detail of what a soldier went through and how they would act upon coming home. “I see something in his eyes, but I don’t want to push too far this first time around. It’s better that I do most of the talking. It will give him a license to believe that I am letting him in. If I’m able to do that, then maybe he will mimic that same response.”
“I don’t know why I feel so comfortable around you. Maybe it’s because I know that you’ve been through the same thing in some form or another. I wish that I could put my finger on it, but there’s something different about you. You’re not like the other girls that have walked through those halfway house doors. For the most part, they are caustic or they are fucking horny and can’t take their hands off of me. I understand the sentiment and it’s a byproduct of going into battle. It’s something that we all have to get used to. You’re always looking for that next big fix. Some find it with drugs or alcohol, but there are others like me that get that rush between somebody’s legs.” He had never said that to anybody and even now, he was regretting it. He didn’t like that he was showing the cracks in his demeanor. His own mortality had become something of an albatross around his neck. He had woken too many times from a deep sleep in a cold sweat hanging onto the edge of the bed as it spun out of control. It was not what he wanted, but he had learned to live with it. It wasn’t easy and he didn’t expect it to be.
Chapter 3
It took a moment for her to collect her thoughts and then she came up with an explanation for not climbing in between the sheets with any man that was willing to give her the time of day. “I did get heavily into medication, but I was able to kick the habit. I was under the same mentality of when I was serving my country. I wasn’t going to allow pills to become an enemy. I
vanquished that foe like I did with anybody that was there to cause me harm. I protected myself by shying away from addictions in general. I learned a long time ago that I had an addictive personality. Smoking in the girl's room was my first taste of doing something that was particularly naughty.” “I think that I’m getting through to him, but maybe I should back off and let him come to me. I don’t want him to feel that this is any kind of ambush, although essentially it is. It’s his blue eyes that sparkle with a life that has faded because of the things that he had to do.”
“I see something in you that’s familiar, but I’m not sure what to make of it. I find you intriguing, Kelly.” I had given him a name that was close to what it was in reality. I needed to build this character. The only way to do that was to have a semblance of the truth. Cali and Kelly were so similar in pronunciations that it wouldn’t be all that hard for me to answer to either one. “What I need right now is something purring between my legs. I need to feel the hot vibration underneath me and then to have that strong piece of machinery fall victim to my eager hands.” “He’s licking his lips and he obviously thinks that I’m talking about sex. I’m going to show him I’m just the kind of bad ass that he would want to be a part of.”
They raced each other back to the halfway house and Sebastian was quite shocked to see that she was riding a Harley. It was black with these blue electric flames spreading across the chassis. “I never took you for the biker mama kind of girl. I suppose you don’t really know what’s hidden underneath the covers, until you turn the page. I guess we have more in common than we thought.” He went to his very plain looking Harley Davidson and climbed aboard. He looked to his side to see her tucking in her hair underneath a helmet. Even through the tinted glass, he could almost see her green eyes staring into his soul.
