That makes me feel a little better at least. “So, while you try to show me how to use whatever power I’ve got, what will you see? What will I need to think about?”
Sloane is contemplative as she wraps her arms around her middle. “Honestly, I’m not sure. Usually, by the time I start working with an Escort, they’ve already learned how to access their powers. They just need help developing them, finding their gifts and such. Like Olivia being a Seeker. Of course, she got a head start on her gift since she found Mason so early.”
“But I found Levi…” I stop when Sloane’s body goes rigid. “Sorry.”
“No, it’s okay,” Sloane says. “You can talk about him. I wasn’t upset, I just…I wish I’d had the chance to meet him.”
Bristling at her words, even though I know they aren’t an accusation, I change topics immediately. “Well, we might as well get started. I don’t know that I’ll be any help in all of this, but power is power, right?”
Sloane looks startled by my abruptness, but shakes it off and moves on. “Right. So we need to get you trained and see what your gift is in case we need it.”
“How do we do that?”
Olivia explained to me this morning what she had to do to get Mason back to the Aerling world. It makes sense that she would have to be willing to sacrifice herself for him, but Levi is already gone. How am I supposed to replicate that?
“Why don’t we just start off simple?” Sloane says. Her hesitant voice matches the gun shy way she extends her hands to me. “I can at least show you where your power is and what it feels like.”
“Olivia tried to do that once. It just felt really weird,” I say. Not in a bad way, but definitely not what I was expecting.
Sloane shakes her head. “No, what Olivia did was feel the difference between your power and makeup and Mason’s. All Escorts can do that. She wasn’t able to reveal anything to you.”
“But you can?”
Smiling, Sloane gestures for me to take her hands again. “I can show you more than you realize.” She’s grinning now, clearly excited to put her gift to work on me. It’s hard not to be pulled in by her enthusiasm. I don’t like the idea of letting her into my head, but what choice do I have?
Reaching out, I take her hands and breathe out slowly. I’m not totally sure what to expect, since she said what she does is different than working with Olivia. All I can do is close my eyes and wait. It takes a few minutes before I feel it. While Olivia’s power slipping over me felt like an odd electric buzzing of some kind, Sloane’s feels more like feathers drifting across my skin…but under my skin rather than on top of it. It’s on the verge of tickling, but as she pushes more of her power into my body, everything else vanishes.
Sloane’s power envelopes me slowly. Everywhere it touches me comes completely under her power and I find myself wanting her touch instinctively, craving it. As soon as her power enters my mind, I stop worrying about what she might see. I stop worrying about anything at all. Every care I have, every fear, every concern…they melt away under her influence. Her power soothes my mind in a way I have never experienced. Being near Olivia softens the sting of Levi’s death. Sloane’s power…it makes me whole again.
“Hang in there with me for a few more seconds,” Sloane whispers.
My voice sounds strange as I say, “No problem.” Secretly, I wish she’d never stop.
As Sloane’s power moves down from my head, I panic, not wanting to lose the peace she gave me. My hands tighten around hers, but as I feel her power moving toward my center, the feeling doesn’t disappear. It intensifies. I don’t know how I manage to keep hold of her as I feel my consciousness slipping away from me on a haze of utter contentment. I can barely breathe as her power condenses at the core of my being, pulsing, repairing, holding.
The second I feel her power pulling back, I can’t stop myself from saying, “No, wait.”
“We need to talk,” Sloane says. Her voice is firm, but I swear I can hear the smile in it.
I feel strangely empty when her power is firmly back in her own body. Opening my eyes to face the world feels like a chore, but when I finally wrench my eyes back open, Sloane’s brilliant smile dulls the ache of losing contact. “Was that…” she begins.
“The most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced?” I finish for her. “Uh, yeah.”
Sloane laughs. “I’m glad it wasn’t just me. That was like nothing I’ve ever felt before. It was…beautiful.”
“So you don’t make everyone feel like that when you scan them, or whatever you were doing?” I ask, hoping the answer is no.
“What did it feel like?” Sloane asks.
Suddenly, I’m not so keen on discussing it. Heat creeps up my neck as I contemplate telling her what I just experienced. Her expression is so eager, so open, I know I can’t deny her. “It felt like everything I’ve ever been missing in my life was suddenly there inside me.”
Sloane takes in a sharp breath. “Really?”
I nod, because it’s the only thing I can do at this point.
“Well,” Sloane says quietly, “I guess I should explain what I just did.”
A little caught off guard that she’s moved on, I struggle to catch up.
“What you said about me scanning you, you were pretty much right. What I did was send my power through your entire body so I could map it out, find the source of your power, the well where it’s kept, and see whether or not it’s been unlocked.” Sloane narrows her eyes in thought. It’s a few seconds before she continues. “Your power is not only unlocked, as it should have been when you met Levi, but it’s active. It’s there for you to use, but something is holding it back.”
“But I don’t feel any power. How do I use it?” I ask.
Now Sloane looks stumped. “I’m not really sure. Like I said, I’ve never had to help an Escort who hadn’t already made it back to the Aerling world. Normally, saving your Aerling activates your power.” She shakes her head in confusion. “Yours is already active, which doesn’t make sense, but it is. You’re using it to a small degree, probably without even realizing, but there’s so much more potential hiding in your power. Figuring out how to access it is the problem.
“You’re wrong about me using it. I don’t think you’re meant to use your power if you can’t save your Aerling,” I say sourly.
“Hayden,” Sloane begins.
My hand snaps up to stop her right away. “I revealed him.” My tone is harsh, making Sloane pull back. “Not only did I not stop the Sentinels from killing him, I stumbled into him that day, talked to him, alerted the Sentinels to his presence. If I hadn’t been so bored and begged my granddad to take me to the skate park, Levi never would have been killed!”
For the longest second, Sloane just stares at me. Her power extends before her hand does. It brushes against me, attempting to soothe me, but this time I pull back. Pain blossoms on her features, but it isn’t for herself. “Please, Hayden,” she says as she extends just her hand this time.
“Why?”
“Because your guilt is undeserved,” Sloane says, “and because I think it’s stopping you from finding and using your power.”
Shaking my head, I say, “And how do you expect to fix that? Keep your power connected to me forever?”
“If that’s what it takes,” Sloane says stubbornly. She extends her hands again, this time more forcefully. The look on her face makes it clear she’s not about to back down from this. When I don’t give in to her insistence, Sloane growls at me and snatches my hands off my lap before I can protest. I start to say something, but her power slams into me too quickly, stealing away my thoughts and breaking down my resistance.
As soon as I stop trying to yank my hands back, Sloane’s grip relaxes as well. “I need you to trust me, Hayden,” she begs.
How can I not trust her when she makes me feel like this? The last of the tension I was holding onto fades from my body and Sloane feels it. Breathing out a sigh of relief, Sloane says, “I got glimpses
of Levi when he popped into your thoughts earlier, but now I need you to really focus on him.”
“What?” I try to pull back, but the effort is short lived as Sloane pushes more of her power into me, healing old wounds and making me feel protected.
“Your fear of facing Levi’s death and the guilt you’re holding onto are keeping you from accessing your power,” she says softly. “If there’s anyone you’re afraid to share that pain with, it’s me, but I’m the only one who can help you right now. Let go, Hayden. Give me your burden and I’ll share the weight.”
Her touch, her voice, her power, they slowly draw out my fears and lay them bare. Am I afraid to let Sloane see what happened to her brother? I’m terrified. Am I afraid to face my power and actually use it? I don’t know if I can handle having it in my hands and not being able to save the people I want to protect most. Losing Levi almost killed me. Being to blame for the deaths of my friends? It won’t just break me, it will crush me beyond what anyone can repair.
“Hayden, please,” Sloane begs. “I need this as much as you do. I couldn’t save my brother either, but I can save you if you’ll just let me.”
Her deepest need laid bare shatters my resistance. I know what it feels like to need something so badly. First it was making up for Levi’s death. Then it was protecting Olivia from a similar fate. Now it’s saving the Aerlings and my own world. I’m not strong enough to fall short again and let someone I care about die. I have to protect them, and to do that, I have to face my most carefully held secrets.
“Please don’t hate me for this,” I whisper before giving in and dragging Sloane back to that day.
“Hey,” Levi says, “let’s go out back and play catch, Hayden. The adults are going to be talking for hours while they figure things out and I’m bored to tears in there.”
Shrugging, I gesture for him to lead the way. “Where’s all your other siblings?”
“They’re downstairs in the den. Amy and Alan are in the middle of a video game marathon and Alexander has homework he has to finish before tomorrow,” Levi says.
“Homework?” I question as we push through the back door. “It’s summer.”
Levi grabs a couple of mitts and one of the many baseballs lying in a bucket on the porch. He tosses me a mitt as if he fully expects me to catch it. I do, but it makes me smile that he’s so comfortable around me, like we’ve known each other all our lives.
“We’re all homeschooled,” Levi explains. “We take breaks here and there, but only a couple weeks at a time. Mrs. Burton thinks we’ll forget everything if we stop working for longer than that.” He laughs and shakes his head like she’s crazy, but I can tell he really loves his Caretaker family.
Levi tosses me the ball and I catch it easily. My dad and I play catch all the time. Playing with Levi is so easy, so familiar. It doesn’t really make sense, but I’m having too much fun to care.
“It’s crazy you found me like you did,” Levi says. “Usually Aerlings don’t find their Escorts until right before they have to go home.”
“Go home?” I ask. I toss the ball back and it slides right into his glove. Neither one of us has missed a ball yet. It’s like we’re so in sync with each other that missing would just be a completely ridiculous thing to happen.
Levi tosses it back to me just as effortlessly. “Yeah, when I turn eighteen, I’ll go back to the Aerling world, and you’ll take me there.”
“How will I do that?” I don’t even question that this is what will happen. I know it will. The how is the only part that’s a bit of a puzzle to me. I toss the ball back.
Holding the ball for a moment, Levi shrugs. “Not sure. Mrs. Burton said it’s different for everyone. You have to give something up to get me home, but she said you’ll know what to do when the time comes. Then off we go.”
“We’ll both go to your world?” Visions of grand adventures on some distant world light up my face. I’ll be like a space traveler! Hopping between worlds with my super powers, or whatever they are. I can’t imagine a cooler fate.
“Yeah,” Levi says, “I guess we’ll both go. Escorts don’t come back after they take Aerlings home, so it must be pretty neat there, right? I’ll bet there’s like a ton of awesome places to explore! We’ll have even more fun than we’re gonna have here.”
Shaking my head, I toss the ball again. “It’s weird to think we’re gonna move here just like that. I thought we were just coming to visit my grandparents, then I bump into you and suddenly we’re making plans to move here. It’s like I got sucked into some crazy comic book!”
“Pretty cool, right?” Levi is grinning as he tosses the ball back. “Hey, you wanna…”
His words trail off unexpectedly. A second later, he turns to squint at the fence. I hold the ball in my hand, waiting, not sure what caught his attention. I try to ask him, but he shushes me and takes a step forward. I can feel the air around me stirring. I’ve never seen Levi use the power to control the air he told me about yesterday, but I recognize it for what it is immediately. The anxiety holding his body rigid keeps me from being too excited over it right now.
“Do you hear that?” Levi finally asks.
I listen as closely as I can, but I shake my head when I don’t hear anything other than the leaves rustling above us.
“Maybe we should go in,” Levi says. He tries to shake off his worry, but he only takes one step before pausing and looking over his shoulder.
I still don’t hear anything, but something definitely feels wrong. I reach forward and put my hand on Levi’s shoulder. “Maybe you’re right. How about we go watch Amy and Alan try to beat each other in that game they were playing.”
Levi nods. He pulls his mitt off his hand and turns toward the house. Happy to follow his lead, I’m a few steps behind him. I stoop to pick up the baseball I dropped at some point. The second my hand touches the ball, I double over in pain. I hear Levi scream, but fighting past the agony rushing through me slows me just enough that it takes me two tries to get back to my feet. As soon as I plant my second foot, the pain vanishes and I straighten, ready to bolt for Levi…but I’m already too late.
A man I have never seen before holds Levi in a stranglehold, a knife pressed to his throat while his vicious eyes dare me to do something, anything. My eyes dart to Levi. Terrified out of his mind, his expression begs me to help him. I want to. I want to save him so badly it’s the sole thought in my mind, but the second I take a step forward, the man pulls the blade back and away. Blood flicks from the end of the knife as I start screaming.
Everything moves too slowly in that moment. The man pulls his other hand away from Levi’s body and lets him fall. The acidic laugh that drips from his lips echoes in my head as I sprint for Levi. All I can see is the blood. The blood dripping from the knife. The blood spilling down Levi’s shirt as he collapses to the ground. The blood covering my hands as I desperately try to stop it from flowing.
Hope tears at me as I see the wound trying to close itself. I press my hands in closer, screaming for help, my tears mixing with his blood as I beg for someone to stop this from happening. Bodies erupt from the house at my screaming, but the wound stops healing and Levi’s body goes limp long before anyone reaches us. I know it the second his life ends. I try to follow him. My soul burns in agony at his loss, crippling me, tearing a whole in me that I know in that moment will never be filled again. Collapsing beside his lifeless body, I cry and beg for forgiveness until the darkness finally claims me.
Sloane’s hands press to my face the moment I come back to myself. Tears burn hot trails over her fingers, but she only pulls me in closer, wrapping her arms around me so tightly it feels like the pressure alone might be enough to put me back together. Her own tears splash down on my shoulders as she holds me.
“If I hadn’t...touched him, they wouldn’t have…known where he was,” I splutter. “If I had been faster, maybe…”
Shaking her head back and forth, Sloane whispers, “It wasn’t your fault. You did
everything you could.”
“If I’d been stronger, the pain, I could have gotten to him faster.” My voice is pleading, almost begging for her to agree, to blame me, to punish me, maybe. I failed. I deserve her hatred. I need someone to make me pay for failing him. I can’t move forward until I make up for what I’ve done.
The pain I’ve been carrying for eight long years spills out of me, bashing into Sloane like a torrent, but she refuses to be washed away by it. Her compassion and kindness swallows up everything I shove at her. The beautiful comfort of her power wraps around me, consumes me. I try to push it away, but she is relentless. No matter how hard I fight it and beg for her to spurn me, she only pushes even harder, filling me with her power until I have no strength left to oppose her.
“You didn’t fail Levi,” Sloane says softly. “No, you couldn’t save him, but you didn’t let him die alone. The last thing he saw was your face instead of the coward who killed him. The last thing he felt was your power desperately trying to save him. You gave him everything you could in that moment, a sacrifice worthy of an Escort.”
Forcing myself to meet her eyes, I blink away tears in confusion. “What?”
“That’s why your power is active, Hayden,” Sloane says. Emotion makes her eyes glassy and it’s clear she’s having a tough time keeping control of her feelings right now. “There was no way for you to save Levi, but you tried, you proved yourself by giving everything you could. You could still go to the Aerling world if you wanted to. You could help take the Aerling infants to Caretakers, protect them, protect all of us as you were meant to. Your power is there inside of you. You are the only thing holding it back, your guilt over losing Levi. There’s no reason for it, Hayden. You’ve already been judged, and no one in your world or mine could ever find you lacking.”
“I don’t…” I shake my head, feeling suddenly lightheaded. “I’m not sure I understand. I can’t feel my power. I have no idea how to use it. This doesn’t make sense.”
Invincible (The Aerling Series Book 3) Page 11
