by Glass, Debra
I’d been in a car. There’d been a tree. A Bradford Pear tree, its branches barren and stark against the gray winter sky.
And in its branches, there’d been a dozen or more bright red cardinals. The sight had been wonderfully remarkable, and when I realized why, last night’s events slammed me with sickening force.
Jeremiah was gone.
My eyes snapped open and I bolted upright in the hospital bed.
Instantly, Mom rushed to my side.
I had managed to hold it all together until I saw her worried face. And when she threw her arms around me, the dam burst and I began to sob. After endless tears, she sat on the bed beside me. “Why didn’t you tell me you were having some trouble with girls at school?”
“I wasn’t,” I said. “Not really.”
Mom gave me that look that told me she knew better. “What were you doing in the attic?”
“Just…trying on some of the old clothes.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. I thought back to how happy I’d been less than twenty-four hours ago. Jeremiah’s face had brightened with surprise and admiration when he’d seen me in the dress.
My heart felt like a jagged rock in my chest.
Mom swept my matted hair off my face. “Thank God you’re not hurt worse.”
I bit my bottom lip to keep from admitting that I was crushed. The man I loved, the man I considered my soul mate, my forever love, was gone. She would never understand and I resolved that she’d never know. I would never tell her about Jeremiah.
I couldn’t.
“I’m glad Ella wasn’t there,” she said.
“W…what happened to Briar?”
“I spoke with the Maury County Sheriff. They’re considering charging her as an adult since she already has a juvenile record.”
Briar deserved whatever she got but at the same time, I pitied her. Despite our other differences, she too had been in love with a ghost. Still, it didn’t justify what she’d done to me.
“I want to go home,” I told Mom.
“I’ll get David,” she said and then left the room.
“Wren…”
My head snapped around at the sound of my whispered name. But disappointment welled when I realized there was nothing.
No one.
God, I was hallucinating. I seized the hair at my temples in both fists. I couldn’t accept this. I would never get over this. Fresh tears flooded my eyes and when I heard Mom and David at my door, I quickly swiped my cheeks with the sheet.
David had already handled the paperwork. A nurse came in to remove my IV and after I was issued a pair of crutches to take home, a volunteer with a wheelchair came to roll me to the door.
Mom went ahead and pulled the car around and after David put me in the front seat, he closed the door and Mom pulled out into Columbia’s sparse mid-morning traffic.
“Why did you follow those girls to the church?” she asked.
After a moment of silence, I said, “I don’t know.”
“David and I talked on the way back from Atlanta,” she told me. “We’re going to get you back in counseling. He’s gotten a good recommendation from—”
“I don’t need counseling,” I snapped, cutting her off.
She exhaled sharply. “Wren, this is not up for debate.”
Just yesterday, I’d been mature enough, in my mind, to make the decision to commit myself to another soul for the rest of my life and then some. I was certainly capable of deciding whether I was troubled enough to need counseling.
Mom just didn’t understand.
And there was no way I could make her see without telling her about Jeremiah. But then, what would she think of me?
She’d think I was certifiably crazy.
Jeremiah.
I sighed.
Grief washed over me, shriveling my insides.
Maybe she was right. Maybe a counselor could help me because I knew there was nothing left for me in this life without him. I was nearly eighteen years old and my life was already over with years and years of a zombie-like existence looming out there in front of me.
Sinking back in the seat, I turned my head to watch the everyday world whiz past the car window. All the people whose lives hadn’t been ripped apart. All the people who went along just as happily as they’d gone the day before. I found it ironic that any one of them could be crushed, blindsided, by a cruel twist of Fate, just as I had been. Pain, far worse than the dull aching of my sprained ankle, devastated me.
The strip malls and convenience stores faded from view as we neared the stretch of road leading to Ransom’s Run. How could I ever face going back there without his presence in the house?
I shut my eyes, trying to keep from crying but every time I closed my eyes, I saw Jeremiah’s face. Sighing, I opened my eyes again.
I gaped in awe.
The very tree I’d seen in my dream grew at the edge of the road—and it was dotted with bright red cardinals.
As our car neared it, the flock of birds took flight.
I stared, not daring to hope I’d been given a sign from Jeremiah. But at the same time, I was filled with an innate understanding that dozens of cardinals didn’t flock together that way.
“I’ve never seen so many redbirds in one place.” Mom said, unwittingly confirming my own thoughts. “Did you see them?”
I twisted and looked back as we passed. “Yes.”
Mom glanced in the rearview. “It was almost like…a bouquet of roses.”
Roses.
The one thing I regretted not having at my little wedding ceremony had been a bouquet.
Joy and grief mingled so that I couldn’t tell where one emotion began and the other ended.
Mom turned into our driveway and the thrill of seeing the cardinals faded as our house drew nearer.
How could I go into my room and sleep in my bed—the very bed where he took his last human breath? How could I turn over and look at the sepia-toned image of him, knowing that his real beauty was something far more wonderful than any photographer could ever capture?
Mom stopped the car as close to the front steps as she could. I opened the door and managed to get out along with my crutches. My ankle throbbed but the pain was overshadowed by the horrible, awful aching in my heart.
It took me a solid five minutes to get all the way up the stairs. Mom offered to help me into my bedroom but I assured her I could handle it.
“Would you like something to eat?” she asked.
“Not right now. I’m really tired. I just want to lie down.”
She nodded and gave my arm a little squeeze before she slipped back down the stairs.
Every aspect of my being filled to overflowing with dread as I hobbled into my bedroom. Fatigue weighed heavily on my legs and arms and back. I couldn’t wait to get out of this dress and under the covers. I moved slowly toward the bed, trying not to think about how I’d carefully changed my sheets the morning before in anticipation of my wedding night. Now, still clad in an antique dress as if it was some sort of costume, I just felt like an idiot.
I tried to lean the crutches on the side of the bed but they tumbled to the floor and, too frustrated and weary to go after them, I sank onto the mattress and stared up at the spot where the green fabric gathered into a rosette on the canopy.
How many nights had I lain here in Jeremiah’s arms, staring up at that very spot while we talked?
“Jeremiah…” I sighed his name.
“Wren?” the ghost of a voice whispered in response.
I shot up on my elbows, frantically scanning my room. And just when I was about to chide myself for wanting him so badly I was hearing voices that weren’t there, something began to shift and form at the side of the bed.
I blinked disbelievingly but there he stood. Joy heartened me. I stared until a broad smile stretched across his handsome face.
“Jeremiah?” I asked, afraid to believe my eyes. Tears had already begun to stream down my face. I didn’t bother swiping them away as I trie
d to scoot toward the edge of the bed.
He held up his hand, stopping me. “I can’t stay visible long,” he said.
I watched him, aching to touch him, to throw myself into his arms.
“Lie down and rest,” he whispered as he started to fade.
Panic surged. “No!”
“I’ll come back,” he promised and reached toward my face as he completely disappeared.
I swallowed and forced myself to breathe. I blinked hard, trying to figure out if I’d been hallucinating. What kind of drugs had they given me in the hospital? I couldn’t remember.
All I knew was that the aching absence of his presence, and the hope that he was still with me, coiled like a snake around my soul.
* * * * *
“Wren?”
My eyes opened to the sound of Jeremiah’s velvet drawl. The room was already cast in long shadows and as my eyes adjusted, he formed out of nothing at the foot of my bed. A sleepy smile teased the corners of my mouth. “Are you real?” I asked, my voice thick from medication induced sleep.
“As real as I ever was.”
Never taking his gaze from mine, he moved around to the side of the bed. My bottom lip trembled as I watched him. Some part of me refused to believe it. “I saw you swept up…in the Light.”
“It was the only way I could protect you,” he said.
I didn’t understand but a hollow place inside me told me that things had changed. “How have you…come back?”
A sad smile deepened his dimples. “You said yourself that someone can’t make a spirit do something they don’t want to do.”
“So you…came back…to me?” Fear prevented me from allowing myself to rejoice.
“Yes, I came back to you.” His gaze moved down to where my foot lay propped on two pillows. “You’re hurt.”
I shifted with difficulty, trying to sit up against my pillows. The fact that he didn’t immediately move to help struck me as out of place. “I sprained my ankle,” I said, dismissing it with a wave of my hand. “It’s nothing.”
“I’m sorry,” he told me. Tension radiated from his being to my heart.
Something was wrong. I saw it in his eyes. Why hadn’t he kissed me? Why wasn’t he already in my arms? I began to shake with dread. I’d gone long enough worrying and fraught with the unknown to tolerate it any longer.
I drew back the covers. “Come to me.” I reached for him.
He stared. His hesitation chilled me to the bone.
“What’s the matter, Jeremiah?” My voice rose with mounting hysteria.
Pain shone in his eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
Is that all? Relief flooded me. “You could never hurt me, Jeremiah.” I smiled but, inside, I ached to feel his arms around me. “Please come to me,” I pleaded, reaching for him again.
His forehead creased with worry.
This was ridiculous. I rolled toward him, reaching for him but my hand swept straight through him. He jerked back.
He’d been transparent to me before, especially after the time I had channeled his spirit and while that did not necessarily bother me, his reaction did. My pulse accelerated dangerously. My breathing quickened. “Jeremiah?”
Stricken, he sank onto the edge of the bed with his back to me. I reached for him again and once more, my hands went through him.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, trying to maintain some semblance of calm. “Why can’t I touch you?”
He looked over his shoulder and his gaze slid into mine. “Since…that night…there are many things I can no longer do. As we speak, I’m struggling to appear to you, to talk to you.”
I stared, trying in vain to assimilate what he was telling me. His eyes overflowed with inner torment and although my heart broke that I couldn’t feel his arms around me right now, I felt deliriously happy that at least he was with me. “What does it mean?” I asked.
He gave a little shrug of his shoulders. “I don’t know.”
Fear gripped me. “Are you telling me…you’re…leaving me?”
“No!” he said quickly.
My tension melted but only slightly. As long as he was with me, I knew I could tolerate anything.
Anything.
“Then what?” I asked, trying desperately to comprehend.
He grew silent again.
I couldn’t understand what was happening. I was overjoyed to see him. I loved him. I missed him. I would stop breathing if he left me again. “My God,” I said, losing the battle against tears I didn’t think I had left in me to shed. “Jeremiah, I need you. I need to hear that you love me.”
His shoulders shuddered with a sob and his tear-filled gaze found mine again. “I underestimated her,” he said. “I should have delayed her. I should have done a lot of things. Wren, you’ve got to know I did what I felt I had to do to see you safe.”
“I know,” I whispered.
“I was there with you,” he said. “At the hospital.”
My shoulders shook with a little sob at the memory of the deep soul pain I’d suffered. “Then you saw how miserable I was without you.”
He nodded. “I felt it.” He covered his heart with his hand.
“Jeremiah…the red birds…did you—”
“I knew you’d understand their significance.” Finally, he gave me that smile I loved so well.
I wanted to wrap my arms around him so badly I ached. Instead, I returned his smile, as I wiped away an errant tear from my cheek. I refused to be pessimistic. “I’m the only person you’ve ever been able to touch. Right?”
He nodded.
I inhaled. “Then, we can figure out how to make it work again.”
His smile faded. “What if it doesn’t?”
I wouldn’t be swayed. Hope was all we had left. “You’re here with me. That’s all that matters to me, Jeremiah.”
His eyes searched mine as if he sought a truth beyond my words. “Why would you even bother with a man you can’t…feel?” he asked.
I thought my heart would shatter into a million pieces. “Jeremiah, I love you more than my own life. I would do anything to be with you.”
He raked his hand over my hair and although I felt nothing more than a soft breath of air, the gesture so overwhelmingly comforted me, I wept tears of joy.
“It doesn’t matter, Jeremiah. Just promise me you will stay with me. Please.”
“I want nothing more.” His smile returned. “I can still feel you.”
I gave voice to a little laugh. “How?”
“I feel your happiness.”
At that moment, I would have given anything to fly into his arms but I knew I couldn’t. His link to the Other Side had changed him and whether the change was temporary or permanent, I didn’t know.
What I did know was that he was with me and, for right now, that was all that mattered.
“Can you lie down with me?” I asked, sliding back down on my pillows.
He glided more than moved onto the bed, his form more see-through than ever before. I tried not to think about it. I tried to be hopeful that he’d be restored to the way he’d been before. At the same time, I was resigned to fact that I might never be able to touch him again.
But right now, I needed to at least pretend things were normal. “Did…did you see your brothers?”
“Yes.”
I gazed at his face. “Did they want to know why you didn’t come…that day?”
He laughed. “Oh, I think they knew the reason I stayed here.”
Warmth infused me. “Did they say anything about…about me?”
The dimples at the corners of his mouth appeared. “Just that they understood why I wanted to wait for you.”
My heart swelled. “And your mother and father?”
“I saw them, too.”
“Did they ask about me?” I bit my bottom lip.
“They were pleased that I had found happiness after so long a time.” His hand moved over my bare arm, down to my hand. I watched, although I couldn�
�t feel the sensation. It was odd but still, I refused to let him see my disappointment. But the little voice in my head told me trying to hide my emotions from him was useless.
His gaze fixed on the ring I was still wearing—the ring I would always wear.
“I will understand,” he began. “If you would like to…forget about…”
“No!” I interrupted. “No. I love you. I want to be with you always.”
“But I can no longer touch you and—”
I stared. “That doesn’t matter. We are together. You and I. We dedicated ourselves to each other and no matter what happens, I will always be yours.”
Incredulous, he searched my gaze. “I…But I can’t even protect you now.”
I shook my head. “Briar’s gone. She’ll probably go to jail,” I said desperately. “I want you with me.”
“Hush now, love,” he said trying to soothe me as his hand swept over my hair. “I won’t leave you.”
I sniffed as his image flickered in the murky darkness.
“As long as you want me, I will do whatever it takes to stay with you,” he whispered as he moved over me to kiss my lips.
I closed my eyes, trying to feel his mouth, his body, his warmth, his vibrating energy. Although overwhelming gratitude filled me that Jeremiah’s spirit remained with me, all I felt physically was the indistinct ghost of his kiss.
Epilogue
Marching to the sonorous tune of the never ending Pomp and Circumstance, I accepted my diploma from Mt. Pleasant High School on a balmy night in May.
Mom and David had enrolled me in the University of North Alabama in the town of Florence, a doable commute from my house, especially since Waylon planned to attend UNA as well. He’d been awarded a football scholarship there.
As I crossed the stage, sheepskin in hand, I looked up to discover Jeremiah smiling proudly at the base of the stairs. Love for him filled me. Despite everything that had happened—despite the fact that I still couldn’t feel his touch—nothing had dampened our feelings for each other.
My gaze locked with his as I descended the stairs.
“Congratulations,” he whispered as if anybody else could hear him, and then he faded.
I knew he’d be waiting for me at home and while my friends looked forward to attending after graduation parties, I couldn’t wait to get home to spend time with a ghost.
