by Lady Lissa
When I saw Onyx yesterday, it was the first time I had seen him on campus. A college campus is so much different than a high school campus. In high school, you can run into someone two, three, maybe even four times a day. If you know their schedule, you can make it your business to run or bump into them. But, a college campus is huge, so unless you know their schedule, you may never see them.
Bumping into Onyx yesterday was what I needed to make me see that coming here wasn’t in vain. I found out what classes he was taking from him but he wouldn’t tell me which area he was staying in. That’s okay. Having his class schedule allowed me to change a couple of my classes around so we could be in the same class at the same time. When he walked in the classroom this morning and saw me sitting there, his face registered surprise.
He didn’t look happy to see me but I figured once the shock wore off, he would be glad that we were in the same class. When we were younger, we always worked well when we did our homework together. I was so excited to be in the same room with him. I hadn’t seen him all summer so seeing him made my heart skip a beat. I know y’all think I’m crazy for still feeling this way about someone who could give two fucks about me, but I really love Onyx.
You know how they say you never forget your first love? Well, that’s true. If you’ve ever been in love, even if the relationship doesn’t work out, you still will always remember your first love. I was as giddy as I was when Onyx and I first started dating, that is until we had this conversation. How could he say such hateful things to me? How could he have felt this way about me and I not know it?
I bet this whole time y’all been sitting there thinking, “Mandy sho’ is crazy! Mandy is psycho! Why can’t Mandy leave the man alone if he don’t want her ass? Mandy this and Mandy that!” Screw y’all and I mean that in the nicest way possible.
I know y’all are probably sitting in your living room, sipping on your tea and thinking, “Yaaaayyyy! Onyx finally told her how he really feels about her. Now she can get on with her pathetic little life.”
AIN! What the fuck ever! What Onyx just told me makes me angrier than I was before. He just told me he ain’t never loved me. He just told me the only one he’s ever loved is Starr. So, what this really boils down to is that I’ve spent my puppy love years with a man who I thought loved me, but really didn’t give a fuck about me.
What he really told me just now was that I took my panties off and gave my virginity to him and he never loved me. Now, whether you wanna admit it or not, that’s some foul shit. If some nigga had done that shit to Starr, y’all would be feeling sorry for her. So, why can’t I get the same sympathy?
Oh, I know why; because Mandy’s crazy. Fuck that! What Onyx just revealed to me has sent a sword through my heart. For real.
So, I’m just going to have to move around and make some shit happen. It seems as though I was taking my anger and frustration out on the wrong one. Starr really didn’t do anything if Onyx never loved me. She really didn’t take him from me if he pushed up on her first. But, am I going to apologize to that bitch? Hell no!
And another thing, if I can’t be happy, why should Onyx be all happy with the love of his life? Do unto others as they do unto you; that’s my motto. I mean, somebody has to pay for me being on probation. I was, I am a good girl and I don’t deserve to have to report to someone for the next four years of my damn life.
If he thinks he can tell me some shit like that and just ride off into the sunset with little Miss Starr, he better think again. What’s that other old saying, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”? Yea, that’s the one. That one goes perfect with the way I am feeling right now, so Onyx, Mr. Superstar Basketball Player had better watch his back from now on.
It seems that things are about to get a little heated and a whole lot stickier than before. I need to get my ass over to my next class. As I’m walking to class, my mind is working and my brain is definitely thinking of some shit that I can do to get back at the one who has caused me so much pain. Everything that has transpired over this last year is all because of one person. One nigga who thought he could play me and get away with it.
Well guess what. It ain’t happening. It ain’t going down like that; not on my damn watch. Get ready, because shit is about to get interesting!
CHAPTER 9
Starr
One month later…
When I went to the doctor’s last month, I found out that I was thirteen weeks along. When the doctor put the ultrasound on and placed the wand on my belly, my sister and I were in awe at seeing this tiny little baby growing inside me. I wasn’t sure exactly how far along I was, but I did have an idea. Once the doctor saw the image on the screen, she told me that I was thirteen weeks and due around Valentine’s Day.
I thought that was perfect. If Onyx and I could have our baby on the day that everyone celebrated their love for each other that would be wonderful. But, a month has passed and I’m now a little over four months so I’m beginning to show. I’ve been wearing clothes that are a little big on me, which works out perfectly because of the season. It’s been a little chilly the past couple of mornings, so I’ve been wearing Onyx’s letterman’s jacket to school.
I don’t keep the jacket on the whole day. Once it reaches ten or so, I take the jacket off and hang it up in my locker. When I get back from school, I try my best to avoid my mom. I don’t want her asking questions about my body, not that she can do anything about it at this point. Being that I’m in my second trimester, it is too late for her to suggest an abortion. And I am definitely not giving my child up for adoption, so she can forget that.
I’ve been doing a pretty good job of staying in my room and out of her way for the past few weeks. Today, I’m not so lucky. I hear a knock on my bedroom door and I know it’s her because we’re the only ones home right now. My dad is still at work and my brother is over at his girlfriend’s house. I try to act as though I’m sleeping, hoping that she will go away.
I hear my doorknob turning and I cuss myself for forgetting to lock it behind me earlier. Now, I hear her in my room, rummaging through my stuff. What the hell is she looking for?
“What are you doing?” I ask her.
“I was just wondering what was going on with you,” she says.
“Well, you could have asked me instead of going through my things. Why do you feel the need to invade my privacy mom?” I ask.
“I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on with you. You haven’t spoken to me in a few weeks, so what’s got you avoiding me? Is it still Onyx and the fact that I won’t let the two of you see each other?” she asks.
“I haven’t had much to say to you and it’s been longer than a couple of weeks. Of course, it has everything to do with Onyx but I know you don’t care.”
“What do you mean I don’t care? I’m keeping you guys apart because of how much I care. Don’t you know that boy is going to abuse you later on down the road if I continue to stand by and allow the two of you to be together?” she asks.
“Mom, I’ll be eighteen soon and you won’t be able to tell me what to do,” I say.
“As long as you are living under my roof, I can and I will.”
“Well, what do you think will happen once I leave home and go to college? I can promise you that if you keep this up, you won’t see me once I leave and you won’t see your grandchild either,” I threaten. Oh my God! Did I just say that grandchild part out loud? The look on her face confirms what I already know; I did just speak on it out loud.
“You’re being rather presumptuous, don’t you think? I mean, you’re planning on getting pregnant as soon as you leave the house or something?” she asks and then begins to stare at me. I mean, she’s really staring at me, almost as if she’s seeing me for the first time.
“Stand up Starr,” she orders.
“Stand up for what? I’m comfortable right where I am,” I respond.
“Starr Renee Landry, get your ass up out of that bed or I will drag you out myself. N
OW GET UP!” she yells and because I know she means business, I slowly climb out of my bed and stand next to it.
She’s looking at my body and her eyes land on my little pooch of a belly. Her hand goes to her mouth as tears slide down her face. I don’t know if they’re tears of joy or anger, but she’s crying.
“You’re pregnant? You let that boy get you pregnant?” she asks.
“That boy is the love of my life and yes, yes I let him get me pregnant. It was my idea. I stopped taking my pills, I didn’t allow him to use a condom and I made sure he squirted all up in me. Yes, I let him get me pregnant because we love each other,” I say.
“But how? You two were not even supposed to be seeing each other. I can’t believe you deliberately defied me and got yourself pregnant. Why would you do that?” she asks.
“Because I love him. Mom, you can’t keep us apart. Onyx is my soul mate and I love him more than anything or anyone else in this world. You’re trying to control me and you can’t do that. Why can’t you just be happy for us?” I ask as tears slip from my own eyes.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
There’s a knock on my door.
“Come in sis,” I call out to my sister, Maggie.
Maggie came by to pick me up so we can spend some time together. She walks in and rolls her eyes when she sees my mom in my room.
“Are you ready?” Maggie asks me.
“Yep, let me just grab my sweater.”
“Don’t you see me standing here?” my mom asks Maggie.
“Yes, I do. Hello Cruella,” Maggie says and I burst out laughing. I know we always refer to my mom as Cruella, but this is the first time I’ve heard Maggie say it to her face.
My mom looks really mad as she says, “You are so disrespectful. Where the hell are your damn manners, Maggie?”
“I’m sorry mom and I’m not trying to be disrespectful to you, but you’re always starting with me. Why can’t you just act like a mom is supposed to act and let your children grow up?”
“A mom is supposed to protect her children and that’s exactly what I’m doing. I want what’s best for you and you guys can’t seem to see that. Did you know your sister is pregnant?” my mom asks Maggie.
Maggie looks at me and asks, “You decided to tell her huh?”
“No, she guessed,” I say.
“So you did know? Why didn’t you tell me?” she asks Maggie.
“Because it ain’t my business to tell. I figured when Starr was ready to tell you about her condition, she would.”
“You’re her older sister and you’re supposed to look out for her,” my mom says to Maggie.
“What do you think I’ve been doing? I took her to her first doctor’s appointment, so trust me, I’ve been looking out for Starr,” Maggie says.
“I’m right here. You guys are talking about me like I’m not even in the room. Maggie’s right mom, this was my business and for me to tell you, not her. I didn’t tell you sooner because you would have tried to force me to have an abortion. I’m in my second trimester, so an abortion is out of the question now,” I inform her.
“So, you’re just going to ruin your life and future to have a baby?” my mom asks.
“I’m not ruining anything. I’m still going to finish high school and I’m still going to go to college. Nothing has changed except for the fact that I’m having a baby. Onyx is so excited and he’s working to save money for when the baby comes. He is going to be a wonderful father and we are going to have a fantastic life,” I say.
“You are so young and so gullible. You really think things are going to go that smoothly huh? A child is a huge responsibility and unless you’re mature enough to handle it, you have no idea what you’re in for,” she says.
“Well mom, it’s nice to see you have faith in me. Thank you for that but I am having this baby and I meant what I said earlier,” I say.
“And what does that mean?” my mom asks.
“I need you to back off and stop trying to control my life. Let me see Onyx or when I leave, I’m not ever coming back. You won’t see me or your grandchild ever again,” I threaten, only it’s not just any threat. I mean exactly what I’m saying to her.
“You can’t do that,” she says.
“Watch me,” I counter.
I grab my purse and walk out the room. I walk downstairs after hearing my sister say, “Way to go Cruella. Are you trying to alienate all your children?”
Maggie meets me outside, we get in her car and leave.
“I think you got to her,” she says.
“I don’t care. I just want to have my baby and live happily with my man. I don’t care one bit what mom thinks,” I say.
“I knew one day she would push you too far,” she says.
“What is wrong with her? You barely come around, J.T. is hardly ever at home and now she’s making me want to move out. I just don’t know how much more of her controlling attitude I can take,” I tell my sister.
“Well, you could come and move in with me and finish out your school year that way,” she suggests.
Oh my God! I didn’t even think of that as a solution. I didn’t know if Trevor would even say yes to that, but I am willing to listen to her.
“Are you serious?” I ask.
“Yes, I’m serious. Trevor wouldn’t mind and I would love it if you came to live with us. If you stayed with me, you wouldn’t be stressing during your pregnancy. And believe me, stress is not good for a pregnant woman,” she says.
“I know that Maggie, but you and I both know mom won’t let me move in with y’all.”
“Then let’s ask daddy. You’re going to be eighteen in a couple of months and you won’t need their permission for anything after that. I say we tell daddy what the deal is and ask for his approval. Once he finds out you’re pregnant and that you and mom aren’t going to get along unless she allows you and Onyx to see each other, he’ll say okay. What you wanna do?” she asks.
“I wanna move in,” I say, “Thank you so much Maggie.”
“You are so welcome. Let’s call daddy.”
She dials my dad’s number on her steering wheel and once we explain everything to him, he agrees to talk to mom. He said he’ll talk to her and see if he can get her to mend fences with me and Onyx. But, Maggie said to explain to him that if she doesn’t, I’m going to move out for my baby’s sake. My dad almost had a heart attack when I told him that news. He had no idea that I was expecting their first grandchild.
I guess I did a good idea hiding my pregnancy from them. After speaking with my dad, I call Onyx and let him know everything that has been going on. He can’t come home this weekend because he has to work, but it’s okay. I need to work things out with my parents anyway. I need to make sure he’s going to be able to come over when he visits or if I need to make good on my threat and move out.
I hope I can work things out with my mom and she agrees to allow Onyx to come over the way he used to. I don’t really wanna move out of our house. While I appreciate my sister’s offer for me to live with them, their condo isn’t nearly as spacious as our family home. My room here is bigger than their living room and dining room put together.
So, I hope my mom is willing to listen to my dad so I can stay home. But, if she isn’t willing to listen, I’m outta there. My sister is right, stress during a pregnancy is not good for any mother.
CHAPTER 10
Onyx
I just got off the phone with Starr. She told me that her mom knows about the baby and that she left with her sister to get some space from her mom. She also told me that she’s thinking about moving in with Maggie and her boyfriend. I’m not too fond of that idea. I think Trevor is a cool guy and all, but I don’t want my woman living there with some dude I barely know.
The couple of times that I met Trevor, he seemed cool. But, like any man, I’m just not comfortable having my girl living with some other dude. I had to work tonight and this weekend so I won’t be going home. I can’t wait to see Starr ne
xt weekend. I wanna hold her and kiss her so bad. My mom has come to accept the fact that Starr and I are having a baby. She actually offered to take Starr to lunch this weekend. I thought that was nice of her and appreciate my mom for doing that. It shows me that she really loves me and will do what it takes to make me happy, unlike Starr’s selfish ass mom.
When I leave the field, I am totally exhausted. As I’m driving back to the dorm, I feel a little groggy and wonder if I ate something that didn’t agree with me. I just feel funny. The only thing I ate was a bag of chips earlier and I drank the water I always bring with me in my own personal sports bottle. I don’t understand what’s going on with me but I can’t wait until I get to my room so I can jump in the shower.
By the time I get to the room, I can barely make it to the elevator. I feel someone put their arms around me in an effort to hold me up, but I’m so out of it, I don’t know who it is. My vision is blurred and my head is spinning rapidly. The person helping me to my room takes my keys from me and unlocks the door to my room.
“Thanks buddy,” I manage to say before collapsing on my bed.
I don’t know what happened that night at all. I wake up the next morning feeling like I have a horrible hangover, but I don’t know why I feel like that since I never drank anything. My head is still spinning, but I try my best to make it to the bathroom for a shower. When I get out of the bed, I notice that I’m totally naked.
“What the fuck!” I say in a shocked tone to myself.
I don’t remember getting undressed. All I remember once I got in the room was falling down on the bed and passing out. If that’s what happened, how did I get my clothes off? What the hell is going on here?
I don’t have time to worry about that. I need to get my ass in and out of the shower if I’m going to make it to class on time. I get what I need and hop in the shower, making sure to run water over my head, hoping it will snap me out of whatever is wrong with me. I must have stayed in the shower for over an hour because when I get back in the room, the time reads nine o’clock.
