by Jill Cooper
Was pleasure for pleasure’s sake really such a horrible thing?
But Scott came back over. “We have a few food supplies for you. Bacon, chicken. A bag of beans and rice. Powdered milk and cheese we’ve been storing. It’ll help get you through the hard winter months coming.”
“Oh, we couldn’t,” Dani said. “That’s so nice of you, but—.”
“No, buts. We’ll deliver it tomorrow,” Alessa said sternly. “Neighbors take care of neighbors. The ministers will receive their rations and we’ve been at this for years. We know how to stockpile carefully and away from prying eyes.”
Timothy nodded and said, “I don’t know what we’d do without either of you. Thank you.”
Alessa walked away and muttered under her breath, “Just what the ministers expected you to do, I suspect.”
Dani’s blood ran cold—the ministers meant them to die. To suffer for their crime, have an out of wedlock baby and die. But if that’s what they wanted, then why bother moving them to Beantown in the first place?
What game were the ministers playing?
Rising from her seat, Dani excused herself. “I’ll be right back, Timmy.” She followed Alessa down the hall to thank her again. When she reached her, Alessa had drawn a curtain to the side in her room and Dani caught sight of hidden supplies. Jars of something blue, red, and yellow—actual colors.
Dani gasped and ducked her head, moving backward so Alessa wouldn’t see her. She heard Alessa draw the curtain closed in a hurry. “Is that you, Scotty?”
“No, it’s Dani. I just wanted to see if you needed some help.”
“No, no I’m fine, but I’d like you to visit later this week, in the afternoon, so we can sit as women over tea. Have a little chat. Some may drop by, anxious and curious to meet you.”
“I’d love that, but the work on the farm—.”
“There’s always work here on our farms. It’s important to get together and take breaks. What do you say?”
Dani nodded. “You’re right, and yes, I’ll come. I guess I’ll see you later?” Dani bit her lip, feeling the rise of conflict in her chest. She liked Alessa and hadn’t had a real friend since childhood. But if what Dani saw was real, if Alessa had jars of color—or paint—then Alessa was breaking some very serious rules and it’d be only a matter of time before she was caught.
Dani didn’t want to get caught with her but they were new friends. She liked having a friend.
“One other thing,” Alessa said and slipped a cloth bag into Dani’s hand. “Special tea. For you and Timmy tonight. It’ll relax you.”
“Thank you, but I think we are plenty relaxed.”
“Oh?” Alessa raised an eyebrow and laughed. “Then have a good time. I see the way you’ve been looking at each other all night. I think there’s only one thing on your minds and… well, there’s nothing wrong with it. You’re married.”
She bustled away and Dani stared down at the cloth bag in her hand. She guessed that was true, wasn’t it? Timothy was as handsome as they came, growing stronger every day, and beginning to fill his shirts out in a way Dani liked. Maybe thinking what she was thinking was perfectly natural.
****
It was nearly curfew by the time the Richardsons returned home. Dani put the glass bottles of the special drink Alessa had made her in the back of the cabinet, hidden by coffee and dry herbs, just in case it was something she shouldn’t have. There was no doubt she felt healthier, more energetic, and stronger since having drank it.
So energetic, Dani cleaned up the kitchen and wiped down the table for tomorrow. She could hear Timothy changing for the night, and as the sun continued to set quickly, Dani lit the candles in the kitchen while the pot of water boiled. She placed two of the new tea satchels into the mugs and poured the steaming water on top.
It’s aroma was pleasant, like chamomile and something else Dani couldn’t place.
“Need some help in here?” Timothy asked as he stuck his head out of the bedroom. Still in his trousers, his shirt was unbuttoned and Dani caught sight of his chest and abs. His blond hair was messy, covering one brow. She couldn’t help what such a sight did to her. Timothy was eighteen, spry, and as handsome as his father.
Still, Dani didn’t think it was right to indulge herself by coveting Timothy’s body. It wasn’t his baby she was pregnant with, even though she was beginning to wish it was.
“I’ve made us some tea. Come give it a try.”
“All right.” In four long strides, he was by her side. Dani blew the steam off of her tea as he did the same and they both took a dainty sip. “Wow, that’s really good.”
“Our new friends are going to spoil us.”
Timothy grinned at her and Dani thought it was adorable. “Maybe you deserve to be spoiled?”
Her heart skipped. “And you don’t?”
He shook his head, drinking more tea. “I have a lot to make up for, don’t I? Letting my mother treat you the way she did, even when I knew it was wrong. I refused to use your name and made you fetch me things. I was wrong. I’m sorry, Dani.”
Timothy took her hand and kissed it. Dani swooned at the feel of his warm lips pressed against her skin. “It’s all right. I never blamed you.”
“Maybe you should have.” Timothy drank more of the tea as Dani did the same. Then he put his mug down and took her by the waist, gazing into her eyes. “You look more beautiful tonight than I remember. Maybe it’s the candle light, but your dark skin glows.”
Dani laughed, blushing and biting her lip. “I… don’t know what to say.”
“I’m going to go ready the bed. Hurry along when you can,” Timothy said, his voice low. Dani wondered if he meant turn down the sheets or something else.
Her voice quivered when she answered. “I’ll be coming to bed soon. Tonight, I can take the chair.”
“I told you, Dani. I won’t have a pregnant woman sleeping on a chair. I’ll be fine. You do need a good night’s rest, so come retire soon.” Timothy went back into the bedroom and Dani let out a deep breath that he was gone and hopefully her urges with him. They were more intensified than usual. What was in the tea and other things that Alessa had provided her with?
She straightened up the table and the counter. Then she picked up a candle and entered the bedroom. Timothy sat in the chair taking off his boots and Dani walked past him, placing the candle down on the end table. She tried to unbutton her dress so she could change, but couldn’t quite reach the buttons anymore as the dress grew tighter over her stretching body.
When she felt Timothy’s hands slide against her neck to help her, Dani gasped to have him touch her there.
“Tim…” she started.
“Just giving you a hand,” Timothy said with a huskier voice, his hands tracing down her bare back as he undid the next series of buttons.
Dani closed her eyes, feeling his warm hands touch the curve of her lower back.
“At dinner you called me Timmy. I liked that, it showed how comfortable we’re getting with one another.”
“Timmy,” she wet her lips and turned to catch his eye. “I like it, too, but I don’t think you should—.”
His hands stroked down her hips, massaging her sore joints. He touched her in ways different from his father. Mitchell had always been rough, treating her like a possession, but Timothy was so gentle. Dani closed her eyes, a gentle sigh escaping her lips. Her heart was pounding, her loins aching. What she wanted so badly, she had no right to have.
“Does that feel nice?” Timothy whispered against her ear.
Dani nodded with a tremble. “We should stop. We shouldn’t do what you want us to, Timmy. It’s… we just shouldn’t.”
“We’re married. Why shouldn’t we take comfort in one another?” Timothy placed a warm kiss against the bare skin of her shoulder. Dani said nothing, but felt a wave of dizziness crash over her, enjoying the sensation.
“I’m having your father’s child. It’s… wrong for me to… feel the way I do. Please
accept my apologies.”
“You have nothing to apologize for. I’ve never been with a woman. Do you think I want to spend my whole life wondering what it’s like?”
Dani supposed not. She supposed never to know the pleasures of the flesh was wrong. Or was it right? She didn’t know if the ministers would approve.
Timothy lifted her hair off her neck and placed a gentle kiss against her skin. He began to peel the dress off her shoulders and Dani held it in place in the front, turning her head back to him. His eyes burned with intensity and Dani saw passion, even desire in them.
Timothy ran his hand through her hair, and Dani let her head fall back so he could kiss her. He did and it felt as if he was as nervous as she was. His arms wrapped around her middle and he placed his hands upon her growing belly, gripping it tightly.
“I don’t think I know what love is,” Timothy said, “but I want a real marriage. And all the benefits that exist for the both of us. I’ll always take care of you both. That much I promise you.”
“I already knew you would. You are so much unlike your parents.” Dani took his hands in hers, rolling her head back onto his shoulder. “Do what you will. I want it as badly as you.”
“Not here. First, I take you to bed. Then, I hope we will each discover something new about the other.”
In a bed? With romance? Dani had never dreamed of such a possibility, but as Timothy lifted her up into his arms, she thought romance and love might not have been just the thing of fairytale legends. It might be very much real.
Chapter: Dani
The morning after their marriage had finally been consummated, Dani awoke in the bed, gently holding the thin blanket to her naked bosom. Everything they had done the night before came crashing back to her. The gentle words they whispered, the ways they explored and held each other’s bodies.
Dani’s mind racked with guilt as she watched her husband’s sleeping face, so much innocence and youth there. She, a spinster at twenty-four years, and he still was so young and had so much to live for.
They were wed and they were together, there was nothing wrong with their actions, but Dani couldn’t shake her guilt. For so long she had promised herself to Mitchell Richardson, a man who didn’t love her, only owned her. To be married now to his son and getting so much pleasure… Dani sat up and tried to shake the memories of it.
There was much to do. The day of handing over their rations to the ministers was coming.
Timothy’s eyes opened slowly, and under their gaze, Dani blushed. “Morning, Timmy.”
He smiled at her, caressing her cheek. Dani had been worried he would’ve changed his mind about the things they had done the night before, but when he reached over to kiss her again, all of her worries evaporated.
Instead, she rolled over into his arms, the job of the ministers floating far, far away.
****
They rose and got to work late. Dani did everything she had done the day before—fed the pigs, milked the goats, and fed the chickens. She got to work on making a simple lunch of jam sandwiches on whole grain bread, plentiful with nuts. Outside, she picked a few carrots, washing them free of soil, and packed her basket to bring up to Timmy.
He was working by the barn, a simple slat fence behind him so the tall blades of grass could blow through. The breeze held a faint chill, but was warmer than it had been the day before. Dani unbuttoned her sweater, feeling like she might perspire under the dull rays of the sun. As she started up the hill, Timothy was bent over the barn door, repairing the hinges. Dani would’ve called out to him if she had spare breath.
By the time she made it to the top of the hill, Timothy had noticed her and tossed the hammer in his hand. She full on couldn’t breathe as he met her and took the basket from her. “Your… lunch…” Dani heaved, her chest quivering from the strain.
“Come sit,” Timothy took her by the arm and led her over to the wooden tree stumps. They sat down and he paid extra attention to her, running his fingers along her hand. “Let me get you some water.”
“I’m all right now,” Dani blew out a deep breath. She should’ve had more of Alessa’s special drink before heading out for the day.
“Walking is getting hard for you.”
“And it’ll only get worse, but I knew you’d be hungry.”
“From now on, I’ll come down to the house for lunch. It was foolish of me not to. I do hope you packed your lunch, too, so we can eat together?”
Dani nodded as Timothy took out the two sandwiches and handed her one. “I thought it’d be nice to sit together.” Slowly, she unwrapped the wax paper bundle in her hand.
“Now that we’re a real couple,” Timothy said.
Blushing, Dani shrugged. “I worry what you must think of me. Pregnant with your father’s child, married to you. I must seem unsavory and like a… a… you know what.”
Timothy was thoughtful before he answered, his brows furrowing. “I think you were trapped. An unhappy house slave, a spinster in a home void of happiness where my mother beat you for pleasure. She treated you as a punching bag whenever anything went wrong. If my father gave you any choice at all, I imagine you’d be grateful for any reprieve from the pain.”
A tear fell from Dani’s eye and she hurried and wiped it away. “You saw more than I thought you did.”
“Mother hit me with her paddle when she was unhappy with me, too, and she was always unhappy. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t want to marry—especially a girl like Abby Taylor. It’d bring mother too much pleasure.” Timothy said it with great disdain. “Now I worry about her and father, more often than not. Everything about life before seems so petty and slight.”
“Is that why you want to be with me? Because of how much your mother hates it?” Dani asked the question quietly and it hurt to look at Timothy.
“I was in shock more than anything when the marriage was first announced. I was afraid to marry you, someone I didn’t know. I admit, I did get great pleasure out of her pain. Now that we live here in the day to day of it all, my mother is far from my mind.”
Dani smiled bashfully.
Timothy chewed his sandwich for a few minutes. His eyes sparkled when he turned back to her. “I listen to you sing in the morning when you think no one can hear. It’s beautiful, like an angel’s song. I see how caring you are with the animals, with me, and how friendly you are with Alessa and Scott. You take care of me and the home, even as your body aches. You’re selfless and kind. Those are all the reasons why I did what I did last night.”
Timothy caressed her cheek. “And I don’t regret a moment of it.”
Dani leaned over and kissed him. Hungry, greedy. Life here would be hard, there was no doubt about it, but she was happy to share it with him.
He reached down and plucked something out of the grass. “Look at this. Do you see what this is?”
Dani hadn’t seen what Timothy held in his hand before. It had petals of purple and white, rotating in a circle. “Is that a… flower?”
“A flower,” Timothy said in a hushed voice. “It must be luck that we’ve found this. A blessing in the things that are to come.” He slipped it behind Dani’s ear, tucking it into her hair. “Now it looks even more beautiful.”
“Oh, Timmy,” Dani said with a laugh. “You flatter me.”
“I don’t think you’ve looked in the mirror and seen what others see. You shine from within.”
Dani bit into her sandwich because she didn’t know what else to do or say. In her time living as a house slave, she forgot what it was like to have people treat her kindly. Timothy had never been mean to her but he had been rude on occasion or dismissive. She hadn’t realized people could change so thoroughly—or maybe he behaved that way because his mother’s actions gave him permission. Dani could understand, Evelyn scared her, too.
After some time, Timothy escorted Dani back down the hill, assisting her on the steep parts. “Thanks for helping me. I know it takes away from your working hours.”
“I’m finished with the barn door anyway. Now I’m going to stick close to home and chop some more firewood. Scott said I’ll need a bushel to heat the home over winter.”
Dani didn’t know what a bushel was, but it sounded like a lot. As they approached the home, they got closer to the apple trees. “Oh, I’d love to make a nice pie if we could pick some apples later.”
“Your wish is my command,” Timothy bowed. “I’ll grab you a pound or more. How’s that sound?” He reached up into one of the trees and pulled down a shining red apple. As he smoothed it’s silky skin, his thumb sunk into it, revealing a rotten center.
“Oh,” Dani said with disappointment. “What a pity.”
“I’ll get you another.” Timothy pulled apple after apple from the tree, but each one was rotten. With each apple they checked, Dani plunged further into despair. “I’m sure it’s just this tree.”
Dani wished she could believe him, but instead, Alessa’s words echoed in her mind. “As long as the crops and animals don’t fall sick, we’ll be fine.”
We’ll be fine, Dani repeated in her mind. We’ll be fine.
Chapter Mitchell Richardson
Evelyn slept far longer than she should’ve but Mitchell didn’t have the heart to wake her. Maybe he didn’t love her, maybe she could be a mean shrew, but she had lost a lot of weight since their rations thinned. The baskets they wove took hours, and her fingers had bled from working too many late nights. Still, it wouldn’t be enough to fill the quota.
Mitchell didn’t know what they would do, but he planned to keep his word. He donned his hat, put on his robe and set off to meet with the Minister of City Affairs.
He stepped outside of his home, not expecting how chilly the air would be. The ground was muddied with dirt and slush. The blood of the citizens of Rottenwood stained the snow and Mitchell stomped past a hand frozen in the street, covered in a thin layer of ice. His head ducked , he tried to ignore what he intellectually knew.
