She opened the door to her former apartment and her jaw instantly clenched in disgust. Lewis was living here.
Out of all the apartments inside the State House, why did he have to pick this one?
It only made his betrayal burn deeper. But then again, why would this apartment mean anything to him when she hadn’t? He’d probably thrown out her clothing, happy to be rid of her.
Without further examination, she turned and walked further down the hallway until she reached Chastity’s apartment. As soon as she stepped inside, she could see clothing strewn over the sofa. She flipped on the lights and walked to the heap of unceremoniously dumped familiar clothing.
Regardless of why this happened, it was exactly what she needed. A hot shower and a change of clothes. But not just any clothes, her clothes. The clothes she wore when she was the Head of State. This wasn’t about comfort; it was about confidence.
She savored the luxurious hot water trickling down on her skin. It was what she missed most from life inside the dome. There was no water rations. No immediate threat. No one needed her. This moment was hers, and hers alone. Before she had to face her new life, she had this one break to center herself and get ready for what was to come.
Lewis would use everything he knew about her to manipulate her. Or worse, torment Colin further. Every tender moment between them. Every part of herself she had exposed to him. Maybe it was best Colin didn’t participate. She had to accept the possibility that he might be too emotional. Too bitter. Too angry.
Freya located a hair drying device and got to work polishing her appearance. She didn’t know if Lewis had watched her broadcasts, but a polished appearance couldn’t hurt. He needed to see her as a politician, not his former lover. Or maybe she needed to see herself as someone more powerful than she felt.
She looked in the mirror, assessing her appearance. Her skin had deepened in the sun, accentuating her crow’s feet. Her knowing eyes had lost their optimistic sparkle, giving her the intimidating edge she had always lacked. The surface had hardened her.
Good.
With a deep breath, she pushed back her shoulders and marched right into her former office. If she thought about this any further, she would lose her spine. She had to face him, and having Colin with her wouldn’t help, not when there was so much tension between them.
“Lewis,” she said casually as she approached the large oak desk. “We meet again. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”
He slowly lifted his head and peered at her through small slits of his swollen eyes. His lips parted as though he tried to smile through the distortion of his face. “I also shouldn’t be surprised, but I am. Surprised and delighted.” His face softened. “Look at you. You look just as I remember. I’ve thought about you every day, and now you’re here.”
She refrained from rolling her eyes despite the temptation.
How dumb does he think I am?
“Colin placed me in gestation for a time to better balance our age difference.”
His head dipped, but she could see his swollen lips pull into a slight smile. “That was so smart. I would have never thought of that.” He wheezed in a deep breath and tried to look at her again. “No one expected you to come back. How did you get here?”
She propped her hip on the side of the desk, working to keep her pencil skirt from climbing onto her thigh. “I’ll be the one asking the questions. I’m the one who has armed guards present.”
“How many did you bring with you? Is the dome secured?” he asked, ignoring her threat.
Freya stood up straight, hoping it might make a difference. Maybe she appeared too casual.
Too casual. Who am I kidding? He’s my former lover who betrayed me. Nothing I do will make Lewis respect me.
“The State has sparse work crews in the dome. They are civilians and are unarmed. Have you found them yet?”
She folded her arms in front of her. “We are spreading out and checking the dome now. Both the civilian areas and the military underground.”
“There is no military inside the dome. There’s just a few civilians. If you want to protect your people from an attack from the State—”
Freya threw her hand in the air to silence him and his lies. “Stop. Just stop.”
He hesitated momentarily before he added. “But isn’t that why you’re here? To get information from me?”
She didn’t know how she could fail so miserably before she began. He was in control of this conversation, not her. The only question was if she had anyone better to send in. When it came to manipulation and lies, the State knew best. And he was one of their finest.
“I’m not going to let you pass along misinformation that will just get us killed.”
He struggled to lift his head, trying to get a better look at her. “Freya, I have no reason to want you dead.”
She scoffed. “Is that so? You’ve been loyal to me all this time. Interesting. I suppose that loyalty placed you in this office.”
Lewis sighed. A flame lit in her chest. Suddenly, she felt she was doing better than she originally thought. Lewis remembered her as being weak, but he had disappeared from her life just as she found her true strength. She had killed Victor. Her. And nothing the State had done to trick her could ever take that from her.
“Dr. Rhetta placed me in this office as a reward for my loyalty. For our mission together, the time we spent together before you became the Head of State; it also helped that she thought I killed Victor.”
Freya’s skin blanched. The pit of her stomach churned. After so many years of lies, she didn’t know how to recognize the truth.
“How about we start over again, from the beginning? As I’m sure you already know, I was Colin’s guard before he left on the spacecraft. I assure you, these injuries he inflicted were well-deserved. I suppose you’re due at least a few kicks, although I’d completely understand if you’d prefer to be my executioner.”
She clamped her jaw shut, trying to keep her emotions neutral.
“I was training new recruits when the dome attack happened. Placing us together was a coincidence, not a deeply twisted punishment for you or Colin, although I’d never put anything past Dr. Rhetta. But after I trained you in firearms and Chastity reported that we shared a good rapport, the plan was swiftly put into motion.”
She kept her arms folded across her. “The plans to make me a spy against the rebellion.”
“No. The plan to make you one of them.”
Her mind numbed to what else the State might have done to her. To Colin and his family. To everyone. “Did you not struggle with those instructions?”
“Most certainly. I suspected you and reported you to Dr. Rhetta. From the moment our mission started, I was under instruction to seduce you so the rebellion couldn’t sway you. But then I learned the seduction orders were to distract me from noticing your betrayal. They wanted their rebel leader to move most of the rebellion to the colony where they would be easily neutralized.”
A throbbing pain manifested behind her eyes. “The State wanted me to lead because I would validate the colony as being real.”
“Precisely. My head was spinning on our mission. It wasn’t until later that I learned that the State already knew Colin’s parents were rebel leaders. That’s why he was coupled with you, and why he was placed on the colony ship. I’ve spent years going through classified military files, working to piece it all together. I can honestly tell you that out of every former Head of State, I am the most informed any person has ever been about the High Council, without being a part of them.”
Freya didn’t respond. She couldn’t.
“Ah, sorry to eavesdrop.” Aakil’s voice sounded over the speaker. “But are you buying this load of shit?”
She choked on her own laughter. Suddenly, her heart felt lighter. She wasn’t alone. Not really. Knowing Aakil was listening, judging, ready to jump in, made her instantly feel stronger.
“No, Aakil. I’m not.” She looked Lewis right in the e
yes. “Remember what Victor told me right here in this office, when he told me about our mission? About why it had to be me. The best lies contain a bit of truth. I know that there is much truth peppered between your lies, but it’s the part where you’re about to tell us that you’re somehow useful to us just to save yourself, that’s where I have to stop you.”
Lewis tilted his head upwards. “Aakil, is that what she called you? I assume you’re in the Security main hub. And if you are, I think it would be wise to send guards to each access to the surface. If you aren’t already aware, the dome is indestructible. The State can’t fire on us. And as long as you don’t let them walk inside, everyone will be relatively safe inside the dome.”
Freya huffed. “I don’t know why you’re bothering with the theatrics.”
“Freya, I’ve had two motivations driving my every action since becoming the Head of State. I don’t deny that self-preservation is one of them, but I have also been working to protect you.”
She threw her head back and growled in frustration. “We’re done here.” She took three large steps toward the door.
“Why are you still alive? Did you ever wonder that?” She froze, listening against her better judgment. “If the plan was to move all of you into one location where they could kill you with one airstrike, why did they wait over 16 years? If they hadn’t seen Colin’s face in Idaho, the colony would still be there. I convinced the High Council there were bigger threats than the colony.”
She spun around. “Why?”
“Because one thing in our time together was true. I really fell for you. And I can honestly say, I’d rather see you live than assist the High Council in killing you.”
Freya turned again, this time leaving her former office, the living space, and the State House. She needed to be alone, and there was only one place she wanted to go.
Chapter 24
Freya
With a deep breath in, she closed her eyes to prepare for the delicious fragrant smells of the State House grounds. She cracked one eye open as though to double check her location. The once flourishing flower beds had dried up, leaving patches of brown dead vegetation to rot. Even the grass had turned from a lush green to hues of yellow and brown.
A trail had been worn through the unkempt grass leading to the tree line. It led to the vegetable garden she had planted with her young cook, Devina.
What ever happened to her?
Freya had been so shocked to wake up on the spacecraft alive, Devina had slipped her mind. But now, she clearly remembered Devina joking that Freya would have to find a new cook when she left for the colony. Freya may not have spent much time with the colonists, but she would have recognized Devina.
She must not have made it through.
With a solemn stroll, she worked her way to the garden to see if it had survived. Her lips curled into a soft smile as a robust crop came into view. She didn’t know why, but it made her happy to see that the spunky young cook had changed the State House grounds permanently, even though her intentions may have been strictly conspiracy.
Freya tried to push past the garden, but the bush was too far overgrown. Maybe if she wore a proper jumpsuit and boots she could have persisted, but not in a fitted skirt and slip-on shoes. So much of her longed to head all the way through the forest so she could rest her back against her favorite tree, but that would have to wait for another day.
If Lewis was telling the truth, she may have plenty of time to spend in these grounds, maybe even restore them to what they once were. It was safer inside the dome than in Idaho, or at least she thought it was.
Lewis. What do I do with you?
It was impossible to sift through his lies, the State’s deceit, and her own feelings. She knew she had to do something. But what? There were too many people counting on her for something to happen, something other than waltzing into an abandoned dome.
They needed a victory against the State, not an undesirable abandoned homestead. With all of Lewis’ half-truths, could they even trust any plan he provided? It could be a trap, or something to save himself until he could gain the advantage.
A feeling of dread manifested in her gut. A niggling thought persisted at the back of her mind.
I was compliant once. I never thought I could turn on the State.
What she needed was to get clear, to be more objective and less emotional. And that meant that Colin would be worse off than she was.
Should we both step aside and have Aakil and Gwen talk to Lewis?
The sound of someone clearing their throat made her spin around toward the State House. Colin and Gwen were cautiously walking toward her. Once Gwen locked her gaze on Freya, she nodded and excused herself, turning back up the steps while Colin slowly drifted toward Freya.
With his hands crammed in his pockets, Colin said, “I figured I’d find you here.”
Freya couldn’t meet his gaze. Not yet. “Yes. I’ve always been predictable.”
Colin almost smiled, but it looked more like a grimace. “Well, do you want to show me around? I mean, you love this place.”
Freya quickly cast her gaze around the grounds as a simple truth radiated through her. “Loved.”
Colin’s eyes darted up and then back to his feet. “You’ve had a change of heart?”
“I guess it just doesn’t compare to being outside.” Her eyes darted around at the overgrown dried up vegetation. “Plus, these grounds have turned to shit without me.”
To her surprise, Colin choked out a laugh. “I can’t say I’m surprised. There’s only one of you. And you’re irreplaceable.”
Her stomach flipped, twisting in knots. She wanted them to be okay. The way he was acting, she could even believe that he wanted the same. But she just didn’t know how they could ever be all right again.
As she struggled to find the right words to say, Colin blurted an unexpected question of his own. “Did I ruin your life?”
She blinked twice. “What?”
“The poster child grew up to become the Head of State once her rebellious, misfit partner went away. You had a life here. I mean, you had moved on with…” His voice cracked.
“No!” She gasped. “It wasn’t like that. Lewis wasn’t why I turned you away. He had nothing to do with it! I thought Lewis died when I became the Head of State. And it’s not like we were together the entire time you were gone, either.”
His jaw remained cemented, cords bulging from his neck. “James said that if I behaved and worked really hard, we would be together again. When I found out the truth, I clung onto the idea of getting you back, to the point of insanity. But I never once stopped and considered what you wanted.”
Freya recalled when young Colin had come into her office and begged her to run away with him, and she refused. At the time, it felt like the right decision as she could have never fathomed the solution he concocted.
“Colin, you saved me. If you and Chastity hadn’t had done what you did, I would be dead. They would have never let me live with all the changes I made.”
Colin took a deep breath and began again in rapid succession. “I know, but that’s not the same thing as you choosing to be with me. Chastity told me you never stopped loving me, and I took her at her word without ever consulting you. I never stopped to think that maybe she said it because of her loyalty to my mother or because she had her own agenda against the State.”
“Colin, there was never a perfect solution, but I think you made the right call.”
“But you told me you didn’t want to go to the colony with me.” His voice raised in pitch. “And then I took you anyway. I was certain that I loved you enough that you would find it within yourself to forgive me. But now that we’re back here, I’ve had to wake up to what I actually did. I’ve spouted off about how we need to choose our lives for ourselves and that’s why we fight the State, but I didn’t let you choose. So, what does that make me?”
“Colin, I…” she trailed off before she truly began. She didn’t know how to
make this better.
Tears leaked from his eyes, flowing in parallel rivers down his cheeks. “You always deserved someone better—just as you said the first day I met you.”
Freya inched closer to him. “But then I fell in love with you. I fell in love with the man who usually acts and especially speaks before he thinks. You did the right thing. I looked at our situation and couldn’t see past our problems where you were only willing to find a solution. I don’t deserve someone better, but maybe you do. I’m the one who gave up on us.”
He held in a deep breath before responding. “Well, if that’s how you feel, I guess I’ll keep you then.”
Delivered: A Young Adult Dystopian Romance (The State Series Book 7) Page 17
