by ROUNAK PURI
"That's four things," I said.
I knew what she said. I've seen enough movies to know that the person who says 'don't trust anyone' is the guy who's going to betray you. Like I would fall for that one.5
Before the nurse could say anything there was a knock at the door. I heard the sound of about six locks undoing. At the door was some gorgeous looking girl dressed in black like me. We had the same shoes, the same makeup and identical hair styles. She had high cheek bones and lips like red mountains rising out of a scarlet sea. I stood there having my own Rita Ora & Kim Kardashian same party same pink dress awkward moment.
"Get out. 1066 here will take you to your dormitory and sort you out. She's a newbie like you. You will need one of these" said the nurse walking over to a stack of books and dumping a large three ring binder in my arms. She handed 1066 a printout.3
"You don't have to look at yourself all the time, but your master does. Pull that no makeup stunt again and not only will you look like shit for the rest of the day, but the robots will just tattoo it on" she added as the girl 1066 opened the door into the corridor.12
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Chapter 5/ 1066 and all that
Jenny's POV.
"I guess you don't go out much?" said the girl called 1066 as I walked slowly along. Actually, I don't know what the fuss was about, I was walking fine and these high heels it didn't feel that uncomfortable.
"High heels aren't a requirement about the science lab yet. " I said glad that Tim Hunt wasn't teaching at Cal Tech, "Anyway I'm Jenny".1
The girl looked slightly confused "You're supposed to use your ID number. There is a central computer called a PRISM which listens to everything you say and should punish you for using your old name. Weird I thought you would be punished for that. I guess it's not perfect. I'm...I'm Kayla." she said looking like the sky was about to falling in, and it didn't.
"I haven't gone by that name for a long while. That's weird I've been through the whole six week cycle and I never knew we could speak each other's names before" said Kayla. "I guess if you don't use them in front of the machines you're okay."
Kayla looked a the printout she had been given by the nurse. "5642 hey you're Bank of America like me, to the machines we are like sisters" she added.
"I thought the nurse woman said you were a newbie like me." I asked.
"I'm a return" said Kayla.2
"A return?"
"Yes, they offer a full no quibble return guarantee on e-slaves here. You get some arses who bid on more than one of us and then just send back the ones they don't like once we're delivered. So I'm shipped all the way to Washington 2.0 walked around this massive collaborators house for an hour told I don't match the decor and then shipped all the way back. So I have to go through the program again then get resold." said Kayla.6
I was a little disturbed they 'refurbished' people here to be resold.
"There must be some mistake I'm not an e-slave." I said.
"No you're not - but you will be. That's what this place is designed to do to you." said Kayla.
Wonderful, I thought, I'm in rehab for people who have a freedom dependency problem.2
"Welcome to Factory 7: the Aspen re-education facility your gateway to a new life" said a sign.
I looked around the corridor. It was full of posters like "Don't stop when you are tired STOP when you are done","There is no 'I' in slave", "Keep calm and carry on" and "Personally I welcome my new robot overlords" all presented with pictures of cute cats. Walking up and down the corridor were people dressed exactly like Kayla and myself. It was like I was trapped in some vast cos-play convention who's theme was come as your vision of cat woman and we all had the same idea. All the men had similar tight shiny suits and kept walking their knees tied together like massive penguins. Their eyebrows seemed to be squared off and they all had exactly the same crew cut haircut. At least I felt a bit less self-conscious about the smut-girl makeover they had press-ganged on me.10
"Why do they dress us like this?" I asked fearing the answer.
"Oh, I did this in one of my exams. Few reasons. 1 it's the cheapest thing the clothes printers can do. 2 It saves on the silicon they use. 3. It's easy to wipe clean 4. Modern product design is more than functionality it's about creating an appealing product that fits the product to the emotional needs of the customers." said Kayla.3
"Really? The makeup, the high heels." I said also disturbed I would have to take an exam in being a slave.
"We are ruled by machines now. They don't like the fact we all look different. The makeup is there to make sure we look identical, they want us to look perfect, which means the same. The high heels are individually printed to make sure we are all the same height" said Kayla.30
"I can't believe one bunch of misogynists finally lose power only to have another bunch of robot misogynists takeover. " I said, Kayla laughed.
"yeah like why couldn't women take over, it was our turn" she added.9
"Oh we did, it was for about a week, the wimen of the world took over we all dance naked around campfires then fell down before something inappropriate happened. Didn't you get the memo?" I said.2
"I think I missed it, I must have been doing my nails." said Kayla smiling.
We stopped in front of a large digital screen like one of those things they had in airports to tell you departure times.
"Next on our tour this is the bid board." Kayla started "it's a bit like eBay. If you find your slave ID you can see what is being bid for you."
I looked and found 5642 current bid 0.0 no watchers no followers2
"Zero is that bad?" I asked.
"It will be in six weeks when you're training is over. Potential buyers watch us during training they make bids and then on the final day we are all are sold a to the highest bidder. So the first thing you need to set up is a profile page." she said.
"I'm not giving up and I'm not letting them walk all over me. Why should I help sell myself? This is degrading" I said.
"Believe me, the default template is ugly. We need to take some good photos of you and make sure that you cover up and show lots of silicon, the less skin the better. Robots don't like skin" Kayla said pointing at my silicon suit. "I've got some good tricks to help shine you up. I can show you if you like"
"I'm not helping them sell me" I said.4
"You really don't want to be returned for a third time or worst still unsold" said Kayla
"What happens then?" I said.
"If you're lucky they will put you into a coma, fed through a tube and keep you as a blood supply for the security staff."1
My mind flashed back to the bunks in the hospital with the blood dripping into bags.
"and if I'm unlucky?" I asked.
"You might find yourself sent to a 'packing' plant in Chicago" said Kayla.2
I quickly evaluated my options. Escaping from here would be difficult. I'm sure the robots would be on the lookout for it. Perhaps it would be better to lull them into a false sense of security and escape from an owner.
"I think I need to set up a hot profile page" I said.6
We continued.
"I have my own theory on why Artificial Intelligences should be so obsessed by this get u . The A.I's began by developing the ability to learn for themselves. They learnt from the internet. They doubled in intelligence exponentially, every thirty minutes until they had developed their own super consciousness. To do that they soaked up all the information on the internet and what is half the internet?"
"P0rn and viagra adverts. Oh, OK that explains it." I said.31
"So they have this massive and completely debauched hyper subconscious. Our job is to satiate it" said Kayla
"Well that kind of gives me a purpose in life. Satiate good choice of words by the way"I said.
"We try. I used to be a writer" Kayla said continuing on.
"No shit?" I said.
"Now I'm a machine's shoe cleaner, so I've really gone up in the world" Kayla smiled. I got her kind of humour.
&nb
sp; "Go you. By the way, the nurse said to look out for co-labs what are they?" I said.
"Co-labs what we slaves call collaborators you know traitors, Benedict Arnolds, humans working for the machines. There are some pretending to be slaves like us in the factory. You learn to spot them if you're smart. I can show you how" said Kayla.7
We carried on, the building we were trapped in was massive and with no signs. I began to wonder how I would find my way around. It was so loud here, the corridor was huge like a convention centre. Lots of people in slave uniforms chatting. I kept near the wall so I could reach out if I needed to steady myself. Suddenly a door in front of me slid open before I could stop someone came out and I slammed straight into them.
5
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Chapter 6/The other other girl
Cringingly embarrassed and unsteady in stiletto heels, I had walked straight into another girl, knocking her and her three ring binder to the floor. There was me thinking this kind of klutzy girl runs into someone like a cruise missile on her first day was the kind of thing which only appeared in poorly scripted romantic comedies. Clearly all I needed to be like Kristen Wiig is skyscraper shoes, and Jeff Koons set loose with a scalpel and silicon gun on my body. My target was another super model clone with a collar. The kind with BMI count of a dry twig but feels they should be trying harder. She had the sort of sickeningly cute face you both hated and envied.
"I'm sorry" I said floundering on the floor.
"Don't worry about it" said the other girl in a deep sexy voice.2
"I'm Jenny " I said smiling.
"I'm Joe, but your supposed to call me 1327" said the other girl. I looked at Joe and realised that Joe's hips looked fake. Joe was tall somewhat slender and wore the same kind of shiny silicon outfit as I did but wore a tight pencil skirt over the silicon unitard. Joe's hair was like mine in the shape of a black bob with blunts. Despite all this she was a he. I always thought I would be slightly more cooler if I had met Jenna Talackova.11
"I'm sorry It's my first day in high heels" I said.
"Mine too" said Joe. "They didn't feel as uncomfortable as I thought I they would."11
"Do you need any help?" asked Kayla. She held out a gloved hand and helped me up.
"I'm Jenny; This is Kayla, Kayla this is Joe" I said.
"You're supposed to use your slave ID" said the Kayla "I'm 1066 easy to remember" then she leant over to Joe and whispered "I used to be Kayla"
"I used to be Joe. I'm, I'm trying to find my way to dorm cage 56" said Joe.1
"Come with us, I'm taking Jenny there already" said Kayla.
"So, Joe, you look even less comfortable in these clothes than I do" I said.
"Yes, I think I'm some kind of data error. I think they got my gender wrong on the database, I had a pony tail but you think the beard would have given them a clue" explained Joe.
"So you're you know, eer straight? Not that I mind or anything I don't judge people, you know, your kind. I'm cool I mean I like the Black Veil Brides. I suppose you lot are used to this but I've never met one of your kind before. " I said digging a bigger hole for myself.12
"You haven't met one now; I'm straight as an arrow. I've asked them to fix it, and they said they would look into it. They said I would have to go along with things for the moment. Most of the training is the same they said. I'm like Mulan in reverse" said Joe a little shyly.27
"Yes, you get overlord data screw ups all over the place. I met someone that the dressing machine kept printing two left shoes. Boy, Girl screw ups happen all the time, both ways. One girl came out surgery with four breasts for some reason poor thing, took ages to sort that out. The collars sometimes have problems too. One man's collar electrocuted him for using personal pronouns like me or I. So he kept going round saying things like "This slave would like a drink". said Kayla.7
"Poor guy that's terrible." I said.
"That's right he should have said "May, this slave like a drink Mistress" said Kayla tongue-in-cheek.
We continue to walk slowly and gracelessly along like a gaggle of girls on a Las Vegas bachelorette night; I looked at the three-ring binder.
"What's this for?" I asked.
"This is all the notes and slides for your courses" Kayla explained.3
"We get courses in how to slave?" said Joe. 5
"Yeh, haven't you heard It's so difficult finding help these days they set up Slave U" I said.
We got in the lift, so I skimmed through the dividers. Basic Obedience. Advanced Obedience. Kissing for beginners. Drill, Reproductive Biology, Basic Thx. Basic 4. Cheerleading, Ordered positions 1.. and more, ending in BSM for beginners. Very little doubt what the machines were expecting personal e-slaves to do. I was a little nervous given my total beginner status in that area. 15
"So are we expected to practice, you know..." I said.
Kayla looked at me for a second "No, rule 17 no touching without a direct order and ever since they cut the course down from twelve to six weeks there is no practical element, except Kissing for beginners and pole dancing" 10
"oh" both Joe and I said. Except I was a thank goodness 'oh' and Joe was a disappointed 'oh'. ,14
"Except the pole dancing instructor did her back in so it's basic tap dancing. " said Kayla. At least that would be easy I had done Tap and Ballet when I was young. 3
"Right. So what's life like as an e-slave anyway?" I asked.
"It's a bit like being a burger flipper at McDonalds an order comes in on your collar, you do it when you're done another order comes in. The system organises it so you only have one job at a time. You don't have to think. Provided you do what you're told, you don't get a visit from Mr Zappy. Here you can just get on with getting good marks in your course and getting a good price. I'll explain why later" Kayla said.
We reached the woman's slave cages block 53. Joe followed Kayla and I. I wasn't sure he should be allowed in but he had a similar print out to mine saying his bunk was in slave cage 53.3
"So the cages are mixed?" I asked as we went in. I looked around there were bunk-beds stacked four deep. At every three groups of bunk-beds in an alcove was one of those dressing machine cabinets and makeup printers. There were a toilets at intervals but little privacy.
"They are supposed to be single sex. Rule 17 again " said Kayla hunting for my bunk number, "the collars can sense touching, don't ask me how, it doesn't get turned on until tonight."
Clarity reached; Kayla pointed to one bunk.
"OK, 804B this is your bunk. Your bunk changes every night they don't want you feeling like you 'own' anything like 'my bed'. It's just a mind game they do remind you your the thing being owned now. Don't let them get to you. That's Joe's above and I'm on the opposite side of the alcove here. "1
"It's kind of the ultimate couch-surfing experience," said Joe.
"The only important thing to know is that you must plug your collar in at night." Kayla added waving a cable near the top of the bed. 6
"So you have to re-charge it every night?" asked Joe looking at the thick cable.
"Yes, and it keeps you tied to the bed overnight too. They have zero escapes record to maintain. Once in bed the lock doesn't release until morning, so my advice is to make sure you go, before you go to bed because you can't get up in the night. Lights out at 10:00 you'll be up at 6:00. The Robots don't like us calling it sleeping; it's overnight recharging " Kayla continued.
"Bed by 10:00 every night? This really is a nightmare world. I've been enslaved by the Amish." I said. Kayla and Joe laughed. 12
"When do the collars come off?"I said this one was bugging me already.
"Never. Once on they don't come off ever. You belong to them. You're a slave until you die now" said Kayla.12
"That's like the suckiest news I've heard since Emily West came second on season 9 of America's Got Talent", I said4
There was a loud beep in my ears. I think it came from my collar.
"What's that?" I said.
"That's the bell fo
r the next lesson. We've all got introduction to being a slave in Hall 30A. Bring your binders you'll need them" Kayla said.
"How am I supposed to know where to go?" I asked .
"That's easy, ask your collar" said Kayla, she put her finger to a button on my collar. "Cortona where do I go for my next class, please?"45
"Your next class is in room 30A you have 6 minutes to get there the journey will take 5 minutes
"Brillant Sat Nav for slaves - Slave Nav? Just what I need" I said. Experimentally I followed it, and found that at every corner a voice would pop up and tell me which way to go. It was very cool you could even ask it to avoid downward stairs which I was having problems with in my high heels.3
As we walked to the class Joe said "Explain to me again why are we all dressed like the backing group on Rober Palmer's Addicted to Love addicted to love video?"2
"I'm not even pretending I got that reference" I said. 1
As we got close I heard a voice shouting." If your not sitting down in 30 seconds you will be horribly disfigured"23
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Chapter 7/Principal Humbolt
We went in and sat together. The room was arranged with a long row of desks facing a whiteboard and I felt slightly better as everyone was dressed as stupidly as I was. After a minute, a man walked in wearing a business suit. He was human: he didn't have a collar like us. To the side, a dangerous looking robot hung from the wall and looked over us.4
"Hi," the man began with a smile; the lights went down and his PowerPoint slides were projected onto a screen "I'm Principal Humbolt. I'm CEO of Slave Systems Inc., formally known as Aspen Corporate Training. You won't see me much, but I like to use the first few presentations to get to know my students. Don't let the guards, guns and locked doors fool you, this really is an Academy. I'm here to get you up to speed with a basic introduction to being a personal slave. Let's turn to Page 1 of your user guides: it's Section 1 marked 'The exciting opportunities of being an e-slave'." There was a flutter of page-turning in the class.9
