by Lauren Wood
Trent didn’t know if he would be able to put it down again if he did. The last time he had come close to collapsing inside of that bottle and never getting out. Thankfully a dangerous mission had come up. It had invigorated him from the moment he learned they were scheduled to leave.
With only 12 hours’ notice he had barely enough time to sober up before the mission. They had almost lost a man that time too, and it would have been his fault. If he hadn’t been so damn drunk for the past 5 months he would have been sharp.
Trent shook his head. “Fucking Kimberly it’s all her fault.”
He looked down. “No I can’t blame this on her at all. If I had just let myself love her more I wouldn’t be alone right now. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him and he had let her go. His own stupidity had made him want the danger more than the love. He had chased the wrong addiction at the time and he was paying for it now.
“I want to be addicted to love.” He laughed, as he listened to the Robert Palmer song of the same name.
It had been one of her favorite songs. Trent muttered out loud. “No wonder you’ve never found love, you’ve held onto her for all these years.”
Well he did have a point there. But he had just clicked with her in so many ways. She had also been military. Not a Seal, but she was a security specialist. “Man she looked hot in that uniform!” He closed his eyes remembering her as she was the very first time they had met.
A smile came on his face as he saw it clearly, like it was yesterday.
“Sir I’m sorry you left your badge somewhere. But I need to see it to allow you in the building.” Kimberly had said to him.
“Are you kidding me? Call them and ask them who I am. Get verification and then let me in with your badge.” He had stared her down.
He had to give it to her she had spunk. Trent had never seen her before; she must have just gotten assigned here. “Look Seaman.” He looked down at her nametag. “Seaman Sanks, I realize you’re new here and you don’t want to get into trouble. But you won’t I’m Petty Officer Jonas I’ll sign any paperwork to make sure you don’t get into trouble.” Trent said to her.
She had looked at him. Studied him to make sure he wasn’t just feeding her a line. Though she could easily see his rank and name he knew how some Commanders were. The security Commander had the reputation of being a real dick to the new people.
“No you know what I know you’re Commander. I’ll go and get my badge. He’s too much of a dick to deal with!” Trent had turned to leave.
He had heard her giggle. She sounded like she was trying to hold it back. When he turned to look at her, she had lost it in a full blown laugh.
Shaking her head she picked up the phone on the desk and called upstairs. The next thing Trent knew he was being let inside. “I’m sorry for the inconvenience sir.”
It took him a month before he finally asked her out one morning. Every day they would chat a bit more and learn something about the other. Trent found her not only intelligent, but sexy!
She stood 5’ 7” tall and her brown hair was often in place. But the best times were when it wasn’t staying up in place and there would be a few strands hanging loose. Trent would tell her about it. As a warning so she could fix it. Some of the other officers were stricter about those types of regulations. As far as Trent was concerned the strands of hair looked too sexy he just wanted all of her hair down.
These fantasies of his had taken place quite often until he had finally gotten up the nerve to ask her out.
“Seaman Sanks I think we’ve learned a lot about each other in the past few weeks.” Trent had begun.
“Yes sir I think your right.” She had nodded her head in agreement.
Trent had given her a quick look. She never called him sir, not unless someone else was coming. He saw her head nod up to her right.
“Captain, good morning sir, how are you today?” He had stood at attention.
“Good morning, how are you both today? He had asked.
“Fine sir, thank you very much.” They had answered in unison.
After he was in the door they had both busted out laughing. The Captain had given them both the strangest look as he went in the door. They could both tell he had wanted to know what they were talking about. The Captain was one of the biggest gossips they had ever met.
“So Kimberly as I was saying. Will you go out to dinner with me tonight?” Trent had finally asked. The words were out now if she would just say yes.
“Yes I’d like that a lot Trent.” She had answered.
Trent had smiled it had made his day. Hell his year and his life all in one moment. He had liked what he had learned about her in the past few weeks.
She was a military brat, her father had been a Colonel in the Air Force when he retired, and her eyes were the greenest emerald’s he’d ever seen. With her brown hair it made her a beauty.
Trent was sure if she had wanted she could have made it as a model. But she had wanted to join the military. Since she was the only kid she had wanted to continue a tradition that had been in their family for the past 7 generations.
He thought that made her a very special person. He was sure she had been told about her looks her whole life. She had probably even been approached by someone asking her to model.
So the fact that instead she went into the military as a security special, it made her amazing in his eyes. Trent was also a military brat; his father had retired as a General.
Trent thought back to that night and how it had ended. He wanted to take her to bed. Wanted to touch her body, but she had refused. “I’m not that type of girl. You have to date me a few times. Then and only then if I decide I want to go to bed with you we may; or I may make you wait until we are married!”
His head had spun around so quickly when she said that. He saw the smile on her face and knew that at least part of the statement was false. However, she was serious about tonight.
It didn’t take long for him to take her on enough dates to bed her. About five dates later they were in his bedroom and Trent was looking at her wonderfully naked body.
She was lean and she had some of the nicest breasts he’d ever seen. They were perfectly round and a 38 D. The perfect size, at least in his eyes they were. He devoured them with mouth. Sucking on her nipples as he played with her pussy, Trent loved to watch her body squirm in pleasure.
He had gone down on her more than once. But the first time she had screamed so loudly he was worried the next door neighbors had heard her. Trent never was certain, but after that they neighbors would often whisper to each other and chuckle when they saw Trent and Kimberly together.
When it came to her mouth and wrapping it around his cock, she had been an expert. Trent remembered many a time when he was getting ready to walk out the door on a mission. She would stop him and right there at the front door would blow his doors off and suck his cock. He would walk out the door so relaxed that if a car would have hit him. Well he’d be a happy man at death!
“So it was really her fault I walked out the door not caring!” He laughed. Trent knew that was a lie. He had gone often with the wrong attitude. He had never thought about how she had felt when he left. Now he could admit it.
“All because you couldn’t let yourself love her.” He muttered to himself.
Though he wasn’t sure what had made him the way he was he had some ideas. He thought back to his childhood. His mother had been distant from him. Trent had always tried to please her, to get her to look at him. As a young boy he didn’t understand what postpartum depression was. He had no idea that his mother was suffering from it.
For so many years he had tried to please her and just get her to say “I love you” to him. But she wouldn’t do it. No matter how many times he had said it to her. She would just look at him and not say anything or cry.
Trent still hurt from what he thought was rejection at the time. But he didn’t realize it was just her mind that was messing with her. It would be
years after her suicide that he would find her diary.
He had sat down and read it for a day. In it he could see how hurt she had been at the time. How much the depression had messed with her as a person? It didn’t help that his father had never taken her to the doctor. If she would have been medicated maybe she would still be alive today. “Maybe she would have said she loved me.” Trent said aloud.
There was no use on dwelling on his past too much. If he only thought about sad things he would soon pick up the bottle and start drowning his sorrows. That wasn’t what he wanted to happen.
Trent needed to focus on his life after 2 years. What would he do? He had to leave it all behind, everything he loved. The only thing he loved that was left.
“Fuck this I need to go workout.” Trent headed off to his home gym. Getting on the treadmill he turned up the speed to 6.5 and ran. He pushed the button that turned on the music. The room was filled with “Bohemian Rhapsody”.
Trent sang along as he ran. He was in good enough shape that he could belt out the song and still not breathe hard while running. The exercise and music went well together. It pumped him up and soon the bad thoughts were gone out of his head.
He was itching to get out on another mission too. So when his phone rang about half an hour later with the news he loved to hear. “Pack your bags Jonas we got a live one!”
Trent went to his shower and hoped inside. He only had a couple of hours to prepare for this one. Must be something serious he thought, as the hot water cascaded over his hard muscles. His 6’ 1” frame was all muscle and Trent tried to keep his diet in check so there was little if any fat.
“I hope this mission is a good one!” He said a loud.
Getting to the plane he was walking with great pride. He was ready for this mission.
“Alright boys what’s our task?” He looked up waiting for the information.
“There has been a kidnapping in the Northern part of Egypt. Admiral Dumas and his assistant have been taken hostage. The kidnappers are threatening to kill them unless we give them a payment of $20 billion dollars.” The Commander told the team.
“Obviously they thought they had a more important General.” One of the other team members Jake said.
Trent shook his head in agreement.
“So your task is to rescue Dumas and Sanks. We have 24 hours until the dead line is up. On the flight we’ll go over the steps of the rescue.”
Trent had missed most of the last part of what was being said when he heard the name Sanks. “Excuse me Commander what is the name of the assistant?” He asked.
The Commander was flipping through the papers. “Ah here it is, Kimberly Sanks, rank Chief Petty Officer.”
He couldn’t let on that he knew her. They would take him off the mission if they found out him and Kimberly had once been lovers. Trent worked hard to calm his pulse and heart down.
“Alright let’s get cracking.” He heard the Major call out in the back.
Good Trent felt he had hid his emotions quite well. After she left he hadn’t tried to track her down. His heart was hurt. He felt rejected by her much as he had his whole life by his mother. If only he would have loved her enough when she was with him, she wouldn’t be kidnapped right now.
The realization hit him, if they didn’t succeed in their mission Kimberly might die. Suddenly it hit him how she had felt every time he had gone out the door in the past. Trent felt that sinking feeling in your stomach, the feeling that your heart might be ripping apart. It was shocking how bad it hurt and how much it messed him up. He considered himself a pretty steady person. When it came to emotions he had them in check almost all the time.
Trent was thrown for a loop for quite a few minutes. But he had to focus on the mission. This was a must in his mind. What if he messed up and she died because of him? It would kill him. He knew that if that happened he would start drinking and wouldn’t stop until it killed him.
It was also at that moment that he realized he still cared about her. How that was possible after all these years he didn’t know. But there was still love in his heart for her. Maybe it’s because she might die, he thought to himself.
Listening to the plan he tried to study for any weakness he could. He wanted to make sure that everything was perfect. He went over the plan again and again with the other guys during the flight. The fact that the flight itself would take them 4 hours wasn’t making Trent happy either.
“They couldn’t find a closer team than use? Why are they taking a chance with this?” Trent asked.
‘Whoa the guy who is always looking for adventure, are you chickening out?” The team members misunderstood his questions.
The fact that the Admiral and Kimberly were protected by hundreds of armed guards didn’t scare him at all. No he just didn’t see why they were waiting to rescue them. But would he really want this rescue in the hands of another team? No he knew he would rather do it himself, with these guys he’d worked with for the past 15 years or less.
Many of the guys who he had begun his Seal days were gone. They had retired and some had died along the way. It was a dangerous job he had to admit. Maybe he would be ready in 2 years to hang up his boots?
Trent tried to sleep during the flight after he had exhausted everyone with going over the plan. But sitting in the seat he just looked down at the ground. He tried to remember everything about Kimberly. Her smile, the little dimples she would get in her cheeks when she smiled really big. Trent smiled remembering her.
He thought about the feel of her soft skin when he would run his fingers along her side, or her breast as they were making love. The taste of her juices as he would bring her to an orgasm with his mouth. Trent thought of the way her hotness felt as it was wrapped around his dick when he was going in and out of her snatch.
The thought of making love to her helped him relax enough so that he could get into the zone that he needed to be in. He wanted to be in the zone where he would do everything automatically, like a well-oiled machine. This is what Trent needed to make sure this rescue went off and he could finally tell Kimberly how he really felt and still did.
Trent was honestly shocked that he could still have such strong feelings of love for her after all these years. But he thought maybe it had to do with the fact he hadn’t moved on at all. He hadn’t dated anyone since her. Trent had one night stands here and there, but never anything serious.
Had he really been holding onto her all that time? Obviously more than he had ever wanted to admitted to before this moment.
“Hey can I get an ETA?” He yelled out.
“One hour.” He heard back in response.
Laying back he tried to think about those good times again. But now his mind only wanted to focus on the bad points. The times she had told him she didn’t want him to go on this mission or that mission. “It’s too dangerous. I want to have a family with you. Not bury you.” She had told him more than once.
But every time he would shrug it off. Tell her she was worrying for no reason. He had even told her that even if he did die she would find another man and she would move on fine. That had hurt her when he had said that.
Trent felt bad for everything he had said to her in the past. Now that he understood what he felt like from the other side especially? Then he had to wonder, did she find another man? Is she married? “No she has her maiden name still.” He said to himself.
But what if she had kept her maiden name when she got married? What about if she hadn’t married yet, but was dating someone else? Then no matter what Trent said to her she would go back to that man. She wouldn’t be like him and held on to the ghost of a relationship. Kimberly was smart, she would have moved on by now.
The thought made him sad. So many years ago he had his chance. Now it was too late for him. Trent would have to see her, and hopefully save her for the other man. Whoever he was, Trent hoped he treated her the right way. Not the way he had done all those years ago.
“Where’s the bottle when
you really need it?” He muttered.
Knowing he had to keep his head clear he knew even if there was a scotch right in front of him he would say no. He wouldn’t take the drink, not with her life on the line.
“Alright let’s get ready men, almost jump time.” He heard called out.
“Time to get serious now, you can do this.” He said to no one but himself. He knew the team was already serious. But this mission had an extra layer to it that no one else knew about.
Would he be in trouble afterward when they found out? Sure he would be. But if she was safe that was all that would count. He didn’t are about anything else but making sure Kimberly made it out alive, and he wanted to be alive too.
Trent went to the door and jumped. The plan was well thought out. He knew that they had gone through this scenario more times than once before. Together as a group they had practiced and done this for real several times now. They were a well-oiled unit and he was one of the cogs that would work the hardest this time around.
He felt a burden to make sure Kimberly made it out. He wanted to hold her tight to kiss her and tell her “I love you, I’m sorry.” Along with that would come the words, “I hope you’re not involved with anyone?” Then Trent would most likely kiss her. Of course he would wait until they were too safety!
“Move in, bogey one out.” He heard the order to advance. The sniper had obviously taken out one of the bad guys in front of him. Trent snuck around the corner of the building. His outfit made him a shadow in the night.
He was focused and determined to get her out safe. Sure the Admiral as well, but his focus was more on Kimberly. Taking a deep breath he peaked around the corner. Time to move!
Next thing he knew it was all over, he was running out of the room with his other team members and the two hostages. They had to move quickly the forces outside were converging. It wouldn’t be safe for a while, and he wanted to make sure no bullets got too close to her.
The kidnapper’s forces were madder than a hornets nest. Thankfully, the team had gotten most of the way out of danger before an alert had been sounded. What that also meant was one of his team had failed at something. He wasn’t sure who, but he hoped they were okay, because he wanted to beat the living hell out of them.
