She took a step away from him, blinking moisture from her eyes. “Maybe that works for you, but I can’t have children.”
Colin shrugged. “It’s not about who has the children. We just need a lot to be born. You’ll work in the greenhouse and teach everyone how to do it better, so we have more food for all those extra mouths we’ll have to feed.”
Is he already planning to have children with someone else?
“Yep. I’ll work in the greenhouse.” Her voice cracked with emotion. She turned away from him, ready to head home regardless of if he followed.
He suddenly reached for her arm before she could leave him. “What’s wrong? I thought you were excited to work in the greenhouses.”
Her jaw locked in place. “I am.”
“Then why are you mad at me?”
Her gaze darted toward the dining area, searching to see if anyone could see them. The last thing she wanted was to make it obvious that they were fighting.
“I’m not mad. I just don’t know what you’re going to do while I work in the greenhouse, is all.”
His eyes narrowed. “Yeah. I don’t either. Do you want me to work with you? I thought I would help build new homes when we need them, but I can help you until then.”
“I don’t need your help in the greenhouse.” A stubborn tear worked its way down her cheek. She batted it away quickly, gulping hard to keep more from following.
“Freya, I’m totally lost here. Will you please just tell me why you’re upset?”
She opened her mouth, but an invisible weight compressed her lungs, making it impossible to speak. Quickly, she darted a look around at the dinners, then found the strength to speak. “Not here. Let’s go home.”
He escorted her back to their home, silently. Once they were securely inside, she took a seat on the edge of the bed, while Colin paced the small floor space.
She knew she wasn’t handling this well. There was a part of her sitting in self judgment, nagging at her to do better, articulate her words, or just get over it. But it did nothing to lift the impossible weight from her chest.
Colin abruptly stopped pacing and turned to her. “Freya, I know I messed everything up, but if you—”
The desperation in his voice forced her to speak. “No, Colin. You didn’t.”
“Then why are you mad at me?”
She gripped the blankets on both sides, searching for the strength to just say what needed to be said. “Do you want kids?”
His eyes bulged, lips parted, yet he remained silent.
“We’ve never talked about this. Did you ever want a family? Do you now?”
His eyes narrowed. “Yeah. We’ve never talked about it because it was never an option for us. The State made sure of it.”
She looked away, once again struggling to keep her tears at bay. “It’s an option for you.”
His shoulders dramatically slumped forward as comprehension set in. “Freya.. I… you… but…”
“You said the most important thing we can do is to have as many children as possible to build an army,” she said in a rush. “Those kids need a father, something that’s in short supply here.”
He closed his eyes. “But there are enough unattached men without me. We’ll help in different ways.”
He hadn’t answered her question, not really. She would rather he give it to her straight than to be surprised later. “I know there are single men like Aakil, but things work differently here. Being coupled doesn’t mean you can’t have children with someone else. Or even multiple women. So, I want to know, is there a part of you that has wanted, or currently wants a family?”
After a moment’s hesitation, Colin closed the gap between them. He knelt on the floor in front of her to be eye level, close to her. She looked away, but he gently lifted a finger to her jaw, guiding her back to him.
“Only if I could have them with you.”
She released her firm grip on the blankets, wrapping her arms around her core. “Are you sure?”
He reached up with both hands, clearing a rogue tear with his thumb. “Definitely. Being here, the colony, the dome, nothing has or ever will change that. We’re in this together, until the end.”
She couldn’t suppress her tears any longer. He got to his feet and offered her his hand. With wobbly legs, she stood, grasping his hand.
He pulled her in close, gently wrapping his arms around her. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to hold you without hurting you.”
She felt secure in his arms yet could tell he wasn’t holding her as firmly as he used to. It suddenly dawned on her how much her broken ribs had impacted their relationship. Maybe the space between them let doubt creep into her mind.
It made her feel a little less silly giving into her insecurities, now that she understood a practical reason for it, yet made her feel even more ridiculous at the same time. If he was willing to carry her over the mountains, he wouldn’t ever let her go.
Chapter 12
Freya
The floor creaked as she leaned forward, huddling into the tight space. Thus far, she had steered clear of the radio, letting Colin handle communications. He knew far more about this world than she did.
Colin pulled his stool up to the small wooden desk, his body pressed up against hers to create room for Aakil and Gwen in the tight space.
Once Gwen tucked in, she pushed the lever to talk on the microphone. “Axel, are you still there?”
“I’m here,” a male voice answered. “Did you find them?”
“Yes, I have Colin, Freya, and Aakil here ready to talk.”
“Hello everyone. I’m really excited to speak to you. Are any of you one of the genius scientists involved in the colonization project—”
Aakil’s cheeks instantly flushed hot. “Hey now, no need to get sarcastic. Just because we fell for the State’s shit, doesn’t mean—”
“I wasn’t being sarcastic,” Axel cut in apologetically. “That was a dirty trick the State pulled on all of you. I referred to you as a genius scientist out of respect, as I’m old enough to remember meeting one of your kind. She was so well respected here, we named our community Hope to honor her after she passed. She started our war efforts against the State, something we wanted to continue after her passing.”
Aakil leaned back slightly. “I apologize. Perhaps I’m a little sensitive about how long it took us to figure out what those pricks were up to.”
“We were all fooled,” Axel replied. “The State is more resourceful than we thought.”
Aakil nodded yet remained silent.
Freya wanted to get down to business. Axel had information about the State, and she needed to know everything he was willing to share.
“Axel, do your people still want to fight the State?”
“Well, of course we want to, but it’s a matter of if we can. We don’t have a large enough army on our side. Or maybe we do if we had the right plan. We’re at our wits’ end. We’ve just focused on growing our population while remaining hidden.”
That sounded a little too familiar, which meant they had nothing. “If we came up with a plan, would all citizens of Hope be willing to team up and fight with us?”
“Absolutely, but we don’t have much to offer. We still regularly keep an eye on the State, but there isn’t much to see. They’re sealed up tight inside that mountain.”
“The mountain?” Freya said.
“Yeah. They packed up and went back to the mountain nearly 20 years ago. It must have been right after you took the transport device.”
Freya pushed a few strands of hair off her glistening brow. Suddenly, the tight space felt even smaller. “Are you certain of this?”
“As certain as we can be without stepping inside.”
Colin leaned forward into the microphone. “Axel, can you be a little more specific about what you saw? Tell me everything you can about why you think they abandoned the dome. No detail is too small here, even if it seems trivial to you.”
Axe
l took a deep breath before he began. “Well, one day, we saw a bunch of those big military vehicles all driving together to the mountain. That normally happened about once a month or so before, but the vehicles were driving back empty the following day, loading up with people and going back again. This continued for a while until it stopped. Now, we see passage only four times a year.”
Aakil nodded. “Okay. So, it looks like a lot of people left, and now they don’t travel back and forth as often. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t anyone still inside the dome.”
“That’s true. But there can’t be as many as there were. We got a little brave after seeing the trucks depart.”
Freya perked up. “Brave?”
“Yes. We approached the glass and peeked inside, more than once.”
“Can you describe what you saw?” Colin asked. “If I know where you were on the outside, I might know if Security could see you through the glass.”
“I’m sorry, it’s been too long ago for any details. We looked inside in several locations. We just haven’t had the guts to walk inside, although we talked about it.”
“Okay,” Colin cut in, “But could you find out if the doors are locked? If we could get an army to you, could they get inside the dome?”
After a long pause, Axel replied. “I’ll see what I can do to get a team together to check it out.”
Images of the military underground, the stock of firearms, and the soldiers all flashed through her mind. It could look safe inside the dome, leading their army into a trap. “Axel, I think your people were right to be cautious. Check the doors, but I don’t recommend you go inside, not yet. You’re still outgunned.”
“We know and will do. We’ll just see if we can get in, then we’ll turn and run like hell.”
She sat back in her tiny seat, trying to tell herself that they would be safe, even though she didn’t truly believe it.
Aakil jumped out of his seat. “Would you consider watching the dome at night? It would be easy to see how many windows have light reflecting through them. That will give us a decent idea of how many people are still inside.”
“Aakil, that’s perfect,” Colin said.
Despite the unease in their relationship, Freya had to counter Aakil’s request. “Unless it’s filled mostly with the military,” she continued. “And if it is, those soldiers could live in the military underground, not the apartments like we did. Our army would walk in thinking the dome is empty until they realize it isn’t. Maybe our efforts would be better spent focusing on the mountain, than the dome.”
“The mountain is impenetrable,” Axel said. “Hope said we will never make it inside. Our best bet will always be the dome, and hope that whatever we do there will draw them out.”
“Yes, but as we have no army and no plan,” Freya countered. “I would hate for anyone in your community to get hurt, or worse, captured when we’re at least a generation away from an attack. Even if the dome’s population is sparse now, that could change.”
“I agree, but I think the requests were reasonable. I can already tell you there aren’t many lights on at night, but we’ll take a closer look. And we already got close enough to the glass to touch it, so if we open the door I’m sure it can’t be that much worse.”
Freya’s stomach clenched. It didn’t feel right to send someone from Hope into danger when the information would yield little results. But she was outnumbered, and she knew it.
They wanted blood. All of them.
“Just be careful,” she added. “Keep your people safe and do what you can to ready yourselves for a future war.”
“Will do,” Axel answered. “But speaking of a future war, did I hear correctly that one of your people found an old radio and got it working again?”
Aakil smirked. “Yes, that was the genius scientist you mentioned.”
“And Gwen,” Axel said, “your people are skilled horsemen, are they not?”
Gwen nodded slowly before responding. “You think we should take the radio back across the mountains to the colony.”
“It’s the smart thing to do,” Axel said. “They might help us down the line to fight.”
“Yes,” Freya said. “And we need to offer them a home here, now that we’ve found one.”
The tension in Freya’s gut released. They may not have all the answers. They may have to live the rest of their lives hiding from the State. But if they could at least get some of the colonist safely across the mountains, she would feel much better about leaving the looming battle for the next generation.
***
She quickly cast her gaze around the greenhouse, hoping to find the place vacant. The three of them may have left their conversation with Axel giving the impression of contentment, but Freya still had concerns.
Aakil casually leaned against the wood framed plant bed. “Freya, if you’re looking to see if we’re alone, I can guarantee you, we are. The women in this village are too busy fighting over me to step foot in a greenhouse. They’ve heard that you’re happy to do all the work out here for them. You won’t find any competition.”
She crouched down, hugging her knees. “What are we going to do? It’s bad enough we’re passing this fight off to the next generation; we can’t leave the colonists behind. I feel like we need to do something to ensure all of them make the trip here. But how?”
Aakil shrugged. “I’m not convinced we need to do anything.”
Colin shook his head, leaning against the shelf by Aakil. “Don’t say that. There might be something we can do.”
Aakil threw his hands upwards. “Why Colin? Why? I think we’ve done enough.”
“Aakil.” Colin reached to grasp his arm.
Aakil shook him off. “I’m serious, mate; we’ve done enough. We set up the colony with our own hands. Then we staged a coup against the State, freeing hundreds of people. Then, while everyone else got comfortable and sat around on their asses, you and I spend our summers sweating our balls off to build outposts into the mountain that most of those dickheads didn’t have the bloody nerve to travel.”
Colin rubbed a hand down his cheek. “It’s not just about how much work we or anyone else has done.”
“Well, maybe it should be. I deserve this! I deserve to lie on my back with a lineup of women fighting to mount me. I think I’ve done enough for two lifetimes. I intend to live out the rest of my life here with 100 children and 12 wives because they’ve made it clear they don’t mind sharing.”
“And you can still do that,” Colin soothed, “after we go back and get the colonists.”
“But they made their choice! Why should any of us risk our necks to go back there? I say they can take care of themselves now.”
Freya stood before she said, “Because it’s not just about us or our lives. You’re right. You deserve the rest. We all do. But we need an army. The greater our population, the better our chances of beating the State. We will convince more people to come here if we deliver the message ourselves.”
Aakil looked her directly in the eyes. “Freya, you weren’t there. They won’t listen. It doesn’t matter that we have a homestead, just as it didn’t matter that we had proof we’re on Earth. They don’t want to leave because they got used to the status quo. Just let Gwen and her skilled riders drop of the radio and come right back.”
Freya looked to Colin, hoping for some backup, but he cast his gaze to the side. “Aakil might be right. Gwen’s people are better equipped for this. And it’s not like the next group has to haul everything like we did. There are still supplies left in the outposts. Maybe we should just let Gwen drop off the radio, take the few people who stayed because of pregnancy, then let the rest of them figure it out on their own. I want the numbers as much as you, but I think just informing them we have an established homestead is enough. And Gwen can do that without us.”
She leaned back against the row of carrots, letting out a heavy sigh. It was so clear to her that they needed to evacuate the colony, but she also had to accep
t that Aakil had a point. She didn’t know those people. What could she really do or say to change their minds?
“So, that’s it? We give up and let Gwen go without us.”
Colin stepped forward, reaching for her hand. “We’re not giving up; we’re stepping back. There’s a difference. You still have broken ribs. And even if we got all those colonists here, it wouldn’t fix anything.”
She flinched. “What do you mean it wouldn’t fix anything? They’d be safe!”
Delivered: A Young Adult Dystopian Romance (The State Series Book 7) Page 8
