“What do you mean?” Kai pulls his other hand free of Gerda’s fingers.
I match Kai’s furious glare. “With your father incapacitated or dead you may not be able to attend the university, isn’t that right?”
Kai’s eyes narrow. “Gerda, go and prepare your things. We’re leaving.”
“Oh, and how far do you think you’ll get?” I flick open one hand, hurling a spear of ice against the far wall.
“We’ll make it, despite your tricks.” Kai brushes aside Gerda’s protestations and rises to his feet to face me. Luki scrambles out of his way and pads to my side. “You’ve little time left, Snow Queen. Shouldn’t you spend it on the mirror, rather than tracking two mortals who are likely to die in your bleak mountains, with or without your interference?”
“I’ve no desire for either of you to die.” Thoughts of Luki’s mother and Holger well up in my mind. I beat them back, focusing on Kai’s pale, resolute face. I sigh as the anger drains from my body. It’s all over. I can read my future in Kai’s implacable glare. I spread out my hands. “You needn’t worry. I’ll let you go, as long as you do nothing to sabotage my work. Go—take Bae and a sledge if you wish. Just allow me to complete the mirror in peace.”
Kai pulls Gerda to her feet, but keeps his gaze focused on me. “You see, Gerda, we can leave. Nothing’s holding us here.”
“Nothing at all,” I reply, laying my hand on Luki’s head.
“No, no.” Gerda grips Kai’s arm and shakes it until he looks down at her. “You must stay and help Thyra complete the mirror, Kai.”
“What are you talking about, Gerda?” Kai shoots the girl a questioning glance.
“It’s only a week before Thyra’s birthday. Perhaps she can finish the mirror in time or perhaps not. But it’s much more likely that she’ll succeed with your help. We must stay.” Gerda’s blue eyes plead with Kai as she squeezes his arm.
“My sweet friend.” A faint smile flickers over Kai’s face as he pats Gerda’s hand. “I know you’ve a big heart, but you needn’t waste your pity on Thyra Winther. She only cares for herself—why should you care for her?” The pain in Kai’s voice belies his harsh words.
I meet his gaze as he stares over Gerda’s shoulder. His thinking is so like mine, I’m certain his mind commands that he hate me. But I read another emotion in his dark eyes. Love and desire wage war against his logic. As they do in my heart.
“Because I’ve encountered the wraiths,” says Gerda simply. She sneaks a glance at me before looking back at Kai. “You must have seen them, Kai. Such terrible, pitiful, creatures. Bae told me that Thyra’s condemned to become one of them if she fails at her task. I can’t bear the thought of that, Kai. No one deserves that fate. No one.”
I stand very still. Never in any of my calculations did I anticipate this act of kindness.
Kai takes Gerda’s face in his hands and leans down to kiss her gently on the forehead. “You’re far too good for me, Gerda,” he says, embracing her. He turns her slightly so that he can stare at me over her head. “Very well. For your sake, Gerda, I’ll stay and assist Thyra with the mirror. But as soon as that task is done we leave.” He pushes the girl back, still holding onto her shoulders. “We go home, Gerda. Back to our village. Back where we belong, where we should stay.”
Gerda nods and lays her head on his chest. “Oh, I am glad, Kai. I doubted you for a little while, I admit, but deep down I was sure you were still the person I’ve always known and loved.”
“Of course,” replies Kai in a tone that inspires nothing but trust.
Gerda, hugging him, can only hear his words. I can see his face. Defeat is stamped upon his thinned lips; despair haunts his eyes. I meet his gaze and hold it.
I understand, I tell him without speaking any words. You stand in that moment when all your hopes and aspirations melt to nothingness. The second when every dream dies.
I haven’t reached that moment yet, but it’s rushing toward me. It lies in wait, ready to pounce—at midnight on my eighteenth birthday.
Kai lifts Gerda’s hands and presses a kiss into each of her palms. “Go now, my friend. Thyra and I must resume our work.” He glances over at me. “Would you send Luki with her, to keep the wraiths at bay?”
I nod and kneel down to whisper my instructions in the wolf’s ear. Luki licks my hand once before trotting to Gerda’s side. “Watch over her,” I remind him as he leads the girl from the Great Hall.
Kai crosses to the table. “Time to put everything aside and focus on our task, Snow Queen.” He slides one hand over the polished surface of the looking glass, his fingers tracing figures like skaters gliding over a frozen lake.
“It’s Thyra,” I say, joining him in contemplation of the mirror. I lay my hand over his restless fingers. “Thank you.”
“I did it to please Gerda.” He doesn’t look at me but his fingers curl about my hand.
Staring at our clasped hands, I catch a glimpse of our faces reflected by the mirror. Mine is strangely fragile, my clear gray eyes appearing far too large for my face. And Kai—warring emotions twist his reflection into a puzzle I can’t decipher. “Yes, we’ve wasted enough time today,” I say brusquely. I pull my hand from Kai’s grasp and thrust it into my pocket.
“I don’t want you to become a wraith, Thyra.” Kai’s voice is very soft. “But you should never have lied to me.”
“I won’t do it again.” I cross behind him and grab the box holding the remaining shards. Walking around the table, I examine the final corner. “Will you bring the notebooks, please? I think we need to study our equations once more. Perhaps we’ve missed a vital clue.”
Kai leans over, his hands pressed against the surface of the table. As he lifts his head I meet his despairing gaze. I shake my head. “It doesn’t have to mean the end of your dreams, Kai. There must be some way to solve your problem. If we can reconstruct this mirror, we can surely figure out a way for you to attend the university.”
“A new set of equations?” His smile’s as resigned as it is fleeting.
“Why not? If we put our minds to it, what problem is unsolvable?”
Kai gathers up our notebooks and two pencils. “I can think of one.”
“Nonsense,” I reply as he joins me on the other side of the table. “Our minds, together, are quite formidable. What problem stands a chance?” I turn my head and catch him staring at me with an expression in which longing and pain vie for dominance.
“The problem of us,” says Kai.
We work in silence for the rest of the day.
HEARTS BREAK LIKE GLASS
For four days and nights Kai and I work side by side, taking turns sleeping for a few hours at a time. Instead of walking back to our respective rooms we simply curl into furs piled on the stone floor of the Great Hall, Luki pressed up against our backs. Other than these brief respites we toil constantly, pausing only when Gerda brings the food she’s prepared. We must stop at that point, as she won’t leave the room until we’ve eaten something. She also orders us out once a day to clean up and change clothes. She claims that we need to be sensitive to the odors assailing her nostrils, even if we’re oblivious to the smell ourselves.
Fortunately Voss has stayed away from the palace, traveling on one of his mysterious journeys. This suits me well enough. I don’t trust him around Gerda, or Kai. I pray that his fascination with testing Gerda’s good nature was just a passing fancy.
It’s difficult to see the days fly by, knowing what waits for me, but I fight my fears and focus on my task. I allow nothing else enter my mind, though I must confess I catch myself carefully observing every interaction between Kai and Gerda. I know that once the mirror is complete they will both disappear from my life. That’s to be expected. It’s the way of things. The joys of friendship or family are not for me. I am doomed to live alone, whatever happens. So for now I shove my terror into the recesses of my mind and take pleasure in sharing a little time with human companions.
In truth, I find Kai’s behavior around Gerda baffling. He’s very sweet, but in an off-hand manner that reminds me of the way he treats Luki. I see her desire for something more—she’s always finding reasons to touch him—but Kai seems oblivious to her adoration. I know nothing of family, yet even I recognize his attitude as one an older brother might adopt toward an admiring younger sister. Glimpsing the hurt in Gerda’s blue eyes twists something in my breast. I understand that yearning for a dream that one can’t quite grasp. I felt it so keenly that day in the university lecture hall.
“There was a commotion in the kitchen just now,” Gerda says, handing Kai a bowl of stew. “Luki dashed off for a run as if the devil was behind him, and the other animals were all darting about, scurrying to make everything just so.”
“Oh.” I look at Kai. “Voss must’ve returned. That always throws them into a panic.” I swirl my spoon in my bowl of stew. “Try to avoid Voss, if you can, Gerda. He’s not the most pleasant individual.”
“I don’t plan to seek him out.” Gerda perches on a stool dragged in from the kitchens. “Don’t just play with your food, Thyra. Eat.”
I lick the spoon and wave it at her. “One thing’s for sure, you have that mother talk down pat.”
Gerda blushes and casts a glance at Kai. “I’d love to have a lot of children.”
Kai pauses in his effort to shovel stew into his mouth. “What’s a lot?”
“Oh, at least four or five,” says Gerda.
Choking on a bit of stew, Kai doesn’t answer. I lean over to slap him on his back as water fills his eyes. “Sounds charming. So you don’t plan to have anything to do with the mill? After all, you’re the eldest in your family, so you’re equal to Kai in my opinion. In terms of inheritance, I mean.” I smile at Gerda, who’s eyeing me inquisitively.
“Oh, I could, I suppose,” says the girl. This sends Kai into another paroxysm of coughing. Gerda stares at him suspiciously. “I’m not stupid. My mother kept the books after my father died. She’s taught me quite a bit. I think I could contribute to the business, if need be.”
I turn my gaze on Kai who shakes his head.
“I’ll let you get back to work.” Gerda hops off the stool and collects my bowl, frowning at the food I’ve left. As she takes the bowl from Kai she allows her fingers to linger on his hand. “Did you like it?” she asks, looking up at him from under lowered lashes.
“It was good,” Kai replies absently. “Thanks, little one.”
Gerda cradles the bowl to her breast and stares at his averted profile. He’s already examining one of the remaining shards. Her lower lip trembles, but she straightens and offers me a quick smile before leaving the Hall.
Not only brave, but tougher than she first appears. Kai could do worse, indeed.
“So, what do you think?” I ask as I join him in studying the mirror fragments.
“About what?” Kai glances from the empty section of the looking glass to the shard he’s holding.
“Marrying Gerda. She’s not half-bad, you know, for a village girl.”
“What?” Kai leans in and adjusts the fragment with great precision. It clicks instantly into place against the finished edge of the glass. “Yes!” He turns and grins at me. “Another piece placed.”
“That means we only have four left, including mine and Voss’s.”
“And a good thing too.” Kai’s expression sobers. “There are only three days before your birthday.”
I look away, toying with the shard I’m holding. “I know.”
“Don’t worry. We’ll do it. I swear.” Kai plucks the shard from my fingers and lays it on the table. “We still have time.” He takes hold of my crooked elbows and turns me slightly to face him. “I won’t allow you to become a wraith, Thyra.”
“It’s not necessarily in your power to prevent it.” I meet his intense gaze, wondering if I’m blushing as much as Gerda was earlier.
“You said you’d rather die.” Kai leans in and presses his forehead against mine. “It would destroy me to do it, but if you wished…”
I place my hands against his chest. “No, Kai. I appreciate the offer, but it wouldn’t help. If I die before the deadline I still become a wraith. It’s part of the enchantment of the mirror, a magic even Voss can’t overrule.”
“Damn him to hell,” says Kai with sudden fury. He slips his arms about me, pulling me close. “I don’t suppose killing Voss would do any good either?”
“Not that we could accomplish it, but no—the enchantment would still hold.” I shift in his arms until my head’s resting on his chest. Kai’s heart beats rapidly beneath my ear but I’m strangely calm. A wave of pleasure washes over me. It’s a sensation I haven’t felt in so long I can barely name it.
“You should consider teaching Gerda how to manage the mill,” I say, my words muffled in the folds of Kai’s woolen tunic.
“Gerda? Why are you talking about Gerda all the sudden?” Kai pushes me back and holds me at arm’s length, examining my face.
“Because you must attend the university, Kai. You’ll be miserable if you give it up to stay in the village to run the family business. Even if you are happily married to Gerda and have a large, lovely family.”
Kai frowns. “How many times do I have to tell you I’m not marrying anyone? And what’s that smile for?”
I lift my chin and wrinkle my nose at him. “Picturing you with a cottage full of children racing about and screaming as you attempt to solve a sticky equation.”
The corners of his mouth twitch. “I see. You don’t think I could handle that?”
I shrug. “Well, you’ve snapped at me often enough when I’ve disturbed your train of thought.”
“Oh, and you haven’t laid into me for the same thing?” Kai taps my lips with his fingers. “Face it, Thyra, we’re very much alike in that regard.”
I catch his fingers as they fall away from my face. “We’re alike in many ways, Kai Thorsen.” I raise our clasped hands and press them against his chest. “Equal in intellect and determination.”
“And pride, as Voss observed.”
“That too.” I feel Kai’s heartbeat drumming under my fingers. “I haven’t spent a lot of time with people these last few years, but even before, in the village, I always felt alone. It never seemed as if I could connect with other humans, not really. They all stared at me as if I was something foreign or strange. Not just because I was an orphan but also because the things I wanted to know, to talk about, were of no interest to them.” I look into Kai’s eyes and read understanding there. “When I met you, as a child, it was like a window was opened to another world. I saw there were other people like me, that I wasn’t the only one who found mathematics as fascinating as the cut of a pair of shoes.”
Kai lowers our hands, loosening his grip to caress my fingers. “And I saw a girl who could challenge any boy, at anything, and win.”
“And that didn’t bother you?” I lift my free hand and stroke the side of his face.
“No.” Kai captures my hand and presses a kiss into my palm.
“Most boys don’t care to be challenged by a girl.” I shiver as Kai gently pushes back my sleeve and trails kisses up my arm to the curve of my elbow.
Kai lifts his head and pulls me closer. “Most boys—and sadly, men—don’t appreciate a woman who’s as intelligent as you, Thyra. But I can’t imagine spending my time with anyone who doesn’t keep pace with me. How boring that would be.”
“You like spending time with me, then?” I allow his arms to fold about me.
“Usually. When you aren’t driving me to distraction.” Kai’s expression changes to an intent stare that makes me inhale sharply. “Thyra Winther, the only girl who can calculate almost as well as me.”
“As well,” I reply, tilting back my head.
Kai smiles. “As well.” He lifts one hand from my back and uses his fingers to trace the contours of my lips. Trailing the finger
s along my jaw, he slides his hand around to cradle the back of my head. “The only girl.” He kisses me.
He kisses me. I know nothing of love or lust, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters except the touch of his lips on mine. I savor the taste of him for a moment before I return the kiss, allowing my instincts to guide me.
Kai lifts his head and gazes into my eyes. His fingers caress my neck, sliding down to the hollow of my throat. “This is impossible, you know.”
“I know.” The look in his dark eyes is heating my blood faster than Voss’s magic ever could.
“Once the mirror’s complete you’ll come into your full power as the Snow Queen.” Kai strokes my shoulder before sliding his fingers down my arm. “Your immortality puts you out of my reach.” He entwines my fingers in his.
I shake my head. “I’m not interested in immortality. I simply want to live, in my own body, with my mind intact. That’s all that matters to me.”
Kai kisses me again before whispering in my ear. “The immortality comes with that, doesn’t it?”
I sigh and lay my head on his shoulder. “Yes. It was never my choice.”
“I know.” Kai pushes me back slightly but keeps hold of my hands. “I suspect that Thyra Winther would prefer to be an ordinary mortal.” He smiles. “No, not ordinary. You could never be that, no matter what.”
“I would trade it all,” I say, lifting our clasped hands to my breast, “to travel beside you, to attend the university. To study and to learn, with you as my best, my closest, friend.”
Kai raises his eyebrows. “Only a friend?”
“I said ‘closest.’” I squeeze his fingers.
Breaking my grip Kai puts his arms around me. His hands slide down my back to my waist. “How close?”
“Very?” I lean in and meet his searching lips.
Crown Of Ice Page 19
