I needed to be Meadow. My own person.
As the tears slid down my cheeks, and bile rose in my throat, I wondered how I was going to be that person.
How could I be normal for Beckham and go out on a date and pretend that everything was fine? Nothing was fine.
And it wasn’t going to be.
I looked down at my hands and then wiped my face, trying to catch my breath. No, it had to be okay. I needed it to be all right. I would make sure of it.
I was going on that date, and I would be normal.
I needed that.
I wouldn’t let them win. If I backed away, if I hid again, if I cried myself into oblivion, they would win.
I didn’t think I had it in me to let that happen.
Chapter 5
Beckham
Sometimes, you had to break down and ask for the wisdom of those who knew more than you did. In my case, it was the knowledge of a nineteen-year-old.
“Dillon. I need your help.”
The kid looked up, a sly smile on his face as a lock of hair flopped down over his eyes.
Sometimes, he reminded me of Shawn Mendes with the way his hair curled a little bit if he let it grow, and how he always had a smile for others. I knew that Dillon hadn’t had the easiest life growing up, even though Cameron had tried to make it easier for him. But the Connolly brothers—at least those who were genetically related—hadn’t had the best birth mother.
Their foster mom had been fucking fantastic. I’d only met her a few times before she passed away, but I liked Rose. However, she wasn’t here to help me. And I knew from past experience that if she were here, I would likely be asking her for advice. However, I’d have to take what I could get. And Dillon, the sage and wise one when it came to romance, was the person I needed.
“Let me see, does it have anything to do with Meadow?” he asked, and I narrowed my eyes. “How did you know that?”
“Because everybody asks me about women these days. I don’t get asked much about anything else. Although I don’t really know when I became the love guru.”
“You’re anything but that, kid.”
“You say that, and yet, here you are. Asking me about Meadow. So what can I do for you?”
“You sound a bit cocky. Maybe I shouldn’t ask for your help.”
Dillon shrugged, though there was sincerity in his eyes. Maybe he wasn’t so cocky.
“I read romance, and therefore, I happen to understand a little more about women than my brothers. Or at least more than they thought I knew. Not that I know a lot. But I can help you talk it out. What do you need?”
“You’re saying that you read romance books, and that’s how you could figure out how to help each of your brothers with the issues they had with their women?”
I’d never read a romance novel. Not that I hated them or anything, but I didn’t really have time to read. In my old life, nobody read. If you did, you got your ass kicked. And now, I was a little too busy, and it just wasn’t my hobby. Maybe I needed to make it one. If I did, a romance book would be the first thing I picked up.
“It’s not a be-all, end-all, but they’re written by women for women, at least according to their taglines or whatever. So, yeah, I learned a few things. Plus, now that I have a sister-in-law and a bunch of future sisters-in-law, I tend to figure things out by watching. Maybe.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Maybe?”
“I don’t know. You guys keep coming to me. I didn’t actually seek this position out. Like, what if when I actually find someone I really like, I suck at this, and no one’s there to help me?”
I looked at him then, shaking my head. “You have your entire family. And you have me. I might not be blood, but when and if you actually need to talk to me about women or whatever you’re having an issue with, I’ll be here for you. Okay? You won’t be alone.”
“Thanks. Although, if you’re coming to me for help, maybe I don’t want to go to you for help.” He smiled as he said it, and I wanted to punch the kid—good-naturedly, of course.
“You’re an asshole. But I kind of like you. However, I really do need your help. For real. And yes, it’s about Meadow.”
“Okay. Ask away.”
“I have no idea where to take her on our date.”
I didn’t mention that this would be my first date. The first of my life. And not only with Meadow. Sure, I had taken women out before, but it was different back then. You didn’t really date women. They sort of…fell into your life. Jesus Christ, I hated my old ways. I was such an asshole. I didn’t remember the women I’d been with, and I sure as hell did not remember their names.
That was something I’d changed after I left. I knew every woman I’d been with since—not that there had been many. I didn’t want to treat women like that. I wasn’t a horrible person. Everything had been consensual. And I made sure they got off like I did. But I never respected them the way I should have. I saw that now. Once I was out of that life, I vowed to change. And now, I was going to make sure that Meadow knew I was all about her. Only I didn’t know how to go about doing that.
“You have no idea where you want to take Meadow, then?”
“No clue.”
“Well, that’s not too uncommon. Dates are expensive these days. And you don’t know if you want to spend time talking, so you want to go to a place that’s not too loud and where you can actually hear each other. Or if you want to spend some quiet time alone, a movie will do that. Though if you do dinner and a movie, that adds up timewise, and I don’t know if you actually have that much time for a date. So, what do you want out of this date?”
I wanted for Meadow to be happy. And for me not to make a mistake. But I didn’t say that aloud. That probably wouldn’t help the situation. I already knew I would most likely make some mistakes while doing this.
“I want to give her a good time. Something that will make her feel like she’s the center of my universe. At least for the evening.”
Dillon grinned, his smile so wide, I knew that if any woman could see him, they would probably swoon. The kid was good-looking, and one day when he finally figured out what he wanted—and not only in life, but also with sharing his life—the women were going to come in droves. And some were probably bound for heartache. Like with any good Connolly brother.
“I think anything you do with her will make her feel like that. I see the way you look at her.”
I winced. “Yeah, I don’t know if that’s the best thing for you to be seeing, kid.”
“You don’t look at her like you’re some deranged psycho or anything.”
“Well, that’s good,” I said with a laugh.
“Yes. So, what does she really know about you? What do you think she’ll like that you do?”
“She sees me at the bar. Knows that I’m friends with her friends. That’s about it.”
“Okay. So maybe don’t take her to a bar. She already knows that about you. Show her something different.”
“Like what? I’m pretty much only the bar these days.”
Not that I minded that. It was better than my life only being about my bike. Or the friends I had. The ones that hadn’t been true friends at all.
“Seriously, I have no idea, kid. I figured going out to dinner would be fine. She can order whatever she wants and have a glass of wine, and then I’ll take her home.” I closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose. “Dear God. I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“That’s not that bad. I mean, it’s just a normal date, right?”
I didn’t know what a normal date was. But, again, I didn’t tell the kid that. No one needed to know that I hadn’t actually been on a real date before. What I’d done before was certainly not dating. Meadow was unique. Special. And that scared me.
“I don’t know,” I ground out.
“Okay, dinner, wine, and talking is the perfect date. You can make it casual or fancy or whatever you want. It’s Meadow. She’s sweet, and she smiles, even though she doesn’
t talk a lot. But she’s always there for those who need her, no matter what they need. I mean, she helped Violet through her migraines, still does whenever Cameron can’t be there. She likes helping others. And I know she likes music,” Dillon added. My eyes widened.
“You’re right. She always dances in her seat when no one’s looking whenever there’s a good song on. When we had that live band in, she hummed along.”
“See? You do know her.”
I frowned, thumbing my fingers along the aged wood of the table. There were still people in the bar, some eating their lunches and talking. There weren’t too many drinkers yet, and that was good, considering it was still a little early, and I wasn’t working behind the bar. I didn’t have a shift at all today, but I had come in to chat with Dillon. He was on the schedule as a bar-back, so I knew I could catch him.
The fact that his brothers might be around any minute to harass me was something I might have to deal with. But I would.
“There’s something I can do. Something she might like. Or it could be a completely stupid idea.”
The plan started to form in my mind, and I really hoped she liked it. And I really, really hoped I wouldn’t make a fool of myself. However, I was quite good at that, so…who knew? Maybe it helped.
“Are you going to tell me what it is?” Dillon asked, and I shook my head.
“No, but you helped. I will think on it a bit more. And, hopefully, she’ll like it.”
“Well, now that the suspense is eating at me, I hope you do it so you can tell me about it after.”
I looked at him and grinned. “If she likes it, I promise I’ll tell you.”
“And if she doesn’t like it, we’re going to forget it ever happened?” Dillon asked, grinning.
“Yeah, that sounds about right. Thanks for this, kid.”
“No problem. Just remember your promise. When I fuck up with a girl and have no idea what I’m doing, be there. Okay?”
I narrowed my eyes at him and gave him a tight nod. “If I’m around, I promise I’ll be there.”
Dillon opened his mouth, presumably to ask what that meant, but I quickly shook my head and got up, waving goodbye. I hadn’t meant to say that first part, but it was the truth. I didn’t know how long I’d be around. I’d been here for a while. And I was afraid that if I stayed any longer, things might end up bad for Meadow.
So, of course, I was doing the stupidest thing ever. I was taking her out.
I really hoped she liked what I had planned.
“A piano bar?” Meadow asked from my side, and I slid my hand around hers, giving it a squeeze. Her eyes widened slightly, her mouth parting with a sharp intake of breath at my touch. I slid my thumb over her knuckles, her soft skin so tempting beneath mine.
I had gone to her house to pick her up like I’d promised, though I hadn’t gone inside. I noticed the double deadbolts and the fact that she seemed to be using them even during the day. I was happy about that. Considering what I knew of her past, it was a damn good idea.
Not that I wanted to think about that or how she could be in danger.
She was safe. She had to be. If she weren’t, something would have likely happened well before now.
But the fact that she was taking care of herself? Yeah, that was a damn good thing.
When she opened the door, though, I’d lost all thought, and had to take a minute to actually remember to breathe.
She looked so damn sexy.
My gaze moved over her now, and I couldn’t help but grin.
She wore tight, black leather leggings, and I only knew that they were leggings because Violet had a similar pair and had been talking about them at the bar with the girls.
I swore, sometimes, they forgot that I was one of the guys and didn’t need to hear about all of that. But I didn’t mind. That just meant I knew that Meadow was wearing a pair now, and I could appreciate them. She had on a top that went to her neck, so she wasn’t showing cleavage, but her shirt sort of piled on itself with fabric and looked like she had roses and flowers all over her chest.
She had on a linen jacket or some other type of fabric that I couldn’t name, and she looked sexy as hell in black and wine-red.
Even with the leather, she still dressed conservatively, and I liked it.
A far cry from the girl she’d once been. But I’d liked her then, too.
“A piano bar,” I said, bringing my thoughts back to the present, rather than the past.
“Well, I wasn’t expecting this on a date.”
I cringed. “Too much? We can go out to eat. Dillon didn’t sound too excited when I mentioned only dinner, so I changed my mind.”
A smile broke out on her face, and the light in her eyes danced a little.
“You asked Dillon for help?” she prodded, and I sighed.
“Yeah. Apparently, that kid knows how to help others when it comes to dating. He helped his brothers, and I was desperate.”
“Desperate?”
I had no idea what to think about that word. She hadn’t put any emotion into it, and I was worried.
“I, uh…” I trailed off then slid my hand through my hair and squeezed her hand with my other one. “Okay. I’m really not good at this. I wanted to make sure this was fun for you and not stupid and boring, so I asked Dillon because, sometimes, he knows what he’s doing. Or all the time. I’m not really sure how. The kid has magic or something.”
“Yeah, he does. I’m glad you asked him. It’s kind of nice. And the idea of a piano bar is great. I love music.”
“I know.”
She looked at me then and kept smiling, but there was something different in her eyes now. Something I couldn’t quite read.
“I don’t know how to play the piano,” she said softly.
“Oh. Well, you don’t need to know how to play to come here. I have a reservation for seven, though. We should get in.”
“That sounds great. This is nice, Beckham. Thanks for inviting me.”
“You’re welcome.” I let out a sigh and shook my head. Maybe I wasn’t completely terrible at this. I let go of her hand and brushed my thumb across her cheek. I watched her eyes darken, and I prayed I was doing the right thing.
“I hope you have fun tonight.”
“I have a feeling I will.”
“Good.”
“It’s lovely in here,” Meadow said, looking around the place as we sat in the corner near the dais. The bar had dark lighting, with a gorgeous piano in the corner where Sam, the resident player, sang and did his thing.
“I come here every so often. I like the people.”
“And it’s a little bit different than the bar you work at.”
“Yeah, that, too. I love the Connolly Brewery. I love what it is and what they stand for and the people. It’s a great place. But, sometimes, it’s fun to do something a little different.”
She looked at me then as if searching for something on my face. I hoped she found it. Though I had no idea what it could be. “I like that, too.”
“Hey, Beck, you going to play for us tonight?” Sam asked into the microphone, and everyone looked over. I could feel the tips of my ears turn red, and Meadow looked at me, her eyes wide.
“You play?” she asked, grinning. “Really?”
“A little.”
“What do you say? Ask your girl there. I’m sure she’d love you to play.”
“Beck! Beck!” The others weren’t screaming it, just a few regulars saying my name as others started to look over and smile.
Damnit. I hadn’t expected this.
“Maybe another time,” I grumbled, trying to sound nice.
This was a damn classy place, after all, and I was on a date. Maybe I had made the wrong move bringing Meadow here.
“You should play.”
“Not tonight.” I looked over at her, trying to show her what I was thinking. Not that I knew what that was exactly.
“I’d like to see you play sometime.”
“Maybe o
ur next date.”
She raised a brow. “So we’re going on another date?” she asked.
I let my cocky side out because it was easier to be that guy than the one who had no idea what he was doing. I grinned and leaned back in the booth as I reached forward a bit to brush my fingertips along hers. She didn’t pull her hand away. I counted that as progress.
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s already in the cards.”
“Like I said, I have no idea how you can get through life with that ego of yours.”
If she only knew.
“I do okay.”
“I’m sure.”
The waitress came, and we ordered our drinks, me a water with a whiskey neat. She got the same.
“You like whiskey?” I asked, and she smiled.
“Sometimes. I like to try everything. At least, when I was younger. I had to try everything. Almost all at once. Now, I like to do a little at a time.”
That was the first time she’d ever mentioned her life before now, before meeting me. And I wanted to count that as progress, too. Only I didn’t know if she would ever open up fully.
If she did, I would have to come clean as well. And I worried she wouldn’t forgive me.
“How did you start working for the Connollys?” she asked later as we were both sipping our whiskeys and waiting for our meals.
“I showed up one day. Saw a Help Wanted sign in the window and got the job.”
“That’s it?”
I shrugged, playing with the condensation on my glass. “Yeah. Just like that. I needed a job. They needed a bartender. And I’m the best.”
“Ego.”
I tilted my head, smirking at her a bit. “You like it.”
She paused and smiled. “Maybe.”
There. That was the spark. She didn’t always hide, there was a lick of fire within her that called to me. One that showed the girl she had been. I knew neither of us was the person we had been before. And that was fine. We didn’t need to be. But that fire, that spark, that told me she was better than she was before. That she was okay.
Taken With You: A Fractured Connections Novella Page 6
