“All day, aside from food and bathroom breaks. He hasn’t woken up at all,” Charles chimed in, answering for the group.
“Wow, he’s messed up. Not the prettiest anymore,” Grant observed lightly, trying to lighten the mood. They chuckled softly, appreciating the gentle teasing typically reserved between brothers.
“Fuck you, I’m still the prettiest,” Ryan choked, his words barely audible. Joss spun her head around, certain she was imagining things. Ryan’s eyes were barely open, but on his face, an unmistakable smirk.
“Well it looks like sleeping beauty has arisen. Guess you were waiting for Prince Charming,” Grant teased, rubbing Ryan’s leg through the blanket.
“Sure, where’s my kiss?” Ryan breathed, his humor still managing to break through.
Sobbing, Joss stood up and curled her arms around Ryan, unable to control her tears. He slowly raised an arm, mindful of his IV, and wrapped it around her back.
“It’s okay, I’m okay...” he assured quietly, as though his throat still pained him. She peeled herself away, but stayed by his side, her fingers brushing the stray hairs off his forehead.
“We were so worried about you. Do you know where you are?” Willie asked, moving towards the end of the bed.
“I’m guessing a hospital. I do have a small recollection of us all being rescued but I thought I was dreaming. How long have I been here? What time is it?”
“It’s nine o’clock, man. It’s been thirty-six hours since the rescue,” Grant explained, moving in beside Joss. He grabbed Ryan’s hand and held it, bro style, patting the top of it with his other hand. “Glad to have you back.”
“How are you feeling?” Daniel asked, visibly relieved.
“I’m pretty tired. I can’t ever recall feeling so sick,” he offered, his tone hushed.
“You have severe dengue fever. You’re lucky to be alive,” Joss advised, bending over to kiss his forehead.
“I feel lucky. It must have been a crazy few days. What did I miss?” he asked, smiling weakly.
“Oh, you know. Not too much. Same shit different day,” Daniel quipped, making everyone laugh.
* * *
They spent another hour or so together, gathered around Ryan’s bed, before the nurse shooed them all away. Admittedly, they were getting rowdy, thrilled to all be together and equally happy that Ryan was awake. The nurse insisted that Ryan shouldn’t overdo things, that he needed a serene atmosphere. They all said their goodbyes to him, Charles taking extra time. He knew he was going home the next morning and wanted to share his plans with Ryan. They exchanged contact information promising to connect in California.
Joss was the last to leave. She’d lingered long enough to steal a few moments alone with him.
“How are you holding up?” he rasped, obviously running out of steam.
“I’m okay. It’s been an emotional couple of days, and I’m sure there are more to come,” she intimated, still reeling from Charles’ emotional goodbye. Ryan weakly held her hand, his eyelids fluttering from exhaustion. As much as Joss wanted to talk to him, to find out what his hopes were for the future, she knew the timing was inappropriate. He was still so sick and in no condition to talk.
“Will you be staying...” he asked, drifting in and out of sleep. She leaned over and kissed him before adjusting his blankets.
“I’ll stay as long as I can,” she whispered, certain he didn’t hear her. “See you tomorrow.”
She quietly stepped out of his room, turning the lights out behind her. The guys were waiting in the hallway, Joss just catching the tail end of their conversation. Grant was explaining to them how the investigation was unfolding. The C.A.A.F were making arrangements to pick up his aircraft and a forensic team was going to take it apart, try to determine what went wrong, what caused the plane to lose power.
“Do you foresee any problems?” Charles asked curiously.
“Not really. At least I hope not. Helps that there were no fatalities. I’m guessing they’ll wrap things up in the next few weeks and then I can make an insurance claim, hopefully get myself a new bird and get back to work. Life goes on, right?” Grant asked, his eyes landing on Joss.
“I suppose it does,” Charlie agreed, “I’m flying out tomorrow morning. I wish I could stay longer. It’s harder to leave you all than I even imagined, but I need to get back to business, sort through the confusion. As you can imagine, things back home have turned into a real cluster-fuck.”
Their words made her stomach ache. Of course they would be parting ways, to think otherwise was foolish. Grant would stay in Fiji, Daniel would fly home to England, and Charlie, Willie and Ryan would carry on with their careers in California, pick up right where they’d left things. They had friends, family, a life. To imagine otherwise was madness, she thought sadly. They’d built their relationships out of necessity and nothing more, because human connection was the only thing that held their fears at bay, that kept them hopeful. She was a foolish girl to have let herself fall in love with them, and now she had to prepare herself to say goodbye, maybe forever.
“I’m actually heading home too,” Grant admitted awkwardly, breaking eye contact with Joss, as though looking at her made his decision that much harder. “I actually came by the hospital to say goodbye. I’ll miss you, mates.”
“We’ll miss you too,” Willie said, pulling him into a hug, his large hands warmly smacking his back. “If you’re ever in Cali, look me up.”
“It’s unlikely I’ll ever be in the states,” Grant chuckled, offering hugs to both Charlie and Daniel, “but if you ever find your way back to Fiji, be sure to look me up. Free flights, anytime.”
“I’ll probably never fly with you again, mate,” Daniel teased, “no offense.”
“Ha ha, very funny,” Grant said, landing in front of Joss. She hoped her face wasn’t etched too deeply from the intense sadness she felt. She didn’t need him, or any of them, to know how badly she was falling apart.
“Do you want to go for a walk with me?” Grant asked, taking her hand. She nodded, allowing him to lead her down the quiet hallway. When they were finally alone he turned to her and grinned, trying to set her at ease. It would take a lot more than that, she thought, returning his smile anyway.
“I wanted a moment with you, Joss, away from the others,” he began, his tone subdued. She nodded, dropping her eyes. “We’ve come a long way, you and I, haven’t we?”
“Yes.”
“I just want you to know how much your friendship has meant to me. I’m not sure how I can ever thank you,” he offered warmly.
“I feel the same way,” Joss agreed, thrown by the word ‘friendship’. He meant so much more to her than that.
“It’s hard to say goodbye, Joss, but we have to get back to our lives, don’t we?” he asked, searching her face.
She nodded hesitantly, hating that he was right. As grateful as she was for their rescue, especially for Ryan’s sake, it all happened too fast. They’d left too much unresolved.
He continued, filling the silence, “I guess the best we can all do right now is go home and let the dust settle. I know that emotions are highly charged right now but I’m thinking any decisions we make will be based purely on fear, adrenalin and emotion; and not logic. That scares me.”
She knew he was right but it didn’t make her feel any better. In her life, Joss had always made decisions methodically and systematically, and look where it had gotten her? Before the crash she was a cynical, thirty one year old workaholic, living alone, afraid to open her heart to anyone. She didn’t want to return home to that. She didn’t want to be alone anymore, yet would one man ever be able to match the love she’d felt from five?
She loved all the men for such different reasons, each of them offering something unique and beautiful to her. How could one partner ever live up to that? She wished she’d never been offered a taste of that kind of love. It would forever ruin her for any chance at a normal life. Was it fair for any man vying for her heart?
She didn’t think so.
“God, you look so sad. Please don’t be unhappy.”
“I’m scared too,” she whispered, trying to control her tears.
“I know. But life has given us a second chance, Joss. Maybe fate put us in each other’s path for a reason, not a season. Maybe we need to take the lessons from the island home and try to have a good life. A better one,” he soothed, caressing her cheek.
Joss nodded, wishing more than anything that he would kiss her. She’d been fantasizing about his kiss ever since that night she fell out of the banana tree, remembering the dream she’d had of his warm lips on hers, stirring up her feelings for him. She was in love with Grant. The thought of never seeing him again was more than she could bear, and yet that was exactly what was happening. Just as fate had thrown them together, it was cruelly tearing them apart.
“Talk to me, girl. Tell me you’ll be okay?”
“I will,” she choked, her tears telling a different story. Grant smiled at her, wiping the wetness off her cheeks. He leaned down and kissed her forehead, his lips traveling to both cheeks, and finally landing tenderly on her mouth. He quickly kissed her, pulling away almost as soon as their lips touched, as though afraid to explore his own feelings. It was just a taste of what she desired, a hint of something familiar, and it left her wanting more.
“Are you going home tonight then?” she whispered, her words shallow. She was in danger of losing control, of begging him not to go, and it was the best she could do under the circumstances.
“Yes, my mate offered me a seat on his hopper. He’s taking off soon. I best be moving on,” he nodded, avoiding her eyes.
“Will you call me? Email?” she asked, knowing it would only be more painful. He raised his eyes, regarding her for a moment, then shook his head.
“I’m not sure I can,” he choked, reaching for her hands. “God, I’m sorry. I just feel like it would be torturous for both of us, so close and yet so far apart. Maybe a clean break is best.”
“So we’ll never see each other again?”
Grant shrugged lightly and pulled her in for a hug. “I’ll miss you, girl. I love you,” he whispered, barely choking the out words.
“I love you, too,” she cried, melting in his embrace, trying to make room in her memories to store that precious moment. The exact second he stole her heart.
Chapter 30
Saying goodbye to Charlie was equally heart wrenching, but at least he lived on the same continent as she did. Early that morning she’d walked him to the lobby of their hotel, waiting for the taxi that would to take him to the airport. They sat together, holding hands, Joss’s head resting on his shoulder. He promised that it wasn’t the end, that someway, somehow, things would work out. Joss knew that it was important to Charlie to leave her with hope, to bring a smile to her face, so she did her best to feign enthusiasm, in spite of the fact that she was much less confident than he was.
She so wished they’d had their own hotel room so they could make love one last time. She couldn’t, wouldn’t articulate her fears, but her instincts told her she might never be intimate with Charlie again; that once they left Fiji they would part ways forever. She wanted to hold him, taste his flesh under her tongue, gaze into his eyes while he came inside her. Instead, she walked him to his cab and kissed him goodbye, with his promise to call in a few days.
After he left she went back to the room. Daniel and Willie were still asleep, having said their farewells to Charlie the night before. Daniel was in the bed, Willie curled up in a comforter on the floor. He said he’d gotten used to sleeping on the ground but Joss was certain that once he got home, to his own bed, his own surroundings, he would quickly acclimate again, forgetting everything about Fiji, including her. Life would carry on, it was to be expected. She pouted softly, thinking about how good Willie always made her feel, how naturally they’d bonded. She would miss his gentle ways. Joss quietly made her way towards him and snuggled up beside him. The moment he felt her body next to his he curled a strong arm around her and pulled her closer. She gratefully felt her worries slipping away, long enough to allow her to fall back to sleep.
* * *
Joss walked down the hallway towards Ryan’s room alone, anxious to see him. Willie and Daniel were grabbing a quick breakfast and promised they’d catch up after they filled their bellies. As soon as she turned into the room, she knew that something was wrong. Ryan was gone, the bed stripped clean. She felt her heart drop, fearing the worst. She turned and ran down the hall, searching for the nurses station, her breath catching in her throat.
“Where’s Ryan?” she cried, too worried for pleasantries. A young nurse, one she hadn’t seen before, quickly stood up and raised a hand to her chest, caught off guard by the sudden urgency. She shook her head, dumbfounded.
“Ryan Watt? Room 2235? Where?” Joss asked less aggressively, recognizing how discourteous she was being.
“Oh, he left the ICU this morning, right after Dr. Lasuma did his rounds,” the nurse reported, shaking off her initial surprise.
“Where did they take him...Tabetha,” she asked, reading the young woman’s name tag.
“He’s on the third floor, let me look up his room number for you,” Tabetha smiled, sitting back in front of her monitor. She punched in several keys then looked up at Joss. “He’s in 3120.”
“Thank you,” Joss sighed, tapping her palm on the top of the counter. “Sorry,” she shrugged, feeling foolish for fretting.
“No, no, it’s fine,” Tabetha nodded, waving off her apology.
Joss smiled one last time and made her way to the stairwell, quickly climbing to the next floor. It didn’t take her long to find the wing where Ryan’s room was located. She walked down the hallway, glancing at the room numbers as they counted up to 3120 then turned into his room. Again the bed was empty, but this time there was someone else in the room; a beautiful, young woman, with platinum blonde hair and a sexy pixie cut. She looked up from her magazine, frowning as soon as she saw Joss.
“Oh, sorry,” Joss blurted, leaning back out in the hallway. She checked the room number again, certain she must have walked into the wrong room.
“Are you looking for Ryan?” the woman called out, drawing Joss back into the space. “Yes,” Joss hesitated, cautiously inching back into the room, “where’s Ryan?”
“I just got here, I haven’t seen him yet. Apparently they took him for an X-ray. They want to make sure his lungs are clear. They mentioned something about an ultrasound too, not sure why?”
“Ah,” Joss replied, wondering who the woman was, but too afraid to ask.
“You must be Joss? I saw your picture on the news,” the woman implied, raising a brow. She looked Joss over, as though assessing her character, or maybe her competition, Joss wasn’t sure which.
“I am,” Joss paused, hoping the delay would encourage an introduction. The woman smirked at her, as though enjoying Joss’ discomfort.
“I’m Trina, Ryan’s fiancée,” she offered, tossing the magazine on the bed. “Ryan probably mentioned me?”
Joss shook her head, dumbfounded. No, Ryan had never mentioned her. In fact, the only thing he’d ever mentioned to her was an ex. All the men had told her they were single. Now she wasn’t so sure. Had she been played? Were there other fiancée’s and wives waiting in the wings?
“You look surprised?” Trina laughed, gesturing for Joss to take the seat beside her. Joss waved her off, happy to stand in the open doorway. Trina shrugged indifferently. “I’m glad we bumped into each other. I was hoping to meet the other survivors. You’re not nearly as plain as you looked on tv.”
Joss pulled a hand through her hair, trying to decide if that was a compliment or not. She decided no, choosing to say nothing.
“I suppose you’re sticking around to make sure Ryan is okay?” Trina asked, using a smile to mask her obvious baiting.
“Um, yes. We’re all pretty worried about him,” Joss offered cautiously, not wanting to do or say
anything to cause concern or trigger any suspicion. As far as Joss was concerned, what happened on the island, stayed on the island. Yes, it was shitty that Ryan had hidden the truth from her, but none of them had a clue how life would unfold on the island, whether they would even survive. As self-serving as it was, maybe Ryan thought being discreet about his personal life made the most sense. Joss certainly wasn’t going to make waves for him now, as crushed as she felt to learn the truth. She loved him too much for that.
“I bet,” Trina smirked, cocking her head at Joss. “Well, I’m here with him now, and I plan to take care of him moving forward. I’m sure you understand.”
“I...um...” Joss stuttered, trying to process her words. Did Trina want her to leave? Was she hoping to thwart an emotional goodbye? And if Joss chose to stay? How would Ryan feel, having his lover and his future wife in the same room together?
“Is there a problem?” Trina stressed curtly, rising gracefully from her chair. Joss inhaled deeply, awed by her statuesque beauty, and slowly shook her head.
“No, of course not,” she answered, holding her hand up in front of her. The last thing she wanted was to cause any strain, especially for Ryan. He didn’t need that kind of stress when he was trying to recover. The truth was, as meaningful her relationship with Ryan had been, no matter how much they loved each other, Joss was playing second fiddle. In the real world, fiancée trumped the island Lolita, no matter how you played it.
“Good. Ryan will be back soon. I can let him know you stopped in to say good-bye,” Trina insisted, leaving no doubt where she stood. She wanted Joss gone.
“I...I...” she hesitated, her heart pounding in her chest. Could she just walk away without saying goodbye? Would her heart stand for it, leaving without closure?
“Joss, I don’t know what happened between the two of you, and I don’t care. One woman on a deserted island with five men? No doubt the world thinks you were tossed around like a well worn blanket, keeping the men warm at night. Maybe they needed that from you, but your service is no longer required,” Trina scorned, her eyes not wavering for even a second.
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