by L. Ann Marie
“I’m starving.” She smiles up at me. I look around for my HS then throw chin as I walk out. Hyde follows us to the Deli then the compound.
“It’s been a good day, but it feels good to be home.” She slides out from behind me.
I nod. “It has and is.” I’ve been running scenarios and want to run them by my father so I’m a little distracted.
Inside she takes the bag. “Go do your Prez thing and I’ll get this on the table. If you’re late, I’ll sit with you while you eat.”
I smile. “Love you baby.” I bend and kiss her.
She pushes me away. “Go so you can love me once you eat.”
I laugh walking out and call my dad on the OC and tell him what I’m thinking. He starts typing and I wait. Jeremy comes in and starts typing. My dad looks up. “Thanks.” He turns back to his screen and starts typing again. “Will get it to Geek.”
He shuts the feed down and I look at Jeremy. “You’re moving too fast for me. What’s that all about?”
“Help.” He smiles and walks down the hall toward the stairs.
“Okay then. Help.” I get flashes of Security and the compound here blowing up and he turns.
“Help.” He runs up the stairs laughing.
Thank fuck he’s helping. Lily is in the living room reading something so I grab my plate and sit beside her. She puts her book down and I see it’s the Center book. “Finish babe. I’m good.” She picks it right back up and I smile. It feels good to have company while I eat even if she’s busy. She’s making notes as she reads and it throws me a weird feeling. I look forward and try to focus on where and what it’s from. I finish eating without figuring it out and add it to my list to ask Dakota.
Cleaning up I bring her some wine and ask about her day. She closes the book and thanks me then is telling me about Deirdre and the hologram boards. I take her for a walk on the beach and get the weird feeling again. “Fuck no!” Pulling her back I head right to Jessie and Dakota’s.
“What’s wrong?” She’s nervous.
I slow down. “I have to talk to Dakota. I need you to go inside. I’ll be home as soon as I can.”
She nods and walks up our stairs as I walk by them. I call him in my head. “I am here Brother.” He walks out of the house and stands on the deck.
I’m fuckin’ pissed. “You weren’t going to warn me?”
He looks at me and I want to hit him. “You know why I could not. You know what the balance is like and you know the reason. Hitting me will not bring you the answer you are looking for. I got counsel, as I always do when it is a difficult decision. I agreed with it and everything happened as it should. We will not always be so lucky. My counsel included Tess, she is not happy with any changes, but agreed to let you find your way for this one.”
My hands hit my knees. “It’s not over.” I need to breathe.
“No, my Brother, it is not.” His voice is soft sending a chill down my back.
I’m fucked. I can’t ask and risk changing what is meant to be and I need to protect Lily from a threat. If I ask, I risk another fuckin’ horror story starting and if I don’t, I risk losing her. I can’t do this. “What do I do Dakota?”
He sits in front of me. “Ask the ancestors Brother. I cannot answer for you. I can only guide your way. You are the leader Brother. You must make this decision, but we have ancestors that will help guide you as I do. Sit, jump with me Little Ben.”
I don’t sit so much as fall to my knees. She’s mine to protect. I can’t do this one alone. I jump and feel a peace roll through me. My head clears and I see the decisions I’ve already made. My spirit guide is a crow and he takes me over the water knowing my challenges are causing me doubt. I didn’t like the crow at first. Co listed its meaning as: magical, shape shifting, change, creativity, spiritual strength, elegance, energy, and higher perspective. I accepted that the ancestors know a fuck of a lot more than me. I was so lost two years ago. Today I am feeling that doubt, but for different reasons.
“The ancestors have accepted you as a great leader Brother. That acceptance comes from the future, as well as the past. It is an honor to be accepted so young. It shows of the story you will leave behind when you join our ancestors. Your story is long my great leader. You will make changes that touch many lives, you are good and just in your guidance. The ancestors see it already.”
“Is Lily’s story written Dakota?” I want to ask if her story is long with mine, but I can’t.
“No Little Ben, it is not written yet. The ancestors are wise and guide us, but cannot know all. They guide us by their knowledge of what is.”
So my decisions can impact her story, but at what cost? I can’t ask that. I can’t force another Aubrey story. “I can only ask for peace and guidance for the decisions I will have to make. I can’t ask for what is not written.”
He flies over the ridge. “Very wise my great leader. The ancestors offer that peace and guidance as well as the strength for you to do what must be done. The ancestors smile today. Look at the colors Brother, feel the power and peace, keep them in your heart and draw from them what you need.”
I thank the ancestors and Dakota. I’m feeling more settled. I can’t think of what could happen. I have to make decisions and take what the seers give me and adjust. It has always worked. I can’t work backwards. I open my eyes and he’s smiling. “You truly are a great leader. I am honored to be a guide for you Brother.”
I throw him chin and stand. “Thank you Dakota for being here for me.”
I walk home and everything is running through my head. I can’t do a fuckin’ thing about the future, but I can use what I know to make the right now good for all of us. Pres once told me with a threat comes a fierce passion. I feel that now. A fierce passion to make this time in our lives as good as it can be. With that thought comes peace. It is not the best plan I’ve ever had, and it isn’t guaranteeing me the future that I want, but it’s what I have to work with.
I find my girl with her book and put it on the table then lift her up. “Time to love you.”
She giggles and I love it. “I like the sound of that.”
I carry her up and set her down kissing her. When she moans in my mouth my hands find her buttons and start moving, but she’s not happy with my progress so she helps. I think about her being here right now and slow her down. I want her to feel what I do and tell her as I’m touching and kissing every part of her. She smiles when I tell her how surprised I was that she’s pierced and I’m glad I didn’t have to wait for the heal time. I was taking her to have it done, but don’t tell her that.
“Why did you want me pierced?” She turns red asking.
I smile then flick her bar with my tongue. “So you feel it all. Pierced gives you more of what is good. My bars feel good every time they hit friction, just like yours. I want you to feel everything the same way I do.” She nods. I keep going and she lets me go at my own pace. I suck on the crease at her leg and she moans. I give her a nip there and get another one. She loves everything and isn’t afraid to show it. Moving back up her legs I flick her ring and her body jumps. “Mmmm I like that.” I start at the bottom and work my way up to her ring. She’s got my hair in a death grip and doesn’t loosen her hold until she comes.
She’s taking shallow breaths and I smile lifting her up. She holds me as I’m sliding in. “Fuckin’ perfect. That’s what it feels like right here, Lily. Fuckin’ perfect.” I start moving her and feel lightheaded. What the hell? ‘Jump!’ I jump and she holds me tight. “Holy fuck, hold on Lily.” She moans and I start moving her. Jesus it feels better here. The wind touches us and I feel it on my chest when she’s against it. I laugh then moan.
“Perfect,” she says trying to move faster. “Please?”
I move her and it feels like I’m spinning out of control. The wind feels like it’s holding us together. When her body tightens I pull her down hard so her ring is hitting and she screams just as I explode into her.
I blink frantically openi
ng my eyes. “Holy shit that was phenomenal.” I feel the bed on my back and wonder when I landed here. I must be losing it. I can’t think of any rational explanation so I’ll stick with that one. Lily is out. I give myself some time to calm down and breathe normally then I move her so I can clean her up.
I have never smoked, but feel the need for a cigarette or something right now. I clean her, smiling at that. Once she’s clean I kiss her head and pull on my pants. In the kitchen I pour some Jack and walk out to the deck. That was the craziest feeling and I’m so fuckin’ glad it happened with her. It feels right.
“Yeah,” Jeremy says scaring the shit out of me.
“Fuckin’ kids. You almost gave me a heart attack.” I drink the rest of the glass and sit. Jesus. He doesn’t say anything. “I’m scared Jeremy, but I’ll get through it.”
“Yeah.”
I think about what I decided earlier. “I’m going to make this good.”
“Yeah.”
I look out at the water. “I was going to wait until we get clear of this shit, but I won’t wait. I’ll marry her soon.”
“Yeah.”
I look at him. He’s watching the water. His brain is moving like a tornado is in there. “I’m going to bed. Good talk Brother.” I kiss his head and walk back in smiling.
Chapter Five
Two months
Lily
I’m scared to death. All I can think is at least we’re married. I throw the trash away and save the stick. Gross, but I want to show him. Since I peed on it, I put it in a baggie and zip it up. I have no idea what the protocol is on sticks you pee on so this will have to do.
Now that I don’t have the stick to keep my mind occupied I pace the room. He’s been so happy I hope this doesn’t change that. He said he wanted kids. I have no idea if we’re ready, but it feels right. I think about all the things we’ve been doing. Jess does them and she’s got kids. I smile. I’m having a baby. I love babies.
I hear his bike and put the stick in my pocket running down the stairs. I have a beer in my hand when he walks in. Before I give it to him I stand on my tippy toes and kiss his chin. “Hi.”
He laughs pulling me closer. “Love you babe.” He always says the same thing. I’ll never get tired of hearing it. When he finishes showing me with his kisses he loosens his hold.
“Good day?”
“It started out rough, but ended up here with you in my arms so it’s looking up.”
I laugh. It’s about to get better I think and pull him into the kitchen. “I cooked.”
He takes a deep breath and moans. “Smells good.”
I smile. That’s better than the last time when he said ‘what the hell is that smell?’ “I got help this time. Jess showed me how to use the crock pot for a roast. I came home at lunch and dropped it all in then went back to work. I had no chance of screwing it up.”
He laughs and kisses me again. “I can cook when I get home, but I’m glad you did this. It smells fuckin’ good.”
He would too, but I’m working on cooking more so he doesn’t have to. I’m taking the classes at work and they all laugh at me, but I’m determined to learn. I get the rolls out of the oven and on the table while he puts the crock pot in the center.
We eat talking about our days and finally get the table cleared. I sit back down and wait for him to sit. I’m so damn nervous and excited. “If you don’t tell me soon, I’ll spank your ass and get it out of you.”
I’m thinking that wouldn’t be so bad, but I was hoping for the water later. “Babe, spit it out.” He stops me from daydreaming here.
I pull the stick in the baggie out and hand it to him. When he starts to unzip it I yell at him, “No! I peed on that!”
He looks at me then the stick. “You peed on it.” He looks closer at it. “You’re pregnant.” His voice shows no emotion one way or the other so I nod not real sure how to feel. “We’re having a baby.”
Again, I get no emotion and feel my eyes start to burn. “That’s what pregnant usually leads to.”
He pulls me to him. “You’re not happy? We’re having a baby and you don’t want to?”
“I was happy, but you’re not showing any emotion and I’m scared to death that you don’t want to be a father right now.”
He hugs me laughing. “I’m shocked. Of course I want to be a father. Every fuckin’ thing is going through my head. A baby. If it’s a girl we can name her Honor. I hope she looks just like you. I can teach my boy about Brotherhood and protecting his family. A baby.”
I laugh and tears fall. “Thank God. Yes, a baby.” He’s thinking about names and what he’s teaching his boy. I can’t believe how relieved I am.
“When? When are you due?”
“I think about six or seven months. I have to go to the doctor...”
He stops me with a kiss. “I want to go with you. Everything you do for our baby I want to do with you.” He’s using the Prez voice and I laugh.
“When I have to waddle my butt up to pee, in the middle of the night, fifteen times, you can do that too.”
He smiles. “I’ll carry you.”
“Eeww! No thanks I think I can manage that one alone. I was kidding.”
“I’m not. Everybody pees. I think it’s safe for me to know that you do.” He’s serious.
Shit. “I don’t think you need to see it.”
“Don’t care. I’m carrying you from now on.” He stands up as if proving his point and I crack up. It’s going to be a long seven or so months.
Chapter Six
One month
Little Ben
I watch the monitor but can’t tell what the hell I’m looking at. Lily has tears in her eyes, but the sweetest smile on her face. “Do you have twins in your family?”
I crack up. Lily takes in a breath. I’m watching her, but she doesn’t let it out. “Breathe babe.”
“Twins? We don’t have twins in our families. You don’t just have twins right? It’s just one? One big baby right? You’re big.” I kiss her to stop from laughing and stop her from panicking.
The doctor laughs. “There must be twins somewhere because you definitely have two boys growing.” She hands me a box of tissues and I take it, knowing we’re not done.
Lily cries. “Two. I don’t know how to take care of one, how do I do two?”
I kiss her head. “We do it together. We’ve been around twins our whole life, we got this babe. You’re not alone here. Wait until our family hears. You’ll be begging for a minute alone to hold your babies.”
She nods, but her tears still fall. The doctor tells us they are healthy and everything looks good. We come back in a month.
She leaves us and I get Lily dressed and everything straight on her. She doesn’t say a word. I hand her her purse and she takes it automatically. I can’t leave like this so I sit and pull her to my lap. “Babe?” She looks at me. I clench my jaw. She’s still in shock. “We can do this. When has anyone ever had trouble with twins? I’ve never heard a complaint and we have two living right on the side of us. Geek and Marty have Riley and Kyler and they’ve never complained about two. We got this.”
She nods. “Yeah. Marty does it and works full time. Jess does too. I can do this right?”
I smile, but don’t laugh. “No babe. We can do this. It’s not just you.”
Her head is bobbing again. “Yeah you help with everything.”
I stand up setting her down. “Let’s get some lunch then I’ll get you back to work. Is Anita here again?”
“Yes. She’ll help too.”
I walk her out the door. “Yeah Lily. Everyone will help. They always do.”
I take the card from the nurse and keep walking. Lily is looking less pale and gets in the truck herself. I hold her face. “Thank you baby. I can’t wait to tell my dad.”
She smiles for the first time then it falls. I know she feels the loss of Casper. Her mom refused to come to the wedding and that has to hurt too. “Brenda will be excited too.”
“Geek, Marty and Aubrey too,” I throw in so she feels her family. She smiles.
I walk around the truck wondering if there is a way to get her mom closer to her. “What do you feel like eating?”
“The Deli?”
I nod and drive to the Deli wondering what the hell to eat. We’ve had Deli for a week straight. I’m running out of options. I park and think the restaurant is not too far they could probably deliver meatloaf or a hot turkey plate. My phone goes off and the hologram board shows on my windshield. Fuck! “What’s going on Darren?”
“The feeds are down. I have Air gearing up and HS coming in. We have nothing coming our way that we can see. I checked with Connecticut and New York, but they have I95 clear. The MC is not responding so I have Brantley calling backup phones.”
I scan the boards while he talks. “I’m four out.” I swipe him off and look at Lily. “You can be closed in the Center or with me at Ops.”
“The Center. They have food.”
I laugh and drive her over. When I walk in HS is here. “Lock it down.” I kiss my girl telling her I love her and will pick her up. She tells me I owe her the Deli and I laugh as the steel panels roll down.
Walking in Ops I get the status and tell Brantley to get us on the new satellite. I take the satellite phone and call Mitch. “Nothing showing on the feeds and no contact with the MC.”
“I’m glad you called. We’re just getting the MC up now. You have bikes and trucks coming your way and already moving in. A small plane and a helicopter also. Do you need me to remote you up?”
Fuck! “No. Brantley just got us there. Thanks Mitch.”
Me: “Air One to Prince.”
Dakota: “Prince standing ready.”
Me: “Eagle Eye I have us up. We have a small plane and chopper headed our way. Permission to engage. I need you to run the Ops until I get everyone running.”
