by Mike Resnick
"I'll be fine."
"I don't know how long you plan to stay on Heliopolis II, ma'am," he said, "but if I were you I'd be very careful about going outside until I'd adjusted to the air and the heat."
"And the gravity," she added. "Am I that obvious a newcomer?"
He smiled. "I'd remember anyone as pretty as you."
She returned his smile, then took another sip of water. She could almost feel the precious liquid spread through her body. Finally, when she felt certain that she wasn't going to black out again, she looked across the table at the Bandit.
"You mentioned something about a body count?" she said.
He jerked a thumb out the window, where a pair of robots were picking up each Unicorn corpse and placing it carefully on a gravity sled. "They'll report it to the authorities."
"And then what?"
"And then I'll get paid."
"They pay you to kill the native inhabitants of Heliopolis II?" she asked, far more curious than shocked or outraged.
"A diamond for every Unicorn," said the Bandit.
She let out a low whistle. "You must have quite a pile of diamonds."
"A few."
"Why don't you just turn your laser cannon on their cities, or wherever it is that they live?"
"I don't believe in genocide," he answered. "I'll protect the men who work the mines, and I'll keep the streets safe, but I'm not going to wipe out an entire race, not even for diamonds."
All good answers so far. You have the greatest arsenal on the Frontier, you don't believe in genocide, you even protect damsels in distress. Maybe, just maybe, you could be Him.
"Why are you called the One-Armed Bandit?" she asked. "I understand the One-Armed, but why the Bandit?"
"It was a term for a type of gambling machine. A few people still use it."
"So are you a gambler?"
"No. I work too hard for my money to lose it at a gaming table."
"Then are you a bandit?"
"I won't lie, ma'am. I've been a bandit in the past. I may be one again in the future. But I've never robbed anyone who came by their money honestly. At least, I've tried not to." Better and better. You're willing to be an outlaw under the right circumstances.
"And," he continued, "sometimes it's just practical. I'd have no moral qualms about robbing the diamond mines here, given all the abuses the Democracy has committed."
"Then why don't you?" she interrupted.
He smiled guiltily. "I wouldn't know how to find a diamond in a mine, or how to extract one. And why should I want the Democracy after me when it's so easy to let them pay me for killing Unicorns?"
"Your logic is unassailable," agreed Matilda. She paused. "How long is your contract for?"
"Contract?"
"For, how shall I phrase it, policing the planet?"
"I can leave whenever I want," he answered. "As a matter of fact, I was thinking of leaving in the next week or two. A month in this hellhole is plenty." Suddenly he smiled at her. "But I'm willing to stay here as long as you need protection, ma'am—and on Heliopolis II, that translates to as long as you're on the planet."
"I appreciate that, Bandit," she said. "Where were you planning to go next?"
"I don't know. Wherever they might need someone like me."
"I might be able to help you out with that," said Matilda.
"Oh?"
"I have to speak to a friend first."
"Is he here?"
"No—but he can get here in a day or two."
"Well, I'll look forward to meeting him," said the Bandit. He pushed his chair back and got to his feet. "And now, if you'll excuse me, ma'am, I think it's time for me to go collect my commission." He paused awkwardly. "Perhaps you'd like to have dinner tonight?"
"I'd enjoy that very much," said Matilda. "I'm staying at the Tamerlaine."
"Fine. I'll call for you about an hour after dark. It'll still be oppressive, but it'll be a little more tolerable."
"I'll see you then," said Matilda.
He left the restaurant, and she ordered a very tall very cold drink, then another. Finally ready to face the planet again, she paid her tab and passed through the airlock that seemed omnipresent on all the human buildings on Heliopolis II, walked back to the Tamerlaine, and went right to the bar for another cold drink the moment she arrived.
Finally she went up to her room, filled the tub with cool water, got out of her sweaty clothes, and carried the subspace radio into the bathroom. She set it down on a stool right next to the tub, then climbed in and luxuriated as the water closed in around her body.
After a few minutes, feeling somewhat human again, she put through a call to Dante Alighieri. It took about ten minutes for him to answer, and there was static whenever he spoke, but she was able to converse with him.
"How are you doing?" she asked.
"All right, I guess. I've incorporated eight more men and women into the poem. How's Heliopolis?"
"It's enough to make you get religion and walk the straight and narrow," said Matilda. "Now that I've experienced Heliopolis II, I don't ever want to go to hell."
He chuckled. "So where are you and Dimitrios going next?"
"Dimitrios isn't with me, and I'm not going anywhere."
"Oh?"
"But you are," she continued. "You're coming to Heliopolis II as soon as you can."
"Why, if it's that horrible a world?"
"There's someone I want you to meet."
"And who is that?" asked Dante.
"Santiago."
Part 3: THE ONE-ARMED BANDIT'S BOOK
15.
From out of nowhere the One-Armed Bandit
Built his legend, honed and fanned it.
In the Book of Fate he burned it—
Watched it spread til all had learned it.
"I've heard about the One-Armed Bandit," remarked Virgil Soaring Hawk as their vehicle sped toward the city.
"So you've said," answered Dante Alighieri. "Why do you seem so unhappy about it?"
"What I've heard doesn't jibe with Matilda's description of him."
"Well, we'll meet him in a few hours and make up our own minds," replied Dante. "In the meantime, I've scribbled down a tentative verse about him."
"Let's hear it."
Dante read it to him.
"What's the Book of Fate?" asked Virgil.
"Poetic license."
"Read the first two lines again."
"From out of nowhere the One-Armed Bandit built his legend, honed and fanned it."
Virgil frowned. "The meter's wrong. You got too many syllables in that opening line."
"Orpheus never worried about meter when it interfered with truth."
"That was Orpheus," said the Injun. "And besides, you don't know what the truth is."
"Well, if it's anything remotely like what Matilda thinks it is, I'll polish the verse and maybe fix the meter." He looked out at the bleak landscape. "Considering that she didn't call me to check out Dimitrios of the Three Burners or the Rough Rider, this guy must be something very special."
"The Rough Rider?" repeated Virgil, surprised. "Is he still alive?"
"After a fashion."
"Damn! I'm sorry I missed him."
"One of your childhood heroes?" asked Dante.
"After a fashion." Suddenly Virgil grinned. "I always wondered how he'd be in bed."
"If he doesn't share your unique sense of adventure, I imagine he'd be quite deadly."
"Yeah, probably. Still, it would have been fun to find out for sure."
A couple of rocks bounced off the vehicle.
"Stop!" commanded Dante.
The vehicle stopped.
"Open the doors!"
"My programming will not allow me to open the doors when doing so might put you at risk," answered the mechanical chauffeur.
"We're all at risk right now!" snapped Dante. "If someone's going to try to kill me, I want to be able to shoot back."
"Correction, sir," said th
e chauffeur. "This vehicle is impregnable to any weapon currently in the possession of the Unicorns. You are not at risk, and will not be unless you step outside."
Dante alternated his glare between the chauffeur and the shadows on the nearby hills.
"May I proceed, sir?"
"Yeah, go ahead," muttered Dante. "No sense staying here."
"What would you have done if it had let you out?" asked Virgil. "There could be a hundred of them up in those hills."
"And there could be two."
"Even so, do you think you're capable of taking even two of them?"
"Maybe not," admitted Dante. "But you are."
"I've got nothing against the Unicorns," said Virgil. "Besides, I'm a lover, not a fighter."
"Is that so?" responded Dante irritably. "You've kill four people since you hooked up with me."
"But I've been to bed with eleven of various genders and species," answered Virgil, as if that ended the argument.
Dante stared at him for a long moment, couldn't think of a reply, and realized with a wry smile that the argument was indeed over.
The rest of the journey to town was unremarkable. The landscape appeared dull, but from the comfort of their vehicle they could only guess what it felt like to walk through that heat and gravity while breathing the thin oxygen.
"I wonder what the hell he's doing here," remarked Dante.
"The place is supposed to be lousy with diamonds," said Virgil. "What better reason is there?"
"You know, I could get awfully tired of you and your worldview."
"You just don't like the fact that it's so defensible," answered the Injun.
"Maybe I'll change my name back to Danny. Then I won't need a Virgil at all."
"But your Santiago, when you anoint him, is going to need a Virgil, a Dante, a Matilda . . . all the help he can get."
"It's not up to me to anoint him," said Dante.
"Sure it is," replied Virgil. "If you write him up in your poem, he's Santiago, and if you don't, he isn't."
"It's not that simple."
"It's precisely that simple."
Dante was about to argue, realized that he didn't really give a damn what Virgil thought, and fell silent. They reached the city in another minute, and were soon climbing out of the vehicle in the Tamerlaine's basement.
"Well, let's go get our rooms," said Virgil, walking to the airlift as the vehicle raced turned and sped the garage doors and began racing back to the spaceport.
"Not just yet," said Dante as they floated up to the hotel's lobby.
"Why not?"
"Matilda sounds more than impressed with the One-Armed Bandit," said Dante. "She sounds half in love. It may be coloring her judgment, so I want you to nose around and see what other people have to say about him. And find out where he's staying, if you can, just in case I want to speak to him alone."
"You might have told me before the fucking vehicle left," muttered Virgil.
"Yeah," agreed Dante. "But then you'd be so fresh and full of energy that you wouldn't do what I asked until you'd bedded half a dozen men and women and probably tried to make it with the robot chauffeur as well."
Virgil frowned. "I think I liked you better when you were an innocent."
"I was never an innocent," the poet corrected him. "I just didn't know you as well as I do now."
"Comes to the same thing," grumbled Virgil, walking through the airlock as Dante went up to the desk to register.
"Mr. Alighieri, right," said the clerk. "Two rooms?"
"That's correct." He paused. "Do you have any rules about visitors in your rooms?"
"No."
Dante tossed a 20-credit cube on the desk. "Tell my friend you do."
"Yes, sir, Mr. Alighieri," said the clerk, pocketing the cube. "Will there be anything else?"
"You're got a guest named Matilda. I'd like to know what room she's in."
"That's against the regulations, sir."
Dante tossed another 20-credit cube on the desk. "She's expecting me."
"What is her last name?" asked the clerk, pocketing the cube.
Dante frowned. "I'll be damned if I know," he admitted.
"I don't know how I can help you, then, Mr. Alighieri."
"Check your guest list for a single name: Matilda. If she didn't give her last name to me, she sure as hell wouldn't give it to you."
The clerk checked his computer, then looked up, surprised. "She's in 307."
"Let her know I'm on my way up," said Dante, walking to the airlift. He got off at the third floor, followed the glowing numbers that seemed to float a few inches in front of each door, and stopped when he came to 307. He was about to knock when it slid away from him.
"Come in," said Matilda, sitting on a chair by the window.
"Thanks."
"Did you have a good trip?"
"That depends."
"On what?"
"On whether you've found our Santiago."
"I think I have," she replied.
"I've heard of him here and there," said Dante. "I thought he was an outlaw."
"His name," she said, nodding.
"So you're saying he's not a bandit?"
"He's been an outlaw," she answered. "He's not one right now."
"What's he doing on Heliopolis II?"
"Providing protection to the miners."
"If these mines are so damned valuable, why doesn't the Democracy protect them?"
"Because he's better at it."
"Than a whole regiment?"
"Probably. And he's very reasonable." She smiled. "He charges them one diamond per Unicorn."
"Let me get this straight," said Dante. "He kills Unicorns and gets a diamond apiece?"
"Yes."
"That's very much like murder, isn't it?"
"He only kills those who attack or harass miners or other humans," she said.
"From what I understand, that could be a lifetime's work," remarked Dante. "What makes you think he'd quit to become Santiago?"
"Have you been outside yet?" asked Matilda.
"No."
She smiled. "Go outside for half an hour and then ask me that question."
"Point taken," he conceded.
"He's a wonderful man," said Matilda. "Just the kind of man Santiago should be."
"So when do I get to meet him?"
"Well, I was hoping we could have a drink right now—I knew you were due in early afternoon—but the Unicorns killed a miner this morning, and he's out there making sure they think twice before they do it again." She paused. "I don't know how he puts up with the conditions. I can barely walk a block. He goes for miles, and fights at the end of it."
"He's a formidable man."
"And at the same time he's the gentlest, best-mannered man I've come across on the Frontier," she enthused. "It's hard to believe those manners can go with those accomplishments."
Dante stared at her, trying to assess just how much her emotions had influenced her. She stared back, and it was as if she could read his mind.
"It has nothing to do with my feelings for him," she assured him.
"I didn't say that."
"But you were thinking it."
"I was wondering how detached your judgment was. There's a difference."
"He should be back before dark," said Matilda. "We'll meet him for dinner and you can make up your own mind."
"Fair enough." He walked to the door. "I might as well take a nap until then."
"Where's Virgil?" she asked. "Didn't he come with you?"
"He's out enjoying the climate."
"Good God, why?"
"There were a couple of things I wanted him to do." He grimaced. "I just hope he does them before he makes a pass at a Unicorn."
"You told me how you hooked up with him," said Matilda. "But for the life of me, I can't understand why you let him stay with you. You may have needed him the first few days you were on the Frontier, but surely you don't need him any longer."
; "That's true."
"Well, then?"
"When we find our Santiago, he's going to need all the help he can get. Including Virgil."
"What makes you think he'll obey Santiago's orders?"
"He obeys me, and I'm no Santiago," answered Dante. "He needs an authority figure."
"He needs to be castrated and lobotomized!" said Matilda passionately.
"Well, that too," agreed Dante with a smile.
"He makes my skin crawl."
"He'll leave you alone."
"What makes you think so?"
"I told him to."
"And that will make him leave me alone?" she said dubiously.
"I told you: he obeys me."
"Why?" persisted Matilda.
Dante shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe he's really hung up on this Virgil/Dante thing. Or maybe he just wants a couple of more verses in my poem."
"Wait'll you meet the Bandit!" she said, her enthusiasm returning. "You'll give him a dozen verses!"
"I already wrote one," said Dante.
"May I see it?"
"Not until I've met him. I wrote it based on your messages. I may want to change it."
"You won't," she said with absolute certainty.
"I hope you're right," he said, walking to the door, then turned back to face her.
"But?" said Matilda. "There's an unspoken 'But' there."
"But I can't believe finding Santiago will be this easy."
He walked to the airlift, went up to the fifth floor, found his room, notified the desk that the robot bellhop had mixed his luggage up with Virgil's, waited a few moments until the problem was sorted out, and then lay back on the bed. It seemed that he had just closed his eyes when the desk clerk called him to tell him that Matilda was waiting for him in the lobby.
He got to his feet, walked to the sink, muttered "cold", and rinsed his face off. He considered changing clothes, but he didn't have anything better than he was wearing, so he left the room and took the airlift down to the lobby.
"Is he here?" asked Dante he approached Matilda.
"We're meeting him at the Golden Bough," answered Matilda. "It's a restaurant three blocks from here."
"From everything I've heard about this world, it ought to be the Diamond Bough." He stopped by the desk. "Has my friend checked in yet?"
"Virgil Soaring Hawk?" responded the clerk. "No, Mr. Alighieri."
"Thank you." Dante escorted Matilda to the airlock. "Well, either he's dead or he's shacking up with a Unicorn. We'll find out which tomorrow."
