by Lady Lissa
“Have your wants changed that much since the last time we spoke? I thought we all wanted the same thing for you,” she says.
“My plans haven’t changed mom, but I have to accommodate for my child. I’m happy Starr is pregnant. I want to marry her someday. You guys know how I feel about her. Why not just accept this and be happy for us?”
My mom doesn’t say anything. She just walks pass my father and I and heads to her bedroom, closing the door behind her.
“Give her some time, son. This is all a shock to her,” my dad says.
“I guess dad. Time ain’t gonna change nothing though. When she comes out her room, Starr will still be pregnant and everything will still be the same. I’m just saying,” I say as I get up from my seat and make my way outside to shoot some hoops.
Any time I feel stressed or upset, I grab my basketball and take it to the hole. I just can’t believe how my mom is acting. She can’t change nothing, no matter how disappointed or upset she might be. I look over at Starr’s house and she’s staring down at me from the bathroom window. I wink at her and she blows me a kiss.
That’s love right there and can’t no one stop it.
“I don’t know what you looking at over here, but I suggest you keep your eyes in your own yard Onyx,” says Ms. Nina.
I was so caught up in Starr’s beauty, I didn’t notice her mom standing there looking at me. I don’t bother to respond to what she said. My mom always told me to respect my elders and if I don’t have anything nice to say, keep it to myself. I just continue to shoot hoops as she walks away and head inside her house.
“I love you,” I mouth to Starr.
She does sign language that says I love you too before she disappears from the window. I can only hope and pray that her mom doesn’t start tripping again.
CHAPTER 5
Lucy
I didn’t tell Mandy that Gregory had raped me because it ain’t her damn business. So of course when she called me to ask if I would testify for her, I told her hell no. Even though I didn’t tell her about the incident, I’m sure my mom spoke to her mom, so the bitch knows. But as always, the only person she is ever concerned about is her own damn self.
If she ain’t worried about herself, she’s worried about Onyx and what he’s doing. Damn. The dude don’t want her ass. What’s it gonna take for her to understand that shit and move the hell on? I’ve never seen someone so smart but so dumb at the same time. It’s like she’s smart as hell in books, but dumb as fuck in life.
As far as my situation goes, of course I couldn’t tell the police that Gregory was the one that raped me. If I didn’t that, then I would have to admit to stabbing him. Even though in my eyes, all I did was defend myself, they could still look at it as attempted murder. So I had to keep that information to myself. The nurses at the hospital referred me to the Rape Crisis Center but I have no intentions on going there.
Why would I go to that center? I don’t feel the need to listen to anyone else share their stories about being raped. I know who raped me, so there’s no way I can sit there and pretend to not know who did it. Lying to the nurses and cops was the hardest shit in the world for me because every time they asked if I was sure I didn’t know who raped me, I wanted to say, yes I know who did it. I wanted to point them in Gregory’s direction.
But, I didn’t want to go to jail for slicing his ass. In these situations, you never know how a judge or jury will look at things. I have plans to start college in a couple of weeks. How the hell can I do that from behind the bars of a jail cell? As long as Gregory stays away from me, I’ll stay away from his ass. I guess I got what I wanted when I told his wife about us, even though she didn’t let me know her true feelings while I was confessing my relationship with her husband.
While I was there, in her face, she made it seem like I was lying. She sure did keep her composure well because had that been me, the police would have had to come pick up the body. I don’t play that shit. They would have picked up two bodies; his for cheating on me, hers for having the balls to bring her ass to my house.
I know that I was wrong to do that, but Gregory should have never played me like that. He knew how much I cared for him. For him to deceive me that way was wrong. He should have just been honest and let me decide if I still wanted to date him. I probably wouldn’t have ever gone out with him in the first place, but at least he would have told the truth about his marital status.
I have two weeks left before I start school and I don’t know if I’m prepared to leave the nest just yet. Before Gregory violated me, I couldn’t wait to go to college. But since that happened, I wonder if I’ll be ready to face the challenges of being on campus. I want to sit out this fall semester and just wait until the spring, but I know my mom will think I’m just being silly. I know the first thing she will say. She’ll say, “Honey, the rape happened a while ago. Don’t you think it’s time for you to get on with your life?”
Instead of going through all that hassle, I just chose to let it ride and make plans to leave in a couple of weeks. There’s a knock on my bedroom door while I’m sitting down thinking while looking out the bay window.
“Come in,” I call out.
My mom opens the door and pokes her head in, “Hey honey. You feel like talking?”
“Sure,” I say.
She comes in and sits on the window bench next to me. She pushes back a loose strand of my hair that has fallen into my face.
“I remember doing this so often when you were a little girl and now you’re going away to college. I just wanted you to know how proud I am of you; both your father and I are proud of you. You could have shut down and decided not to go to school, but you didn’t. You kept your plans and you’re still going to school. We are so proud of you,” she says, putting her arm around me. This small gesture brings tears to my eyes.
“I’m sorry honey. Did I say something wrong?” she asks.
I shake my head from side to side, “No mom. It’s just me but I’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure? You look a little pale,” she says.
“I’m fine,” I repeat.
“Okay. I’m going to get out of your hair. I just wanted to tell you how proud we are of you. If you want to talk about anything, I’ll be downstairs,” she says as she stands and kisses me on my forehead, the way she used to do when I was little.
I smile as she walks out the room. I continue to stare outside as my thoughts play back what happened between Gregory and I. My parents bought me a new bed and mattress set since the incident. They also purchased a new rug and had the carpet ripped out the room and replaced. My room looks totally different than the way it looked before.
I get the urge to take a shower, so I get up and go in the bathroom, turn on the water and jump in the shower. I spend quite a long time in the shower because the warm water feels so good on my skin. It really helps to relax me. By the time I’m done taking my shower, I can hear my parents talking downstairs. I get dressed and slip my feet into my plush fuzzy slippers and head down the stairs.
“Hey daddy,” I greet my dad.
“Hey baby. You smell good,” he says.
“Thanks dad,” I say as I fix myself a plate of food.
My mom made homemade lasagna and garlic bread. I love lasagna so if this is her way of trying to make me feel better, it definitely perked me up a little. I sit at the table with the two of them and we begin to talk over the day’s events while eating.
“Hey, I got a surprise for you,” my dad says.
“What is it?” I ask, thinking it has to be some more money to add to what he’s already given me. My dad has been giving me money every week since graduation. He says it’s money so that I can be ready for when school starts. So far, he’s given me about two grand so I can’t imagine him giving me any more money.
“Well, you start school in a couple of weeks,” he says.
“I know that dad,” I say.
“Well, you’re going to need a ride to get where yo
u need to go,” he says.
“Oh wow! Did you get me a bus pass?”
He and my mom busts out laughing and I wonder what’s so funny. Why are the two of them making fun of me?
“A bus pass. You’re funny Lucy,” my mom says as they continue to laugh.
“Well,” I say, looking at them confused.
“Come take a walk with me,” my dad says as he reaches for my hand.
I take his hand and he leads me out the door.
“Close your eyes,” he tells me.
I humor him and close my eyes. He takes my hand and leads me out of the garage and I really wonder what’s going on with my parents now. I can hear my mom giggling behind us and so I just play along.
“Okay, stop right here,” my dad says.
“Dad, what is it? Can I open my eyes now?” I ask.
“Yes, you can open them now.”
I open my eyes and now I can see what the excitement is about. Here I am, thinking that they got me a bus pass but instead, they got me a new car. My parents got me a brand new Ford Mustang. I can’t believe it. I let out a screech and take off running towards the beautiful, bright red sports car.
“Oh my God! You guys bought me a car?” I ask, even though I already know the answer.
“Of course it’s yours,” my dad beams happily.
I rush over to them to give them each a hug as my dad hands me the car keys. Oh wow! This totally takes me out of the funk I was just in. Nothing can erase the memory of what Gregory did to me, but this little gift from my parents does take my mind off of everything. I unlock the doors and slide into the smooth buttercream seats. As I turn the key, the engine purrs to life. Oh snap! This car has everything.
It comes equipped with the newest stereo equipment, Bose speakers, Syrius satellite radio, navigation system, security system and I am absolutely elated. I check the clock on the radio and see that it’s only 7:30 in the evening. I have to go ride by Mandy’s house to show her what my parents got me. I know we don’t get along, but I have to tell someone.
“I’m gonna go ride by Mandy’s house,” I tell my parents.
“Okay. Be careful,” my mom says.
“I will,” I wave to them as I back out of the driveway.
Driving over to Mandy’s house, I set the radio stations to my desired preferences. Finding a station that is playing something I want to listen to right now doesn’t take long. I love the phone and radio controls on the steering wheel. I think that is so cool. After pulling over for a minute, I am finally able to sync my phone to the car. I feel like a kid about to blow out a chocolate birthday cake.
I pull up in Mandy’s driveway twenty minutes later, park the car and jump out. I am so excited that I take off running towards the front door. I ring the doorbell and my Aunt Miranda comes to the door.
“Hey Lucy, how are you honey? Come on in,” she says as she opens the door and steps aside.
“Hi Aunt Miranda,” I say as I embrace my favorite and only auntie.
“Whose car are you driving out there? Looks nice,” she says with a smile.
“It’s mine. My parents bought it for me. I came by to show it off to Mandy. Is she here?”
“Oh wow! Well, that certainly is a nice way to get to school. Yea, Mandy is in her room,” she says with a smile.
“It sure is,” I say as I turn to go towards Mandy’s room.
“Lucy,” my aunt calls out.
“Yea,” I answer as I turn to face her.
“I’m so sorry for what happened to you baby. I can’t believe someone would do that to you,” she says as she walks up to me and wraps her arms around me. Why is she trying to ruin my mood? Is she really trying to make me cry when I’m trying to find just a little happiness? “If you ever need someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to come to me. I kinda know what you’re going through.”
The hell! Aunt Miranda knows what I’m going through? How could she possibly know what I’m going through?
“No disrespect intended Aunt Miranda, but you can’t possibly understand how I feel or know what I’m going through. If you haven’t experienced a violation like this before, you don’t know how I feel,” I tell her with tears forming in my eyes.
“That’s just it; I do understand because I have been through it,” she confesses.
Get the fuck out of here! Is she serious?
“What?” I ask.
“Come sit with me for a few minutes,” she says as she leads me to the family room.
She takes a seat on the sofa and I sit next to her.
“The only person who knows this happened to me is your mom. She is the only one I trusted enough to tell. When I was in college, I met this boy. His name was Roc, well that’s what everyone called him. Anyway, Roc was fine as hell. He had tall with a caramel skin complexion, had the most beautiful eyes, and he was sexy when he walked. How do you kids say it, he had swag? Well, Roc had swag honey,” she says and laughs a little.
“Roc and I dated for two months and he was the perfect gentleman. But one night, out of nowhere, things changed. We went out to dinner and a movie, then back to his apartment as we’ve done so many times before. We were sitting and watching television when he turned to me and started kissing me. Of course, I kissed him back. This was familiar to me because we had made out before. But then, he started reaching for my clothes, pushing my shirt up and fumbling with the button on my shorts,” she says.
I couldn’t do or say anything, so I just listened. I had no idea my auntie had been sexually assaulted. I’m sitting here in awe of her. She managed to hide that from us very well all this time.
“I tried to stop him but he was relentless and much stronger than I was. I tried fighting, believe me, but when he wrapped his hands around my neck and started to apply pressure, I stopped fighting. I didn’t want to be raped, but I refused to lose my life for it. I couldn’t believe the boy I liked so much was raping me. I just closed my eyes and pretended it was happening to someone else,” she says with tears in her eyes. That’s crazy because that’s the same thing I did.
Now my auntie had me wondering if every rape victim went through the same thing when they were being violated. Listening to my aunt tell her story, makes me relive my own incident almost eight weeks ago. I have tried and struggled to put this out of my mind, but I can’t seem to do it. I wish I had never come here. Not because I don’t love my auntie or appreciate her for tell me her story, but because I was happy before I got here.
My parents gave me a brand new car and I was happy about that. I wanted to show it off to my cousin. Yet, here I am, listening to her mom tell me her rape story. How can I be happy after hearing this?
“He raped me over and over again for almost the entire night. When he was finally done with me, my body ached. It felt like I had been hit by a truck. He made me shower before he took me back to my dormitory. Before he dropped me off, he told me if I told anyone, he would kill me. As soon as I got back to my dorm, I jumped in the shower and scrubbed my body raw. I didn’t want any of his scents or kisses on my body. When I saw your mom the next day, I told her what happened. She was pissed,” my auntie says.
“I remember thinking that she’s madder than I was and I think she was. She made me take her to Roc’s apartment. She banged on the door until he opened it. She busted in with me following behind her and he closed the door. He was like, “What the hell y’all doing here?” Your mama, girl your mama slapped the mess out of him and kicked him in the nuts. She told him if he ever laid a hand on me or even looked at me again, she was coming back for him and it wouldn’t be nice. At first, he started laughing, but when he saw the look on your mom’s face, he stopped. I had never seen your mom like that.”
“That’s the first I ever heard of my mom acting like that,” I say.
“Yea, I used to call her a gangsta,” Aunt Miranda says as she breaks into a light chuckle.
“Aunt Miranda.”
“Yea baby?”
“How did you forget
that someone raped you? How did you put the assault behind you?” I ask. I really wanna know how she got over being raped. Even though it doesn’t look like it’s affected me or my livelihood on the outside, it’s definitely affected me on the inside. I hate Gregory for what he did to me and if I could kill him and get away with it, I would.
“Oh honey, you won’t ever forget it. As long as it’s been since my rape, I’ve never forgotten what happened. But, what I can tell you is that you will get past it and that every day will get easier. I got past it, met a wonderful man and had your cousin. Don’t let the rape define who you are. Don’t let it take over your life,” she advises.
“Sounds like good advice, but that’s easier said than done,” I confess.
“What are you doing here?” Mandy asks.
“Hey, I came to show you something,” I tell her.
“Y’all alright? What y’all crying for?” Mandy asks her mother and I.
“Oh, we were just having a little heart to heart chat, That’s all,” Aunt Miranda says.
“What you wanna show me?” Mandy asks me.
“Take a walk with me outside,” I say and lead the way out the front door.
When we make it to the driveway and she sees the shiny new Mustang, she asks, “Whose car is this?”
“Mine. My parents got it for me,” I beam.
“Wow!”
“Is that all you got to say?” I ask.
“Well yea. Your parents gave you a new car and the first thing you do is rush over here to brag to me,” she says with an attitude.
“I’m not bragging. I just wanted to show you, that’s all.”
“Bullshit! You came so you could brag. I haven’t even gotten my car back from the damn police yet, so I know you’re bragging,” she says angrily.
“I’m not here to brag. I just wanted you to see my car,” I say.
I really am not here to brag.
“We ain’t even friends like that…” she begins.
“No, we’re cousins; first cousins.”
“We ain’t close,” she says.
“Wow! I’m sorry I even came here. You are so evil,” I say, walking towards my car.
