me, were the most painful and insupportable: Yet they seemed to
increase with every hour which past over my head. Sometimes I
threw myself upon the ground, and rolled upon it wild and
desperate: Sometimes starting up, I returned to the door, again
strove to force it open, and repeated my fruitless cries for
succour. Often was I on the point of striking my temple against
the sharp corner of some Monument, dashing out my brains, and
thus terminating my woes at once; But still the remembrance of my
Baby vanquished my resolution: I trembled at a deed which
equally endangered my Child's existence and my own. Then would I
vent my anguish in loud exclamations and passionate complaints;
and then again my strength failing me, silent and hopeless I
would sit me down upon the base of St. Clare's Statue, fold my
arms, and abandon myself to sullen despair. Thus passed several
wretched hours. Death advanced towards me with rapid strides,
and I expected that every succeeding moment would be that of my
dissolution. Suddenly a neighbouring Tomb caught my eye: A
Basket stood upon it, which till then I had not observed. I
started from my seat: I made towards it as swiftly as my
exhausted frame would permit. How eagerly did I seize the
Basket, on finding it to contain a loaf of coarse bread and a
small bottle of water.
I threw myself with avidity upon these humble aliments. They had
to all appearance been placed in the Vault for several days; The
bread was hard, and the water tainted; Yet never did I taste food
to me so delicious. When the cravings of appetite were
satisfied, I busied myself with conjectures upon this new
circumstance: I debated whether the Basket had been placed there
with a view to my necessity. Hope answered my doubts in the
affirmative. Yet who could guess me to be in need of such
assistance? If my existence was known, why was I detained in
this gloomy Vault? If I was kept a Prisoner, what meant the
ceremony of committing me to the Tomb? Or if I was doomed to
perish with hunger, to whose pity was I indebted for provisions
placed within my reach? A Friend would not have kept my dreadful
punishment a secret; Neither did it seem probable that an Enemy
would have taken pains to supply me with the means of existence.
Upon the whole I was inclined to think that the Domina's designs
upon my life had been discovered by some one of my Partizans in
the Convent, who had found means to substitute an opiate for
poison: That She had furnished me with food to support me, till
She could effect my delivery: And that She was then employed in
giving intelligence to my Relations of my danger, and pointing
out a way to release me from captivity. Yet why then was the
quality of my provisions so coarse? How could my Friend have
entered the Vault without the Domina's knowledge? And if She had
entered, why was the Door fastened so carefully? These
reflections staggered me: Yet still this idea was the most
favourable to my hopes, and I dwelt upon it in preference.
My meditations were interrupted by the sound of distant
footsteps. They approached, but slowly. Rays of light now
darted through the crevices of the Door. Uncertain whether the
Persons who advanced came to relieve me, or were conducted by
some other motive to the Vault, I failed not to attract their
notice by loud cries for help. Still the sounds drew near: The
light grew stronger: At length with inexpressible pleasure I
heard the Key turning in the Lock. Persuaded that my deliverance
was at hand, I flew towards the Door with a shriek of joy. It
opened: But all my hopes of escape died away, when the Prioress
appeared followed by the same four Nuns, who had been witnesses
of my supposed death. They bore torches in their hands, and
gazed upon me in fearful silence.
I started back in terror. The Domina descended into the Vault,
as did also her Companions. She bent upon me a stern resentful
eye, but expressed no surprize at finding me still living. She
took the seat which I had just quitted: The door was again
closed, and the Nuns ranged themselves behind their Superior,
while the glare of their torches, dimmed by the vapours and
dampness of the Vault, gilded with cold beams the surrounding
Monuments. For some moments all preserved a dead and solemn
silence. I stood at some distance from the Prioress. At length
She beckoned me to advance. Trembling at the severity of her
aspect my strength scarce sufficed me to obey her. I drew near,
but my limbs were unable to support their burthen. I sank upon
my knees; I clasped my hands, and lifted them up to her for
mercy, but had no power to articulate a syllable.
She gazed upon me with angry eyes.
'Do I see a Penitent, or a Criminal?' She said at length; 'Are
those hands raised in contrition for your crimes, or in fear of
meeting their punishment? Do those tears acknowledge the justice
of your doom, or only solicit mitigation of your sufferings? I
fear me, 'tis the latter!'
She paused, but kept her eye still fixt upon mine.
'Take courage;' She continued: 'I wish not for your death, but
your repentance. The draught which I administered, was no
poison, but an opiate. My intention in deceiving you was to
make you feel the agonies of a guilty conscience, had Death
overtaken you suddenly while your crimes were still unrepented.
You have suffered those agonies: I have brought you to be
familiar with the sharpness of death, and I trust that your
momentary anguish will prove to you an eternal benefit. It is
not my design to destroy your immortal soul; or bid you seek the
grave, burthened with the weight of sins unexpiated. No,
Daughter, far from it: I will purify you with wholesome
chastisement, and furnish you with full leisure for contrition
and remorse. Hear then my sentence; The ill-judged zeal of your
Friends delayed its execution, but cannot now prevent it. All
Madrid believes you to be no more; Your Relations are thoroughly
persuaded of your death, and the Nuns your Partizans have
assisted at your funeral. Your existence can never be suspected;
I have taken such precautions, as must render it an impenetrable
mystery. Then abandon all thoughts of a World from which you are
eternally separated, and employ the few hours which are allowed
you, in preparing for the next.'
This exordium led me to expect something terrible. I trembled,
and would have spoken to deprecate her wrath: but a motion of the
Domina commanded me to be silent. She proceeded.
'Though of late years unjustly neglected, and now opposed by many
of our misguided Sisters, (whom Heaven convert!) it is my
intention to revive the laws of our order in their full force.
That against incontinence is severe, but no more than so
monstrous an offence demands: Submit to it, Daughter, without
resistance; You will find the benefit of patience and resignation
in a better life than this. Listen then to the
sentence of St.
Clare. Beneath these Vaults there exist Prisons, intended to
receive such criminals as yourself: Artfully is their entrance
concealed, and She who enters them, must resign all hopes of
liberty. Thither must you now be conveyed. Food shall be
supplied you, but not sufficient for the indulgence of appetite:
You shall have just enough to keep together body and soul, and
its quality shall be the simplest and coarsest. Weep, Daughter,
weep, and moisten your bread with your tears: God knows that
you have ample cause for sorrow! Chained down in one of these
secret dungeons, shut out from the world and light for ever, with
no comfort but religion, no society but repentance, thus must you
groan away the remainder of your days. Such are St. Clare's
orders; Submit to them without repining. Follow me!'
Thunderstruck at this barbarous decree, my little remaining
strength abandoned me. I answered only by falling at her feet,
and bathing them with tears. The Domina, unmoved by my
affliction, rose from her seat with a stately air. She repeated
her commands in an absolute tone: But my excessive faintness
made me unable to obey her. Mariana and Alix raised me from the
ground, and carried me forwards in their arms. The Prioress
moved on, leaning upon Violante, and Camilla preceded her with a
Torch. Thus passed our sad procession along the passages, in
silence only broken by my sighs and groans. We stopped before
the principal shrine of St. Clare. The Statue was removed from
its Pedestal, though how I knew not. The Nuns afterwards raised
an iron grate till then concealed by the Image, and let it fall
on the other side with a loud crash. The awful sound, repeated
by the vaults above, and Caverns below me, rouzed me from the
despondent apathy in which I had been plunged. I looked before
me: An abyss presented itself to my affrighted eyes, and a steep
and narrow Staircase, whither my Conductors were leading me. I
shrieked, and started back. I implored compassion, rent the air
with my cries, and summoned both heaven and earth to my
assistance. In vain! I was hurried down the Staircase, and
forced into one of the Cells which lined the Cavern's sides.
My blood ran cold, as I gazed upon this melancholy abode. The
cold vapours hovering in the air, the walls green with damp, the
bed of Straw so forlorn and comfortless, the Chain destined to
bind me for ever to my prison, and the Reptiles of every
description which as the torches advanced towards them, I
descried hurrying to their retreats, struck my heart with terrors
almost too exquisite for nature to bear. Driven by despair to
madness, I burst suddenly from the Nuns who held me: I threw
myself upon my knees before the Prioress, and besought her mercy
in the most passionate and frantic terms.
'If not on me,' said I, 'look at least with pity on that innocent
Being, whose life is attached to mine! Great is my crime, but
let not my Child suffer for it! My Baby has committed no fault:
Oh! spare me for the sake of my unborn Offspring, whom ere it
tastes life your severity dooms to destruction!'
The Prioress drew back haughtily: She forced her habit from my
grasp, as if my touch had been contagious.
'What?' She exclaimed with an exasperated air; 'What? Dare you
plead for the produce of your shame? Shall a Creature be
permitted to live, conceived in guilt so monstrous? Abandoned
Woman, speak for him no more! Better that the Wretch should
perish than live: Begotten in perjury, incontinence, and
pollution, It cannot fail to prove a Prodigy of vice. Hear me,
thou Guilty! Expect no mercy from me either for yourself, or
Brat. Rather pray that Death may seize you before you produce
it; Or if it must see the light, that its eyes may immediately be
closed again for ever! No aid shall be given you in your labour;
Bring your Offspring into the world yourself, Feed it yourself,
Nurse it yourself, Bury it yourself: God grant that the latter
may happen soon, lest you receive comfort from the fruit of your
iniquity!'
This inhuman speech, the threats which it contained, the dreadful
sufferings foretold to me by the Domina, and her prayers for my
Infant's death, on whom though unborn I already doated, were more
than my exhausted frame could support. Uttering a deep groan, I
fell senseless at the feet of my unrelenting Enemy. I know not
how long I remained in this situation; But I imagine that some
time must have elapsed before my recovery, since it sufficed the
Prioress and her Nuns to quit the Cavern. When my senses
returned, I found myself in silence and solitude. I heard not
even the retiring footsteps of my Persecutors. All was hushed,
and all was dreadful! I had been thrown upon the bed of Straw:
The heavy Chain which I had already eyed with terror, was wound
around my waist, and fastened me to the Wall. A Lamp glimmering
with dull, melancholy rays through my dungeon, permitted my
distinguishing all its horrors: It was separated from the Cavern
by a low and irregular Wall of Stone: A large Chasm was left open
in it which formed the entrance, for door there was none. A
leaden Crucifix was in front of my straw Couch. A tattered rug
lay near me, as did also a Chaplet of Beads; and not far from me
stood a pitcher of water, and a wicker Basket containing a small
loaf, and a bottle of oil to supply my Lamp.
With a despondent eye did I examine this scene of suffering:
When I reflected that I was doomed to pass in it the remainder
of my days, my heart was rent with bitter anguish. I had once
been taught to look forward to a lot so different! At one time
my prospects had appeared so bright, so flattering! Now all was
lost to me. Friends, comfort, society, happiness, in one moment
I was deprived of all! Dead to the world, Dead to pleasure, I
lived to nothing but the sense of misery. How fair did that
world seem to me, from which I was for ever excluded! How many
loved objects did it contain, whom I never should behold again!
As I threw a look of terror round my prison, as I shrunk from the
cutting wind which howled through my subterraneous dwelling, the
change seemed so striking, so abrupt, that I doubted its reality.
That the Duke de Medina's Niece, that the destined Bride of the
Marquis de las Cisternas, One bred up in affluence, related to
the noblest families in Spain, and rich in a multitude of
affectionate Friends, that She should in one moment become a
Captive, separated from the world for ever, weighed down with
chains, and reduced to support life with the coarsest aliments,
appeared a change so sudden and incredible, that I believed
myself the sport of some frightful vision. Its continuance
convinced me of my mistake with but too much certainty. Every
morning my hopes were disappointed. At length I abandoned all
idea of escaping: I resigned myself to my fate, and only
expected Liberty when She came the Companion of Death.<
br />
My mental anguish, and the dreadful scenes in which I had been an
Actress, advanced the period of my labour. In solitude and
misery, abandoned by all, unassisted by Art, uncomforted by
Friendship, with pangs which if witnessed would have touched the
hardest heart, was I delivered of my wretched burthen. It came
alive into the world; But I knew not how to treat it, or by what
means to preserve its existence. I could only bathe it with
tears, warm it in my bosom, and offer up prayers for its safety.
I was soon deprived of this mournful employment: The want of
proper attendance, my ignorance how to nurse it, the bitter cold
of the dungeon, and the unwholesome air which inflated its lungs,
terminated my sweet Babe's short and painful existence. It
expired in a few hours after its birth, and I witnessed its death
with agonies which beggar all description.
But my grief was unavailing. My Infant was no more; nor could
all my sighs impart to its little tender frame the breath of a
moment. I rent my winding-sheet, and wrapped in it my lovely
Child. I placed it on my bosom, its soft arm folded round my
neck, and its pale cold cheek resting upon mine. Thus did its
lifeless limbs repose, while I covered it with kisses, talked to
it, wept, and moaned over it without remission, day or night.
Camilla entered my prison regularly once every twenty-four hours,
to bring me food. In spite of her flinty nature, She could not
behold this spectacle unmoved. She feared that grief so
excessive would at length turn my brain, and in truth I was not
always in my proper senses. From a principle of compassion She
urged me to permit the Corse to be buried: But to this I never
would consent. I vowed not to part with it while I had life:
Its presence was my only comfort, and no persuasion could induce
me to give it up. It soon became a mass of putridity, and to
every eye was a loathsome and disgusting Object; To every eye
but a Mother's. In vain did human feelings bid me recoil from
this emblem of mortality with repugnance: I withstood, and
vanquished that repugnance. I persisted in holding my Infant to
my bosom, in lamenting it, loving it, adoring it! Hour after
hour have I passed upon my sorry Couch, contemplating what had
once been my Child: I endeavoured to retrace its features
through the livid corruption, with which they were overspread:
The Monk - A Romance Page 46
