by Amber Garza
“Yes,” I whispered. My knees softened when his lips found mine once again.
“You say the word and I stop. Just one word, okay?”
“Okay.” I gripped the fabric of his shirt in my fists.
His lips were moist, and his mouth tasted like mint. The kiss started out slow, timid, both of us fumbling to find the right rhythm. We were a jumble of lips and hands, of sharp breaths and beating hearts. As his fingers trailed over the skin of my face, I reached up and touched the back of his neck, my hands slipping under his hair. The kiss intensified, our tongues finding one another. It was like the soundtrack to a movie, soft at first, then manic and loud, and then soft once again.
Edgar finally interrupted us, barking at our feet, as if he was confused by what was happening. Our lips slowly separated, as if they weren’t ready to be apart.
“You have the worst timing ever,” Kyler said to Edgar, breaking through the awkwardness.
I giggled.
“Ah, there’s that laugh. My favorite sound in the world.”
Blushing, I lowered my head. My hair fell over my face.
Kyler touched my chin, lifting it. “Don’t hide. Don’t ever hide.”
Nodding, I held my head high. And for the first time in my life I didn’t feel ashamed.
Later that afternoon Kyler fell asleep on the couch. We had spent the afternoon running around outside in the yard with Edgar. Then we’d picked some vegetables from the garden. It was a beautiful day. It seemed that even the sun had decided to make an appearance for Kyler’s birthday. Throughout the day, Kyler stole little touches – on my arm, face, hands and back. I didn’t slink away from them. In fact, I started to look forward to them, anticipating them even. His touch was gentle and slow, careful never to startle me. It was like he knew.
As he napped, I snuck into the kitchen. I knew he said he didn’t want anything from me, but it didn’t stop me from wanting to give him something. Kneeling down, I searched through the cupboard until I found the cookbooks I’d seen hidden down here one day. They were old and covered in a dust. I wiped it away as I pulled them out. Clearly, these had belonged to Kyler’s grandma. They didn’t look like they’d been opened in years. When I found the one I was looking for, I carried it with me to the counter.
Searching through the table of contents, I found a recipe for chocolate birthday cake. I didn’t know if Kyler liked it or not, but I knew I couldn’t ask him. That would ruin the surprise. Besides, didn’t everyone like chocolate cake? I scoured the kitchen for the ingredients listed, and once I had all that I needed, I set to work. Never before had I baked, so I hoped it wouldn’t be too hard. Kyler had been teaching me to cook, and I had successfully made a few meals. I figured baking wouldn’t be that much different. Months ago, the idea of baking a cake would’ve thrown me into a fit of unbelieving laughter. But I was changing. This place was transforming me.
An hour later, the countertops were covered in flour and chocolate and I was sweating profusely. The oven significantly warmed up this tiny little kitchen. Wiping my brow, I opened the oven door and slid the pan filled with cake batter inside. I set the timer, and then went to the sink to wash my hands.
“What’s going on in here?”
I peered over my shoulder at Kyler. “It’s a surprise.”
He sniffed the air. “Smells like chocolate cake.”
After wiping my hand on a rag, I spun to face him. “You don’t like surprises, do you?”
“Not especially.” He circled his arms around my waist. “But I like chocolate cake.”
I rested my palm on his chest, fingering the hard muscles underneath. “Well, don’t get your hopes up. This is my first attempt at making one.”
“I’m sure I’ll love it.” He kissed the end of my nose.
It was the sweetest gesture, and my heart squeezed. Clearing my throat, I moved away from him. “I better get this place cleaned up. Who knew baking could be so messy?”
“What did I say about today?” He lightly grabbed my arm. “No working.”
“I have to clean up my mess.”
“Who says?” He drew me to him.
I clamped my mouth shut, not having a good answer for him.
“We’re adults. We make the rules. And I say, no cleaning today.”
“Sounds like you’re the one making the rules,” I pointed out.
His face grew serious. “You’re right.” He released his hold on me. “If you want to clean up, you can. I won’t tell you what to do.”
I stared at Kyler a minute, disbelief filling me. Sometimes this felt too good to be true, like it was all a dream, an elaborate fantasy. Stepping forward, I knotted my fingers around Kyler’s. I traced his palm with my thumb, needing to feel his skin, needing to prove to myself that he was real. Closing my eyes, I memorized the way his skin felt, so I could recall it in the future. In case this all disappeared.
We stood that way for awhile, in the middle of the kitchen with our hands intertwined. It was like we were under a spell. The oven timer finally went off, breaking it. I released Kyler’s hands and blinked as if coming out of a fog. Then I went to the oven and pulled the cake out.
After it cooled, I sliced through it and gave Kyler a piece. He sat at the kitchen table and dug in. I watched as he took the first bite. With a smile, he took another. Pleased, I served myself a piece and then sat across from him.
Expectantly, I tucked my fork into the moist cake, breaking off a piece. I brought it to my lips and closed my mouth around it. The minute it hit my tongue, I gagged. Oh, this was terrible. What did I do wrong? Panicked, I glanced up at the counter. When I saw the unopened box of sugar, my body went hot. Oh, crap. How could I forget the sugar?
“What the hell are you feeding me? Dog shit?” He slammed his hand down on the table so forcefully it knocked his cup over.
“No, I-I-” I sputtered. Usually I didn’t bother cooking, but tonight I thought I would try to do something nice for him. Clearly it had backfired.
“Want me to feed you dog shit? Is that what you want?”
My body went rigid. “No, I don’t.”
He stood, towering over me. I bent my head, steeling myself for what was to come.
I couldn’t stop the tears. They dropped even though I blinked profusely to try to hold them in.
“Hey.” Kyler knelt beside my legs. “What’s wrong?”
“You don’t have to eat it. I know it’s terrible.”
He wiped a tear away with his thumb. “I liked it.”
“Don’t lie.” My lower lip trembled, and I bit down on it to keep it steady.
“I’m not. I liked it ‘cause you made it.”
“Really?”
He nodded.
I breathed in deeply, the sobs quieting. Edgar came into the room, rubbing his nose on my leg. It was like he was trying to comfort me too. It made me feel silly. I wiped my face, sniffling. Kyler kissed my forehead before standing back up.
“Kyler,” I said to him as he sat back down. “You passed.”
“What?”
“The first day I was here, you asked if you passed the interrogation. I told you that I didn’t know, and you told me to tell you when I did.” I clasped and unclasped the hands in my lap. “Well, I do. You passed.”
Kyler smiled. “Thank you.”
Edgar nudged my leg and I reached down to pet him. Funny how I didn’t even know Edgar and Kyler a month ago, and now I couldn’t imagine a life that didn’t include them.
FOURTEEN
In the top drawer of my nightstand I kept a little tally sheet where every day I would mark another day clean. This morning I realized that I’d reached the three-week mark. That was the longest I’d ever gone without meth. A month ago I never would’ve believed that it could even be possible. But that was before I’d stepped into this alternate universe.
It was before I’d met Kyler.
Shoving the secret piece of paper back into the drawer, I grabbed my clean clothes and trekked a
cross the hallway to take a shower. Kyler’s fingers were already tapping on the keyboard, the insistent clicking reverberating through the house. I was starting to find that sound comforting. It had become the soundtrack to my days. Slipping into the bathroom, I closed the door and hung my clothes over the towel rack. Then I peeled off my pajamas and started the shower. Before stepping in, I caught my reflection in the mirror. The bruises were fading, and the swelling had gone down considerably. Pretty soon all evidence of my former life would disappear. If it weren’t for my damn scars, I could pretend none of it had ever happened at all.
Not wishing to study my face any longer, I hopped into the shower, dragging the curtain closed. The rings scraped across the metal rod. As much as I wanted to, I didn’t linger. I soaped up and then rinsed off quickly. This morning I’d slept in a little longer than I should have, and I knew I needed to get to work. Edgar would start to bother Kyler relentlessly if I didn’t get my ass out there. By now he was surely itching to get outside and run around.
After getting dressed, I brushed through my long hair. As I ran it through the thick stands, I heard the phone ringing in the other room, and it surprised me. The only other time I’d heard it ring was when the salesperson called. I set the brush on the counter and glided Chapstick over my lips.
Kyler’s voice traveled under the doorway, reaching my ears. His tone was insistent, almost angry. With my curiosity peeked, I pressed open the bathroom door and quietly stepped into the hall. I was careful to keep myself hidden behind the wall, my back flush against it.
“I said I was taking care of it, okay?” Kyler spoke so low I could barely hear him. “I’ll get it done. Don’t worry about it.”
I flinched when he slammed the phone down hard. This was nothing like when he was irritated with the salesperson. No, today he seemed downright angry. Completely out of character for Kyler. The skin on the back of my neck prickled as I hurried back into the bathroom to clean up my stuff. When I emerged, I forced a smile and pretended like I didn’t hear a thing.
At first Kyler didn’t notice me as I headed into the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee. He was leaning forward, typing with ferocity. Must’ve been a good scene. But the minute Edgar barked, scurrying in my direction, Kyler’s head lifted and he turned toward me.
“Good morning.” His smile was calm and inviting, leaving me to wonder if I had imagined his earlier phone conversation.
I smiled as I poured coffee into my mug. Edgar panted at my feet, wagging his tail. Kyler pushed away from the computer and walked toward me. He looked good in his jeans and button- down shirt. I wanted him to take me in his arms, to kiss me. But as he neared me, a funny feeling nagged in the pit of my stomach. There was something pensive about the look in his eyes. It was a look I hadn’t seen before.
He ran a hand over his hair. “Listen, I have to go into town today.”
I raised an eyebrow. Everything from his demeanor to his words seemed off. Edgar growled, and I knew he could sense it too. My stomach knotted. “What for?”
“I need to run to the post office and drop a couple of things off for my editor.”
“Oh?” I set my cup down on the counter. “Is that who called?” Screw trying to act like I didn’t hear. I wanted answers now.
He scratched the back of his neck. “Um…yeah.” His gaze didn’t meet mine.
I narrowed my eyes. What the hell was going on?
“And I also need to hit the grocery store. We’re getting low on coffee, and neither one of us can survive without that.” His smile returned, and for one second I could pretend that he wasn’t acting odd before.
“I’ll go with you.” I reached for my coffee cup. If I was going into town, I would need to fuel up.
“No.” His response was quick. Too quick.
My head snapped up. “Why not?”
He moved closer to me, his hands gripping the countertop on either side of me, caging me in. My heart beat erratically in my chest. “I won’t subject you to the kind of treatment you received last time you went into town. I’ll go by myself. You can stay here with Edgar where you’re safe.” He pressed his lips to my forehead.
I nodded, feeling ashamed of how suspicious I had been. When would I learn to trust him? He’d been nothing but genuine with me. It was in moments like this that I wished I wasn’t so screwed up. That I wasn’t so jaded.
“I won’t be gone long.” He shoved off the counter. When he headed out of the kitchen and down the hall, I glanced at Edgar.
“Well, buddy, I guess it’s just you and me today.” Edgar barked in response. I knelt down and petted his head.
Kyler returned wearing shoes and holding several envelopes in his palm. He grabbed his keys with his free hand, and held them in his fist. “You want anything special from the store?”
Grinning, I stood up. “Maybe some ice cream.”
“Ice cream, huh? I didn’t even know you liked it.”
“Who doesn’t like ice cream?”
Kyler shrugged. “It’s not my favorite.”
“Really? What kind of dessert do you like?”
“Cake, remember?”
I nodded. “That’s the only time I’ve seen you eat anything sweet, though. It makes me wonder if you even like dessert, Mr. Health Conscious.”
“I like dessert.” He huffed. “I like cake, and I like pie.”
“I do too…with ice cream on top.”
Kyler chuckled. “Okay, ice cream it is.”
“Here.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out a five dollar bill. “For the ice cream.”
Kyler waved my money away. “No. The agreement was that you would assist me and I would provide you with a roof over your head and food.”
We had no such agreement. In fact, we’d never even discussed the terms of my staying here. “But you pay me.”
“I know, because you do a great job and deserve payment.”
I crossed my arms over my chest in a challenge. “Kyler.”
“Just let me buy the ice cream, okay?”
“Fine.” I was never going to win this battle anyway. Narrowing my eyes, I shoved the money back into my pocket. “Anyone ever tell you that you’re stubborn?”
“All the time.” He smirked at me before heading out the front door. I scurried to it, locking it securely behind him.
Then I looked at Edgar. “Sorry, but you’re going to have to wait to go outside until Kyler gets back.” There was no way I was going outside if he wasn’t home. The truck’s engine started in the gravel driveway. Peeking out the blinds in the front window, I watched Kyler drive down to the road. Once his vehicle was out of sight, I glanced around the family room. It could use a little cleaning up. That should keep me busy until Kyler returned. Man, when had I become Suzy freakin’ homemaker?
For the next half an hour or so I picked up around the house. When I got to Kyler’s desk, I straightened some of the papers, but that’s all. I’d learned that while it may look chaotic and messy, this was how Kyler liked it. For some reason his creative brain worked better when his desk was in disarray. I had given up trying to understand it, and now I embraced his odd tendencies. My elbow bumped the mouse and the computer hummed as the screen turned back on. His manuscript was open where he’d left off, the cursor blinking at the edge of the last word. My pulse quickened.
It wouldn’t hurt to read a little, would it?
I don’t let anyone look at my rough drafts. Kyler’s words played through my mind. He would kill me if I read it. Biting my lip, I looked over my shoulder. The window was visible. There was no movement outside.
My palms slick with moisture, I turned back around, and my gaze connected with the screen. It’s not like he’d ever know if I read some of it. And I was dying to find out what it was about. He hadn’t even given me the slightest hint. I leaned over reaching for the mouse when Edgar barked and growled from the back of the house.
My body jerked back. Shame filled me. There was no way I could do this.
&n
bsp; Edgar growled again. A chill snaked down my spine. I moved away from the computer. “Edgar?” I called out. Insides twisting, I hurried down the hallway. His growls were coming from Kyler’s room. I hesitated in the doorway, having never been inside. But Edgar’s antics propelled me forward. What had gotten him so riled up?
Taking a deep breath, I stepped into the room and spotted Edgar near the window. When I saw a stray cat pawing at the glass, I heaved a sigh of relief.
“Edgar!” I admonished him. “You had me worried.”
The dog didn’t even notice me. He was so fixated on that damn cat. It made me wonder if it was this cat in my window the other night. The thought made me feel even sillier than I did before.
Kyler’s bed was unmade, the dark brown comforter bunched up near the bottom of the bed. It was a king, much larger than the twin I slept in. Why did he need such a large bed if it was only him in here? I noticed only one pillow was dented in, while the other was perfectly fluffed. It was clear what side he slept on. Being in his room, thinking about how he slept made me shiver.
Spinning around, I had every intention of leaving. But then I saw something that grabbed my attention. I moved forward slowly, thinking maybe it wasn’t what I suspected. As I neared it, my breath caught in my throat. Picking it up, I rolled it between my fingers, studying it with fascination. Reading the words etched on the inside, my chest tightened. It was exactly what I had thought it was. But it didn’t make any sense.
FIFTEEN
I wouldn’t have believed it was his wedding ring if it didn’t have his name etched inside.
Justine and Kyler.
At first I thought that perhaps he was a junior, and the ring belonged to his dad. But then I saw the wedding date. It was only a few years ago. The ring felt like fire in my hand, and I dropped it as if it had scorched me. Where was Justine now? And why hadn’t he mentioned her? Touching my lips, I remembered the way he kissed me. The way his lips pressed against mine with passion and intensity. In that moment I had felt like the luckiest girl in the world. Now I felt sick.
I scoured the rest of the dresser, but found nothing out of the ordinary. Until my gaze caught on the edge of a photograph sticking out of one of his drawers. I plucked it out, the air leaving me as if I was a deflated balloon. Kyler’s hair was shorter, his face clean shaven, but there was no mistaking that it was him. A pretty young woman stood by his side. She had short golden hair and wore a simple sundress. His arm was slung around her shoulders. They looked happy. Was this Justine?
