“I’m sorry I just left. I had to…get away.”
“Like I said, no worries. When my friends came over to help me out, he left like the little punk-ass bitch he is.”
“Well, thank you. Seriously. Thank you so much.”
“Anytime.”
Gage shrugs and enters the classroom. I step inside right behind him, and my gaze immediately lands on Eddie. A sense of dread steals over me. But Eddie seems normal. He doesn’t look angry, or disgusted, or any of the other things I was afraid of. I slide into the seat next to him. He leans over and kisses my cheek.
“Hola, chica. You okay?” he asks.
I swallow. “Yeah. Fine. Why?”
“You look a little, I don’t know, pale or something.”
“I feel a little sick. I don’t know. Maybe it’s good we’re not going out until tomorrow. It’ll give me time to feel better.”
“I hope you’re not coming down with something,” he says.
“I’m sure I’ll be fine.”
The bell rings. It’s over. All I have to do is make it from the art room to Morgan’s car, and I can call this hellacious school day officially over. We make it outside without being accosted, though my paranoid feelings of being watched and talked about persist. Eddie climbs into the backseat of Morgan’s car, while I take my usual place in the passenger seat. Morgan chats nonstop until we reach Eddie’s house. I get out in his driveway so he can give me a kiss goodbye.
“Can I call you later?” he asks.
“Of course,” I reply.
“Nope. I’ve got her all to myself tonight,” Morgan shouts from the interior of the car. “You can have her tomorrow. No interrupting girl time.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he agrees, rolling his eyes.
“Text me,” I whisper before giving him a final hug goodbye.
Under Morgan’s expert guidance, I buy Eddie an iTunes card and a collection of hot sauce from a specialty store. My gift seems sort of lame, but she insists it’s perfect.
“You’ve only been dating for three weeks, so you can’t buy something too expensive,” she insists.
“Whatever you say. You’re not getting anything for Blake?”
“No. Tomorrow is only our second date, so no. If he’d asked me out for tonight, then I might have bought him something,” she explains.
“Are you offended that he didn’t ask you out for tonight?”
“No way. Valentine’s Day is for boyfriend/girlfriend type relationships. We’re not to that point yet, you know? Asking someone out on Valentine’s Day when you’re not committed is like saying I love you on a first date. It’s just wrong.”
I blush and look away. I haven’t told anyone that Eddie and I exchanged the L word on our first date. It was something private and beautiful between us. Morgan has a very rigid and complex set of dating rules she follows, and she definitely wouldn’t approve of the way I’ve already given my heart to Eddie.
Back at Morgan’s house, we do facials and manicures while we discuss the attributes of certain outfits in her closet.
“You’re totally welcome to borrow something to wear tomorrow,” she tells me as I fawn over a flowy, beaded skirt. “Where is Eddie taking you?”
“We’re just going out to dinner and to a movie. Nothing too crazy,” I reply.
“Then this skirt would be perfect,” she says, pulling it out of the closet and thrusting it at me. “Seriously, I never wear it. Still has the price tag on it and everything. It’s supposed to be ankle length, but I’m too tall for it. It hits me two inches below the knees and looks weird. Try it on.”
The skirt is the ideal length on me. I look like a hippie. Or a bohemian. It’s loose and flows around my ankles when I spin around. Paired with a coral blouse and dangly earrings, it’s perfect. I hope Eddie likes it.
Hell, I hope Eddie still likes me. The gossip mill has already begun to crank out the rumors, and who knows what he might learn about me by tomorrow night. Or even by tonight.
My phone vibrates and I startle. I’m almost afraid to see the text awaiting me.
Happy Valentine’s Day. Miss you. Can’t wait for tomorrow.
A sigh of relief escapes my lips. Everything is okay. For now.
Chapter Thirteen
It’s Monday morning and the queasy feelings are back in full force. My Valentine’s Day date with Eddie had been pleasant, but awkward—at least for me. I kept waiting for something bad to happen, or for him to laugh and tell me our relationship was all a big misunderstanding. Eddie noticed I was quiet and “off,” but I told him I wasn’t feeling well. He delivered me to my doorstep well before curfew with instructions to take care of myself and get better. I spent Sunday nursing my fake illness, wishing time would stand still.
It didn’t.
Walking through the halls at school, it’s obvious my uncomfortable, paranoid feelings from last week were completely justified. Whispers and stares follow me as I go from one class to the next. Some people don’t bother to be discreet. They speak openly, not caring that I can hear them. They’re probably hoping I’ll either confirm or deny the rumors.
“I heard Eddie only asked her out so her dad would write a letter of recommendation.”
“I don’t know. That’s not what I heard. I heard he asked her out to get back at Coach Murdoch.”
My face is scalding but there’s no escape. Mrs. Wheeler comes into the classroom and shuts the door behind her. Though the open speculation fades away to whispers, there’s no relief. I can still feel their eyes on me. I can still hear their hateful words in my head. But that isn’t the worst part. The worst part is the horrible scenarios I invent while ignoring the teacher’s droning lecture.
Have I always had doubts about Eddie? Maybe not, but I do now. Maybe there was always a part of me that wondered if he was in cahoots with Mark, or if he only asked me out to get back at my dad for not fighting to keep him on the team. Maybe going out with me was just a challenge. No. I can’t let myself believe that. Eddie has been upfront and honest with me from the start. Hasn’t he?
I’m awash in rumors and anxiety the rest of the day. I seriously consider skipping out of school and missing rehearsal. For the first time since before auditions—heck, since before freshman year—I don’t care about the play. I don’t care if they give the part of Juliet to Morgan. I just want to go home, turn up my music to a deafening roar, and curl up in bed. Forever. My depression hasn’t been this bad since…well, since Mark.
Last period comes too soon and I’m faced with either cutting out, or facing Eddie. I trudge through the hallways, swept along by the sea of pushing, shoving, gossiping students until I’m standing in front of the classroom. I turn to leave, but I crash into Eddie. He’s right in front of me, blocking my escape. Usually, he’s in the classroom before I arrive, so I’m surprised to see him standing there. I stare for just a moment, unsure of what to do.
“Hey, beautiful,” he says. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah. Good,” I stammer.
“No you’re not.” He hooks his arm around my shoulders and steers me to the side to allow a couple of students to get past us. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Seriously. Can we talk about it later?”
The bell rings and Eddie has no choice but to agree. We make our way to our table and for the first time in ages, I feel uncomfortable sitting beside him.
Rehearsal is a nightmare. I’m too stressed and distracted to concentrate. My lines are stiff. Eddie and I are out of sync, both in our roles as Romeo and Juliet, and as a couple. If we’re still a couple. If we were even a couple to begin with.
Mr. Fredericks cuts us loose a little early, probably sensing that the day is a total loss in terms of getting anything accomplished. Eddie and I have infected the entire cast with our out of sync, sucky acting.
“Do you need a ride?” Morgan asks.
“Yeah,” I reply.
Eddie interrupts. “Can you drop us off at the park?”
�
�I’ve got a really bad headache,” I insist.
“I just need to talk to you for ten minutes, and then if your head is still hurting, I’ll walk you home. Ten minutes,” he says. His eyes bore into me and I look away.
“Okay. Fine.”
Morgan looks from me to Eddie and then back again. She shrugs and walks toward her car with us following behind her. I know curiosity is eating away at her, and that I’ll have to fill her in on what’s going on, but knowing Morgan, she probably already has an idea. I’m sure she’s heard the rumors. By now, everyone has.
Morgan steers into the parking lot at the playground that’s less than a mile from my house. When I’d told Eddie I had a headache, I wasn’t lying. My head is throbbing so badly, I just want to lie in a dark room and die.
“Okay, spill,” Eddie says when we’re sitting across from each other at a picnic table.
“Look, I don’t…”
“We’re going to talk about it,” he says. “You’re too important to me to let this whole thing between us fall apart. I know what’s going on.”
“What do you mean?” Okay, so he’s heard the rumors, but what else has he heard?
“I’ve heard some things. About us. About you.”
About me? Holy crap. What did he hear about me? Did Mark say something? Oh my God. Please, no.
“Rumors. I’m using you to get back at your dad. You’re using me to get back at Mark. Whatever. They’re just rumors. I’m used to people talking shit about me. It sucks, but it happens. I can handle it. Can you?”
Okay, so it’s just the usual rumors. Nothing true. Nothing I can’t handle. I hope. “I think so. I’m not used to being talked about,” I admit.
“There’s worse things than being talked about. Don’t tell me no one approached you or talked about it when you and Mark broke up.”
I flinch.
“Sorry,” he says. “I know you don’t like to talk about Mark, but we need to talk this out, Row.”
“Yeah. People asked me about it when we split up, but it wasn’t exactly breaking news. I think people sort of expected it. Mark and I were really different.”
“Yeah, he’s a fucking asshole and you’re amazing. Damn right you’re really different.” His vehement anger unsettles me for a moment, but his usual, even-toned demeanor returns. “So you know how things work. People talk for a while. Then they move on.”
“True. I knew people were going to talk, Eddie. I don’t know why it caught me off guard, but it did. I guess I’d hoped we’d fly under the radar for a while.”
“Are you gonna be okay?”
“I think so.”
“You know all that shit is just rumor, right? I’d never use you. I have nothing against your dad. And, yeah, I sort of hate Mark, but my relationship with you has nothing to do with anyone else.”
“I know.”
I’m feeling more confident now. Eddie and I can get through this. Soon, something will happen to take the spotlight off Eddie and me. As long as I avoid Mark, I’ll be okay. The school year is over in less than four months, and then all the high school drama will be behind us. I can forget about Mark. Or, at least I can try.
“So, we’re okay?” he asks, sounding unsure. I nod. “Then why are you sitting all the way over there? Come here.”
Smiling for the first time in two days, I stand up and move to the other side of the picnic table. He’s waiting for me. I’m in his arms, practically on his lap as he kisses me.
“I love you, Row. Do you know how much I love you?” he murmurs, hugging me tightly. I love the feel of his strong chest, the feel of his arms around me. I snuggle into him and the world goes away.
***
With renewed confidence in my relationship with Eddie, I return to school on Tuesday, ready to face anything. The day is much smoother, and even though I’m aware of the whispers, it doesn’t matter. I know what people are saying. None of it is earth-shattering, or even creative. And none of it is true. With Eddie and Morgan, and even my hardcore drama club buddies by my side, I’ll be fine.
By the first week of March, I’ve faded back into the shadows of relative anonymity. One of the cheerleaders is pregnant and the steady boyfriend she’s had through almost four years of high school is denying fatherhood. Obviously, this is a much bigger story than who I’m dating. No one is talking about me and Eddie at all anymore, at least not to my knowledge, and even if they are, it doesn’t matter. Rehearsal is taking up so much of my time now, I don’t have room for anything else. I’ve had to cut back my hours at work to only ten per week, which is barely enough to scrape together some spending money.
Eddie usually spends all day Saturday and Sunday working for his brother, which leaves us very little time to spend together on weekends, especially if I get stuck with an evening shift. We still manage to see each other, though. Even if it’s just to sit in my kitchen doing homework and not speaking to each other.
Dad has become resigned to having Eddie in my life. Though he isn’t thrilled about it, he doesn’t complain. Mom thinks Eddie is the best thing since sliced bread. She never liked Mark, so basically, she tends to have pretty good instincts.
Eddie’s been bugging me about having dinner with his parents, but so far, our busy schedules have worked in my favor. But it’s only a matter of time until I’ll have to meet his folks. I can’t avoid them forever.
Chapter Fourteen
Every Friday after rehearsal, the entire cast and crew gathers in the auditorium for a mandatory meeting. Most of the cast grumbles about this further assault on our private lives, but I personally enjoy this aspect of the play. Our weekly meeting is a chance to share our concerns, discuss problems, or just chill out.
I’m seated next to Eddie, my hand grasped firmly in his. Morgan is on my right, playing with her cell phone. The buzz of conversation dies down when Mr. Fredericks hops up and sits down at the front of the stage, his feet hanging over the edge.
“Okay, listen up guys,” he says. “I’ve got some bad news. Or maybe this is good news for some of you. Anyway, we’ve decided not to have rehearsal during spring break.”
Whispers of excitement are tinged with concern. Though the cast is undoubtedly glad to have an extended break from rehearsal, an entire week away from school is going to put a serious strain our ability to prepare for the play. It’s mid-March and we’ve got less than two months until show time.
“Settle down,” he says over the murmurs of speculation. “The school board decided it would be best if the school is completely shut down the whole week. They think it will save money on energy costs, paying the janitor overtime, etcetera. Needless to say, I’m not too thrilled with their decision, but it’s out of my hands.” He shrugs.
“Couldn’t we practice outside?” Mia asks. “I mean, that won’t cost anything.”
“We could, but where?” Mr. Fredericks asks. “No. I think we’ll just take the week off. A few of you weren’t going to be able to rehearse anyway because of family obligations.” He pauses, his gaze sweeping the auditorium. A few students were going to be out of town that week, and despite our drama teacher’s warnings that too many missed rehearsals could result in being removed from the cast, there was nothing he could do to stop students from skipping that week. After all, those days were not technically school days.
“Couldn’t we get together and practice our lines?” Mia replies.
“You can if you’d like, but it would be on your own. I would recommend that you each practice your lines every single day. Read your lines in front of a mirror. Pay close attention to your facial expressions. If you can, practice with a partner. Maybe even have a friend or family member record you so you can see what you need to work on. This throws a bit of a wrench into our plans, but this isn’t an insurmountable problem. Let’s enjoy our well-deserved time off and come back in April refreshed and ready to knock this play out of the park.”
When the meeting is over, most of the students’ faces are alight with excitement, gi
ddy over the prospect of having an entire week away from the play. Spring break is just two weeks away, enough time for people to make plans if they didn’t already have any. Eddie and I already have plans for that week. We’re both working. I picked up a couple of day shifts and Eddie agreed to help his brother at work. Now that we won’t have to go to rehearsal in the afternoon, I might ask my boss about picking up some evening hours as well. I’d like to make a few extra bucks so I can buy an outfit I’ve had my eye on. It’ll be nice to be able to buy a few luxuries for graduation.
Eddie, Morgan, and I follow the crowd out to the parking lot. Morgan and I have a girls’ night planned tomorrow, so tonight Eddie and I are going to see a movie at the Dollar Theatre, assuming he can borrow his brother’s car.
“Am I dropping you off at your house?” Morgan asks me.
“You can drop us off at my house,” Eddie says.
“But I need to change before we go out tonight. Plus I need to check in with my parents and…”
“Okay. Fine. Back to Rowan’s it is.”
Eddie’s tone is short, his body stiff with irritation. Morgan turns up the radio, cutting off all conversation. When we arrive in my driveway, Eddie steps out of the car beside me.
“Why do you have such an objection to going to my house?” he asks the moment Morgan backs out and drives away.
“I don’t… Okay, I do. I’m super nervous about meeting your family,” I admit.
“Why? You know Carlos and my cousin.”
“I’ve met Carlos. I don’t know him. There’s a difference. I don’t know. I just have a feeling they won’t like me.”
“Why wouldn’t they like you?” he asks.
I shrug. I can think of a million reasons why they might not like me, but I don’t voice them. Eddie will think I’m crazy, snobbish, or both. The truth is, I’m afraid they’ll think I’m not good enough. I’m afraid they’ll wonder why their son is hanging out with a girl who doesn’t speak a word of Spanish. I’m afraid they’ll somehow blame me for my father’s role in Eddie being booted from the team and consequently losing his scholarship. Even though the decision wasn’t my dad’s, I’m still afraid Eddie’s family might somehow hold him responsible.
Sweet Sorrow Page 11
