by DC Renee
“If one more fucking asshole touches you, I’m going to kill him,” he said through gritted teeth. I knew it was time to go. “I’m sorry,” he apologized in the car. “But you look fucking incredible, and I’m not the only one to notice it.” He shrugged.
Would it be really bad if I admitted it totally made me giddy inside that Carter got jealous? Well, I did!
I also spent a lot more time with Beth. We just sat and talked over coffee, we went to get our nails done – another first for me—and the most important part? She took me shopping for clothes, shoes, accessories, and makeup. And she taught me how to style my hair and apply makeup. “But only wear it when you’re going out for a fancy evening. Your face is so naturally beautiful; it’s a shame to cover it up with anything,” she told me. That was fine with me. I had spent so much time with stuff covering me up that it was time to let it all go.
We even hung out with his friends a few times. The first time Carter brought me to the bar after my transformation, I think his friends nearly died.
“Hey guys, I want to introduce you to my girlfriend,” Carter said with a glint in his eyes.
“What the fuck, man?” Dan asked.
“Where the hell is Emerson? Who’s this?” Lance tossed out. I couldn’t even try hiding my smile. I was secretly overjoyed that these guys I barely knew, who were loyal to Carter, had my back. I guess it was more like having his back since they knew how he felt about me, but I was totally okay with claiming their loyalty as my own.
Erick was the only one staring at me with narrowed eyes. I think he was trying to figure out why I looked so familiar.
“I’m not around for a month, and you already forget what I look like?” I tossed out like they should have known it was me, and I winked for good measure.
“Em?” Erick asked, his mouth opening on my name and never closing. Lance and Dan were wearing similar expressions of shock.
“Who else would be willing to put up with this guy?” I said and pointed my thumb at Carter, smiling the entire time.
“Holy fucking shit, you’re hot.” Lance finally broke the silence with his ever-present class. “I mean, wow. Fuck, I think I lost all words,” he added.
“What the hell did you do to yourself?” Dan asked.
“Someone showed me I didn’t have to hide behind wigs and bad clothes. It was okay to be me,” I said as I leaned into Carter a little more, letting him know just how much I appreciated him.
“I always knew you were hiding something,” Erick said after a beat. “I just never expected this. But shit, Carter, looks like you did pretty damn well for yourself.”
“Better than well,” he responded, and then kissed me quickly but fiercely. Throughout the night, he kept warning his friends to stop staring at me. “You’re lucky I love you,” he told Lance at one point, “or I’d have to break your neck if you don’t stop talking to my girlfriend’s boobs instead of her eyes.”
“Shit,” Lance responded. “I can’t help it. Your girlfriend is fucking gorgeous. I mean look at her.”
“I have, dipshit. And I didn’t fall in love with her looks. It was just her.”
As if I had room to love Carter more.
It was after a month of dating, and don’t get me wrong, it was incredible. I had missed so much. Especially the kissing. Oh God, I couldn’t get enough of Carter’s lips. Carter invited me to his place. He said he was cooking me dinner. He’d made some little things for me here and there before, like a sandwich or a grilled cheese, but never dinner. I wasn’t even sure if he knew how to cook.
When I walked in, though, it smelled delicious. And he had set everything up like in a movie with a fancy dinner, candles on the table, and cute little décor.
“Beth helped with this, didn’t she?” I asked.
“She might have suggested a few things.” He smiled innocently.
“It’s wonderful, C, it really is,” I told him. And apparently, he could cook. Who knew?
The entire evening was amazing, from the bantering like we were used to, to laughing, to me making fun of him, and getting to know each other more and more each day.
“I love you, Carter,” I told him after we cleared up the dishes. “And I don’t want to wait any longer.”
He took my face in his hands, his eyes searching mine. “Are you sure?”
“More than anything,” I admitted. “I’ve never been so sure before.”
He kissed me like he was devouring me, he kissed me like I’d just given him the best present he could ask for, he kissed me like he loved me, no, like he was in love with me. His hands moved down my sides until they hitched around my legs, and he pulled up, forcing me to wrap my legs around him. And then he carried me to his room, our lips never breaking apart.
He set me on the bed and stood back. “God, Em, you don’t know what this means to me,” he told me reverently. “You’re giving me something truly special. And I know it makes me a hypocrite, but I’m so fucking thankful to be your first. But I love you without this. You know that, right?” he asked, and I nodded my head. “So tell me if you want to stop or if this is too much. I’ll wait as long as you want, as long as you need,” he said, and if I had any doubts, they were out the window with his words because I knew he meant them.
“I want you,” I whispered, and that was enough to get Carter to spring into action. He lifted my shirt over my head then unhooked my bra.
“My God,” he said as he stared down at me. “Perfect,” he said quietly, and then peppered kisses along my jaw, down my neck, into the valley between my breasts, and then his mouth latched onto a nipple. I moaned. I freaking moaned. His other hand moved to knead my other breast, and my head went back. Twenty-four years without this kind of physical contact? What the hell was I thinking?
His mouth replaced his hand, and I shivered at the sensation of his warm, wet tongue exploring me slowly.
He pulled away, just enough to help me slide my jeans off, and my panties went next.
“Jesus,” he hissed and groaned at the same time. “Better than my fantasies,” he told me, and I know I blushed a thousand shades of red. “Don’t be shy,” he told me. “You’re a fucking vision.”
He continued to stare at me on display for him on his bed as he took a step back to take off his shirt and jeans. He stayed in his boxers, and when I frowned in response, he must have understood because he said, “Later. First, we have a few things to take care of.” Then he got down on his knees before me, and I gasped.
“Oh,” I said as I felt the light nip of his teeth against my thigh. “You don’t have to—” I started to tell him, but he cut me off.
“I want to, Em. I want to taste every inch of you. And I want you more than ready for me.”
I nodded in understanding, and then I threw my head back as his tongue found my center. I know I moaned and thrashed unabashedly, but if anyone told you they could think straight during something like that, their partner clearly didn’t know what they’re doing. I lost all ability to speak and think except finding my release … twice. Dear God, I’d given myself orgasms plenty of times. But they were child’s play in comparison to Carter’s tongue. The man should win a trophy. Several trophies.
But he didn’t even want to stop. “Carter, please, I can’t,” I begged him, and he slowly inched his mouth away. He stood and took off his boxers. My mouth fell open, and I cocked my head to the side. “Uh …” I tried to find words, but I had apparently lost the ability to speak too.
I didn’t think I’d ever see Carter get shy, but he was. Who knew an inexperienced girl could make an experienced grown man insecure? I fought my smile, though; it didn’t seem appropriate at the time.
“Em? You change your mind?” he asked nervously.
“No, I mean yes. I mean no, I didn’t. It’s just that … I feel so damn cliché asking this, but how in the hell is that freaking monster going to fit? I mean dayum.”
I’d never seen someone smile so damn wide in my entire life. I swear he
even stood straighter and was a heartbeat away from pounding on his chest all caveman style. “You’re good for my ego, Em.” He chuckled.
“I’m good for a lot of things,” I teased back, but it came out husky, sexy even. I saw Carter swallow hard.
“Yes, you are,” he whispered hoarsely, his eyes boring right into me, lust clouding them. “It’ll fit, Em,” he added, his smile returning just a bit. “We’ll go slow,” he told me.
He moved to his nightstand, and I knew he was getting a condom. It didn’t take a genius to figure that out. But I loved him, and I wanted him, only him, with no barriers between us.
“I’m on the pill,” I told him. He stopped suddenly and looked at me as if he didn’t understand what I was saying. “I’ve been on the pill since I was seventeen,” I added as if that would make him comprehend what I wanted.
“Who?” he asked. No, more like roared.
“Who what?”
“Who did you go on the pill for?” he asked, and I actually giggled at his obvious jealousy.
“Mother nature,” I responded. “My period, C. You’re my first, my one and only, and I want you, all of you,” I stressed each word.
It took a moment, but it clicked for him. “I’m clean,” he told me. “Always used condoms, but I got checked out just in case a month ago.”
“I trust you,” I told him.
“I love you so fucking much, Em,” he responded and then his body covered mine.
Whoever said they enjoyed their first time lied. Either that or they had a tiny, one-minute man. Well, let me rephrase. It wasn’t to say I didn’t enjoy my first time because I did. I’d never felt so connected, so cherished, so revered as I did with Carter. He kept telling me how much he loved me, whispering how perfect I was, how amazing it felt. Apparently, he was good for my ego too. But it hurt. It hurt a lot.
Afterward, he was so attentive. He got a warm washcloth, gently cleaned me, then we took a bath together and cuddled. But the second time? Oh, man! The second time was amazing – no, correction, it was amazeballs. Yes, it totally deserved that cheesy made-up word because it was that good.
Carter wasn’t as gentle with me, and the friction, his body melting into mine, his hot breath against my neck, his lips attacking mine, his tongue probing my mouth with the same speed as he moved in and out of me, his hands clasping mine, his sweat dripping against my body, making me slick with perspiration, his words, oh, his words …“I’ve never felt anything like this before … You were made for me … You’re everything I want and more … I love you so much … You’re perfect …” It was phenomenal. Later on, the third was better, and every time since then just got better and better.
I fell asleep in Carter’s arms that night. Before I did, I heard him whispering, “Thank you.”
“For what?” I asked.
“For letting me be your first,” he told me as he stroked my hair. “For giving me a chance. For forgiving me. For loving me,” he said.
“Then, in that case, thank you too.”
“Don’t ever thank me,” he responded. “Loving you is a privilege. And I intend to make sure I don’t lose it. I love you, Em.” I fell asleep with a smile on my face, my body nestled into Carter’s, and my heart finally whole.
Epilogue
Emerson
Eight months later …
I didn’t know how it happened, but Carter started living with me about three months after we’d finally made love. Wait, scratch that. I knew exactly how it happened. Carter started sleeping over more and more often, bringing his things over and taking over my space. And then I looked around one day and realized he had put half of everything in my house there.
“Uh, C?” I asked. “What’s all this?” I waved my arm around my home.
“Furniture?” he responded in the form of a question.
“I mean why has my house become a place to deposit all the things you don’t want?”
“These are all the things that I want, Em,” he said as if he was saying, “duh.”
“Oookay,” I responded. Yep, Carter hadn’t kicked the habit, and apparently, I’d started in on it too.
“Which is why they’re all here,” he said, and even though I didn’t fully get what he was saying, it kind of made me smile knowing he wanted his things near me.
“Carter Anderson, you had better start explaining,” I demanded, but it wasn’t forcefully at all.
“Well, I live here now, so I wanted some of my things here too,” he said with a shrug.
“What?” I screeched. “You live here now?” I repeated, knowing full well I was probably bright red and my face looked like I had been shocked to hell.
“Your place is nicer than mine is, and I had a feeling you wouldn’t really like change too much, so that’s why we’re here,” he responded nonchalantly.
“No, that’s why I’m here. What do you mean we’re here? This is my place, Carter, and I don’t remember your name being on the deed.”
“Semantics,” he said and waved his hand as if he was brushing it off. “It’s our place now. I rented mine out last week.”
I hadn’t even noticed he hadn’t gone home for a week. I mentally slapped my head with my hand.
“When the hell did we decide this?” I screamed, starting to panic on top of my obvious frustration.
“Em,” he said as he walked over to me and stood right in front of me. “I love you more than I ever thought possible. We stopped spending time apart a while ago. Why? Because I can’t bear the thought of not being with you all the time. I did what I had to do to be with you always,” he said unapologetically.
“You can’t just decide something like that for both of us,” I hissed.
“Em, baby, you would have never approved. And I couldn’t stand another minute away from you. If you want me to be sorry I manipulated you, I’m not. But come on,” he said with a charming smirk. Damn him and his smirk. “It’s what I do when it comes to you. I trick you until I get my way. Remember Friday movie night?”
He chuckled.
I swatted him.
Then he caught my arms and pulled me toward him until his lips pressed lightly against mine. He wasn’t kissing me so much as breathing me. “I love you so fucking much, Em. Don’t be mad at me for that,” he said against my lips. “Just let me continue loving you, being right by your side. Right here where I belong. With you.”
A girl really couldn’t stay mad at that. And if she could? Well, two seconds later, Carter’s gentle lip caress turned into something carnal, fierce, and passionate. He showed me just how much he loved me, and a girl definitely couldn’t stay mad after that.
We continued to banter, send each other funny pictures all day long, spent time alone, spent time with his friends and sister and Beth even introduced me to a few of her friends too. I now had a little circle of girlfriends. And I got closer to my cousin, Jacqueline, after she returned from her honeymoon. I’d always been closer to her than I had anyone else, aside from my mom and Don, but I had kept her at arm’s length. Now, we were practically sisters.
My family thought the moon and the stars of Carter, and his ego grew larger, if you could believe that. My Aunt May was especially fond of him, particularly whenever she saw him without a shirt. “Oh my,” she’d say as she fanned herself. “You hold on to that one.”
“As long as he’ll have me,” I responded with a giggle. Oh, and that? I started giggling… a lot. What grown woman giggled? Me. That was who. Happiness would do that to a girl.
When Carter met Don, Don pulled him aside and had a little chat with him. I could take a highly educated guess and say he threatened him bodily harm if he hurt me. Then I saw them pat each other’s back, and they got along great after that. And I was pretty sure Don might have even had a crush on my mom. I wouldn’t blame her if she felt the same. He definitely had that older, rugged, handsome thing going on.
I still wasn’t one-hundred percent comfortable in my own skin at all times, but every day got better
, especially when I’d catch Carter staring at me like he’d just seen the sun for the first time after being trapped below ground for years. “My God, you’re beautiful,” he’d tell me. I’d blush, and then he’d add, “Inside and out.” And my doubts would disappear a little more each time.
His jealousy didn’t get much better, but he was able to cope with guys and even a few girls staring at me with hungry eyes. He’d just lean in closer and give people what I termed “the death glare.” Because if looks could kill, his would.
I even let go of the anger I was feeling toward my father and continued to visit his grave often. Carter even came with me a few times. He’d stand beside me, his arm around me, just holding me up. The first time, though, he asked for a few minutes alone. I walked away and saw him put his hand on my father’s gravestone. He stood, his lips moving for a few minutes, and then he turned and walked toward me.
“What’d you say?” I asked.
“That I was sorry.” He shrugged. “And that I loved you more than anything, so he didn’t have to worry about you.” I knew there was more, but I didn’t push him. I did, however, feel tears burning my eyes from the sheer force of my emotions toward this man next to me.
“No tears, Em,” he said as he wiped a tear from my cheek.
“Happy tears, C,” I told him, and he nodded like he understood.
All in all, everything was great. Even with Carter’s little shenanigans—and let me tell you, that whole moving in stunt was not the first or the last— everything was fan-freaking-tastic. I was almost waiting for someone to pop out and say, “It’s too good to be true.” Almost.
Carter’s friends wanted to hang out, and Carter was working on a case late, so he asked me just to meet him at the usual bar.
When I walked in, though, I felt like I’d entered the twilight zone. There, in the middle of the bar, stood my boyfriend in a dress.
