‘Like it or not,’ Ethan said, ‘there has to be a senior staff member on at all times, and that sometimes means making last-minute changes to the roster.’
‘I’m aware of that,’ Penny responded.
‘Yet you don’t...’ He watched two spots of colour rising on her cheeks, and then she turned abruptly to go, but Ethan refused to leave it there. ‘You’re going to have to be more flexible.’
Her back was to him and he watched as Penny stilled, her shoulders stiffened and she slowly turned around. ‘Excuse me?’
‘In the coming days you’re going to have to be more flexible—Gordon will need some time after all.’
‘If Gordon’s wife having a baby leaves us short-staffed then it might be prudent to look at getting a locum because—and I am warning you now—I am not going to be dropping everything and coming into work and leaving here late and changing shifts at the last moment to accommodate Gordon, his wife and their baby.’
Penny was angry now and with good reason—part of her mandatory counselling before she’d commenced IVF had addressed problems such as this. Timing was important. These weeks were incredibly intense and to keep it from becoming a staffroom topic of conversation Penny had worked out her appointments very carefully around her work schedule. And now Hilary had gone into labour and she was supposed to juggle everything.
Well, Penny was doing this for her baby.
‘You’re such a team player,’ Ethan said.
‘Oh, but I’m not,’ Penny responded. ‘Ask anyone.’
‘I don’t need to ask, I’d say it’s already common knowledge.’ It was—Penny was the ice queen. He’d heard it from many and had seen it for himself, but she hadn’t finished yet, pulling Ethan up on a very pertinent point.
‘You’re talking as if Hilary is about to deliver a micro-prem when, in fact, she’s actually thirty-five weeks’ gestation.’ Ethan at that point actually had to suppress a smile, because she had well and truly caught him out. When he’d said premature labour he had been appealing or rather searching for the softer side to Penny, but he was fast realising that she simply didn’t have one. ‘I don’t respond to bells and whistles, Ethan. Give me a real drama and I’ll deal with it accordingly.’ She walked off and Ethan watched.
She was absolutely immaculate. Her straight blonde hair was tied low at the back of her neck. Her sheer cream blouse looked as if it had come straight off a mannequin at an expensive boutique and her charcoal-grey skirt was perfectly cut to show a very trim figure. If she had been just a few inches taller she could be walking down a runway instead of the corridor of the emergency department.
‘What do you respond to, Penny?’ The words were out of Ethan’s mouth before his brain had even processed them, and how he wished, the moment they were uttered, that he could take them back.
He was more than aware of the not-so-slight sexual undertone to them, and Ethan half expected her to turn on her low heels and march back to give him a sharp piece of her mind, or perhaps to head straight to Mr Dean’s office, but what happened next came as a complete surprise.
Ethan watched as Penny threw her head back and laughed and then glanced over her shoulder at him. He saw not the glitter of ice in those cold blue eyes but something far more fetching. And her mouth was parted in a slightly mocking yet somehow mischievous smile as she answered him. ‘That’s for me to know!’
Ethan found himself smiling back, a proper smile this time. He almost called out that he was looking forward to finding out but then he checked himself, the smile fading, and he turned back to the roster he had been viewing before Penny had come along, and wondered what the hell had just happened. She had been completely immutable with the roster, thoroughly unfriendly and yet somehow it had ended in a smile.
A flirtatious one at that.
Ethan had no trouble with flirting—he was an expert at it, in fact. He had just never expected to find himself going there with Penny, but more to the point, Ethan thought darkly, he still didn’t have anyone to cover him for the funeral.
* * *
‘Not now!’ Penny said a few moments later when Jasmine knocked on her office door as she came in to start her late shift. Penny was seriously rattled by the small confrontation she’d had with Ethan and wanted a few moments alone to process things and to ring the IVF nurse to see if she could possibly swap. More unsettling than that, though, was the flutter in her throat and the blush on her cheeks at her response to him. Her face still burnt red even as she tried to put off her sister from coming in, but Jasmine wanted a quick word.
‘It won’t take a second—I’m just letting you know that Mum rang this morning from a satellite phone.’
‘Where is she?’ Penny smiled and it was genuine. She was thrilled to hear from her mum.
‘Heading for Mykonos,’ Jasmine said, and Penny groaned her envy.
‘I’m sure that I don’t need to ask if she’s having a good time.’
‘Completely loving it,’ Jasmine said. ‘She said that she should’ve done this years ago and...don’t fall off your chair, but I think she might have met someone.’
‘You mean a man?’ Penny blinked in surprise. ‘I don’t know what to say...I don’t know what to think.’
‘I know.’ Jasmine smiled. ‘I can’t imagine Mum with anyone.’
Louise Masters had been single since the day her husband had left. A very volatile marriage had made Louise swear off men and instead she had focused heavily on her career and had done her best to instil the same very independent, somewhat bitter values into her daughters.
‘Anyway,’ Jasmine continued, ‘we didn’t talk for long. I’ve no idea how much it would have cost her to call. She just wanted to send her love and to find out how you were getting on. I told her that you were doing fine.’ Jasmine hesitated. She’d heard a few whispers, knew that Penny was putting noses out of joint everywhere, which wasn’t unusual. Penny was known for being tough, it was just a lot more concentrated at the moment. ‘Are you doing fine, though?’
‘Not really,’ Penny admitted. ‘Actually, Jasmine, I think you’re right, I might have to let a few people at work know. It’s proving impossible. I’ve just had an argument with Ethan—he needs me to come in early tomorrow so that he can go to a funeral. God.’ Penny buried her face in her hands. ‘Imagine saying no to that—it’s a funeral!’
‘Penny, it was a football match a couple of weeks ago that Ethan asked you to cover him for.’ Jasmine was indignant on her sister’s behalf. ‘And Mr Dean has a corporate golf day on Thursday and Rex is getting a divorce. The fact is that this place needs more doctors, but they still won’t employ another one.’
‘A funeral, though.’ Penny groaned.
‘Penny, you go to more funerals than anyone I know.’ It was true. Of course they couldn’t attend the funeral of every patient who died, but Penny’s black outfits were taken for a trip to the dry cleaner’s more than most. ‘You have to keep the next few weeks clear.’ Jasmine was firm. She knew how hard this was for Penny and just how hard her sister worked. ‘And I do think you should let your colleagues know. Not everyone, but if you told Lisa...’
‘How can Lisa help with the doctors’ roster?’
‘Well, just tell Ethan or Mr Dean...’ Her voice trailed off.
‘It’s hopeless, isn’t it?’ Mr Dean wasn’t going to be exactly thrilled to find out that his senior registrar was trying to get pregnant—it was the reason he had hesitated to promote her a few years ago—of that Penny was sure.
‘Penny, you can’t come in early tomorrow. You can’t miss a blood test, it determines the whole day’s treatment.’
‘I know. I just really thought I could handle working and doing this. I thought that it might be easier the second time around, that I’d know more what to expect, that I’d at least be used to the needles.’
‘Penny.’ Jasmine sat on the edge of her sister’s desk. ‘I think you are going to have to face the fact that you are never going to get over your fear of needles.’
‘I’m an emergency registrar!’
‘With one weakness.’ Jasmine gave a sympathetic smile. ‘It’s just a horrible weakness to have when you’re going through IVF.’
‘I made a right fool of myself this morning at my blood test.’ Penny shuddered at the memory. ‘It took two of them, one to hold me and one to take the blood. I was crying and carrying on like a two-year-old!’
‘Then it’s just as well that you’re not having your IVF treatment here.’
Penny blanched at the very thought of that happening. Even if Peninsula Hospital offered IVF, which they didn’t, Penny wouldn’t take it. Oh, for the convenience, it would be wonderful to just pop upstairs for the endless blood tests, injections and scans that were part of the tumultuous ride she was on, but not so convenient would be to have your colleagues see you a shivering, terrified mess. She was bad enough at the best of times, but right now, tired and with her hormones all over the place, it was the worst of times.
‘Do you have to work?’ Jasmine asked gently.
‘I took time off last time,’ Penny said. ‘And I had all that time off when Mum came out of hospital. I’d actually like to have some annual leave up my sleeve if I ever do get pregnant.’
‘You will.’ Jasmine slipped off the desk and gave her sister a hug, but it wasn’t returned. Penny wasn’t particularly touchy-feely. ‘You’re going to get your baby.’
‘Easy for you to say.’ Penny tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice. She loved Simon very much, but he had been an accident. Just one mistake had seen Jasmine pregnant. Yes, Jasmine had had a terrible time with a horrible husband and later as a single mum before she’d married Jed. But now, just a few months into her marriage, she was pregnant, although she hadn’t told Penny.
Penny felt her sister’s arms around her tense shoulders and it was time to face the white elephant in the room before it came between them.
‘When are you going to tell me, Jasmine?’ There was a long stretch of silence. ‘You’re pregnant, aren’t you?’
‘Penny, I...’
Penny heard the discomfort in her sister’s voice and forced a smile before turning her face back to Jasmine. ‘How many weeks?’
‘Fourteen.’ Jasmine flushed.
‘Have you told Mum?’
‘Not yet. We haven’t said anything to anyone yet. I wanted to tell you first but I just didn’t know how.’ Jasmine’s eyes were same blue as her sister’s and they filled with tears. ‘You were so upset when your last IVF attempt failed and then you’ve been building up for this one. I know how hard it is for you right now, and to find out my news right in the middle of an IVF treatment cycle, well, I know...’
Except Jasmine didn’t know, Penny thought, though at least she tried to understand.
Penny took a deep breath. ‘Even if it isn’t happening easily for me, it doesn’t mean that I can’t be pleased for you.’
‘You’re sure?’
‘Of course I am. I know I wasn’t the best sister and aunt to Simon at first, but I’ve told you why. I was jealous when you were pregnant with Simon, but it’s different now—I’m honestly pleased for you and Jed.’ Penny gave a wry smile. ‘And, of course, terribly, terribly jealous.’
‘I know.’ Jasmine smiled back. ‘I’m so glad that we can be more honest with each other now.’
‘We can be,’ Penny said. ‘Which means you won’t be offended if I tell you I really need five minutes alone right now.’
‘Sure.’
Penny waited till the door was closed and then put her head back in her hands.
Fourteen weeks.
She just sat there, a hormonal jumble of conflict.
She was pleased for her sister.
No, she wasn’t!
She was jealous, jealous, jealous, and now she felt guilty for feeling so jealous, yet she was pleased for her sister too.
Oh, hell!
Penny really had forgotten just how awful the treatment made her feel. It was far worse than feeling premenstrual. The last time had been bad enough but she had gone through it at home, concentrating solely on her appointments.
Trying to work through it was unbearable.
And then she remembered her confrontation with Ethan—the reason she had come to the office in the first place—and reached for her phone and rang the IVF nurse to explain her problem. ‘I’m booked in for ten past eight,’ Penny said. ‘I was wondering if I could come in on the early round. And also if, instead of my appointment, I could have a phone consultation with the specialist.’ There was a bit of a tart pause, which Penny took as a warning. You had to be fully on board, she had been told this on many occasions, and she tried so hard to be.
Except she was also expected to be fully on board at work.
‘There’s a spot at six-twenty a.m.,’ the nurse said, and an already exhausted Penny took it. She headed out of the office and back through to the department to catch up with Ethan and to show him what a team player she could be, but he was stuck with a baby who had suspicious injuries and later interviewing the parents. Oh, well, Penny thought, it would keep for later. He might already have someone else. Of course, Penny got caught up with work of her own and at the end of a very long shift, with a needle to look forward to, Penny wasn’t in the happiest of moods when, just to cap it all off, Gordon came into the department with a huge smile on his face.
‘It’s a boy!’
‘How lovely!’ Penny offered her congratulations and Ethan came over and did the same, and they headed over to the nurses’ station and stood while Gordon sat showing the many, many photos he had taken on his phone of his gorgeous new son.
‘He’s doing really well,’ Gordon enthused. ‘Though they will probably keep him in the nursery for a few days, given that he’s a bit small, but we should get him home soon. Hilary’s a paediatrician after all.’ He gave a tired yawn. ‘It’s been a long day—do you want to join me in celebrating? Hilary is catching up on some sleep. I thought we could go and have a drink before I head back up there.’
‘I’d love to,’ Penny said as her phone alarm buzzed in her pocket to remind her that it was injection time. ‘But I’m afraid that I can’t right now.’ She didn’t dash straight off, though, and looked at a couple more photos. ‘How is Hilary doing?’
‘Really well,’ Gordon said. ‘She’s a bit disappointed, of course, but she’ll soon come round.’
‘Disappointed?’ Penny looked at an image of the tiny but, oh, so healthy baby.
‘She really wanted a girl this time. Which I guess is understandable after three sons.’
‘Didn’t you find out what you were having?’ Ethan asked Gordon, but Penny wasn’t really listening. She could feel the incessant buzz from a phone in her pocket and she needed to go.
‘Congratulations again!’ Penny said to Gordon. ‘But now you’ll have to excuse me. Tell Hilary that I shall come up and visit her soon.’
A bit disappointed.
The words buzzed in Penny’s ears as she walked around her office. She was being hypersensitive, Penny told herself. It was just that it seemed so easy for everyone else at the moment. Maybe if she had three sons she’d be disappointed too at not getting a girl, except she couldn’t imagine it. Worse, she couldn’t imagine having three babies—it was hard enough trying to get one.
And then she thought about the baby that Ethan had been looking after that afternoon and all the social workers and police that had been involved, and it just didn’t seem fair that some people who had babies didn’t even seem to want them.
‘Hi, there.’ Jasmine was waiting for Penny in her office. She had everything set up for the tiny injection
that really should only take a minute, except Penny needed to be talked down from the ceiling each and every time. Penny hated the weakness. She’d had hypnosis and even counselling in a bid to overcome it, not that it changed a single thing. Every needle that went into her had her shaking with fear and this evening was no exception. If anything, this evening she was worse.
‘I can’t do this today,’ Penny said as she closed the office door and let out a shaky breath. ‘I’m honestly not just saying it this time, Jasmine. I’m really not up to it.’
‘Penny.’ Jasmine was very patient; she was more than used to this. ‘You know that you can’t miss one injection.’
‘I don’t think I want to do the treatment anymore.’ Penny just said it. ‘I can’t keep going on like this. I’m snapping at everyone, I’m in tears all the time.’
‘The same as you were last time,’ Jasmine said.
‘I was going to ring in sick tomorrow, or ask Mr Dean if I could take annual leave, but now with Gordon’s wife having the baby...’ Penny closed her eyes at the impossibility of it all. ‘I don’t want the injection.’
‘You’re going to finish this course.’
‘And what if it doesn’t work?’
‘Then you’ll have a proper break before you put yourself through this again,’ Jasmine said firmly. ‘It’s no wonder that you’re teary and exhausted. Let’s just get this needle over and done with and then we’ll talk.’
And she would have, except there was a sharp knock on Penny’s door.
‘Penny?’ There was no mistaking Ethan’s low voice, but Penny didn’t answer. She’d forgotten to lock it and when he knocked again, it was so impatient that Penny wouldn’t put it past him to simply walk in.
‘What?’ Penny asked angrily when she opened the door just a fraction.
‘I was wondering if you could change your mind and come out for a drink with Gordon and I. There is no one else around to ask and Rex needs to stay here.’
‘I can’t,’ Penny said. ‘I’ve got the case review to prepare for.’
Secrets of a Career Girl Page 4
