“She’s a client.”
“Is that all?”
“She’s expressed an interest.”
“Ah, I see.” I paused, not sure how to navigate these waters. Waters which were now decidedly low visibility.
“I haven’t done anything, Althea. I wouldn’t do that to you.” Trace’s handsome face looked frustrated and conflicted at the same time.
“I know you wouldn’t,” I said, automatically knowing it was true. Trace might flirt, but I’d never known him to play around with more than one woman at a time.
“What do you want, Althea?”
“I… I don’t know, Trace. I thought we were just fine and enjoying each other’s company and going about our lives. I love you, Trace, and would never want to lose you.”
“But…”
“No buts. I just don’t know what that means from here.”
“I don’t either. I switch back and forth in my brain between wanting you and putting you in a friend category. We were friends for so long that sometimes I default to thinking of you as that. Then I remember we’re more. And then it switches back.”
“Do you… do you want to take a break? I mean, I know we aren’t like official-official, but… What do you need?”
I’ll be honest, it hurt to say that, but sometimes doing the right thing hurts.
“I think what I hear us both saying is we love each other but don’t know what moving forward together looks like. Which may mean, moving forward looks like us being friends again.”
Ouch. Okay, that hurt more than I thought it would.
“What if we can’t go back to being friends?”
“If it’s important to us, we will,” Trace said. “I don’t know what the right answer is, but I’m trying to understand you and what you want, Althea. You don’t make it very clear.”
“I… I know I don’t. I’m conflicted as well. Is it normal to love you but still be attracted to other people?”
“Yes. I love you, but I’m attracted to other people.”
“So if that’s normal, do we just keep dating and admit we find other people attractive but don’t act on it?”
“That, or we become swingers, or we take a break.”
“Shit.”
Trace laughed. “Althea, I will always love you. You’re one of my favorite people ever. But are we trying to force something that isn’t right? Or isn’t ready? What’s going on here?”
“Maybe we are. I don’t know. I’ve never been one to be deeply introspective about relationships.” I looked up as Luna popped her head in but, seeing my face, she just nodded and ducked back out.
“I’m giving you a gift,” Trace decided.
“What’s that?”
“Your freedom. No strings attached. My love is yours. But – you take some time to figure out what you want, and I’ll do the same.”
“Is this because of Kelsey?”
“Maybe, or maybe it’s because every time I hear Cash’s name I can’t help but think he’d give you a better life than I could.”
“I like my life with you,” I protested.
“I know you do. But he could give you more.”
“More isn’t always better.”
“Also true.”
“I wish there was a black and white answer here.”
“There’s not. Emotions aren’t black and white. They aren’t rational. Everything is shades of grey.”
“Where does this leave us?”
“Just on hold, for a little while. Have fun, Althea. Enjoy yourself. I’ll do the same. Maybe we’re both not quite ready to be fully committed. Maybe we need to get a few things out of our system. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.”
“But what if I say yes and you fall for Kelsey and then I’m desperately missing you and want you back and can’t have you?” I asked, clutching at the bedspread, the cotton crinkling under my grip.
“And what if Cash sweeps you off your feet, and pulls out all the stops? I can’t compete with him.”
“It’s not a competition,” I said, feeling dangerously close to tears.
“It’s not. But I’m being fair to us here, Althea. We both are drawn to other people right now. We’re both adult enough to talk it out with each other. I respect that so much, Thea. Most other girls, I’d just break it off. But you and me? Well, I don’t know what the future holds for us. We’re a lot alike. And I think that’s why we can have this conversation. Because neither of us is ready to be settled and we’re both dancing around it. I love you, Althea. That will never change – you know that, right?”
“I know, Trace, I really do. I love you too.”
“So let’s let each other fly a bit. We’ll see where we land in a little while, okay?”
“Okay, Trace. You may be right.”
“Are you sure?”
“I am.”
“Did Miss Elva really sing karaoke?”
“Oh god, Trace, if you could have seen it.” I started laughing, despite my feelings of sorrow, and so did Trace.
“Thanks for being you, Trace.”
“Thanks for being you, Althea. My best friend, always.”
“You too, always.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
“What was that about?” Luna asked when I entered the kitchen. Miss Elva, Beau, Rosita, and Rafe all surrounded the table, which was filled with fruit and croissants. They all wore equally concerned expressions – well, except for Rafe, who was busy trying to look down the front of the flowy pink kimono-style dress Miss Elva was wearing today. I looked at these people – my people – and loved them so much my heart almost burst.
“Well, it seems that Trace and I are taking a break,” I said, grabbing a croissant and ripping a corner off of it. I held up my hands to hold off Luna and Beau who had both made a move to hug me. “No, no hugs. No need for tears. I’m sad, but also I’m okay. It was probably the most adult thing I’ve done in a while.”
“What does ‘taking a break’ mean exactly?”
“I don’t really know. We both acknowledged we love each other. We said we liked how things were. But neither of us seemed interested in taking things a step forward. Both of us are terrified of losing each other and our friendship. And, well, we both admitted that we’re still attracted to other people.”
“But that’s not abnormal,” Luna said.
“Just because you’re on a diet doesn’t mean you can’t look at the menu,” Miss Elva agreed.
“I told him Cash was here and has expressed an interest,” I said.
“Did he now? I like that man.” Miss Elva examined a strawberry before popping it into her mouth.
“And there is a girl named Kelsey on his dive charter who has also expressed an interest.”
“Ah, you’re both taking a sex holiday. I like it,” Beau nodded, as though in perfect understanding.
“It’s not a sex holiday. What is that? Do people even do that?”
“Depends on your definition of your relationship. I have friends who are married and have kids. They give themselves one weekend a year – they go to Vegas and either go to a swinger’s club or a sex club… something like that. Basically, it’s a weekend pass to play with other people. They love it and says it keeps their marriage fresh. Since it works for them, who am I to judge? The only thing I don’t stand for is when there’s lying going on,” Beau said.
“I agree.” Luna looked at me and smiled. “Listen, that was a very mature conversation you guys had. And you were honest with him about Cash, he was honest with you about his attraction to this girl. I’d call it a win-win. Unless you’re brokenhearted? In that case, I can put a spell on his ding-a-ling.”
Beau unconsciously crossed his legs. “Ew, can you do that? And who calls it a ding-a-ling anyway? What are you, twelve?”
“Sorry, it was the first thing that popped in my head. I didn’t sleep well. Someone was having midnight wanderings last night.” Luna glared at me.
“What did I miss?” Miss Elva l
ooked between us.
“A lot.”
“Hello? I’m waiting ’ere for your tour. Is anyone coming?” Calvin called.
“Oh… please, please, please?” Rafe fluttered about the air. “I’d like to see the island again. I think I know where my cave is.”
I opened my mouth to tell him that I might know where his cave was, and it wasn’t all that far from here, but Calvin stood in the kitchen doorway.
“Is everyone ready? Are we feeling good today?”
His eyes lingered on mine before sweeping down my body to look at my foot. Seemingly pleased with what he saw, he nodded once in my direction. It seemed my secrets were safe with Calvin.
But now I had to wonder just how many secrets he was keeping.
“Calvin, how should we pack for the day? Will we be getting in the water at all?” I asked.
“Best to wear your swimsuit. Dere’s a really pretty snorkel spot you can go in if you want. If not, you can sun yourself on de beach. If dat’s not to your taste, we can explore other areas. I’m at your disposal.”
“I won’t go in the water, but you all sure can,” Miss Elva said.
“I think someone mentioned caves we can snorkel to?” I asked. Rafe perked up, nodding his head vigorously.
“Sho is – not far from ’ere either. We can do dat and then I take you to de other side of de island? Some nice art stuff dere if you like dat. Helps de locals if you buy a piece or two.”
“I prefer to buy from locals,” Miss Elva said. “None of that ‘Made in China’ plastic crap.”
“No, no, none of dat at dese shops. I promise,” Calvin said, bringing his hand to his heart.
“Then that sounds like a lovely day. Now, Calvin, you know you need to bring me back here in plenty of time to get ready for the gala. I want a small nap, and then begin my preparations. You’d do that for me, wouldn’t you dear?”
“Of course, Miss Elva. What de queen wants, she gets.”
“I could get used to having you around, Calvin,” Miss Elva chuckled.
His smile widened. “It would be a delight,” Calvin agreed.
“I’m just going to put my suit on and grab my snorkel gear. I’ll be ready to go then,” I said.
I needed to get in the water as much as I needed my next breath. Whenever I was upset, I went to the water. While I was content with the decision Trace and I had made, happy even that we’d been able to talk it out in an adult manner, a part of me felt sadness. I wasn’t sure why, or what it meant, but nothing like floating about in the water for a bit to help me calm my emotions. Pulling on a simple tank suit, I threw my cover-up over, grabbed a baseball hat, and put my snorkel gear in a tote.
“Show me your secret snorkel spot, Calvin,” I called. He smiled as I approached him, but I noticed he scanned me once more.
“You look refreshed today,” Calvin said as he held the door for me.
“I iced. No limping,” I whispered to him and he nodded his response. I wanted to make it seem like I was keeping everything a secret from the rest of the group. No matter what I’d stumbled onto, it was best that anyone connected with any nefarious behavior thought I was the only one who knew about it. It wouldn’t be right to take my friends down with me over my own stupidity.
“Good morning, everyone,” Cash said. He was leaning against the van, a loose tank showcasing his tanned muscles, and mirrored glasses shading his eyes. I wanted to climb up his body and lick my way down, and I once again cursed my misbehaving hormones.
“Good morning. Are you joining us on our island tour?”
“I am. The rest of my group went deep-sea fishing, but I’m not really a fan of that.”
Score another point for Cash. I couldn’t stand sport fishing for any reason. Our oceans were in enough danger from humans without people fishing for trophies. I’d rather a local island man catch a fish to feed his family than some sport fisherman try to catch a prize to stuff on his wall.
“We’re going snorkeling first.”
“So I hear. I brought my gear.”
“We don’t have to go far for dis spot,” Calvin said, putting the van in gear. Instead of puttering out the main road, Calvin turned the van down and followed a dirt road that paralleled the walking path. Curious, I kept my gaze out the window and tried to see if I could determine where I’d veered from the path the night before. Scraggly green bush stretched across acres of land, all looking the same, and I honestly could not determine where a plane would even be able to land, let alone where I had trudged my way through the bush. Had I hallucinated the whole thing? The scrapes on the inside of my wrist told me differently, though.
There, I thought, looking at a small dirt path where the bush had been pushed aside just a little, at the end of the path past the last villa. That much I did remember – I knew I had walked until I was past the last guest villa. Noting that there was a single small palm tree by the entrance to the path, I tried to make a mental snapshot of the area. There were no other palm trees nearby, and the fact that there was a small one there made me realize it was actually a marker of sorts. I caught Calvin watching me in the rearview mirror and quickly turned my attention to Cash.
“Did you sleep well?”
“I did. It was lonely though.” He said the second part softly, and warmth trickled through me. Trace was right, if I was this conflicted in my emotions about another man, I shouldn’t be full-on in a relationship. And yet, if I got involved with Cash, what would that mean about my feelings for Trace? Would it be fair to Cash if I had those feelings? I was beginning to think that Miss Elva had it right. Play it light and loose – monogamy was not for everyone.
“That’s too bad,” I said, looking up at him under my eyelashes. “Maybe you’ll be less lonely tonight.”
“Is that right? This day just got a lot brighter.” Cash’s grin flashed in his face and I looked away, trying not to smile. My hormones high-fived me.
Calvin paused the van at the top of a cliff.
“We must walk from ’ere. Is dat all right?”
“I don’t mind a walk,” Miss Elva said.
“I bring umbrellas for shade, okay, Miss Elva?”
“That’s lovely; thank you, Calvin.” Miss Elva inclined her head as though she were used to having a butler carrying around her shade umbrella every day of her life. Fake it until you make it, I thought, and swung my gear bag on my shoulder. Together we all stopped at the top of the cliff, gasping at the sight below us. The wind was high here, cutting the heat and whipping my hair around my face. Below us was a perfectly empty and exquisitely beautiful pink-sand beach, tucked into a small cove amongst the cliff walls. The water looked calm there, and I scanned the horizon looking for any signs of a current or undertow. Everything looked calm to me, but I would take a closer look once we were on the shore. Either way, I couldn’t wait to get in the water. Spying the path, I darted for it.
“Last one down’s a rotten banana!”
“What does that even mean?” Rafe called, flitting after me as I skipped down the path. “Why would anyone be a rotten banana?”
“Because they’re last.”
“But why? Why call them that?”
“I don’t know, Rafe. It’s just a saying.”
“It’s a stupid one.”
“Fine, it’s a stupid one,” I giggled, then gasped as Rosita flitted over my other shoulder.
“Your man is sexy. He looks like he knows what he’s doing in the bedroom.”
“He does.”
“You’ve been with him? And he’s back for more? I’m proud of you. Unlike Rafe here, where the women don’t come back twice to him,” Rosita laughed.
“Your women didn’t. But that’s because they couldn’t handle all this,” Rafe shot back.
“All what?” Rosita said, holding up her pinky finger and laughing.
“You wouldn’t know, Rosita; I never asked for you,” Rafe fumed.
“I wouldn’t have taken you if you had,” Rosita shot back.
> “That’s enough,” Miss Elva called down and the ghosts shut up, disappearing to whatever hidden mutual corners they tucked themselves in when they got yelled at. As for me, I was already headfirst into the water, tugging my mask over my face, and letting my favorite place surround me.
Chapter Twenty-Five
“Althea, wait,” Cash called as I popped back up, balancing on one foot in the water, sliding my fins onto my feet. Since nobody else was going snorkeling, I waited – also to enjoy the view of Cash pulling his tank off and striding into the water, all muscles and tanned skin… and there went my hormones again. On the beach, Miss Elva tipped her sunglasses down and openly checked Cash out, giving me a wink and leering smile behind his back. I could see what she and Rafe had in common.
“Care to join me?” I asked, knowing I likely looked as unsexy as I could be with a mask and snorkel on my head, but not really caring. Cash had already seen every bit of me; I didn’t have to put on a show for him.
“I’d love to, thanks for asking,” Cash said.
“So it looks like there’s a bit of a reef there.” I pointed further out in the turquoise water where I could see some lumps of rock and coral under the surface of the clear water. “We’ll most likely see some great fish there.”
“Where do you think this cave is that Calvin mentioned?”
“Did he mention it?”
“He did to me in the van. But just now on the beach when Luna asked, he said that was at a different beach, not this one.”
“And you don’t believe him?”
“Nope.” Cash grinned down at me, and I stopped to admire the water dripping over the muscular planes of his chest.
“Um, why? Why do you think that is?”
“I like Calvin, a lot. But I think he has his secrets. I’m hoping it’s for good reason, but we’ll see.”
“Why does this interest you?”
“David wants to partner in my investment property here. I take it seriously, whom I partner with. Which means I investigate everyone thoroughly.”
“And have you found anything yet?”
“Something’s hinky here. I just don’t know if it’s coming from David or someone else in his organization. In the meantime, I’m just going to keep my ear to the ground and enjoy the party, just like all the other guests.”
A Sixer of Tequila Page 12
